Trash and Treasure
by SomniumArtifex
Summary: Sofia is on exchange from Australia and is living with the Clearwaters. But with a history of anxiety disorders is she ready for the chaos that is La Push and Imprinting? Can Jared convince her that his feelings are genuine?
1. Chapter 1

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: because I'm too lazy to think of a reason why Jared and Kim are not together I've decided to make it that they never got together in the first place. That is Jared did not imprint on Kim.**_

I sat down on the crisp, clean blankets of the freshly made bed and looked around the room. It was mostly bare although I'd been informed that I could hang as many photos as I wished, there was a desk opposite my bed and beside the door were built in wardrobes that took up the remaining space on the far wall. There was a single window over the desk that let in what little light was able to penetrate the cloud cover.

It was clear that Mrs Clearwater was a nurse by the way the bed was made. I had never been able to get hospital corners right on my bed, which was why I rarely made my bed properly. I would have to learn so as not to be rude and leave this room a mess.

There was a stack of papers and another of books on the desk, I guessed the papers were the assignments and homework that I had missed because school had already started and I had only just crossed the US border. I hopped up to check them out, figuring that if they were start of year stuff they should be fairly easy.

I was on exchange from Australia and I was late getting here because of my classes. It was early November so I hadn't missed too much, I hoped. Seeing as I'd finished high school I wasn't too concerned with my grades but I still wanted to keep them up, for prides sake if nothing else. Flicking through the Biology homework I found that it was all stuff that I had done in Australia and I smiled to myself with the hope that this year wouldn't be so bad. At least from an Academic stand point.

There was a knock at my door and I rushed to answer it, I had been brought up to be polite and I didn't want them thinking otherwise on my first night here. I pulled open the door to see Seth standing there.

"Mom wanted me to tell you that dinner was about to be served. She's made spaghetti." he smiled and it was infectious. I stepped out of the room and followed him down the short hall to the formal dining room.

Mr Clearwater was setting the table while the smell of pasta and spiced tomato wafted in from the kitchen. It smelt good; the scent was rich and piquant and made my mouth water. I smiled at Mr Clearwater as I stood awkwardly in the corner, unsure of how I could help.

"Take a seat, Sofia." he smiled as he set down the last of the cutlery, "Any seat."

"Are you sure? Can I help with something?" I asked. I didn't want to be rude but to be honest I just wanted to run away and hide in my room.

Did I mention that I have issues with 'self-esteem'? Actually, it's not an issue with self-esteem so much as a mental disorder. It's called Avoidant Personality Disorder and was pretty efficiently making my life hell. Avoidant Personality Disorder, or APD, is basically a technical way of saying that I am sickeningly shy and yet crave social interaction. Even standing in the Clearwater's dining room had me feeling like I was way in over my head. I was so afraid that I would say the wrong thing and they would think I was stupid.

"We have everything under control. Please, take a seat." Mr Clearwater smiled at me and gestured to the chair closest to me. I sat down with careful consideration, as if it was the trickiest thing I'd ever done.

Once I was seated I felt like I should be standing again, my stomach was churning uncomfortably as I considered getting back to my feet and being some form of help. Before I could actually decide on anything a plate was placed in front of me, piled with a serving of spaghetti and sauce. Leah dropped a plate of garlic bread in the middle of the table and from that action alone I got the feeling that she wasn't happy about something.

"Leah." Mr Clearwater growled under his breath while Mrs Clearwater turned to me.

"So, Sofia. Do you think you'll be up to starting school tomorrow? If you feel jet lagged then you can take a day to get your bearings straight." she smiled at me and I smiled meekly back.

"I should be fine. It'll probably help me get my bearings if I go, anyway."

"That's what I like to hear, someone getting on with things." Mrs Clearwater said with a sideway glance at her son, who was stuffing his face, rather comically, with spaghetti.

"Now, what's the go with your study? Your profile said that you've finished..." Mr Clearwater queried from the head of the table.

"Umm... I have finished my classes in Australia but I haven't done the exams yet. I had to do an exchange now or I wouldn't get another chance." I smiled at Mr Clearwater.

"So you're essentially getting a year of revision?" Seth mused, "I'm going to need that. Hey, mom, can I go on exchange to Australia?"

I smiled to myself as I twirled a mouthful of spaghetti onto my fork.

"Not unless you get your grades up, Mister." Mrs Clearwater said with a cheerful maternal voice.

"Oh, mom..! If you promise that I can go then I'll get the best grades I can." Seth pleaded.

"No. Grades first, then the promise." Mr Clearwater said with a stern tone. Seth grumbled something and dug into his spaghetti again.

"Do you have a boyfriend in Australia?" Leah asked and the knot in my stomach tightened.

I didn't like this question because, no matter how nice the person who asked was, I always felt like they wouldn't believe me if I said yes. See, not only was I mentally fucked up but I was overweight, severely so.

"No." I said simply.

"Good for you." Leah sighed as she stabbed at her plate, "Boyfriends only make things complicated anyway."

It was clear that she was or had gone through a messy breakup. A pretty teenage girl like Leah didn't hate dating unless there was a good reason. Mind you, I did think that the anger she displayed showed how little she knew of real world pains.

"Geez, Lee. Talk about keeping the mood light." Seth's voice dripped with sarcasm and although I kind of agreed with him I did think it was a little harsh.

"Seth..." Mrs Clearwater warned.

The conversation ground to a halt at this point and I racked my brain for something to say, "What do you do for work, Mr Clearwater?"

"Please, call me Harry. I'm a retired fisherman." Harry smiled at me.

"Yeah, he used to get paid to fish. Now he fishes for the sheer enjoyment of it." I could tell by his tone that Seth didn't find any enjoyment in fishing.

Harry ignored him, "Have you ever been fishing, Sofia?"

"Ah, once. I had a fish tank as I child and when my dad took me fishing the first time I freaked because all I could think about were my goldfish."

"Do you play any sports?" Mrs Clearwater asked.

This was another question that, despite Mrs Clearwater's friendly tone, made me think I was being subtly teased. Someone my size does _not_ play sport; well, I'm sure there are some that do but I definitely don't. I always tell my friends 'I don't run for public transport' and if I won't run for public transport than why would I go running after a ball?

"No. I do like hiking though."

"Are you good with dogs?" Seth asked with a mouth full of pasta.

"No." Mrs Clearwater growled, "You will not pawn your dog walking duties off on Sofia."

"It's okay, Mrs Clearwater, I like dogs. I'd be happy to walk yours. What breed is it?" I smiled at Seth and he nodded his head.

"It's Sue, not Mrs Clearwater. And I don't know if that's the best idea. He's a big dog and he's not well trained." Mrs Clearwater threw an annoyed look at Seth.

"What? I tried. But he's as stubborn as a mule." Seth groaned as he used a piece of garlic bread to mop up the sauce left on his plate, "He's a German Shepherd."

"I'm stronger than I look and I'm used to big dogs." I smiled, "My dad used to breed English Mastiffs."

"See, she'll be fine. I'll introduce you to him once you've finished eating." Seth bubbled as he cleaned up the last of his sauce with yet another piece of garlic bread.

"He's generally an outside dog but," Seth checked over his shoulder to make sure no one could hear him, "when mom's out I usually let him inside. I may not have trained him but he's a good dog."

Seth flicked a light switch and I could see through the thin windows on the door that a light turned on outside. Almost instantaneously there was a loud bark and the sound of scurrying feet. As Seth opened the door a large head thrust inside as the excited Shepherd tried to push his way in.

"Not now, you stupid dog. Back up, back up." Seth heaved the dog back outside by the collar and I slipped outside after them, closing the door as I went so the dog couldn't get back in.

With the door closed the dog took a moment to assess the situation before jumping at me. Well, at me probably wasn't really the right grammar, he jumped on me. His decent sized paws – I couldn't call them big because I had been jumped on by Mastiffs – pressed against my chest as he tried to sniff my face. He barked at me as if saying hello before Seth pulled him back.

"King, no! Sorry about that." Seth puffed as he tried to hold the dog back.

"That's alright." I laughed as I sat down on the little porch and gestured for King to come to me.

He leapt towards me, sniffing and rubbing against me. I buried my hands in his short but thick coat, gripping the excess skin of his neck and 'roughing' him up a bit. He grumbled at me but when I stopped he licked at my arms. I liked big dogs because you could handle them with force, not in a mean way.

Seth sat down beside King and we talked about the friendly German Shepherd for a while, before moving onto other things. Like the dogs that I've had.

"It really annoys my dad because he is so used to giant breeds but his mother bought a Papillon. They're these little toy dogs with big ears and long fur. Really airy fairy sort of dog. Then my Nan found that she couldn't take care of the dog so it came to us. Well, to me. She weighs like three kilos, that'd be about six and a half pounds. But kudos to her because she has Duke, my dad's last Mastiff, wrapped around her little finger." I smiled at the thought of Gizmo the little Papillon controlling the massive Duke.

"How big is Duke?"

"Huge! He's about 80 kilograms. Some..." I quickly calculated it into pounds, "175 pounds."

"Shit, he weighs more than me." Seth gasped, "And I thought King was a big dog."


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't sleep well that night.

I was feeling homesick and it was making me feel so crappy that even sleep didn't want to come near me. By two in the morning I was exhausted and it was more like passing out than falling asleep. I was worried about tomorrow. About meeting new people. I was never good with the introductions part because I was so shy that I think I came off a little bitchy. Thank-you APD, my doctor had warned me that it may get worse to begin with and I think that was scaring me a little too.

Despite my lack of sleep I was able to get up on time and was out of the house at the same time as Leah and Seth to walk with them to the school on the Reservation. I wondered how many, if any, exchange students they had before, or how many non-Quileutes had attended their school. Leah and Seth dropped me off at the office and I went in alone to sort out my timetable.

This I didn't find too hard. When there was a strict purpose for an interaction, something that really couldn't be avoided then I could do it alone. I felt slightly sick but it was tolerable and I managed to get my timetable and a formal welcome to the school without stuffing anything up, or saying the wrong thing.

My first class was Biology which went by unbelievably slowly. To begin with the teacher wanted me to quickly introduce myself, which I thought was insanely childish, so I replied with a simple, "My name is Sofia Morgan, I'm from Victoria, Australia. Can I sit down now?" The teacher, along with a few students, laughed at this and indicated that I could in fact sit. I was very grateful for this. The main reason the class dragged could be put down to boredom.

I loved biology but it was stuff that I had already learnt so I wasn't too entertained by having to rehear the basics of mitosis. I wrote some notes, most were based around my immense boredom, and then left quietly before anyone could ask me any awkward questions.

My next class was History and I'd studied the map enough in Biology to be fairly certain I knew where I was going. I settled into a seat at the back of the room and waited for the class to start. Then what I'd been dreading happened.

Someone walked up to me, an 'attractive' girl in an insanely short skirt, and stood staring at me for a few moments. I say 'attractive' because there wasn't really anything that great about her looks, but she clearly thought there was. I looked up to ask what they wanted but I got the feeling I already knew. Standing beside her was a gangly looking guy, his hand slung over her shoulders.

"You're the new girl right? Well, because you're new I'll go easy on you. That's our table." she spat.

I just shrugged and collected my things; I didn't want to cause a scene on my first day. I didn't want to cause a scene any day, especially not over a stupid table. With my bag looped over my arm and my books wedged between the other arm and my chest I moved away from 'their' table.

"I'm surprised she didn't break the chair." I heard the guy say, just loud enough that I could hear him. I had to admit that it hurt, just a little, but I took it in my stride. Weight based insults were the sign of stupidity as far as I was concerned. If they had half a brain in their heads then they'd find something less obvious and more embarrassing to insult me with. Like my mental state.

"You can sit here." I heard a small voice from beside me sound and turned to see a girl pulling a chair out slightly for me.

"Thanks." I smiled as I sat down, right in front of where I'd just been sitting.

"Ignore them. They're like that to everyone."

"Oh, I plan on ignoring them. If they can't think of anything better than fat slurs than I'm pretty sure I can survive whatever they throw at me. Sofia." I held out my hand to shake hers.

"I know, I'm in your Biology class. I'm Kim." she said, taking my hand and shaking in firmly.

"Who normally sits here?" I asked, hoping it wasn't one of her friends that I'd now exiled to sit on their own for the class.

"His name's Jared. He won't care, we don't really get along." she sighed as she looked around the room, "He doesn't even appear to be here today. He does it all the time, shows up one day and then disappears for a week. Hopefully you're more reliable than him; it'd be nice to have someone to talk to who doesn't take unexpected, unannounced breaks every three days."

I smiled at Kim. I liked people who liked to talk because the more they talked the more comfortable I felt being quiet, at least to begin with.

"So, how does America compare to Australia?" Kim chirped as we waited for the teacher to show up.

"Australia?" the girl who'd kicked me off her table butted in, "You don't sound European."

"Really, it's probably the same reason why you don't sound Mexican." I grumbled. Okay, just because I didn't want to make a scene didn't mean that I wasn't crazy pissed off when people were too stupid to know where Australia is on a freaking map.

For some reason that always has, and probably always will, confuse me I had no issue trying to take some people down a few pegs. I had an issue with stupidity and comments like what this girl was making just made me angry.

"You are so racist!" she gasped, "I am not Mexican."

"I'm not racist and I'm not European. Australia is below Asia, you know the world's largest island and smallest continent?" I grumbled.

"Isn't that New Zealand?" she questioned and I felt like slapping her.

"Now you've directly insulted two nations, you should really stop before the entire Southern Hemisphere wants to beat the crap out of you." Kim growled and I was thankful she said it and not me because I most certainly would have sworn worse than that.

The unnamed girl went to retaliate but the teacher had arrived and was starting the class. Kim and I turned back around and focused on our work.

I liked History. Not only was it a subject that I didn't know but Kim was super sweet and very friendly. She was in all but one of my classes, Calculus, and she ended up inviting me to have lunch with her and her friends, Mia and Lily. Both of whom were really nice. I wasn't good at judging peoples personalities because my APD made me highly suspicious of most strange people and it would be a few days at least before I made any real judgements about them.

Apart from the issue with, the girl whose name I still hadn't been bothered to ask for, my day was highly uneventful and I walked back to the Clearwater's with Leah almost straight after the final bell rang. Seth had had plans to play football with some friends and I assumed that was where he was. Walking back with Leah was... adequate. She didn't make much small talk, outside of asking if I'd had a good day. Regardless of the quality of my day I would have said it was good, I didn't like complaining. After a few more questions about my first day we went silent and when we got back to the Clearwater's, Leah went straight to her room without a word to her parents.

After greeting Sue and answering the expected 'how was your first day', 'did you make any friends' and 'did you get lost at all' questions, I excused myself from her company and went to my room.

I got the mobile phone – sorry – cellular phone out of my bag and lay on my bed. It was 4:30 PM here in 'the States' which meant it was around 6:30 AM in Victoria, Australia. My mum had asked me to call her after my first day so that I could tell her all about it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mum."

"Oh, Sof! I was wondering when you'd call, I've been waiting since five." I liked hearing my mum's voice; it felt like it had been forever since I'd spoken to her.

"I only finished school about an hour ago."

"Oh, okay. So how has your day been?" I could hear the smile in her tone.

"It's been good. The Clearwater's are really nice, they remind me of you guys except there's not as many girls here. I walked to school this morning with Seth and Leah, they are such typical siblings. Anyway, I walked to school! It took twenty minutes. That's how close they live to the school."

"And how was school?" Mum sounded anxious as she asked.

I was here on suggestion of my psychologist, as bad as that sounds. He believed that tackling my fears could help to alleviate them somewhat. Cognitive behaviour therapy, he called it. Since I was afraid of meeting new people and I was unbelievably stubborn in regards to getting into situations that involved meeting new people, he figured that going on exchange would be the best answer. That way I wouldn't have any choice but to meet new people.

"It was good. I met a girl called Kim, she seems quite nice, very talkative."

Mum laughed, "I'm sure you'll get along brilliantly."

"Yeah. Hopefully." I sighed.

"Don't get like that, Sofia. You're a wonderful person and I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends in no time."

That was such an old phrase that it no longer registered with me. My issues stemmed from my weight and while my friends wouldn't know how horrible I felt about it, it really messed me up. I found it easy to pretend that I was fine; I'd been acting like I was since I was eight years old.

When I was eight my mum's parents died, it was the first time I'd ever had to deal with human mortality. To say the least my eight year old brain didn't handle it well. I didn't lose it but that year, a few days before Christmas, I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep and I couldn't get my mind off the ideas of death and dying.

It had only been the one night when I was eight but as the years went by it got worse. Every Christmas more and more nights were consumed by these morbid thoughts until about a year ago when they just didn't stop. I went two weeks at the beginning of the school year with an average of one hour of sleep each night but soon found that I could sleep during the day. This realisation started a habit of pulling sickies in order to catch up on missed sleep.

Mid way through the school year I was taking multiple days off a week and finding myself withdrawing from the things that had once made me happy. Depression set in and thankfully my mother noticed. She took me to a psychiatrist where I was diagnosed with OCD and APD.

What a joy.

Fifteen minutes into my conversation with my mother and my phone beeped, signalling that I'd used up my credit. I hung up and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling and smiling to myself. I'd been out of Australia for barely two days but I missed home so much, like the further away it was the worse I longed for it.

After a few minutes of doing nothing I decided to get a move on with my homework. So I sat up at the desk and started working through the pages. History was the only one I had any issues with because it was the only subject that I hadn't done before. I decided to leave it until I could actually be bothered studying, everything else was just revision.

At about 6:30 Seth knocked on my door and called through it that tea was almost ready. I set my calculator down and flicked off the desk lamp before joining the Clearwater's in their dining room for dinner. I was marginally excited after dinner because I was on dish washing duty, which meant I didn't feel like I was freeloading as much as I had been the day before.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the week went by as most school weeks did. Very uneventfully.

I sat next to Kim in all our shared classes and I was thankful to her for it. I doubted I would have had the guts to strike up another potential friendship. One was more than my weekly quota and I had already met three new people this week. Mia was in my Calculus class so I sat with her then, she wasn't as talkative as Kim but was still very friendly. Lily could have been Kim's personality twin and I wondered how Mia ever got a word in between the two of them. Still by the weekend I didn't quite feel like I could actually call them my friends.

Friday after school I composed an email to my mum, dad and sisters and then signed on to the instant messenger that I used to contact my friends in Australia. It was Saturday morning there and I'd organised with all of them that Saturday morning would be the weekly meeting time. When I signed on there were two of my Australian friends logged on.

_SOFIsticatedBogan_ has logged on.

_Swoop:_ SOFIA!

_DiamondGrace:_ Yay! Fifi!

_SOFIsticatedBogan:_ Hey. What's happening?

_DiamondGrace:_ Study

_Swoop:_ Skru study! Im playing footy with my bro.

_SOFIsticatedBogan:_ BullShit!

_Swoop:_ ok im pervin on Dale but its close enough

_DiamondGrace:_ I'm pretty sure your bro isn't perving on Dale

_Swoop:_ maybe he shood b

_Swoop:_ r there any hott guys at ur nu skool?

Swoop, or Jade as she was known in the real world, was a particularly bad speller. In the beginning she had tried to spell properly but gave up after a few weeks. DiamondGrace, Becky, was a far better speller and very concerned with getting good grades, I was slightly surprised that she'd even taken time out of her study schedule to talk to me.

I was just waiting on PrincessHank, Corey, and then my day would really be made. I'd known Corey since my first day at high school and he was a nut but you just had to love him. He'd promised to be on here at this time but he was notoriously bad at being on time so I wasn't surprised that he wasn't on yet. It didn't stop me from feeling a little rejected though.

SOFIsticatedBogan: Prolly but u know i'm not good at judging those things

Swoop: i kno i kno. every1s hott 2 some1

DiamondGrace: Damn Jade, we just about need a translator for the shit you write. At least get rid of the numbers and there's only one t in hot

Swoop: in hot yes, but i don't mean hot. i mean hott, it means super gorgeous hot

SOFIsticatedBogan: i'll take a bunch of photos and when i get back you can judge them, k?

Swoop: but i need my fix of hott now!

PrincessHank has logged on.

PrincessHank: shit, i'd hoped to beat you on here. stupid clocks not being accurate, stupid mum making me eat breakfast

SOFIsticatedBogan: hello to you to

DiamonDiamondGracerace: that should be too not to

PrincessHank: ease up Bex we can't all be grammatical perfectionists like you

DiamondGrace: well you should be

PrincessHank: wateva. any hu, Fi, there must be at least 1 guy that u got ur eye on

SOFIsticatedBogan: seriously there isn't. u kno i'd tell u if there was

We chatted away on the instant messenger until Leah called me for dinner. I was late for dinner because it was hard to turn off the messenger knowing that they were still logged on.

"So, will you be taking King for a walk again tonight?" Sue asked as she cut into her steak.

"If that's alright then, yeah."

"Yes, that's fine. I only ask because there's a council meeting on tonight, so Harry and myself won't be in. And Leah is going to be studying at a friend's." Sue smiled at me before lifting the fork to her mouth.

Seth snickered into his plate the mention of studying, before whining, "I still don't know why I can't go tonight. You used to take me all the time."

"Stop it, Seth. You've got homework to do and you know that you're grounded." Harry growled from the head of the table. I wasn't sure where the grounding had come from but thought it best not to pry too much into their family business.

"If you don't mind, Sofia, after you get back from your walk can you make sure he's still in his room and there is no one in there with him?" Sue asked and Leah snickered back at Seth.

"Um... that's no problem." I mumbled feeling a little awkward having to take on such a strange chore for the evening.

"Can I leave the house if I go with Sofia on her walk?" Seth sounded like he was begging more than asking.

"No." Harry said simply and I smiled at my plate, he sounded so much like my dad just then.

I went for a walk every night. And every night King got better, he'd slowly stopped pulling and now rarely walked out of line of my heel, although I was having trouble stopping him from relieving himself wherever he wanted.

School was borderline torture, what with all but one class being repetitive slow revision sessions and my APD playing up like it never had before. The teenagers I knew in Australia had known me for numerous years so I had never thought twice about any of them. Here in La Push I was the new girl and so I often found people looking at me and it made me very nervous.

On the plus side, I would now call Kim, Mia and Lily my friends. We hung out every day during our breaks and at least once a week we organised to do something after school, generally it just involved going to the beach for a few hours before we all went to our respective homes.

Kim had pointed out Jared, the guy whose spot I'd taken in history class, one afternoon. I found it kind of odd because I'd never mentioned him since she'd told me his name and when she'd first brought it up I wasn't actually sure who she was talking about.

"So, how is Calculus?" Lily had asked as we sat down at the top of the beach and looked down at the other beach goers. I'd been at La Push for about a month at this point and was just starting to feel comfortable with Kim, Mia and Lily.

"It's Calculus. What more is there to say?" I'd shrugged as I wrapped my arms around my torso.

"Are you cold?" Mia looked slightly concerned as she watched me close in on myself.

"No." I'd said simply but with enough certainty in my words that she smiled and seemed to push the thought aside.

"There he is." Kim had pointed past me at a group of built men playing touch football on the beach.

It had actually looked really cliché to me, American teenagers playing touch football on the beach after school. It sounded like something out of a movie, all they needed was a swarm of teenyboppers swooning over them and they could have been the leads in some afternoon adolescent drama series, or a boy band. I smiled at the idea of them being a boy band because they would have been the most muscular boy band in history if they were.

"There's who?" I'd asked stupidly.

"Jared, the guy I used to sit next to in History."

"The guy you used to have the world's biggest crush on." Lily had laughed and nudged Kim.

"Oh, shut up. I'm so over that." Kim wasn't impressed by Lily's joke.

"Why? What did he do?" I had wondered aloud.

"I had been sitting next to him in History for ages when he just disappeared from school. When he came back I asked if he was okay and he... well, he was nice and all but I got the feeling that he didn't really know who I was. I figured that if he didn't have the decency to even know me than he didn't deserve my affection." Kim sounded more than a little angry at Jared and I figured that she must have liked him a fair bit to now be so angry at him.

I looked back at the group she'd pointed out and watched them for a moment. I had no idea who Jared was; just that he was in that group, but I'd felt like staying on that subject would probably have upset Kim more so I just let the conversation continue on.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been three weeks since then and we went to the same spot on the beach every Monday, at the least, to hang out and talk about nothing in particular. It was Christmas Eve and of course the topic of the day was the Christmas party being held by a Senior from the high school. I wasn't sure of their name because I wasn't going to go, although Lily, Kim and Mia didn't know that yet.

"It's going to be awesome." Mia sighed as she looked dreamily out over the water.

"You haven't been to an American party yet, have you?" Lily added to me.

"Ah, no. Is there anything I should know about them?" I was pretending like I was going to go and then I'd say that I wasn't feeling well or that I had to call home to catch my friends and family on their Christmas day.

I looked down at my watch, 11:31. It was crazy to think that it was Christmas day to my friends and family. My parents would probably be up in about three hours to open presents before they and my sisters went back to bed. It was a silly tradition but we always got up at stupid o'clock to open presents and then went back to bed to finish sleeping. I smiled at the thought and then felt horribly homesick because I was going to miss the present opening.

"You okay?" Kim reached out to wrap her arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah, it's just... it's Christmas in Australia, right now."

"Really? That must be weird for you." Lily smiled at me and I smiled back.

"It'd be weirder if I didn't have any friends to sit on the beach with, in this horribly cold weather."

They laughed.

"What's Christmas like in Australia?" Lily asked with sincere interest in her eyes.

"Strange. Where I'm from it normally rains a fair bit in the weeks leading up to Christmas but then it's boiling on Christmas Day. When we go to the beach around Christmas it's not with weather like this."

"Watch out!" someone yelled from the beach and as we turned around it was to a football soaring towards us. Whoever threw it had really bad aim.

It landed a short distance from us before slowly rolling back down the slope. One of the highly muscled boys from the group that Kim had pointed out came running up the beach to get the ball. He wasn't wearing a shirt and, despite my generally stoic attitude towards good looking guys, I was kind of thankful for it. Bodies like that shouldn't be hidden under clothes – Corey would be so upset with that comment, I'd make sure to mention it next time I talk to him.

"Sorry, Jared can't aim for shit." he laughed as he snatched up the ball and headed back down the beach.

Okay so that one wasn't Jared, which just left two beefy individuals.

"Oh, Kim..." Mia said with a twang, "I bet Jared did that on purpose, just to get your attention."

"Shut up, Mia. I'm not interested any more. I have my eye on someone else." Kim smiled but didn't look at anyone directly, which lead to ten minutes of Lily and Mia trying to guess who it was. I joined in, in the beginning, but there were only so many guys whose names I actually knew.

"Fine, don't tell us, but we will figure it out." Mia half threatened.

"Oh, I bet you will. Seeing as I'm taking my chance tonight."

"At the party?" Lily squeaked and Kim nodded.

"Come on, Kim." Mia whined, "You have to tell us."

"Nope."

"I bet it's Jake. He's kinda cute but you've got competition on that one." Lily said wryly.

"It's not Jake."

"Who's Jake?" I asked, having never met this Jake before.

"You remember I introduced you to Embry and Quil?" Kim prompted. I thought for a moment and then shook my head, Kim looked flustered, "I only introduced you like two weeks ago; how can you have forgotten them already?"

"I'm not good with names." It was a real issue for me sometimes, unless someone had a name that I really liked then it was unlikely I was going to remember it. Mostly it was common names like Jessica and Michael that I forgot; I knew so many of them that once you introduce me to another then I seem to forget the name before you've finished saying it. I wasn't sure why I'd forget Embry and Quil, they sounded like names that I would remember.

"I'll point them out tonight if I get a chance." Kim grumbled.

"Just tell us, Kim!" Mia bellowed.

"You may want to tell her before she deafens everyone within a twelve mile radius." Someone laughed from beside me and I turned towards the new comer, "I just came to say..." he trailed off as our eyes met and I got a sudden, overwhelming surge of self-consciousness in the face of his hotness – literally. I looked away quickly in the hopes that he wouldn't see how awkward I felt, "Umm... I came to say sorry, for almost hitting you with the football. My aim's been a little off of late." He sounded distracted as he finished what he was saying and I got the feeling that he was still staring at me.

"You're forgiven, Jared." Mia laughed as she watched him.

"I, umm... I don't think we've met." Jared said and I bit my lip momentarily before turning back to him.

He was crouching with his hand held out to me and I took it politely, "Sofia."

Now, shy I could handle. I was so used to being shy that I knew exactly what to expect. But this was something else. He was gorgeous and I was attracted to him, I knew that. Still, I was casual acquaintances with a couple of very attractive guys in Australia and they had never made me feel like this.

"Sofia." he repeated in a slow drawl and I found it quite disconcerting, "I'm Jared." He smiled and it was a dazzling smile that I couldn't help but return, "Are you going to Nick's party tonight?"

I don't know what came over me but I didn't feel right lying to him, "Maybe. I... I have to call my family tonight so I might not be able to make it." Okay, so maybe I could lie a little.

Lily gasped from my other side, "What? How long does it take to call your family? Half an hour? An hour? You can show up late if you need to, but you have to go."

"I said maybe." I sighed and realised that Jared was still holding my hand. I tried to pull it out of his grip but he was staring at my face and his grip was unwavering, "It's nice to meet you, Jared, but I kind of need my hand back."

I wondered what he was thinking as he stared at me, certainly nothing that I actually wanted to hear. He was probably amazed that someone could be as fat as me and still walk around unaided. Or maybe he was trying to figure out how much excess fat was around my face.

He let go of my hand.

"Oh, right. Okay, well... I'll see you at Nick's then." he smiled and stumbled to his feet. Turning quickly to catch up with his friends as they headed back to the town.

They were waiting for him and when he reached them they stood still for a few moments, talking. Next thing they all looked at me and I could have died from embarrassment. I knew that I hadn't done anything wrong but it didn't stop the emotion, and it prevailed even after I'd looked away.

"I think someone has an admirer." Lily crooned.

"They keep looking back at you." Mia whispered and my face burned hotter.

"Are you okay, Sofi?" Kim asked as she tried to pry my hand away from my mouth. I strained against her, worried that if I removed my hand I would vomit from the horrible feeling in my stomach.

The feeling got stronger with every second that passed and after a while I could feel tears starting to well. Then panic kicked in. I didn't want to cry in public, I didn't like showing any intense emotions in public.

Kim moved her hand from my wrist to my shoulder as she tried to get a better look at my face.

"They're just staring- Sofi? Are you alright?" Mia had started with great excitement but by the end there was just concern.

I'd caught the first part of her statement and inferred that the three incredibly hot boys were now standing there staring at me. I could feel their eyes boring holes into my back as if their eyesight could actually burn me. I felt like I was going to vomit and then burst into tears. I couldn't breathe properly, every breath, no matter how shallow or deep, seemed to fill my lungs with nothing.

I jumped up off the sand and took off away from Kim, Lily and Mia, making sure to keep my lips tight together so I wouldn't vomit as I dropped my hand from my mouth. I followed the time worn path for a few steps before realising that Jared and his friends were standing ahead of me. I couldn't go that way, I couldn't walk past them. I turned to walk across the less frequently travelled grass so I could sneak back to the Clearwater's via what I could only think of calling the backstreets.

God, I must have looked like a right moron. Freaking out like that, almost crying in public. Jared and his friends were almost certainly laughing at me now. In fact, Lily, Kim and Mia were probably in hysterics too. I would be a social outcast. I'd been here less than two months and already I'd fucked everything up.

The worst bit was I had no idea why I had reacted like that. It was reminiscent of the nights I'd spent in my room in Australia, looking at myself in the full length mirror and analysing what I saw. I hated my reflection, looking at it always surprised me. Not because it wasn't what I expected but because I couldn't understand why my friends would want to be seen with someone like me.

I was fat and unattractive. It was so obvious to me that sometimes I was a little paranoid that my friends were only using me. Having me around made them look deep, like they could be friends with someone based purely on their 'heart' and not the way they looked. That never really made sense to me either because I had heaps of issues with my personality too.

The main issue was that I was very superficial. I didn't like myself because of how I looked, if I did that to another person I would be considered a bitch. I do think I'm a bitch because I have a hard time making friends. Nice people make friends easily and keep them without breaking a sweat.

Me? I freak out and feel like I'm going to vomit and cry when I meet new people.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note:**_

_**I am Australian so when I say biscuit I mean the Australian version of a biscuit. So for any American's reading this think cookie instead of your sort of biscuit.**_

Christmas Day was surprisingly easy to handle. It seemed the Quileutes had the same laid back approach to it as my family did. Christmas was more a general celebration than a religious event, which was fine with me because my OCD had my thoughts about religion a little up in the air.

I was surprised that the Clearwaters had bought me a Christmas present but I loved it. An old leather bound book, which looked like it hadn't been opened in a decade, entitled 'Wolves and Wild Dogs'. It was easily one of the best presents I'd received and I only stopped thanking them when Mr Clearwater forbade me to say 'thank-you' again.

My family had sent me some gift vouchers for American retail outlets, a framed photo of Gizmo, and a tin of homemade ANZAC biscuits with the family recipe taped to the inside of the lid. Even my friends had sent me a gift, a box set of Australian opal jewellery with a note inside that said 'A little piece of home'.

I'd almost cried at that but was able to contain myself enough to not do something that stupid.

We were setting the table for Christmas lunch when someone knocked on the door. Leah and Sue were busy in the kitchen, Seth had disappeared to God knows where and Harry was momentarily caught up on the phone talking to a friend of his called Charlie.

He excused himself from their conversation and looked at me, "Could you get that?"

"Sure." I smiled at him and headed to the door.

I felt enough like a member of the household that I wasn't concerned with answering the door but when I opened it I wished I hadn't.

One of the beefy blokes from the beach was standing there, his arm draped around the shoulder of a pretty young woman with a disfigured face. My uncle was severely injured in a car crash as a teenager so the sight of facial scars didn't faze me in the slightest; I still thought she was incredibly attractive even with the scars.

"Hello and Merry Christmas." I tried to sound cheery but I think a little of the concern showed through.

"Merry Christmas. I'm Emily, this is Sam." The pretty young woman smiled and held up a large Tupperware container, "I brought around some cake."

"Oh, cool. Do you want to come in?" I said and took a step back so they could pass me.

"Thank-you but we don't really have a lot of time." Sam's voice was somehow lower than I expected it to be, "Can you just tell everyone that we said 'Merry Christmas'?"

"Uh... sure. Emily and Sam, right? I'm not good with names." I explained at the slightly confused look that flashed across Emily's pretty face.

"Yes." Emily smiled and handed me the container.

I took it gratefully and watched them descend the porch steps before closing the door. It hadn't been as bad as I expected it to be. No one laughed at me. Or to my face, at least.

I set the container on the bench away from where Leah and Sue were busy working and Sue looked over her shoulder at me.

"What's that?"

"Cake, apparently. Emily and Sam said Merry Christmas."

I was stunned at the reaction.

Leah stepped away from the bench and threw the large knife she'd been using towards the sink. It bounced and cluttered around noisily as Leah turned on her heels and stormed out of the kitchen. Slamming more than one door as she went. The knife came to a rest with a quivering rattle and I could do nothing but stare after Leah.

Sue sighed heavily before turning to me, "Can you help with the vegetables?"

"Yeah, sure." I mumbled and then took up Leah's spot at the bench.

I wanted to know what that was about but figured that I'd know already if it were any of my business.

The knife Leah had been using was now sitting on top of a dirty plate and I could see some flakes of food on the blade that were not the vegetables she'd been cutting. I decided to grab a clean knife and set to work peeling the potato and pumpkin.

Leah didn't end up joining us for lunch but apart from her refusal to share in the meal, it all went down without any drama.

After lunch I offered to help clean up but Seth was given washing and drying duties because he'd disappeared during the preparation. I decided that since I wasn't needed I'd take King for a walk. After all, he didn't know that this day had any different meaning from yesterday or tomorrow.

He was well behaved for the majority of the walk but I decided to take a different route from normal and it confused him. He tried to pull me in that direction but I wouldn't give in to him. I'd brought the book that the Clearwaters had given me and some of my ANZAC biscuits and I planned on finding somewhere quite to sit and read while enjoying the chewy treats.

I eventually found that place, near the beach. I sat down just inside the tree line and out of the view of any beach walkers. A shaft of light snaked through the canopy above me, lighting the pages of the book as I opened it on my folded legs.

King stood beside me for a few minutes before walking in a couple of tight circles and settling down beside me.

There was a fine layer of white snow on the ground and it melted against my body heat and soaked through my jeans. I had expected this and wore a long drizabone, which is an Australian waterproof jacket. I had it folded on my lap under the book at the moment because despite that snow on the ground it wasn't all that cold.

I slowly flicked through the frail old pages, yellow with the years and crisp with disuse. I loved this book and I was excited just to be looking at it. The book was more than five times my age, the facts were likely no longer considered valid by the biological community but still... I loved this book.

"What are you reading?" a voice sounded from behind me.

I jumped and King growled as he leapt to his feet. Even King hadn't heard him approach which I normally would have found pretty cool but, because of who it was, it freaked me out a little.

Jared stood a short distance behind me, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. And I mean nothing. No socks. No shoes. Just a pair of shorts. If I were better friends with him I'd be confident enough to ask if he were wearing underwear but I didn't know how he'd react to such a question. I didn't know him at all.

I pulled my earphones out and glared at Jared, "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that. I might have had a heart condition and died of fright."

"But you're still alive so I'm guessing you don't have such a heart condition." he smiled at me.

"Can I help you with something?" I grumbled as I closed the old book. I didn't mean for it to sound as rude as it did but I didn't really want to see him today.

"I was hoping we could talk a little." Jared said as he knelt down to pat King, who lapped up the attention. I'd hoped he would growl at Jared; part of me wanted him to bite Jared. Anything to get him to leave.

"About what?" I knew I was going to regret asking even before I opened my mouth.

"Well, to be honest... why you turned me down."

Yep, I did not want to talk about that. I mean, what was I supposed to say?

I think you're the sort of jerk that would ask me out as a joke, just to make fun of me. I think you're the sort of guy that shouldn't look at me once, let alone twice, let alone actually pay attention to me. You're the kind of guy that uses people like me as stepping stones to further your own standing in life.

Why would I want to agree to that? Even if it is likely to be the only offer that I ever get.

No.

I would not let myself get dragged into something that was almost guaranteed to cause me pain. I might be masochistic and mentally unstable but I was not _that_ masochistic and mentally unstable. I still knew well enough to leave that shit alone.

"Because I don't want to go out with you. Do I need a better reason than that?"

"I kind of hoped you would. Is it something I did? Something I said? Because if I've upset you, I never meant to." he sounded sincere but I couldn't be sure if his charm and good looks weren't just messing with my perception.

I thought about what he had done. What he had said. He hadn't upset me. I had no reason to be rude to him, no reason to feel awkward around him. And yet I did.

"It's not what you did. It's who you are." he recoiled a little at that but I continued regardless, "I don't know who you are. Why would I want to go out with someone that I've barely said ten words to?"

"Because he's witty and charming?" Jared suggested with a big smile.

If he were any other guy I would have laughed at that but I didn't feel like laughing around Jared, so I just stared at him. It was infuriating how good looking he was. He was already unbelievably hot he didn't need to be such an arse and rub it in my face the way he was.

"Is there any way that I can get this conversation to end quickly so I can go back to reading my book?"

Jared seemed to think about that for a few moments but I knew he was just humouring me, we both knew what he was going to say and I already disliked him for it.

"Agree to go on a date with me."

"That's not going to happen." I snapped, wondering how long it would take for me to break and give in to his wishes. Because if he persisted that was exactly what was going to happen.

"Please. I promise you that you'll have fun. I can be very entertaining if you give me a chance." Jared insisted and I could feel the urge to give in growing.

"You don't know me, how can you promise that I'll have fun?"

Jared thought about that for a moment, he genuinely thought about it, "Maybe I can't but what have you got to lose? One evening, that's all I'm asking for."

"No." I barked at him and King looked at me with a quizzical expression.

"Even your dog thinks you should say yes."

"He's not my dog." I said and cocked my head to the side. A perfect example of how he doesn't know me.

"You stole a dog." he gasped in mock horror. I didn't react to it and he quickly became serious again, "Okay... let's make a bet."

"A bet?"

"Yeah. I bet you I know you better than you think, I'm very good at judging people."

"What do I get when you lose this bet?"

Jared thought for a moment, "How about... a pizza?"

I don't know whether he meant that to be mean or not but that was how I took it.

"Just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I'll do anything for food." I snapped and got to my feet. I juggled the book while putting the jacket on as I stormed away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Jared called after me.

Clearly he was smart enough to realise that he didn't want to be following me at the moment.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, so I majorly over-reacted and I feel like an absolute twit because of it. My friends would certainly be laughing at me, I'd be laughing at me if it wasn't still so raw it was embarrassing. My Aussie friends will use this as ammo if I tell them.

Could I not tell them? Would they believe me?

'Hey guys, I have actually met this really hot guy. He's just... unbelievably hot. And he is totally ripped... he's drool worthy. Oh, and for some unknown reason he keeps trying to talk to me. But the second time I spoke to me he asked me out. On a date. He's like Greek God hot and he wants to go out with me.'

They wouldn't believe me. I barely believed me.

It was all a little farfetched. No one like him has ever wanted to actually go out with someone like me. I found it quite unnerving that he would because no one had ever asked me out before. I was 'one of the guys' or 'just a mate', I was never anything more to any guy and the idea that Jared wanted me to be more was...

Actually, it was sickening.

I didn't want to be me but I didn't have a choice. He wasn't me and he was gorgeous, he could get any girl he wanted. The fact that he was trying to choose me was disconcerting in the least. Maybe he needed to be admitted to a mental hospital to sort out his obvious issues, if he was in any way attracted to me.

Someone knocked on my bedroom door and for the first time since I'd come here I took my time getting up to answer it.

It was Seth, again.

"Dinner's almost up. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled as I stepped out of my room and closed the door.

I told Sue that I hadn't slept well the night before and wanted to take a nap. She'd been fine with that so I didn't feel too bad about disappearing back into my room.

"So..." Seth started and I didn't like the sound of it, "I bumped into Jared last night."

Just the mention of his name made my stomach turn. A small part of me was excited by the fact he was even interested but a bigger part of me was disgusted by his interest. Did he have _no_ self respect?

"And?" I was surprised how easy it was to not sound angry with Seth. He was a sweet boy and I knew he meant nothing malicious by bringing up the topic.

"He was asking about you, wanted to know why you weren't at Nick's. Did he come see you?"

"He did." I sighed, not really wanting to talk about it.

"What did he want?" Seth bubbled and I wondered why he was so interested.

Leah met us at the dining room door and she still didn't look happy, "That's none of your business, Seth. You really need to learn to mind your own business."

"Geeze, Lee. I wasn't actually talking to you." Seth huffed and made his way to his usual seat.

I sat down in my usual seat, opposite to Seth and adjacent to Harry, and was surprised when Leah sat in the seat next to me. She smiled at me and I flashed her a weak smile of my own.

"So, how was your walk this afternoon?" Harry asked as he grabbed some roast meat from the platter in the centre of the table.

"It was good." I didn't mumble because I was taught it was rude, but I really wanted to mumble it.

"Kim stopped by while you were out." He continued, "I told her you would call her later."

"Oh, okay."

I piled my plate with meat and vegetables. In fact I probably had too much meat but what can I say... I'm a carnivore at heart. After dinner I helped Leah with drying the dishes before spending a few hours in the living room with Harry, Sue and Leah. Seth was out with friends.

Thankfully Jared didn't get mentioned again so I was happy to stay up and talk about anything they were talking about. The biggest topic of the night was sparked by a news report about animal attacks and I got the feeling that Harry and Sue had more they could say but they didn't want to in front of me and Leah, or at least not in front of me.

I excused myself from the living room at about nine o'clock and decided to call Kim, so I went out the back to sit with King. He was excited to see me and I think he thought we were going to go for another walk. Eventually he settled down beside me, with his head resting on my lap, and I scratched behind his ears as I waited for Kim to pick up her phone.

She answered after the fifth ring, "Hey, Sof. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Kim. How has your day been?"

"Good, good. And yours?" It sounded like the normal formalities were getting in her way as she rushed over the words.

"Yeah, same here. What are you doing tomorrow?" I had a feeling that I was going to make Kim angry by not letting her say whatever was on her mind but she knew that she could brush me off and say what she wanted; if it was that important.

"That's why I wanted to talk to you. Lily, Mia and I were going to go down to the beach tomorrow afternoon."

"And this is so exciting because...?"

"Well, most of the school is going to be there. As is Lucas and I really want you to meet Lucas." She sounded so happy when she said his name that I hated what I had to say next.

"Who's Lucas?"

Kim laughed, "He's my boyfriend."

"Oh, the guy you were going to make a move on at Nick's party." I felt like crap for having missed that. Part of me wanted to be able to enjoy parties but a bigger part of me was terrified that I'd not enjoy myself so I couldn't see the point in going, "Your move went well then, I guess."

She laughed again and it sounded supremely girly, "Actually, no. I didn't even see him until he came up and asked me out. It's so nice when someone you like feels the same way. Especially after Jared... I mean, I really did have a massive crush on him. I used to write my name with his surname on it, that's how bad I was."

Kim jabbered on and the longer she talked about her 'pathetic crush' the worse I felt. I liked Jared, in that I thought he was really, really attractive. I could see myself having that sort of crush on him although I'd never be bold enough to write Sofia Cameron on my school books, that was a little psycho in my eyes.

Me having a crush on anyone was kind of ludicrous seeing how it would never go anywhere. I would never have one of the moments that Kim had had yesterday. No one would ever genuinely like me and ask me out. And no one as dreamy as Jared would ever genuinely like me.

"But he's so sweet. I think you know him, he's in your Calculus class."

The line went silent for a moment as I thought about who Lucas was. It didn't take a lot to figure it out. He was the boy who sat a few spots to my right and he always seemed to have finished his work, even before anyone else had started.

"I think I know who you're talking about. I guess I'll know for sure tomorrow."

"Cool. So I'll swing by yours to pick you up on the way past?"

"That's sounds awesome." I tried to sound positive and I think it went across that way. Even if it hadn't, I think Kim was too excited to notice.

As agreed Kim stopped by to walk with me to the beach just before lunch. The beach wasn't a particularly long walk from the Clearwaters' residence so we were quickly at the beach and waiting for the others to arrive.

Most of the people there were in bathers, the guys in boardies and the girls, mostly, in bikinis. I was in jeans and a t-shirt and knew that there was no way they would be getting me into the water. If it were just the girls I likely would have, in my jeans and tee, but not with this many people bustling around.

Lily and Mia showed up soon after we arrived and we found a spot on the sand to sit. It was high up the beach away from the majority of human traffic and the girls lay down to sun bathe. Having grown up in Australia with incredibly fair skin I was fully aware of the dangers of tanning and avoided purposefully trying to do so. It wasn't hard to do seeing how I burnt and freckled, I never tanned.

I'd been sitting in the sand, I hadn't brought a towel to sit on, for about half an hour when movement caught my eye.

Four beefy guys had just arrived and were making their way to a large empty stretch of beach. They threw a football between them as they laughed and joked. Well, most of them laughed and joked.

Jared was there and he was watching me, which made me feel self-conscious. He smiled at me but I couldn't give him a full smile back. Instead one side of my mouth tweaked up slightly as I turned away from him.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smile wider and his gait seemed to have a greater bounce as he reached out to take the ball from the boy beside Sam and then started to run towards the empty space they were clearly headed for.

"What _is_ going on between you two?" Lily piped up and I noticed that she was propped on her shoulders and looking between me and Jared.

"Nothing." I acted dumb, acting dumb was one of the few things that I did well.

"There certainly seems to be something. Come on, we're your friends. You can tell us anything." Kim urged and smiled so wide that she flashed her perfect white teeth.

"There's nothing to tell. He's an annoying wanker." I said through gritted teeth.

"Okay, you don't dislike someone you barely know without good reason." Lily turned onto her side and watched me carefully, "What happened?"

"Nothing." I said again with determination, "Nothing happened. Can we change the topic?"

As if on cue a group of guys came running up to us, "Come on girls, the water is waiting."

"No, we can't."

"Maybe Sofi can't because she's wearing jeans but you're all in bikinis so you most certainly can." Lucas laughed as he grabbed Kim's hands and pulled her to her feet, "I mean, you're more than welcome to join us if you want, Sofi."

"I'm good." I smiled, thankful for the arrival of these boys.

They convinced the girls to leave and I was sadly happy for it. I popped my earphones in and turned on my iPod before pulling out a book to read. I'd found the book in Australia and carried it around almost everywhere I went, because it was smaller than the palm of my hand. It was a Gum Nut Baby book and was more aimed at kids under ten years old but I was okay with pretending to be ten for a little bit.

Someone dug their fingers into my shoulder as they dropped to their knees behind me, "Hey, Sof."

It was Kyle, from my Biology class. He sat at the table behind Kim and I, and was often grouped with us for class projects as his old Lab Partner was rarely in attendance. He released his grip on my right shoulder and moved to sit on my right side, his left arm still draped around my neck.

"I was hoping I'd see you." he smiled as he looked down at the book, "What's that?"

"Tiny little book. Why did you want to see me?"

Kyle laughed and took the book out of my hands, I obliged because I liked Kyle. He was a genuine guy and reminded me a little of Corey, which had made it easier to accept him as an acquaintance.

"It's about the project. You said that you found biology boring because you've already learnt it all and I'm having some major issues. Do you think you could give me a hand with it all?"

"It'll cost you." I laughed taking the book back and trying to find my place again.

"Okay. I'll pay you with... a movie. You like comedy's right?"

I pulled a strange face as I pretended to think about it, "You've got yourself a deal."

I passed him my hand and he took it and shook it with comical exaggeration.

There was a loud _bang_ and a few girls down on the beach squealed. We looked over to where Sam and his little gang were playing football. Well, they had been playing football; they were now just standing there looking at the burst ball in Jared's hands. And even from this far away I could see that Jared was pissed off.

Sam stepped forward and started pushing Jared off the beach and into the forest nearby. Jared kept looking over his shoulder towards me but I refused to actually look him in the eye and so I turned away from them.

"With anger like that it's no wonder Paul gets along with them so well." Kyle laughed, "Once in Biology he threw a chair at someone for laughing at him. I wonder who laughed at Jared."

I just shook my head and looked back at the ocean, where I noticed Lily looking at me with a quizzical expression. I shrugged at her and Kyle removed his arm from my shoulders.

"Anyway, now that I've got what I wanted, I have to go find Dale. I hate little brothers sometimes." Kyle slapped me on the shoulder in a friendly gesture as he headed down the beach towards a group of twelve year olds.


	7. Chapter 7

After dinner I went for my regular walk. King was happier today because we went along the usual route, without a single adjustment or detour.

The forests around La Push were absolutely beautiful, like nothing that you find in Australia and yet somehow similar. Like the Australian bush the trees weren't all that dense but paths were still lost almost the second you left them. Unlike the Australian bush the trees were all close to dead straight and they stretched up above you for what looked like miles.

There hadn't been any snow last night and the stuff that had fallen Christmas morning had almost entirely melted away. The ground was frozen though and some parts of the walking path were slightly treacherous for someone like me. I wasn't clumsy per se but I did have a miraculous talent of hurting myself in the worst way possible on things that rarely hurt anyone.

I slipped on some semi-frozen leaves, which glided across the fully frozen ground. Thankfully my other foot was firmly planted and it was more of a sudden bend than a fall, I did put my hands out to stop myself from landing on my face though and nearly had a heart attack.

It wasn't the slip that made my heart pause but rather the angry voice that ripped out of the shadows towards me. A voice that made King jolt and was so angry that his ears flicked back and he raised his lips to growl at the owner.

"Watch it! You could hurt yourself."

I was beginning to hate that voice. That perfect, warm voice that made my pulse quicken ever so slightly when I heard it. The voice that I wanted to hear when it was gone but wanted not to hear when it was sounding around me. Isn't the mind a fickle thing?

I straightened up and put my hands in the pockets of my Driza-Bone. There was no way that I was going to speak to him tonight; because I'd realised yesterday that unlike with most people, his sway on me seemed to last, always. Normally I could argue with someone, go away and strengthen my resolve and then my risk of giving in, should the argument start again, was the same as if it were the first time the argument was happening.

It wasn't that way with Jared and I didn't feel like tempting fate with another awkward conversation today. If he wanted to talk to me than he'd have to keep up and expect a very one-sided discussion.

"Please, Sofia." I heard him sigh as he started after me.

I'd had it drilled into me that turning your iPod up too loud was incredibly bad for you hearing so I always had it on a volume that was low enough that I could hear what was happening around me.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't want to see you hurt yourself."

But apparently he was happy to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable by turning up and trying to talk to me for no reason. Well, he had a reason but I didn't think it was a genuine one. It was so hard for me to believe that I could barely manage to think about what he was asking without feeling like an absolute moron.

"Can you please just stop and talk to me?" He sounded... desperate and my heart ached at the sound. I stopped and looked up at him, pulling a single ear bud out so as to acknowledge that I was listening to him.

He flashed a small smile, "How are you?"

Okay, that annoyed me. I wasn't stopping for some casual convo with the guy, I wanted him to say his piece so I could move on and go wallow in my room for an hour or so, over this train wreck of a social relationship.

"I'm fine." I growled through gritted teeth.

"Good." He smiled a broad toothy grin before he dropped into a more serious mode, "First off, I want to apologise. For upsetting you yesterday."

Crap. Not only was this the '_first_' thing, suggesting there was at least one more thing to come, but he was being nice. I didn't want him to be nice. The nicer he was the harder it would be to keep turning him down, if he was still stupid enough to ask _that_ question.

In fact, it was already a little too much and I gave in, just a smidge, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I over reacted, I'm sorry."

Jared smiled bigger now and it both annoyed me and excited me. God I hated him for confusing me like this.

His eyes were like melted chocolate and they scanned my face with a brightness that I'd never seen before. But after a few moments of awkward silence, at least they were awkward on my side of things, his face dropped.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I wanted to tell him he couldn't but now he sounded sad and I couldn't just fob him off when he sounded that downtrodden, "I guess you can."

"Why Kyle?" His question confused me and I just looked up at him hoping he got that I was confused.

I felt short looking up at Jared. I wasn't a short person, in fact I'd been the tallest in my class until Year Seven when the boys started to get taller. At 5′10″ I was tall enough that I'd rarely had to look up to look at someone, but Jared was over six foot and I wondered if this was how girls of average height felt around most guys.

"What does Kyle have that I don't?"

I furrowed my brow because I still didn't understand what the hell Jared was on about, "I don't know... a dodgy understanding of mitosis and meiosis."

Jared's lips twitched into a smile but he remained, for all intents and purposes, deadly serious, "I'm talking about dating. Why can you go on a date with him but not me?"

"I'm not going on a date with Kyle."

Jared was the one to look quizzical now, "I heard hi- I was told that he asked you out this afternoon, at the beach."

"No. He needs help with a Biology assignment."

"And then you're going to catch a movie with him." Jared growled and my annoyance was starting to take over again.

"It's not a date. It's biology."

"Yeah, that's what concerns me." Jared grumbled. I don't think he actually meant for me to hear it but I wasn't going to let it slide once I did.

"It's nothing like that. Ask him yourself, we're just friends. He is having trouble with Cell Division and because he's my friend I'm trying to help him out."

"If it's not a date then..." I knew what was coming but couldn't seem to stop it, "would you like to go out with me afterwards."

I glared at him and his small smile fell, now I felt bad for causing that but I was also annoyed and annoyance seemed to win out over guilt, "No."

"But you will go out with Kyle." I didn't bother answering him as I turned away from him and kept heading down the track, he walked with me. He actually walked backwards as he was a few steps ahead of me and wanted to remain facing me, for some unknown reason, "You know, needing help with biology homework is the oldest trick in the book?"

"Oh, fuck off, Jared. Kyle's a decent guy and it's not a date." I stopped to yell at him and he stopped too. He looked both hurt and ashamed as I continued, "Even if it was, it wouldn't be any of your _concern_ because we're not even friends. So you can shove your opinions where the sun don't shine and butt the fuck out."

How is it that one guy can get me to overreact like this? Even as I walked away I felt like I'd gone too far, and a tiny part of me wanted me to turn around and beg for his forgiveness. Thankfully a bigger part of me thought that I'd look like a fool if I did that and convinced me to just keep walking. As I'd said, we weren't even friends so what was the problem with him thinking I was a mood swing away from being classified as psycho?

The problem with Jared thinking I was a lunatic was that I didn't want him to think I was a lunatic. As I lay on my bed at the Clearwaters', staring at the ceiling and listening to Bertie Blackman, I realised just how much I wanted Jared to like me. I wanted him to want to talk to me and I wanted him to enjoy spending time with me.

But every time I saw him the insecurities would mount and I was possessed by a person that I didn't understand. I knew it was fear that was calling those shots. Fear that I would end up liking Jared even more and then he'd do something that would really upset me.

I was only here for another ten months, surely if I put in some effort I could avoid him and only have to put up with interactions like that on the rare occasion. Once a month. I'm pretty sure I could handle that once a month.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I delayed a little in checking it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know who was texting me or why. I wasn't sure I wanted to partake in any social activity at all. But I pulled the phone out because I hate having unanswered messages.

It was from Kyle and that made my stomach knot a little.

_Hey sof wot u up 2? wot time can u come round 2moro? or do u want me to come ova there_

I didn't think there would be so many questions involved in organising tomorrow.

**Hey. I don't mind whatever is easiest for you.**

_I'll stop by urs at bout 10 then n well wrk on it at mine. well just rent a dvd from the store, unless theres a movie u want 2 c_

**I'm good with renting. As long as we can still have popcorn.**

_Of cors. wot else wood we hve_

**My sister has frozen grapes when she watches movies**

_No offence but ur sis is wird_

**That she is**

_I hope u dont mind but we hve 2 babysit my lil sis 2moro_

**Why would I mind?**

_I dont no but lily thinx this is a date_

**I heard that one. LOL Don't worry I know its not.**

_Good, i was worried id given u da rong idea. not that ur not cool but i just dont see u lik dat_

**Settle petal. I knew what you meant. I'm not the sort of girl who thinks studying = date**

_Anyhu ill c u 10_

**Ciao**

_Wot?_

**Ciao? its Italian. u know cha-ow**

_O rite. here in_ _america we just say c u_

**Okay, c u tomorrow**

I put the phone on my bedside table, after making sure an alarm was set for nine o'clock. It wouldn't take me an hour to get ready but I had a tendency to procrastinate so it was better to overestimate than underestimate.


	8. Chapter 8

So all I had to do was not see Jared for another month, easy right?

I figured it would be more than plausible to never speak to him again. I grew up in a town of six hundred people and there were kids my age that I only saw once in a blue moon, La Push had heaps more people than my shit hole of a home town so there shouldn't be any problem never talking to him.

That's what I thought and the longer I went without seeing him the more confident I became that I would be able to do it.

December 27- Spent most of the day with Kyle. **Didn't see or talk** to Jared.

December 28-Went to the beach with the girls. Saw Jared but **didn't talk** to him.

December 29- Bummed around the house all day. **Didn't see or talk** to Jared.

December 30- Went to the beach with the girls. _**ABSOLUTE DISASTER!**_ I should not have gotten out of bed.

It was the day before New Year's Eve and I was spending the day with Kim, Mia and Lily at the beach. We met at the beach most days because the girls seemed to like it there. I'd grown up near the beach but had never been this intent on spending my life by it. I enjoyed the heath-land that rimmed the beach at home more than the beach itself.

The heath lands were teeming with life. Insects chirped and buzzed, small white butterflies flitted across the walking paths while large orange and brown butterflies swarmed over select bushes. There were animals in the shadows of the squat trees that you heard but never saw and birds that darted after insects and hopped from spindly branch to spindly branch.

The girls were sunbathing and our conversation had crawled to a stop over the past few minutes. Not that it really mattered, the silence was still comfortable. I was thinking about one of the heath land birds, the Superb Fairywren, when the disaster started.

Sam and his merry band of beef cakes showed up.

That wasn't too bad but I definitely didn't see it as a good thing. It was made better by the fact that, like usual, they didn't stop to talk. Made worse by the fact that, like usual, Jared was watching me.

Don't ask me how but Lily noticed, again. She seemed to be the most observant of the group and for some reason she was always sitting between me and the path that Sam and his buddies took. I wondered why I didn't offer to take her place so she wouldn't notice.

"Okay, so what the hell is going on between the two of you? I know I've asked you before but... seriously?" Lily pulled herself up to sit beside me and her eyes were glued to my face.

"Seriously? There is nothing going on."

"I don't believe you. Look at him; he can't take his eyes off you." Mia said as she sat up on her elbows to watch Jared.

I glanced over to where Sam and his goons were playing football and sure enough Jared was looking up at me. Well, I couldn't be certain it was me he was looking at; he was looking up at _us_. I looked away, not at all interested in giving him the impression that I found him in the least bit fascinating. Despite the fact that I found him very fascinating and if it wasn't massively creepy I'd spend the next month just watching him.

"He was asking about you at Nick's party. I honestly think he likes you and I never thought he'd be the type to just crush on someone in silence." Lily bubbled, "Has he spoken to you yet?"

"Too many times." I mumbled without looking away from the horizon.

There was a collective gasp and I realised that they'd heard me. Why couldn't I just think about Fairywrens in peace?

"So, what have you spoken about?" Mia's voice was getting higher with every word she said, like it did whenever she got excited about something.

I sighed and groaned before answering, "About how much of an arse he is."

Kim gasped, "Why is he an ass?"

"I bumped into him on Boxing Day and he told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't want me going on a date with Kyle. Even though I have never and don't ever plan on going on a date with Kyle."

Mia cooed like she had just been handed the cutest baby ever, "That's sweet. Has he asked you out then?"

I leant my elbows on my knees and put me face in my hands, I did not want to answer that. Mainly because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me but also because _I_ was still having a hard time believing that he would.

"Oh my god!" Mia squealed, "He did. What did you say? Please say you said yes. Of course you said yes. He's so hot, how could you say no." Those last few statements didn't sound like questions but Mia seemed to be waiting for some sort of answer.

I rolled my eyes and lifted my head, "I said no."

"What!" all three girls squeaked in their surprise.

I couldn't help but glance over at Jared. He was standing tall with his shoulders square and I could see the smirk that was etched across his handsome face. He wasn't looking this way and I was thankful for that but one of his friends was and it made me just as nervous.

"How could you do that? Don't you think he's hot? No, he's not hot, he's drop dead fucking gorgeous. Why would you turn _that_ down?" Lily gushed and looked down the beach towards the three muscular boys playing football.

"Because he's a wanker." I sighed and turned my gaze back to the horizon.

"But he's hot. You think he's hot right?" I wasn't sure why Mia was so interested in finding out if I thought he was hot or not but I couldn't not answer her. She'd just get louder and louder if I did that.

"Yeah, he's good looking but that doesn't change the fact that he's a wanker."

"And what is a wanker, exactly?" Lily was still watching the three half naked boys.

"Stop drooling, Lily. It's really not an attractive sight." I joked and pushed her shoulder to get her attention. When she turned to look at me I continued, "A wanker is..." I wasn't a hundred percent certain what the real definition was but I knew how I meant it, "someone who is really annoying. It's kind of a blanket name for someone you don't like."

"And why don't you like Jared?" Lily pried.

"Because..." that was a difficult question. All I knew of Jared was what I'd seen from him in our few pathetic conversations and really none of it was that bad. He was persistent and that was annoying but nothing else about him warranted dislike, "I guess there is no real reason but he just irritates me."

"Well, he shouldn't. He may never have really noticed me but he is a cool guy. Maybe you should give him a chance." Kim suggested as she, too, stared out at the horizon.

I wanted to say that it wasn't the way he'd treated her that had made me decide against saying yes to him but I figured that it wouldn't really change anything so I let it go. What was the worst that could happen with Kim thinking I was judging Jared on not noticing her? Although that did raise a few questions for me.

Kim was a pretty girl, she might not have been a supermodel but then again neither was I so what did that really matter. She was friendly and funny and I enjoyed spending time with her. Kim had a very admirable trait of making people feel comfortable around her and I was very grateful for that because without it I most certainly wouldn't be here. Not only did she have a great personality but she was, as I said before, pretty. She was slender and of normal height, with long ebony hair and large warm brown eyes.

If Jared wasn't interested in Kim than how in the world was he interested in me?

Bad suddenly became worse and I found myself wishing that I'd never left the house.

"Hello." I looked up to see Jared smiling down at me.

I could have screamed or cried and if I were alone, I would have. But if I was alone then Jared wouldn't be here and I wouldn't feel the need to scream or cry. Maybe tomorrow I'd spend the day holed up in my bedroom. I had yet to claim that I was feeling homesick so I could use that as an excuse to do nothing.

The girls greeted him with a massive smile but I refused to even look at him. After they'd all said hello I remained quiet and Kim nudged me roughly to get me to say something.

"Hi." I made sure to keep my tone nonchalant even though my heart was racing due to his mere presence.

He dropped into a squat in front of me and my efforts to not look at him became pointless. I looked him dead in the face and accidently caught his eyes, while he looked straight into mine. This was something that I'd been able to avoid since our first meeting and now I was remembering why. Nervous tension was building in my stomach and I felt like my lungs were shrinking.

"I was thinking." Jared said with a dazzling smile, "Sorry, first things first. How are you?"

For a moment all I could do was gulp and stare at him like a fool but then I gained a small amount of composure, "Good. You?"

I heard Kim and Mia giggle to themselves beside me and I wanted to punch them but I couldn't look away from Jared. I couldn't break eye contact.

He smiled a little wider, "Right this second I'm feeling pretty damn good myself but that might not last. It all depends on the next thing you say." His smile dropped a tad as he prepared himself to ask me the usual question. I knew it was coming and it made the nervous sickness in my stomach even worse. He kept eye contact as he continued, "I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me. Go catch a movie or something."

I don't know what happened but suddenly my defences were back up and he was too close for comfort. I gently rested my hand on his shoulder to push him away from me a little and it was a very bad idea.

The second that my bare skin touched his I felt a surge of electricity that I would have recoiled from, I should have recoiled from, but I just couldn't. His skin was so warm and I felt like my hand was melting onto him. As I stared into his eyes I knew that what I was feeling now, now that I'd felt it, I couldn't live without. There was no way I could keep turning him down and, despite wanting to hate him for it, I just found it all that more alluring.

He leant back a little and the contact disconnected. With the disconnection went the strength of the feelings and my own insecurities were able to rise up again to defend me. When his eyes left mine the feeling was nothing more than a fragile echo and I was able to push it aside quite easily.

"No." I felt like I was saying this for the millionth time in the last week.

And I was horrified by the heartbroken look of Jared's face.

It wasn't like he couldn't find someone better than me. As the girls had said, numerous times, he was hot. I was certain there was a beautiful model out there that would give her arm – or at least cut her hair – for a single date with him. Why would he be so mortified at me turning him down?

"Honestly, is there a reason why you don't like me?" he still looked hurt that I'd turned him down but there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

There were lots of reasons why. I just couldn't think of any when he was standing so close to me. I thought about asking for his number so I could compile a list and then call him later to tell him what they were, but that might give him the wrong impression.

All I needed was one good reason. Brain, don't fail me now.

"It's not that I don't like you..." Holy hell, Brain, what are you trying to get at, "I just... don't know you."

Crap! That wasn't a logical response and it's just going to make everything so much worse. Why didn't I say something else? Anything else? I could have said I wasn't attracted to him; lie, I know but that would have been better. I could have said I was not into guys, now that should have gotten rid of him or at least stopped the invites. I could have made up some horrible disgusting disease that wouldmake the most beautiful girl ugly to any guy.

Jared was smiling, "Then go out with me. In fact, come with me to the New Year's Party tomorrow."

"I don't want to go on a date with you." My voice quivered as I said it and I knew that he was going to continue to push now.

"Don't call it a date then. It'll just be two people hanging out. Please?"

He was begging me now and I could feel my will starting to bend. I made the mistake of looking into his eyes, again, when was I going to learn? I could almost hear my will break and I wanted so badly to yell at someone because of it.

"Fine. Two people hanging out."

I wish I hadn't gotten out of bed.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's Note:  
**__**I'm trying to keep this one as close to the book as possible which means that at this point in time Embry is not yet a part of the Pack. So there should only be three shifters (hunky boys) at the moment, not four. If you started reading this story after 16/05/2012 (05/16/2012 for the Americans) then it doesn't matter because previous chapters have already been updated.  
**_

* * *

"Maybe you should put on a little makeup. You know, make a little effort to look good for Jared?" Lily suggested as she held out a makeup brush coated in powdered foundation.

I pulled away from her, "Because there is no reason to make an effort. It's not a date."

"Phewy." Lily laughed as she made the makeup brush chase me, "We all know it is, even if it's not called that."

It was December 31st and I was getting ready to go to the New Year's party being held down on the beach. Actually, Lily was trying to help me get _more_ ready because as far as I was concerned I was already ready. I was wearing clothes and I'd even made an effort to brush the knots out of my hair. Wasn't that ready enough?

I grabbed Lily's wrist to hold her hand away, "We don't all _know_ that, because we're not all wrong. Seriously, I'm ready. Can't we just leave?"

"Firstly, you really should make some extra effort, some makeup will just show him that you like him. Secondly, it's only six o'clock. No one will be there at the moment." she fought against me and I found myself laughing at her as she tried desperately to touch the brush to m cheek.

"Firstly, I don't like him. Not like that. Secondly, someone has to be first, why can't it be us?" I argued.

Now Lily was laughing at me, "Firstly, you so do like him like that. I saw the way you were looking at him yesterday, I'm surprised the whole of La Push doesn't know that you two are in love. Secondly, it's fashionably late not fashionably early. Didn't you go to parties in Australia?"

"Okay, firstly, gross. Secondly, I went to plenty of parties in Australia. But they were friend's parties so I just rocked up whenever I felt like it. I was ten hours early for a party once." I rolled across the bed to get away from Lily and her demonic makeup brush and she started crawling over the bed after me.

"Firstly," she sighed as she reached out for my arm but missed, "it's not gross. It's super sweet. Secondly, that's different and you're not in Australia now so you have to listen to me."

I laughed as I used the chair to block Lily's next brush attack, "Firstly, why are we still saying firstly and secondly. And secondly, since when have you been the juru of everything American? Shit." I swore as Lily got me with the brush.

"There, now that I've started I need to finish. Otherwise you'll look like an idiot."

I gave in and took up the spinney seat in front of her, "I don't know if you've noticed but I tend to look like an idiot no matter what I do."

"I can't believe you don't know how to put makeup on. Don't they have makeup where you live?"

I put on the thickest outback Australian accent I could, "Nah mate, we just use dried cow pats crushed up inta a powda."

Lily laughed, "I didn't think you could sound any more Aussie than you normally do but you just proved me wrong."

Lily had promised that she'd only use a little bit of makeup but she lied. In the end I was wearing foundation, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, blush and lip gloss. I threatened her with pain of death if she ever did anything like that again. I went to go wash it off but at that moment Kim and Mia had arrived and they had teamed up on me to stop me getting to the bathroom.

They had me out the front door and in Mia's car before I had time to find a way around them. I was sitting in the back with Kim and was already wishing that it was one o'clock in the morning so that I could be heading home instead of heading out. I looked nervously over my shoulder at the Clearwater residence and noticed that there was nothing on the back window.

"Do you have your license?" I asked Mia, checking the front window and finding it empty too.

"I have an intermediate license. So you can't tell anyone that you were all in here." It wasn't a long drive, not a long drive at all, because we were almost at the beach. The car was needed because Mia and Kim had brought a hell of a lot of crap with them.

"Why don't you have plates up?" Kim and Lily looked at me with puzzlement.

"Plates? What plates?" Mia was looking at me in the rear vision mirror and she looked just as confused as the others.

"Maybe it's just an Australian thing. We're considered a Learner driver until we're 18 and then we can move on to P-plates. We have to have them up when we're driving. Don't you have to show you're not a full licensed driver?"

They all just shook their heads and Kim chirped, "Nope."

Mia pulled up next to a green station wagon that was spotted with brown rust. I jumped out of the car and headed towards to boot to help get Kim and Mia's crap out of the back. In doing so I was oblivious to what was going on down at the beach behind me. Once I had grabbed my share of junk from the boot I walked around the side of the car and stopped to stare at the sight before me.

The tide was out, leaving the normally wide beach looking unbelievably massive. In the middle of the massive stretch of sand was a bonfire, over six foot tall and at least just as thick, with tall flames licking up its sides. It wasn't quite roaring as yet but it was getting there. I was certain that that would not be legal in Australia.

There were dozens of people mulling around the fire and all along the beach. At least two couples were rolling around in the sand with their tongues down each other's throats. The sun had only just set and the sky was orange in the last rays, once the light was gone I was sure that the fire would look even more impressive.

"Cool, isn't it?" Mia said with great admiration.

I smiled and nodded, "You'd get arrested for this in Oz."

"Really? Most big holidays we have a fire like this. And for council meetings, of course, but most of us aren't allowed to attend that." Kim sounded envious of going to council meetings and I wished there was a community event at home that I'd ever wished to attend. My town didn't have anything like that, at least not that I knew of.

"Where are you going to meet Jared?" Mia bubbled as she led us to an empty spot on the beach. I wasn't sure what half the stuff I was carrying was but I wasn't interested enough to ask.

As if on cue I heard him, "Hello there."

Everyone mumbled their hellos, me included, as we put down our loads and Mia got to setting up the picnic rug so she could get comfortable. Mia wasn't feeling one hundred percent so she wanted somewhere to sit in relative quiet without being so far away as to be antisocial. I had suggested that I would sit with her but Lily had squashed that thought by saying she'd take care of Mia and I should focus on _taking care_ of Jared.

"So, what are the two of you going to be doing?" Mia asked with a wink as she sat down on the rug.

I felt myself blush a little and hoped there was enough foundation that it wasn't too noticeable.

"Well, nothing really." Jared smiled as he looked at me, "We're just going to talk."

Mia and Lily glanced at each other with matching smirks before turning back to us.

"What does that mean in Australian?" Mia giggled and I felt the urge to kick her. Not too hard, just hard enough to get her to apologise.

Lily laughed, "Just remember to come up for air sometimes. While you're talking, that is."

"Alright, I want to leave them now. I hope you catch whatever Mia has." I said with a playful growl then turned to Jared, "It's probably best if you lead the way, I'll most likely fall in the fire if it's left up to me."

Jared smiled at me and I could see his eyes twinkle in the light from the bonfire.

I could hear Lily and Mia chuckling to themselves as we walked away, Kim had already gone to meet up with Lucas. It made me very nervous to hear them acting like that because it didn't seem right to me that anyone would have those kinds of... intentions with me.

To begin with I found it hard to enjoy talking to Jared; it wasn't anything that he was doing, it was more what he wasn't doing. He wasn't making me dislike him. I wanted him to be boring or rude or something like that but he wasn't. Jared was nice and polite and incredibly entertaining. He made me laugh every few minutes with simple sound effects or choice words.

It wasn't fair that he was so perfect. Not when I felt so imperfect.

I noticed, more than once, that there were some people looking at us strangely. Jared didn't seem to notice, he just kept talking through the stares. But why would he? He wasn't as insecure as me so he wouldn't think twice of people looking in his general direction. Me, I was all too aware of their staring because I knew what they were thinking.

Why would someone like Jared want to be seen socialising with her? How does someone her size get the attention of Jared? Why would he want to talk to her? You couldn't get two more opposite people; fit and gorgeous, fat and hideous. Why would he waste his time?

I hated when people looked at me. I wanted to just melt into the background, get through this miserable stretch in life without catching anyone's attention and then maybe one day, if I lost some weight and felt a little better about myself, then I'd come into the spotlight. But I didn't like the idea of being in the spotlight with the way I currently look.

"... and I still stand by my assertion. I was not to blame." Jared finished defiantly and waited for my response.

We were sitting side by side on an old grey log some ten metres from the bonfire. I could feel the heat from it on my face and it felt awkward because of the makeup I was wearing, almost like the makeup was melting off my face. It wasn't helped by the fact that Jared felt like he was running a fever and was sitting a little bit too close.

"Of course, not." I muttered and caught someone else staring at us.

Jared leant forward to look at my face, "You're not listening to me, are you?"

"I'm listening. Broken window, not your fault." I argued, my attention now fixed back on Jared. I had long ago learnt how to multitask feeling insecure with hiding my insecurities.

He didn't look convinced, "Come on, what is it?"

I sighed, "People keep looking at us."

"So?" he laughed, still leaning forward to keep in my line of sight.

"So, I don't like it."

"Just ignore them, they're probably just jealous." he said with offhanded disregard.

"Jealous?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, unless he meant that they were jealous of me being with him, which made all the sense in the world. But I got a feeling he didn't mean it like that.

"Yeah, if I were them I'd be envious of whoever was sitting with you."

I hated hearing him say that. I'd spent most of my life having people tell me things that I knew were clearly a lie and this was definitely a lie, "Can you not?"

"Pardon?"

"Don't act like it's a good thing to be seen with me. Don't pretend that I'm something that I'm not."

Jared's brow furrowed, "I'm not following you."

"I'm not pretty. I'm not... of your calibre."

"My calibre?" somehow he sounded stunned and the intelligent and interesting guy I'd been talking to all night seemed to disappear from my sight.

"Yeah. You're hot." That was blunt even for me but I was so caught in my own bizarre concoction of emotions that I couldn't stop myself, "Like seriously... so fucking hot. I... I'm so fucking _not_. They're staring because you're a ten and I'm a zero; I shouldn't even be on your radar."

"I don't care what they think and you shouldn't either. I want to get to know you because _I_ think you're pretty, I really do." Jared sounded sincere. He sounded more than just sincere, he also sounded hurt, that I could think so poorly of myself, and shocked, that he had to point these things out to me.

Intellectually I wasn't sure how to react to it but years of insecurity had created what was almost like a second me, one that when faced with a social situation that I couldn't comprehend was miraculously able to step up to the plate, "Thanks, but I don't need your pity. I'm aware and accepting of who and what I am."

Before Jared could say anything in return everyone started yelling and cheering.

"_Ten..! Nine..! Eight..! Seven..! Six..! Five..! Four..! Three..! Two..! One..! Zero! Happy New Year!"_

And I could have died.

Jared kissed me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Jared's POV**

Okay, so maybe I was a tad too forward. I just got carried away in the moment, it was the New Year and you're supposed to kiss the closest person, not that 'tradition' was dictating me when I did it. I wanted to kiss her, I've wanted to kiss her since the day I met her; the day I imprinted.

It seems that Sofia didn't see it the way I did.

She pushed me away and stared at me in bewilderment for a few long moments. I questioned myself for a second but knew that I didn't want to take it back. She didn't say anything to me as she got up off the log and walked away. More stormed away but I didn't like the thought of her being angry with me.

I wanted to go after her but I got the feeling that that was not what she wanted.

Standing up and dusting the sand off the back of my shorts I noticed that there were, in fact, a few people looking at me. Some were looking between me and where Sofia had disappeared into the night and I just stared back.

I was angry with them.

If they were the ones that had made Sofia feel uncomfortable than I had no intention of being nice to them. I didn't care what they thought since who I spent time with was none of their business.

It did confuse me that Sofia would see herself as a 'zero' because on a scale of one to ten she was about a hundred and eleven to me. Every moment that I spent with her I liked her more, and it was strange because I always felt that there was no way I could like anyone more than I liked her, but she always found a way to surprise me. It surprised me that she'd feel that way because it was the first time I'd gotten the feeling she even cared about that stuff.

Maybe that was what I needed to do, prove to her that she is way more than a zero. Prove to her that she is beautiful and any man would be lucky to be permitted to stand beside her. She was funny and friendly and intelligent and pretty. She was down-right awesome.

"Bravo, Romeo." Paul laughed as he came up behind me.

I turned to punch him in the shoulder but he dodged it and moved to my side, where he rested his elbow on my shoulder and stared at the bonfire.

"Maybe you should have listened to Sue, 'you need to go easy on her'." he finished with a very bad impersonation of Sue Clearwater.

"Maybe you should mind your own business." I grumbled and started towards the forest. I planned on phasing and making sure she got home alright. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened because I wasn't there.

"And miss out on seeing you fall on your ass? Literally." Paul chortled as he followed behind me.

"Yeah, yeah. Me looking like a fool is hilarious." I mumbled.

"Don't be like that, J. She will come around."

Everyone gave Paul shit for being overly aggressive but he did have his moments; moments when he wasn't an overbearing ass. This had been even more obvious since I imprinted. It was clear he understood the seriousness of the issue and he showed genuine concern for me and, surprisingly enough, Sofia.

Sofia reminded him of his sister, I'd heard it in his thoughts last time we'd phased together. Once again, he wasn't an overbearing ass without good reason. I hated to think about what happened to Paul's sister, happening to Sofia, and Paul hated it too.

It felt like it took forever to tie my shorts to my ankle and I was shocked to see that Paul was doing the same. I managed to phase a split second before Paul but felt no need to try to get away from him. We had to run the long way around the town to avoid being spotted and by the time we got to where I expected Sofia to be we found the area empty.

_Where is she?_

I could feel panic rising. What if she had gotten hurt? What if someone had upset her more than I had just done? This was not good, not for me.

_It's okay, J. I'm sure she's fine._

It wasn't any use. The panic had set in and I needed to find her soon before I went running towards the bonfire in wolf form. Or naked if Sam was going to make me choose.

We crept along the edge of the forest, or as close to the edge as we could risk, towards the beach. I kept my ears peeled for the sound of her voice, it shouldn't be too hard to catch seeing how she was the only Australian currently living in La Push. I could hear the murmur of her friends but there was no Aussie twang amongst them.

My heart settled when I finally heard her.

"I'm going home. You can't stop me."

I found it curious how I could make out her voice so well when her friends were all just fuzzy tones with the occasional word thrown into the mix. But it wasn't that hard to understand at the same time. She was my imprint; of course I would be more tuned in to her than to the others.

We waited by the edge of the forest closest to the parking lot, we'd be closer if we had have stayed on the other side of the town but I'd been certain she would have left already. I kept my eyes peeled for her and I could hear Sam and Paul making jokes about me but I didn't care enough to listen to them.

I spotted her before she'd made it halfway to the parking lot and I noticed that she wasn't heading towards it either. I wondered what she was doing, walking home at this hour. La Push was a safe town but there was a vampire running around and I hated the thought that it might find Sofi alone.

She was headed in roughly this direction; it was the way she'd left the first time we met. It wasn't too surprising that she would avoid the streets because she had said earlier tonight that she preferred the forest to the town. But it did concern me, I'd warned her that it wasn't safe in the forests sometimes and she had been so blasé about the whole thing. She really liked being outdoors and amongst nature.

But I didn't understand why she wasn't driving. Driving was safer.

_She's Australian, J, and she's only been here two months._ Sam thought calmly, _She doesn't have an American license._

I thought about phasing and offering her a ride but I got the feeling she didn't want to be around me at the moment. Maybe one of the others could offer her a ride.

_Jared, think about it. How did we all get here?_ Paul laughed.

Sam was patrolling to the west and Paul and myself had come here straight after patrolling. None of us had a car anywhere near here and by the time one of us went to get our car and got back here, she'd be halfway home already.

Maybe I should offer to walk her home.

_She's leaving because of you, I doubt she'll accept your offer._

Paul was enjoying my irrational thoughts a little too much but I was too concerned about Sofia walking home next to the forest at this hour to be bothered making him stop.

_I'll ask if you want but I only have a slightly higher chance of getting a yes._

_Thanks, Paul, but I'll just keep an eye on her from here._

I started walking slowly along in line with Sofia but many yards away, under the shadowy cover of the trees.

No one else could walk alone in the dead of night and look as comfortable as Sofia. She didn't jump at a single noise or even make to check over her shoulder. Nothing seemed to faze her as she walked through the darkness. Even when I stepped on a dry twig, too consumed with watching her to watch where I was going, she just looked curiously at the shadows for a second and then continued on her way.

_She's brave._ Paul thought, _And you're incredibly creepy, following a helpless young girl, shame on you._

_You're following her too._

_No, I'm following you, there is a difference._

I stopped listening to him now as I sat and watched Sofia walk the short distance to the Clearwaters front door. I heard her greet someone before the door swung shut and her voice was too muffled to recognise any words. At least she was safe.

_Unless of course the vampire is hiding at the Clearwaters, then you'd have just scared her into danger._

Paul laughed but I didn't see the humour in that.

What if he was right?

What if that red headed vampire was hiding at the Clearwaters? Sofia could be in mortal danger. That was far from an ideal situation. I had to check on her.

_Well done, Paul. Jared, calm down, there is no vampire in the town. I'd have noticed if there was. And certainly not in the Clearwaters, both Sue and Harry know what to do if they see a vampire. There is no vampire._

Sam sounded certain but my concern was already so great that the only way I could calm down is to check for myself. I needed to know for sure.

_Paul! You see what messing around with imprints does. Seriously, you should know better._

Sam started lecturing Paul about appropriate jokes but I wasn't listening.

I phased and untied my shorts. Starting towards the Clearwaters' before I'd even finished pulling them up. Paul whimpered and growled behind me and I wondered just how hard Sam was going on him. I pushed that thought aside as I ran towards the town, anxious about who or what was going to greet me when I knocked on the door.

A very angry Leah.

That's what greeted me when I knocked on the door.

She looked like she hadn't slept in a week and I noted that I should probably try to forget that before my next phase. Sam may have imprinted on Emily but he still loves Leah and hates the thought of her so upset about what happened.

"What!" she snapped and I flinched away from her a little.

I straightened up before answering her, "I just wanted to make sure that Sofia got back alright."

"She did. No thanks to you."

Her comment baffled me, "Sorry? What do you mean 'no thanks to-"

She cut me off, "She told me all about you following her around like some sick and twisted little puppy. And she told me how you kissed her. That's really inappropriate and rude; even from one of Sam's little boy toys."

I wasn't too impressed about being called a 'boy toy' and especially not about the belonging to Sam bit, but my apathy was over ridden by the joy of knowing that Sofia was home safe. And with the way Leah was acting I had a feeling even vampires would avoid this house.

"Okay then, can you pass on a..." she slammed the door in my face and it took a lot of will to not kick a dirty big hole in it. I mean, there was rude and then there was super mega fucking rude, and that was super mega fucking rude.

I turned away from the front door and ran back to the forest, barely managing to get my shorts off before I phased. I wasn't normally an angry person but Leah wasn't just rude, she was getting between me and Sofia and that really pissed me off.

_Settle down, Jared._ Sam crooned and I noticed he was sitting with Paul waiting for me. Sam didn't look quite as cheerful as he sounded and I figured that my plan to not think about how Leah had looked had just failed.

_Sorry_.

Sam didn't respond but instead continued on with something completely different.

_First howl of the New Year?_

I couldn't see anything wrong with that and I looked down at the Clearwaters' as I raised my nose to the sky.


	11. Chapter 11

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be feeling right now.

Part of me was reeling because of the kiss. It hadn't been a big kiss, just a simple peck but it was enough to throw me. It was my first and it went nothing like how I expected it would. I had expected some electricity and I got it. I'd expected it to be enjoyable and, I hated to admit it but, it was. Somehow, it had felt wrong. Actually, wrong wasn't the right word, because it hadn't been wrong per se... it seemed to be more than I expected for a first kiss. It was hard to explain.

Another part of me was pissed off. I had said that all I wanted was to talk and he'd ignore my request. I was angrier at Jared than I was confounded by the kiss, like my anger had more potency than that moment of excitement. If I were the sort of girl that gets physical, when she gets angry, than I would have slapped him; I wanted to slap him now.

The final part of me, which was about the same size as the angry part, was disgusted. Not at myself, I didn't think I'd done anything wrong, although I did feel more than a little foolish. No, I was disgusted at Jared. The way I saw it there were two possibilities, either he was an arsehole and only kissed me as part of some sick joke, or he was deranged and he had genuinely wanted to kiss me.

I found it kind of sad that I thought someone had to be mentally unstable to like me but I couldn't shift the thought. If it weren't physically impossible to change bodies than I would have swapped a hell of a long time ago and I had felt like this since I became a teenager and started to notice the differences between me and the other girls.

It's not that I wasn't working on it. I'd lost almost 30 kilograms since last New Year's Eve, that's about 65 pounds and I was proud of myself for that, don't get me wrong it's not like I'm sitting here pitying myself but not doing anything to change it... I just wanted everything to be perfect and I did not feel perfect.

I had only walked in the door about a minute ago and I was already tucked under the blankets. I'd heard Leah answer the door and knew that it was Jared asking about me but he'd left a short while ago and now I was desperately trying to get to sleep.

A piercing howl sounded from somewhere close by. I was surprised that there would be wolves this close to a human settlement but it was the least of my concerns at the moment.

Just moments after the howl, I was fast asleep.

School started back on January 2nd and it wasn't anywhere near enough time for me to prepare after the kiss from the day before. The annoying bit was that in the morning I didn't think there was anything to prepare for, so I was more than happy to head to school.

I wasn't aware that anything had changed until my first class for the day, Biology.

Kim was sitting in our usual seat but she didn't seem to have the same joyous aurora around her. As I sat down she mumbled a hello and started a very lethargic conversation. I was going to ask her what that was about when someone kicked my chair.

I turned around to find Kyle beaming at me, "I think I'm ready for this class and it's all thanks to you." He whispered and I smiled back at him, it was nice to feel like I'd helped him.

"You're welcome." I whispered back but halfway through Kyle's attention darted to the door.

"Shit." he snarled and lowered his gaze to his open notebook.

I twisted in my chair to see what was upsetting him so much and I felt my own annoyance grow.

There standing by the door were two people that I had not expected to see; two tall, muscular boys who almost looked too old to be high school students. They had matching cropped black hair and even seemed to stand the same way. I found it a little disturbing that two unrelated people could be so alike.

One of them punched the other in the arm and turned into the room. His eyes met mine for a split second and there was something strange about the way he looked at me. He seemed to be headed in this direction and something Kyle's voice rang through my head.

'_With anger like that it's no wonder Paul gets along with them so well. Once in Biology he threw a chair at someone for laughing at him.'_

Since he was in this class and part of Sam's posse it wasn't difficult to figure out that that was Paul.

Especially since the other guy was Jared and he was standing by the door.

He was staring straight at me and as I looked his way a large smile grew on his face. The urge to slap him rose again and he was lucky I was sitting because I was just about angry enough that I would have, if he'd been closer.

Thankfully both Jared and Paul were wearing the appropriate clothing for attending school. I don't think I'd ever seen them wearing that much, ever.

I was even more thankful when the teacher shooed Jared away and closed the door. Now all she had to do was send Paul out and my day would be a million times better. But Mr Whitehall didn't care for the discomfort that I was in, he seemed impressed that Paul had showed up at all, and he smiled wider than ever when he saw Paul, slouched in the chair beside Kyle.

It was supposed to be an easy class today, we were learning how to properly mount a slide. This was something that I'd been taught over a year ago so I was looking forward to bludging with a purpose. It was a lot better than trying to listen to someone tell me something I already knew.

Within five minutes the whole class were doing their own thing, trying to cut a slice of onion thin enough to clearly see what was happening in the cells. The teacher didn't tell students what they would need, but instead had a tray full of useful and useless things.

I grabbed a razor blade, a chunk of carrot, an onion and a Petri dish of water. The essentials for slide prep were already laid out on our table. It was surprising how many students thought a knife was necessary or a pair of tweezers.

Kim didn't talk to me much during the exercise. Well, she was talking to me and I don't think anyone else would have thought she was talking less but I just knew that there was something bothering her. I wondered if she'd had a fight with Lucas but didn't really want to ask in case it upset her.

I'd already mounted three separate slides and was wittingly away at the carrot in an attempt to keep myself amused. Kim wasn't having quite as much luck as me, she already had two slides but was losing her cool with the third one.

Kyle had asked me a few questions and when I'd turned around I'd seen that Paul was finished too. Either that or he wasn't even going to try. He'd smiled at me every time and I'd made sure not to put too much effort into my return smile.

"Why do I need the carrot?" Kyle complained after I'd told him, again, that a carrot would help.

"It's to help guide the blade in a straight line. They recommend this at Universities so it must work." I sighed and held out my hand, "Let me show you."

"No, no, no. I can do this. I've gotten one slide already." Kyle whined and I wondered if he could hear how immature he sounded.

"One slide in half an hour, that's nothing to brag about." I mumbled as he cut another lumpy slice of onion.

Paul snickered to himself and I couldn't help looking towards him. I checked the desk in front of him and sure enough there were three slides laid one next to the other, beside his microscope.

"Shut up, Paul. At least I haven't cut myself a million times."

Paul's eyes flashed with irritation and he turned to Kyle with his hands raised, "Neither have I."

Kyle looked shocked and I'm sure if it weren't for the obvious fear he felt towards Paul, he would have grabbed Paul's hands to inspect them closer, "But I saw you bleeding."

"I don't know what you think you saw but I was not bleeding." Paul sat back in his chair and laced his fingers together behind his head.

"Okay, students. I'll be back in a few minutes, I've just got to take Miss Gordon to the nurse. I want everyone to have three slides by the time I get back."

I turned back around from Kyle's table as Mr Whitehall spoke but couldn't be bothered turning back after he'd finished so I continued to slice up my carrot. It wasn't that I needed more onion slices, I was just incredibly bored and this was slightly amusing me.

My heart froze for a split second when my chair jerked and my hand slipped. The dirty old razor blade dug into my skin and a sharp tingle ran up my arm. I sucked a breath in through gritted teeth as I extracted the corner of the blade from the fleshy pad of my thumb.

Blood burst from the relatively small knick and dripped down my hand. I shoved my thumb in my mouth and went to get up to go to the sink but the sound of a screeching chair distracted me.

"What the fuck? Could you be any more careless?" for a second I thought Paul was yelling at me but when I turned around he was glaring at Kyle.

"It was a mistake, shit." Kyle groaned and turned to me, "I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine." I said around my thumb and got out of my seat.

The sink was less than a step away and I rinsed my thumb off to the sound of Paul growling at Kyle. For the most part Kyle just took it without saying anything. I stopped washing my thumb and wrapped section of coarse paper towel around my weeping digit.

My return to my seat only seemed to make the matter worse.

"Do you not understand how dangerous that was? She could have cut the tip off her thumb."

"Oh, shut up, Paul. It's not like she's your girlfriend or something. Everyone knows she's not thin enough for you." Kyle snarled and it hurt more that he'd brought my weight into it.

Paul stood up from his chair, sending it flying out behind him. His fists clenched at his side and his face turning a few shades redder than normal, "Don't you even begin to assume that you know me."

"If your anything like Cameron than-"

"Don't fool yourself thinking you know how he feels. He's a hundred times the man you will ever be."

Now I was starting to agree with Leah. Their little group was far too intense for anything that a teenager should be involved in. What happened between them when no one else was around? I didn't even want to start speculating.

Kyle laughed, "I've never had to force myself on someone before."

It happened so quickly that, despite the entire class watching them, no one had time to stop him. Paul lashed out. For most people it would have been a minor lash out but with a strength that seemed almost impossible for any man, even one with the amount of muscle that Paul had, it made the action so much worse.

Paul shoved Kyle.

Kyle stumbled backwards a few feet before falling and skidding across the room. He hit the other wall with a heavy thud and a bunch of girls started squealing. A few guys got to their feet and started chanting 'fight' over and over again.

As quickly as he had lashed out, Paul seemed to realise exactly what he'd done and all the anger that he'd had just dissipated. He looked at me with wide, apologetic eyes and I had no idea how to react or what emotion to display.

"Paul Lahote!"

Every head in the room whipped around to the door to find a very unimpressed Mr Whitehall standing in the open doorway.


	12. Chapter 12

Mr Whitehall wasn't unimpressed. He was furious.

"You!" He bellowed at Paul, a large vein in his forehead swelling and protruding under the skin, "To the Principal's Office. Now!"

Paul didn't argue, he stuck his hands in his pockets and trudged from the room. It was clear that he didn't want to go, that he thought he was justified. Maybe it was just that he thought he shouldn't have to listen to Mr Whitehall. I wasn't sure but I didn't care. If he got a month of detention he would be getting off lightly.

I heard Paul growl as he passed Mr Whitehall, he literally growled, I could barely believe it and I wondered if I was imagining things. Mr Whitehall didn't react to it so I figured I must be.

Mr Whitehall turned towards us, "Kim. Can you please take Mr Eastman to the nurse?"

"Yes, Mr Whitehall." Kim jumped to her feet and hurried over to Kyle, who was staggering to his feet.

It took him quite a while to get from the back of the class to the door at the front, and a small part of me wanted to tell him to suck it up and walk normally. I couldn't do that though because while the shove hadn't looked hard, his collision with the wall certainly had.

The last ten minutes of class were very slow.

Mr Whitehall walked around the room and inspected everyone's best slide. He even checked Paul's, Kyle's and Kim's. The whole time I could not only feel but see people glancing and staring at me. It was unnerving and I wanted to run out of the classroom to get away from them, but I knew that would only make things worse.

The bell rang and Mr Whitehall dismissed the class before Kim had gotten back. I was the last of the students to leave and Mr Whitehall left straight after me. He was visibly angry and marched down the hall towards the office.

I turned in the opposite direction to go to my History class. Part of me was glad that there was almost no way Paul was going to be in this class, I wasn't sure if he was enrolled in it or not.

The school was tiny with only a couple of hundred students. Classes generally consisted of kids over a range of ages; there was a twelve year old in this History class, I think his name is Collin. There were also two fifteen year olds in the Biology class; they were the ones Kim had introduced as Embry and Quil and I quickly forgot them. She reintroduced them, without them knowing of course, a few days after she'd tried to point Jared out.

Now I was wishing that she'd never tried to point Jared out, and that I'd never met Jared. Okay, so maybe I was glad that I'd met Jared, before he'd tried to kiss me I was actually starting to like him. Not to mention that, despite my best efforts, my heart would race when I saw him, every time I saw him.

Kim wasn't in class yet but her seat was occupied. By none other than the one guy I didn't want to see right now.

Jared.

And I wasn't sure how to react. I felt too shy to sit next to him, but if I sat somewhere else and Kim followed me than a third person would be displaced. There were no free tables in this class, there were barely any spare seats.

Jared smiled at me.

I still wasn't happy with Jared though, and after the little spat in Biology, I really didn't feel like trying my patience. I walked along the front of the room and sat in a seat at the front. This was where the Collin kid usually sat and he might not like me sitting at his table but in the grand scheme of things I didn't care. He'd get over it.

In fact, he didn't seem to flinch when he saw me sitting in his usual seat. He just waltzed across the room and sat down beside me. I liked his reaction because it didn't make me feel in the slightest bit insecure, which is something I seem to feel with surprising ease these days.

"You're the Australian chick, right? You're staying with the Clearwaters?" he asked with a mix of excitement and nerves.

"Yeah, Sofia."

"I'm Collin." he bubbled as he put his pencil case down on the table, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but why aren't you sitting in your normal seat?"

"Someone else has taken it." I muttered, keeping my body aimed towards the front of the room so that I didn't feel the urge to look at Jared.

"Oh, that's Jared. He's nice; you could have just asked him to move."

I smiled at Collin, "If you want me to sit somewhere else, I can?"

"No, you can stay there. I just thought it was curious. Actually, I thought... it doesn't matter." He looked away sheepishly and started arranging his pens, trying to look busy.

"You thought what?"

Collin paused in his organising and thought for a moment. He sighed and looked up at me, "I thought you and Jared were... well, you know... together... I thought he was your boyfriend."

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and looked away, "No, we're not and he's most definitely not."

"Sorry." Collin muttered and I felt bad, he hadn't meant to upset me.

I sighed, "No, I'm sorry. I'd just rather not talk about that sort of stuff."

Collin smiled as he opened his notebook to a blank page and the teacher started with the lesson.

Kim showed up about fifteen minutes into the lesson and took up the seat next to Jared. I gave her an apologetic smile when she saw me sitting next to Collin and she just shrugged.

The lesson was so full of lecture that my hand was cramping towards the end just from the amount of writing I had to do. Not once did the teacher take a break to let anyone catch up, she just kept going. Some students had given up on trying to take notes and were clearly just pretending to write down what she was saying. I was interested enough that I kept trying but I did miss a few things.

It didn't help that I kept getting the feeling that someone was watching me. About halfway through the class I couldn't help but check if I was just being paranoid or not. Unfortunately, I turned around to have my suspicions confirmed as I noticed Jared staring at me. He smiled but I just turned back to the front, feeling my cheeks heat up.

Once I knew that he was looking, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wanted to resist him, wanted to get through the next ten months without having to worry about whether or not he actually liked me. But no matter how much I wanted him to not be around, my eyes liked it when he was. They liked to look at him and assess every gorgeous part of him. My ears liked listening to him talk and my skin liked the warmth that he radiated.

Avoiding him was not going to be as easy as I had assumed it would be.

The bell rang and I went about packing up my things with a little too much consideration. I was barely half packed up when I saw Kim storm from the room, and I started to think that I'd done something wrong. I finished packing up at breakneck speed, wanting to find Kim and make sure she was alright.

When I stood up from my seat _he_ was standing waiting for me. I looked to my right and found that Collin had left already, I really wish he had have taken his time.

"What class do you have next?" Jared asked as he waited patiently for me to walk ahead of him.

"Physics." I mumbled as I made for the door. I was so sick of trying to ignore him that I thought I'd give complying with him a try.

I saw Jared do a silly little bounce in my periphery as he caught up to me, "Cool, me too."

"Great." I said with almost no enthusiasm. I think there was a tiny bit of zeal in my words because a small part of me really liked being around Jared, although I still wasn't sure why.

We were half way to Physics now and that small part of me that liked Jared was getting louder and louder. I wanted it to shut up but I knew it wouldn't, as long as Jared was around.

"Listen, I'm sorry. Your anger at me is totally understandable, I said we'd just talk and I went back on that. So, I'm sorry."

Oh God. Apologies were like puppies to me at the moment. The sound of the word as it rolled over his tongue and lips, it made me feel all gooey inside. I never felt gooey about anything except baby animals.

I stopped and looked up at Jared. I wanted to want to slap him. I wanted to want to yell at him. But he just looked so adorable. His big brown eyes were shimmering with sincere concern and his lips were pulled into a frail smile that looked like it was on the verge of crumbling, should I say something wrong. Like an antique vase sitting precariously on the edge of its display table, waiting for a gentle breeze to push it over the brink.

The thought of falling reminded me of something and I couldn't stop the words from flowing from me, "Paul is probably suspended."

The vase hit the stone floor.

Jared's warm brown eyes were suddenly hard with anger and the adorable air to him dissolved, to be replaced by obvious rage. His hands shook and the shaking rose up his arms. His nostrils flared and he turned on his heels towards the office. His foot falls were loud and steady as he stomped away.

The voice yelling Jared's graces started to die down and another small part of me regretted it. If I wasn't careful than my entire being would be obsessed with him soon.

I turned back down the hall towards the Physics room. There were a few people looking at me with blatant curiosity and I yearned for Jared to be back by my side. At least when I was angry at him I wasn't noticing all these cold eyes judging me.

When I got to Physics most of the class had already settled into their seats and the teacher was about to start. He waved me to my seat with exaggerated impatience and I hurried to Kim's side. She didn't say a word to me through the whole class and I was starting to get the feeling that I had done something to annoy her.

Maybe it was that she had to sit next to Jared during our last class, I'd have to apologise for that at lunch. I couldn't think of anything else that would make her so angry with me but it wasn't unheard of me to say something inappropriate and then forget about it.

Corey hadn't spoken to me for a whole day once because I implied his girlfriend was 'easy', which she was and Corey knew it, but I wouldn't have meant to say it. It was a Saturday. I remember that because I made the comment on Friday at school before I got on my bus and by Sunday morning he called to say sorry for ignoring me. I hadn't even realised he was ignoring me but I took the apology anyway, I hadn't been able to tell him I didn't notice because I thought that might offend him.

The walk from Physics to the Cafeteria was quite painful. Kim refused to talk to me and I wasn't sure why. When we got to the Cafeteria, Kim said she wanted to sit with Lucas and his mates, which she did occasionally, and left me alone.

Lily and Mia had shown up moments later and they told me not to worry about Kim, apparently she was acting strange on the phone yesterday as well. I knew they were trying to calm me down but I also knew that I had done something wrong and I really wanted to know what it was.

It had been two months and I'd already alienated the first friend I'd made. How long would it take me to drive Lily and Mia away too?


	13. Chapter 13

While sitting in the cafeteria, being entirely ignored by Kim, I noticed Jared enter. I had wondered where he'd been during Physics and seeing as he was now very wet, I assumed he'd been out in the pouring rain. He slunk into the cafeteria looking miserable and sat by himself at a table a few metres away from us.

He was like an abandoned puppy and my heart went out to him. How could I ever be angry at a puppy? How could I be angry at Jared?

I sighed, defeated, and pushed my chair out from the table, "I'll be back in a second."

Lily and Mia looked confused but they didn't say anything as I left the table. I didn't have time to think about how this might look to everyone else. Jared had only ever been nice to me and now he looked so low. I couldn't let him sit there, alone, for the _whole_ of lunch.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked as I stopped next to one of the vacant chairs.

"Not really." he didn't sound as happy as he normally did but he could still smile with a little zest so I figured things weren't too bad.

"Is it Paul?"

He looked confused, "Is what Paul?"

"Is it Paul that has you so upset?"

Jared smiled at that, "So you can tell that I'm upset?"

"A blind man could see that you're upset."

His smile dropped and he gestured to the chair beside me, looking hopeful despite the lack of grinning, "Would you sit for a little while?"

I looked back over my shoulder at Lily and Mia. They were smiling just a little too widely and giving me two thumps up each, telling me that I should sit in an all too obvious way. I bit my lower lip and then pulled the chair out, sitting down quickly before I changed my mind.

Jared's usual smile jumped back into existence and he almost laughed with his pleasure. It was a little confronting because I couldn't remember anyone ever being this happy about my presence before.

"So, what happened with Paul?" Hoping to keep the topic off either of us for as long as possible.

Jared's smile didn't falter although I got the feeling that his happiness did wane a little, "You were right, he's been suspended. Two weeks."

"Will he be alright? Academically, that is?"

"He'll be fine." Jared said and I could tell that there was something he wasn't saying, "He asked about you. He wanted to know if you were alright."

I was surprised by this but only somewhat, there had been something in the way that Paul had looked at me earlier that made me think he was concerned about me, "He's just been suspended for fighting and he's worried about me?"

"Yeah. Paul gets a bad rep for being aggressive but... if you knew him, you'd understand that he's not as bad as he seems." Jared caught my eyes before continuing, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"It's just... he told me about what happened. About what Kyle said and he was worried that you were upset by it."

It was strange. I'd thought I'd hidden the hurt from Kyle's comment about my weight but it looked like Paul might have caught it, "Kyle didn't mean anything by it."

Jared didn't seem to like this response, I could see it in how his eyes hardened ever so slightly, "But it hurt you?"

"Not really."

"But kind of?"

I gulped, not liking that Jared was pushing this issue, "Can we change the subject?"

"Okay, how is your thumb?" Jared asked as he stretched out a hand in a silent request to look at my thumb.

"It's fine. It's barely a cut." I replied, refusing to show my hand.

Jared looked at me with careful consideration, his face harder than it normally was and his outstretched hand seeming to beg for me to put mine in it. Jared's jaw clenched for a split second and then everything relaxed. The smile, which had slowly turned into a tight lipped scowl over the last few minutes, burst back to life and the hard edge to his eyes washed away.

"What class do you have next?" his voice was more cheerful than it had been since I'd mentioned Paul's potential suspension and that part of me that was screaming about his flawless russet skin, giggled at the sound of his joy.

I was afraid I might be turning into one of the teenyboppers that I'd imagined watching Jared and his friends, the first day I'd seen them.

I couldn't help the grimace that plastered my face when I thought about my next class, "Chemistry."

All other sciences I enjoyed but I found chemistry was looking at things that were too small for me to actually get excited about. I understood its importance but just didn't care enough about protons and electrons to want to learn more than the very basics.

"Don't sound so enthusiastic." Jared laughed, "After that?"

"English."

Jared's grin grew, "With Mr Youngblood?"

I gave him a disappointed smile, "Mrs Gray."

Jared's smile dropped back to its normal size, "And then?"

"Calculus."

"Great. I have Calculus too, who do you normally sit next to?" Jared's excitement was catchy and I found myself smiling wider at him.

That was until I registered his question, "Kyle."

"Oh." Jared didn't seem too impressed by that and his excitement diminished slightly. I saw some optimism flash in his eyes as he went to continue, "Well, do you think he'd mind if you sat with me? Just for today?"

The way he said 'just for today' reminded me of how he had said 'just going to talk' and all the suspicion I'd felt towards him came flooding back. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself but it didn't really work.

"I don't think so." I did my best not to growl at Jared but my answer still hurt him.

"Why?" his eyes were wide and he had the cutest puppy dog pout of any person I'd ever met.

It was like I was melting over the top of a fence. Part of me melting from the fire of my distrust, while the other part melted at the innocent hurt on his face. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and I had to take a few moments to decide whether to tell him why or just give in to him.

I decided that honesty was best and to go with my suspicions, "Because you also said we were just going to talk."

Jared's face fell, again. I hated myself for making him look so sad so often.

"I said I was sorry about that." he wasn't just talking to me anymore, he was begging me, pleading with me.

The part of me that earlier had sung Jared's praises was now yelling at me. My internal monologue was not happy with me, in general that was not anything new but in detail it was. I'd never yelled at myself over trying to protect myself from potential pain.

"I heard that and... I forgive you but I don't know if I can trust you."

"You can. I promise you can."

I smiled at him, "Can't you see how that promise is kind of moot?"

Jared thought for a moment and then smiled back, "Okay well... if you can't trust me than... I'll give you a month of servitude."

The laugh that escaped me was not intentional but thankfully Jared could tell that it wasn't meant as an insult to him, "I don't need servitude. I trust you. I just can't let Kyle sit alone. I think he'd lose his nut if he found me sitting with you after Paul beat him up."

It was Jared's turn to laugh, "I guess he would. But you have to admit, it would be fun to watch."

"Oh, I don't know about that... maybe if he hadn't just been manhandled by Paul. What do you guys do anyway? To get muscles like you have? Is it some sort of tough love boot camp thing you have going with Paul and Sam?"

Jared's eyes twinkled in the artificial light and his smile rode to one side of his face, "It's kind of a secret... but I could tell you."

I knew that tone, it was an 'I could tell you if...' tone and I had a strong feeling I wasn't going to like the 'if part'. Maybe he was going to ask me out, I really didn't want to have to turn him down, again. Not when the whole reason for talking to him was to stop him looking so hurt.

After a couple of minutes of silence, curiosity got the better of me, "If...?"

His smiled became even more lopsided and, if possible, even cuter, "You'll hang out with me after school one day. I promise that this time there will only be talking, nothing else. If you want, I'll blindfold myself so that all I'll be able to do is listen and talk."

I thought about it for a little while. At least he'd moved on from the dating thing but I was still unsure.

What if this was just a part of one massively elaborate trick?

What if he was going to tell everyone it was a date when it wasn't?

What if he kissed me, again?

Actually, I wouldn't mind that one. If I was being honest, it was kind of nice to think that someone wanted to kiss me. I still thought it was a little disturbing on Jared's side of the equation but I wasn't on that side, I was on my side. And on my side of the equation it was a damn good kiss.

I watched Jared carefully for a few long moments and then sighed, "As long as there's only talking, there'll be no need for a blindfold."

He started to laugh. It wasn't a laugh of malice but one of surprise, like he hadn't expected me to agree to it. I liked this laugh, it was sweet and excited. I could almost fall asleep to this laugh.

"How about this afternoon?" he almost squeaked with his pleasure and I couldn't help but laugh at him for it.

"I don't think so. I normally go to the beach with the others on a Monday." I said, my voice louder than normal as I tried to talk around my own laughter.

My rejection of the afternoon did not throw him at all, "Okay then, tomorrow?"

I couldn't think of a reason why tomorrow wasn't acceptable, "Yeah, sure."

"Awesome." Jared sighed, a large grin still glued to his face. His eyes brighter than I'd ever seen them before and they wandered over my face.

"So? What's the secret?" I pried, only just remembering that there was a reason that I'd agreed to this in the first place. Well, apart from the fact that the part of me that screamed about Jared had managed to take control for long enough to agree to hanging out.

"What? Oh, you'll just have to wait." Jared was still staring at me but I was slowly becoming accustomed to it.

Normally someone staring at me would freak me out. Have me thinking all sorts of horrible things about myself and them. But I got the feeling that Jared could stare at me for a month and I wouldn't protest too much. Although there was still a small part of me that was confronted by it, it was greatly outweighed by the rest of me.

"There's something you should know about me, Jared."

"What?" he sounded like hearing about me was the most fascinating thing in the world.

That was still enough to faze me and for a few seconds I didn't think I could continue. But as my eyes met his I knew that I couldn't not answer him.

"I'm really impatient."

He laughed again and I felt my heart melt. I loved his laugh; it was even more beautiful than his voice. This was a laugh of pure mirth and it was far superior to the surprised laugh I'd heard earlier. This laugh was so pleasurable to hear that it was all I could do to not join him, even though I wasn't sure what I would be laughing at.

His laugh was so intoxicating that I didn't even flinch as he reached out and took my hand in his. Something no one had ever done before.


	14. Chapter 14

Monday afternoon went better than the morning, but only just.

Kim barely said ten words to me throughout the entirety of Chemistry and even less during English. The only upside was that in both classes there wasn't a call for partner work, otherwise it would have been a real disaster. At least no one was beaten up or suspended.

At the end of English, Mrs Gray kept us back to finish reading a long winded monologue that she thought was 'absolutely the most amazing piece of writing from the twentieth century'. I don't remember who wrote it or who it was about but it sounded like one of the most convoluted speeches ever thought of. In a nut shell, someone was great and everyone else needed to take a lesson from their book.

No, thank-you.

Calculus was my best class of the day, but that wasn't saying much.

I thought I was late for this class, as almost everyone had already taken up their seats, but the teacher was still to arrive so I wasn't too concerned. The spot where I usually sat with Kyle was empty. A few students looked at me as I passed and I felt incredibly awkward under their gazes. Some students were blatant with their staring and even when I caught their eye they just stared back, most of these were students from Biology. Others looked away quickly when I caught them but it didn't make me feel any better.

Jared was sitting at the table in front of mine and I figured that must always have been his normal spot because for the last two months it had been empty. This school was like my old school, and I could only assume it was like almost every school, where students had their seats and rarely moved from them, apart from groups who seemed to shuffle around amongst themselves.

I sat without saying a word to Jared, although I did give him a friendly smile. It was strange how in the course of one conversation I could go from being dead set against being around him to enjoying his presence.

Jared pushed his chair back and angled it so it was facing the other side of the room, rather than the front. He leant back, his body turned slightly towards me, and looked at me with a huge smile on his face.

"If Kyle's not here by the time Ms Foster gets here than I'm taking that seat." he nodded to the spot beside me.

I automatically glanced at it, as if checking it was still there, "Why? You already have two."

"Oh, haha. How was Chemistry and English, anyway?" The large smile plastered on his face made me feel a little giddy.

It was unfortunate that the memory of the last two classes didn't make me feel the same way. I hadn't gotten a chance to ask Kim what was going on in either class but was planning on confronting her this afternoon.

"They were alright." I muttered as I sorted through my bag to find the right book.

Jared glanced up to the front of the classroom to check the teacher hadn't arrived yet, "I'm sure they would have been better if I was there." he dropped into a more serious tone, "What happened?"

"It's nothing, really. Just hasn't been the best start to the New Year is all."

"Okay, Students... Jared, please turn around. This week we will be finishing Functions, Graphs and Limits and next week we're going to start Derivatives." Ms Foster explained and I groaned. I didn't like Derivatives.

As Ms Foster turned her back on the class to get her stuff together, Jared grabbed his things and just about threw them onto the table next to me. I had to hold my hand out to stop them sliding off the table. He moved so fast that I barely had time to register what he was doing and when Ms Foster turned back to the class, a few seconds after turning away, Jared was settled in the seat beside me.

"Are you okay?" Jared whispered as Ms Foster started with her lecture.

I put my head down to make it look like I was actually trying to keep up, but really just hoping to muffle my voice from the teacher, "I suck at Derivatives."

"Really?" Jared sounded surprised, "I thought you were supposed to be some sort of Aussie genius."

I laughed inwardly at how he pronounced 'Aussie', most American's pronounced it wrong.

"I was never all that good with complex numbers. I mean... don't get me started on the _imaginary unit_, I hate that thing."

He stifled a laugh and nudged me with his shoulder, "I don't think we're going to do any work with an imaginary unit."

"That's what I thought until Mr E spent two weeks trying to teach it to my class."

"Jared and Sofia." Ms Foster growled, she seemed a little shocked, "You weren't sitting there before, Jared. And if you two don't stop talking than you won't be sitting there much longer."

She gave us both a hard look before turning back to the board.

We sat watching and writing in silence for a few minutes but it seemed Jared couldn't bite his tongue for very long.

"I'm good at Calculus. Maybe I could tutor you." His broad smile and gentle eyes told me that he was being sincere but my paranoia was just strong enough to get in a 'this is a New Year's Eve thing, again' before the teacher's raspy voice tore me away from Jared.

"Okay, Jared. Move."

Jared looked shocked and he stared at Ms Foster with slight disbelief. She didn't falter in her stare or stance as she waited for Jared to move. Jared scooped up his books and stepped away from the table, with a sheepish apologetic smile at me. He went to sit on the table in front of me but Ms Foster wasn't having any of it.

"Nope, not there. Over here with Lucas."

I looked up to see Kim's boyfriend gawking at Ms Foster, she may as well have just slapped him with a half frozen fish. Jared looked just as unimpressed but he didn't fight it. He grabbed his bag with his free hand and lugged it across the room. Lucas snatched at his stuff, clearing a spot for Jared to sit, he did not look at all happy about this arrangement.

"And if you can't behave yourselves than this will be the seating arrangements for the rest of the year." Ms Foster grumbled as she turned back to the board.

I didn't like that he was being made to sit so far away. It felt like a strange cosmic joke. The second we start to get along, someone is getting in our way. At least it was only the one class. I could survive the next half hour without him sitting next to me. I'd gone almost seventeen years without him so far.

What was thirty minutes?

Thirty minutes really wasn't much, and considering it was a topic that I was stressing about, the class just about flew past.

Jared was back beside my table before the three long deep chimes had finished, it seemed he was scarily fast. He sat on the table, with his feet on the chair, as he waited for me to finish packing up my things.

"So, how about it?" He chirped.

I looked into his eyes for a second, "About what?"

He smiled, "How about me tutoring you?"

The idea of having a reason to spend time with Jared was kind of exciting and I had to wonder where this sudden thrill was coming from. Only this morning the sight of him at the entrance to the Biology room had me wishing I hadn't gotten out of bed. Now, it was like we'd been friends for ages and I liked the idea of spending time with him.

"Sure. I could use all the help I can get." I said as I slung my bag onto my back and bounced it around until it fell into just the right spot.

Jared was beaming as he jumped off the table and we made our way to the door at the front of the class. He grabbed his bag from the table he'd been banished to for most of the lesson as we walked past, flinging it onto his back with a little too much ease.

"How much can you lift?" I asked as we walked through the doorway.

He looked a little confused, "What?"

"Weight wise. How much can you lift?"

Jared screwed his mouth into an asymmetrical smile-frown concoction as he thought about it. It was clear to me that he was battling with himself over what to say, "I'm not sure. I don't lift traditional weights."

"Then what sort of weights do you lift?"

He smirked at me, "You'll just have to wait and see."

That did not sound appealing to me. I hated waiting for anything, let alone an answer to a question that I knew he knew at this very moment, "That's not fair."

"It's one day. Literally, twenty-four hours from now." Jared laughed as we stopped at the bottom of the steps at the entrance of the school. This was where I met the girls on a Monday so we could go down to the beach.

"What's going on twenty-four hours from now?" Lily bubbled as she bounced to a stop just to my left.

"We have..." Jared caught my glare because I had a feeling he was going to say the wrong thing, "plans for tomorrow after school. Sofia just doesn't want to wait."

"Well, can you blame her?" Lily sighed as she looked Jared up and down, he seemed to like that and it made me feel very anxious.

It made me suspicious of him again. He had asked me out and now he was thinking about sex with Lily. She was prettier than me so it was understandable but it made my paranoia spike. Maybe he really was a jerk, deep down, and was just trying to win a bet or something. Maybe hanging out with him was a bad idea.

Not that that really mattered now because I'd agreed to it. Although I was good at getting out of things, perhaps I'd be able to think up an excuse to fob him off tomorrow.

I elbowed Lily in the side and her eyes snapped to my face, "We're just hanging out."

"Oh, really? Just like you were just going to talk at the bonfire?" Lily laughed.

My gaze shot to Jared and he seemed to instantly understand what I was feeling, "No, this time we really are just hanging out. I've got to behave myself, otherwise she's going to blindfold me and turn me into her slave."

Lily's bright cheerful eyes widened at that and she looked between me and Jared a few times, "Oww... kinky."

"What's kinky? I like kinky. Let me in on the kinky." Mia giggled as she rushed down the stairs.

Jared laughed, "I'm not really interested in a threesome, sorry."

Mia blushed, "I didn't mean it like that. What's kinky?"

"Sofia is going to 'hang out' with Jared tomorrow after school." Lily said, using finger quotes in a way that clearly showed she didn't believe that was the case, "And if Jared is naughty than Sofia's going to blindfold him and make him her slave."

When she put it like that of course it was going to sound so much worse than it really was.

My brain was still reeling with a mix of paranoia and embarrassment. The blood was rushing to my cheeks and I could feel the skin almost sizzling with my awkwardness. My friends in Australia had made jokes about my love life but it had never felt like this because there was never someone like Jared around.

"Why tomorrow?" a jovial voice sounded from the top of the steps. I was surprised to look up and see Kim looking down at me, she was smiling which made me even more confused. She hadn't looked this happy to see me all day.

"Well, I thought we were going to the beach this afternoon." I explained and Kim nodded.

"Oh, right... I won't be able to make it this afternoon; I've got a date with Lucas." she linked arms with Mia when she got to the bottom of the steps, "I was kind of hoping to get a second opinion on my outfit."

"Certainly, madam." Mia said with the most sophisticated accent she could do.

This was getting worse. I'd been hoping for the twenty-four hours to prepare myself or, failing that, come up with an excuse to cancel. If everyone dropped out on the beach today than I would have no excuse, at least not a plausible one.

I looked at Lily and she looked back at me with sparkling eyes, "That's a great idea. I was going to have to leave early anyway, for a doctor's appointment. Now you can get your kink on without having to wait."

"You have no idea how much I want to slap you at the moment." I mumbled and Jared suppressed a short laugh.

Lily smiled, "Oh, I think I can guess."


	15. Chapter 15

I hadn't been able to think of a good excuse. I didn't have a doctor's appointment or someone who wanted my opinion on something. And I most certainly didn't have a date.

So I had to go with Jared.

When I say it like that it sounds like I wasn't keen on hanging out with him, which I was. Sort of. I just wished I'd had time to prepare for it. Instead of leaving school with him, when this morning I'd thought I'd be leaving with Leah.

My paranoia wasn't helping matters and every time he looked at me my brain jumped at the idea that he was judging me. Unfortunately for the paranoia, within a second of that thought there was always another that pointed out the positive features of the look. How soft his eyes were. How subtly his smile increased when he looked at me. I didn't understand why but it seemed that he genuinely liked looking at me.

We walked from the school, which was located close to the beach, towards Emily's house, which was located fairly deep in the forest. Jared promised that it wasn't more than a twenty minute walk, not that I minded. I loved walking through the forest around La Push. And the rain had stopped, although I still would have enjoyed the walk even with the rain.

Emily's house was a tiny little wooden thing, cloaked in the shadows of the towering trees that rose straight towards the clouds. A few shafts of light made it through the gaps between branches and boughs and lit the little building with a fairytale like glow. I didn't want to look away or breathe too hard, in case it wasn't real and disappeared forever.

Something warm wrapped around my wrist and I looked over my shoulder to see Jared smiling at me. His skin against mine was sending gentle electric shots up my arm but I didn't feel I could move away from him. He breathed deeply and stepped closer to me, so close that I had to angle my eyes up to keep contact with his.

He sighed heavily and then spoke, "Just a heads up... Emily has some scars..."

I smiled at him, "I know."

The feel of his hot breath against my skin as he breathed a silent laugh, sent a soft shiver up my spine, but one that I couldn't move with or shake away. He was too close. Too gloriously close, to ruin with any movement.

He pulled me in closer for a one armed hug and then turned me back towards Sam's, with his right arm still draped around my shoulder. The combination of his hot skin and the electricity made my shoulders sting, but like a masochist, I liked the feel of it.

I felt very comfortable when it was just me and Jared but as we walked through the front door that comfort washed away faster than anything ever had before. So fast it was almost instantaneous.

Three faces smiled at us from the kitchen and I mentally kicked myself for not expecting to see them here.

"Hey, Sof." Paul cheered when he saw us.

I was surprised at how happy he was, considering he'd just been suspended for two weeks. He was sitting at the table with an empty plate pushed to his left while he faced slightly to the right to talk to Sam.

Sam was looking over his shoulder at us, a large smile spread across his face. It seemed that these boys smiled way too much, everything was a joyous occasion for them. Seeing Sam sitting so close to Paul highlighted in how many ways they, too, were similar and I wondered if they were related.

Maybe they were all cousins or something and their parents were identical triplets. Okay, so identical triplets are so unlikely that it's not even worth considering as an option but still... it would have to be just as unlikely for three guys who look so similar to somehow get along this well and live in the same town.

"Have a seat, Sofia." Sam said and his voice was once again sounded that tiny bit too deep for him.

Jared stepped towards the table, his arm still around my shoulder and his grip such that I had to move with him; or fall on my face, something I really didn't want. Like an old world gentleman he pulled out a chair for me, one beside Paul. Once I was sitting he claimed the chair next to me, still staring at me with bright eyes.

A plate was placed in front of me. With the single largest muffin I had ever seen sitting neatly in the centre. It smelt and looked delicious but the thought of eating it made me sick with anxiety.

I wasn't a huge fan of eating in front of people because my anxieties went insane trying to catch people staring and figure out what they were thinking. None of it was ever good. I especially avoided eating 'snack' foods in public.

"Thank-you but..." two hands whipped out to grab the muffin, one from my right and one from my left. I looked suspiciously from Jared to Paul and they both just smirked at me, "I'm not hungry."

Emily laughed and Sam shook his head.

"It's Sofia's muffin, let her choose who gets it." Sam sighed and raised his eyebrows at the two teenagers. They released the muffin with a guilty glance at me, like two puppies being scolded.

"Fine. But I don't think it's fair." Paul huffed, "You know she's going to give it to Jared."

I smiled, "I wasn't going to but since you think I'm biased than I may as well."

"Wait, no. I didn't mean it like that." Paul whined.

"You could share." I suggested and both boys snorted at the thought.

Emily laughed as she came back around the counter with a tray full of similar sized muffins, "You'll soon learn, Sofi... these boys are like brothers. And like brothers they don't share."

I was a little confused when neither boy looked at the tray of muffins that had just been placed in front of them. Their attention was stuck on the muffin that lay on its side on my plate. I glanced between them and smiled at Jared. Paul huffed again.

"I'm sorry, but Paul did grab it first."

"Thank-you." Paul almost yelled as he snatched the muffin from my plate and started peeling the paper patty-pan from its base.

Jared gasped, "I feel betrayed." Despite his apparent betrayal, he was smiling as he reached for a muffin from the tray.

Emily sat down next to Sam, his arm instantly reaching out to wrap around her slight shoulders and pull her towards him. She grinned and nestled into his side, with a far off look in her eyes. She looked so content there next to Sam and I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever find someone who made me feel that comfortable.

"So, how do you like La Push, Sofia?" Sam asked as he adjusted his position to lean against Emily a little.

"I love it. It's nothing like home but I like it like that." I said as I sat back in the wooden dining chair.

It appeared that today was Ask-Sofi-A-Million-And-One-Questions Day and after what felt like hours I was getting sick of talking about myself. I really wanted to conversation to just spiral out of control in a different direction, but somehow no tangent seemed to be strong enough to pull the discussion off of me.

As it turned out it had been just under an hour and I felt like there was no other possible information I could give about myself. I was surprised that after half an hour they were still interested in my past and my feelings and my beliefs. No one had ever paid me this much attention over such a short space of time and my anxieties were growing.

"So you've taking over caring for King then?" Emily asked as she picked at her muffin.

In the time it had taken her to get through just the top of her muffin, the guys had eaten at least three each. I couldn't believe how much they were eating and kept wondering where it was all going.

The only person I'd ever seen eat that much was my friends brother and he had been even bigger than me. He'd also had a heart attack at twenty-nine and made me want nothing more than to be normal and healthy.

"Yeah. He's a sweet dog."

Paul sat up right and edged forward in his chair, with greater excitement than I thought was necessary, "Do you like dogs?"

"Of course. Well... most."

Sam looked curious, "What does 'most' mean?"

"I'm generally not a huge fan of little dogs. I'm more of a big dog person."

"So, you're more of a Lab or German Shepherd fan?" Paul's face looked to be moments from exploding and filling the room with yellow light, rainbows or puppies.

"Well, I don't really like Labs, they're stupid dogs. No, I like _big _dogs, Mastiffs and the likes. The bigger, the better."

It seems I said just the right thing and Paul erupted into a fit of laughter. He was almost falling off his chair. Sam had his head bowed but I could tell that he was choking on his own laughter. Emily was beaming at me, her eyes glittering in the shared humour of the moment. Jared was smiling broadly to himself as he watched me, his eyes portraying a strange emotion that I couldn't quite place.

He reached out to hold my hand, "It's kind of an inside joke. Apparently, I'm a Labrador. Paul thinks he's an English Mastiff."

I looked at Paul and tried to imagine him being an English Mastiff. I imagined him standing next to Duke and laughed to myself. There was no way that Paul was a Mastiff, he was too lanky. He wouldn't even pull off being a female Mastiff.

"Yeah... I don't see it." I shrugged.

Paul stopped laughing, "What?"

"You're not a Mastiff, possibly a Great Dane but not a Mastiff."

Emily, Jared and Sam laughed outwardly but Paul just stared at me. I started to worry that I'd said had come out harsher than I had meant it. His eyes hardened and his body started to quiver.

Everything in the room shifted, from easy and pleasant to hard and tense.

In an instant Jared was to his feet and at my other side, between me and Paul. He was so fast that I had barely seen him move, or maybe I was just too focused on the angry Paul to notice.

"Paul." Sam boomed, "Get out."

Paul jumped out of the seat, sending it flying in a comparable way to this morning in Biology. He turned swiftly and darted out the back, the wire door slamming shut behind him.

My cheeks were hot with my embarrassment and I felt so horrible for upsetting Paul that I thought I might begin to cry. I had not intended to offend him, I just didn't think before I started speaking. Although, looking back, I wasn't sure what I'd said that was so offensive.

Jared turned to look at me, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, lying. It wasn't that big of a lie. I was more concerned that I'd upset Paul than I was for my own fragile emotions. I wanted to chase after him and tell him that I was sorry but it didn't take a genius to figure out that it wasn't a good idea.

"I didn't mean to insult him." I muttered.

"You didn't dear." Emily soothed, "Paul just loses his temper occasionally."

Jared huffed as he sat down next to me again, "Well, that's twice in one day. He needs to work on his control still."

"Don't worry, Sofia. He'll calm down in a couple of minutes. That's the great thing about Paul," Sam smiled at me, "he loses it quick but he gets it back just as fast."

I gulped and felt myself retreat a little into myself. Funny how today was turning out. I was sure I'd upset Kim and now I definitely had upset Paul. Coming here was starting to feel like a bad idea.

I tried to shift my thoughts, "So is this your secret?"

Jared looked across at Sam with apologetic eyes and I was a little confused by that, "Well, basically yeah."

"No jumping jacks. No single handed tree removals. Just eating giant muffins?"

Jared wore a cheeky grin as he thought about it, "Umm... yeah."

I turned to Emily, "What do you put in those things?"

Emily just winked at me and tapped her nose, before turning her back on the table and making her way to the sink.

"That's our cue to leave." Jared whispered as he stood up again and grabbed my hand to pull me with him. Sam just shook his head.

"What? Why?" I asked as Jared led me to the front door. I had only just managed to grab my bag as he pulled me away from my chair.

"See you later, Em." Jared said and we paused just inside the front door.

"See you later, J. It was nice to meet you, Sofia. I hope Jared can convince you to come back again, soon." Emily smiled at me and I noticed how the scars impeded the movement of her delicate mouth.

I smiled at her, "It shouldn't be too hard for him. See you, Emily. Sam."

"Later, Sofia." Sam called after us, as Jared had already dragged me half way down the front steps.

"Emily was starting the dishes. If we'd stayed, we might have been asked to help."

"And that's a bad thing." I looked up at Jared and he smiled down at me.

"I want to spend time _talking_ to you. Not washing dishes with you."

He stopped a few seconds later and drew me into his side. I looked up at him for some clue as to what he was doing and noticed he was staring straight ahead. I followed his gaze to where Paul was jogging towards us.

Did he really think Paul would hurt me? If so, why would he associate with someone so aggressive?

The closer Paul got the more Jared relaxed. By the time Paul had reached us, Jared had relaxed entirely and I was able to step a fraction away from him.

"I'm sorry." I said before Paul could get a word in.

He looked confused, "No, I'm sorry. Sometimes, I over-react a little."

"Sometimes?" Jared raised an eyebrow at Paul and Paul just shrugged.

"It's just that my dad used to breed English Mastiffs and you look nothing like them."

Paul's face lit up with mild mirth, "I don't know, I think I'm tough enough."

I laughed a little, "Tough? Sure. But where's the drool and excess skin and penis that touches the ground when you sit." Jared cocked an eyebrow at me, "What? Have you seen a male Mastiff sitting?"

"Have you seen _me_ sitting?" Paul crowed, moving his head in a slow nod and giving me a disturbing wink.

I couldn't help myself, "Eww!"

"You kind of walked into that one." Jared laughed.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hate to have to ask for this but I can see that a few people are reading and I would really appreciate your input into this story and how it is going. If you think things need to move along a little or if there's something that confuses you, please tell me. Hell, even if it's to say that you don't like the story, although if you've read this far I have to assume that you are at least neutral towards it.**

**So please, take two seconds to review.**


	16. Chapter 16

I loved the coniferous forests of La Push.

It was nice walking through them with King of an evening. It reminded me of walking Gizmo along the walking tracks in the heath land at home. Peaceful. Comfortable. I'd found out years ago that it was only those two things when I was with a dog. Other people made me nervous because I felt like I had to keep the conversation going. Being alone was depressing because I was... well, alone.

I only ever enjoyed walking when I was walking a dog.

That statement was no longer correct. I also liked walking when I was walking with Jared. It wasn't really peaceful with Jared; he was far too hyperactive and talkative for it to be peaceful. But it was definitely comfortable. So comfortable that I lost track of time and just enjoyed his presence.

Emily's house had just come into view and Jared was bouncing ahead of me like a dog waiting for a ball to be thrown, "Do you want to stay for dinner? Emily is a marvellous cook."

"I don't think I should. Sue's probably already started dinner. I should really get back for that." I smiled at him, it was hard not to smile at him and since no one was around I couldn't see the point in suppressing it.

His face dropped a little, "I'm sure if you called and explained then she wouldn't mind."

"She might not but I would. I've been raised to be polite and courteous, and calling at the last minute is not polite or courteous."

Jared stopped bouncing and waited for me to catch up with him, "Okay, then how would you feel about hanging out on Friday? There's going to be a bonfire and the guys will be there too."

"What is it with you Quileutes and bonfires?"

"This isn't like the New Year's one. It's a council meeting."

That decided my answer quicker than anything else possible could have, "I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

I had never seen Jared's mood drop so quickly. Even when I turned him down for a date he hadn't looked this upset about it. I wondered why the council meeting was so important to him and I wanted to be able to agree to it because it clearly was important, but it really wasn't something I felt right doing.

"Council meetings are a tribal thing. I'm not part of this tribe; it's not my place to intrude."

"You wouldn't be intruding, I'm inviting you."

"And I wouldn't feel right. It's a private cultural thing and I respect that. We can hang out before but I... I can't go to the council meeting."

"It's no different to any other council meeting in any other town. I bet it's exactly the same as the council meetings at your home town in Australia."

"A dozen sixty-somethings gathered at the pub getting shitfaced and talking about the good ol' days?" I raised my eyebrows at him, "And then stumbling home at one in the morning hoping they haven't locked the cats in the pantry?"

"Apart from the cats in the pantry bit, yes. Oh, and there isn't a dozen sixty-somethings, or a pub, or alcohol but otherwise it's basically the same thing."

I thought about it for a moment but I couldn't get over the feeling that I would be gatecrashing a private event, "I'm sorry. I can't."

"How many times is that now? Four? Five? Twenty?" Paul laughed from Emily's porch.

I hadn't realised we were that close to the house. How I could have missed it was a mystery to me but now we were standing a few feet from the porch and being looked down upon by Paul, Sam and Emily. I really wanted to get out of here before the next statement but didn't know how to make a smooth retreat from it.

"Umm..." Jared thought for a moment, "We're up to three now."

Sam looked shocked, "Is that all? That can't be right." he held up one finger, "There was Nick's party."

"That wasn't a date." Jared interrupted.

Paul laughed, "It would have been had she gone to the party. Then there was Christmas Day."

Sam nodded and put up a second finger, and then a third, "And boxing day."

I could feel myself blushing and wondered exactly how red my cheeks were. Clearly they weren't red enough for the others to feel bad about what they were doing. And my stomach churned when Paul looked at Sam and continued.

"And of course, the 'amazing' New Year's Party. You can't say that wasn't a date because it ended with a kiss." Paul added quickly before Jared could say anything and Sam spread his four fingers wide to emphasise them.

I had to be as red as a tomato now but none of them seemed to care. Jared wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. I wanted to push him away because it was only adding to my embarrassment but for the life of me I couldn't do it.

Emily smiled, "And this afternoon. _And_ five minutes ago."

I couldn't believe she was joining in on it. I'd thought she was the caring mother sort but apparently my embarrassment wasn't a concern to her. Suddenly I realised that my cheeks weren't actually that hot. Maybe she was joining in because she couldn't tell that I was mortified.

Sam waved both his hands down at us, holding up six long digits to display his count.

"This wasn't a date." I argued this time and I was surprised at myself. I could have sworn I was beyond talking with the anxieties building in my gut.

"You think he's not going to try to kiss you when he takes you back to the Clearwaters?" Paul laughed and had to step back from the railing.

Jared's grip tightened a little around my shoulders, "I promised her we'd just talk."

"Fine then, you don't think he hasn't been itching to kiss you all day?" Paul corrected his earlier statement and stepped forward to lean against the railing.

"But seriously, Sofia, will you ever say yes to him? And not reject him halfway through the date?" Sam really did become serious and Paul stopped laughing to look down at me.

Even Jared was looking at me.

My nerves were getting stronger but something took a hold of me and I couldn't control the words that came from my mouth, "I'm not as stubborn as you'd think."

"Really?" Jared sighed and smirked down at me. Paul laughed again and Sam pulled Emily into his side.

Jared turned me around so that I was facing him alone, not that it helped any because I knew that the others were still watching us.

"Sofia Morgan," Jared said with great purpose, "would you go out with me?"

I gulped as I looked up into his beautiful brown eyes, so wide and... loving. I don't think anyone had ever looked at me like that. His hands were still clasping my shoulders and sending out little electrical impulses that were uncomfortable in the most unbelievably pleasant way.

"No."

Jared's jaw dropped and Paul roared with another laughing fit.

"But you said..." Jared started but stopped halfway through, too confused to finish.

I smiled at him, "This is different. Not the same thing at all."

"Please?" he tried again.

"No."

"Please?"

"Umm... no." I smiled up at him, trying to tell him that this was getting a little old and the answer wasn't going to change.

"Pretty please?" He was persistent; I had to give him that.

I decided not to continue with this joke for too much longer, "No. Now, are you going to give me a lift home or am I going to have to walk? Either way, I need you to unlock the car."

Jared sighed and turned towards the Ute. After a few steps an idea looked to physically strike him and his head perked up as he turned back to me, "I'll give you a ride if you agree to go out with me."

"Open the door then. I need to get my bag out." I smiled as I walked past him. We'd stashed it in there thinking that he would give me a lift back to the Clearwaters.

Jared huffed, "Don't be ridiculous. I'll give you a lift. But this isn't the end of this."

He wasn't kidding when he said it wasn't the end of his... it had to be considered begging. He asked as I was getting into the Ute. Again after I'd done the belt up, then once he'd finished reversing out of the parking spot and when he reached the end of Emily's long driveway. He asked at all three corners from the mouth of Emily's driveway to the Clearwaters' and when he put the vehicle into park.

"Thank-you for the lift." I said, ignoring his question of 'please'. Thankfully he'd gotten lazy on actually asking me out, so every time he said please I could pretend that the question was in regards to something entirely different.

"Are we still on for Friday?" he asked as I opened the door.

I looked back at him to find him grinning broadly, "We can hang out in the afternoon but I am _not_ going to the Council Meeting."

His smile wavered a little but then sprang back to full strength, "Will you go out with me?"

I laughed to myself as I slid off the seat to land on the curb, turning back to the cab with a smile, "Will you be at school tomorrow?"

"I asked first."

"No. Now, will you be at school tomorrow?"

"I will. Why?"

"I'll see you around then." I said as I swung the door shut and turned to the Clearwaters'.

Jared honked the horn as he put the vehicle into drive and turned around very slowly. By the time I got to the stoop he had only just finished and was stopped on the other side of the road, waving at me. I raised my hand in a lazy wave back and opened the front door.

Once inside, and with the door closed, I heard the engine sputter as the vehicle headed back the way it had come. I smiled to myself as I made towards my bedroom.

"Where have you been?"

I jumped, not realising that anyone was watching me. It was Leah and she looked thoroughly pissed. For a moment I wasn't sure why, but then I remembered Christmas Day and her reaction to Sam and Emily's cake. I decided I wouldn't mention their presence this afternoon.

"I was out with a couple of friends. I'm sorry if I'm late."

"Who?"

"Jared."

"Cameron?" Her questions were short and sharp. Like a mother who'd caught her daughter sneaking into the house at three in the morning.

"Yeah."

"Who else?"

I wasn't really sure if any of this was any of her business but I'd never been good with confrontation so I just gave in and answered. "Paul Lahote."

"Why?"

"Because they're nice guys."

Leah snorted and stormed off down the hall. I heard her mumble something like 'I thought you were smarter'. If she were really my sister I would have asked her to say it to my face but I had a sneaking suspicion that would not go down well.

I could smell spaghetti and turned my attention to my rumbling stomach.

Leah didn't come out for dinner, only making an appearance once everyone had finished eating and disappearing back to her room with a full bowl. It was supposed to be Leah's turn to do the dishes but I offered to do them in her stead. I felt a little guilty for upsetting her, even though I didn't know why my spending time with Jared and Paul would actually upset her.

"Don't pay any attention to Leah. She's been pissy ever since her boyfriend broke up with her. Not that I don't understand, a little... but I think she is dragging this out a bit." Seth explained as he dried a plate.

"So, what happened? If you don't mind my asking." I whispered, fearing that Leah would show up any second with her dirty bowl.

"You met Sam on Christmas Day."

"Sam is Leah's ex?"

"Yeah, and Emily is our cousin."

It sounded like something of Home And Away, or Neighbours, and I felt for Leah. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have your cousin dating your ex, it must be awkward. Although, to me it still didn't warrant as much anger as she was showing.

"Sam dumped Leah _for_ Emily."

That made a lot more sense. Everything made a lot more sense.

It wasn't a secret that Jared and Paul were friends with Sam and what Sam had down to Leah was horrible. My stomach knotted and my chest tightened. If Sam could do that to someone as beautiful as Leah then it wouldn't be too hard for him to condone Jared toying with me. Maybe Leah was right, maybe I was being stupid spending time with them.

I was definitely being stupid.

To think Jared had genuine feelings for me.

_Idiot._


	17. Chapter 17

The next day at school I found that Kim was talking to me again. It was confusing as all hell because yesterday she had just about gone out of her way not to speak to me.

Her date with Lucas had gone well and she was obsessing over the kiss they'd shared at her front door. It sounded like something out of a teenage romance movie and even though I was happy for her, I was sick of hearing about it before Biology had even finished.

It only reminded me of how stupid I was for thinking Jared would have half a positive feeling towards me. I probably had been blushing yesterday and they were all such arseholes that they continued because of my clear discomfort. They probably thought I deserved it, for falling so quickly for Jared. Someone like me should know better than to think that someone like Jared would ever be attracted to them.

Kyle was right. I wasn't Paul's type and I certainly wasn't Jared's either.

Talking of Kyle, he wasn't in class today. Kim said that he thought he'd broken his collar bone in his fight with Paul. The way she worded it made me want to laugh because it wasn't like it was a proper fight. Paul beat Kyle with a push; that was kindergarten stuff, not a real fight. But I figured that everyone expected my loyalties to lie with Kyle so I didn't say anything.

In History I sat in my usual seat, next to Kim. Unfortunately, my usual seat was also an aisle seat and when Jared arrived, late, he walked past and dropped a note on my open books. Then he took up the seat on a diagonal behind me.

'_Will you go out with me? To the Council Meeting?'_

The excessive use of question marks kind of annoyed me and I folded the note back up and tucked it under my book. I had no idea whether Jared saw this or how he reacted to it but I didn't... okay, I did care, but I didn't want him to know that.

After History there was a short recess but I worked hard on ignoring Jared and before he even had time to think of what to say to me someone was standing between us, asking about Paul.

I didn't talk to him in Physics either. It was harder than I'd expected, seeing as he sat in a seat in the row in front of me. Thankfully the teacher kept catching him as he turned around so he never actually got to say anything.

Lunch was a little harder, but Kim and I somehow managed to get away from Physics before Jared and we were settled at our usual table in the cafeteria before Jared got there. Of course Lily and Mia asked questions about yesterday, Kim had been too caught up in her own date to seem to remember that this Jared thing was still news worthy to them. I answered a few questions than asked them to stop asking because I wasn't in the mood. Kim had happily moved the topic onto her date with Lucas at that point.

Chemistry and English were my best classes because there was no Jared, so I didn't have to worry about the whole fiasco that was our 'relationship'. I wasn't even sure if I could call it that. It now seemed so clear to me that he was just using me, trying to make fun of me.

Unlike yesterday, Calculus was not the best class of the day. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Because Kyle wasn't here, and Jared knew it, he sat beside me. And he arrived before the teacher so I was essentially forced into having a conversation with him.

"Will you go out with me?"

There was no way I was going to say yes to that. Now the question was about as tempting as shit on a stick, "No."

"Are you okay?" he asked with a timid shake in his voice. Almost as if he were scared of me or what I might say.

"I'm fine." I grumbled and tapped my pen on the open page of my book.

"Then why aren't you talking to me?"

I thought about an answer. How did I tell him that I thought he was a lying prick without using the words lying prick but also without losing the hard edge that those exact words had? I thought of a few things to say, but none really seemed right.

I shrugged.

"I thought you had a good time yesterday." I could hear the hurt in his words and my heart betrayed my head.

"I did." I blurted out before I could stop myself.

This seemed to confuse Jared even more, "Then why won't you talk to me?"

I hated myself for not talking to him. He sounded so hurt now and all I wanted to do was stop that hurt. But my anxieties had me in defence mode and I just couldn't bring myself to do anything to ease the pain that I thought he was feeling.

My heart thought it heard hurt, but my head was sure that what I was hearing was Jared panicking that he wouldn't complete his 'task' as soon as he wanted. I had lived my whole life so far listening to my brain and I really didn't want to stop listening. Even if listening to it made my heart sore.

"I'll stop asking you out, if that's what you want." Jared was pleading with me, begging for some sort of response, "Is it about the whole Paul incident? He's fine, actually he was worried he might have scared you."

I snorted, "It's not Paul."

"Then what?"

Why hadn't Ms Foster arrived yet? It wasn't like her to be late. I checked the clock. Yes, she was late and I was starting to worry that she wouldn't show up at all.

"Sofi, please... tell me why you're angry with me."

I could feel his eyes on me, searching for some sign as to why I was annoyed with him. I couldn't help but feel that what I was doing was mean. Even if he was being an arsehole, that didn't mean I should stoop to his level.

"Sam dumped Leah for Emily." I whispered without looking at him.

It didn't seem to help him much, as he continued to search my face. It took a minute before something clicked, I could almost hear it fitting into place.

Jared sighed, "You think I've dumped someone for you?"

Clearly not the right things had clicked into place.

"No." I snapped and a couple of students glanced my way, I dropped my voice before continuing, "Sam dumped Leah. Leah. If Sam can dump Leah than you could certainly dump me."

Jared wasn't sure how to react to that. I could tell in the way his face twitched in my periphery, "You're willing to admit we're together?"

"No!" even more students turned my way with confused looks, "How could you like me, if your gang's leader would dump someone like Leah?"

I still hadn't properly looked at Jared yet and I wasn't sure how he was reacting to most of what I was saying. He was probably surprised that I'd figured out I couldn't trust him. Maybe he'd thought I would just give in and was now trying to find a way around what I was saying.

"Come to the Council Meeting on Friday. It will explain everything."

"I don't want some old fogey explaining anything to me. I'm not an idiot; I know what you're doing."

Jared's response was hard, "And what am I doing?"

I looked at him now, which was the _worst_ idea ever. I could see all the hurt on his face, mingled with a good serving of confusion, and it made my heart even heavier. But I was too far gone now to pull out.

"You're trying to humiliate me. Trying to make me look foolish for thinking you could ever actually like me. You want to hurt me like Sam hurt Leah. I don't know why, but it's the only thing that makes sense."

Jared's eyes went wide and he dragged his hand slowly down his face, "I don't want to sound mean but you are an idiot. To think that I would do something like that. I don't ever want to see you hurt."

He looked to be telling the truth. Even my brain couldn't deny that. Now I felt ridiculous, to even think that he would try to hurt me. I mean, honestly, who was I that would make hurting me such a worthwhile activity.

I looked away from Jared, ashamed at my own stupidity.

Jared sighed and leant forward on the table, "I want to explain it all. I really do. Sam never meant to hurt Leah, but you can't help who you... fall in love with. Emily didn't want to hurt Leah. That's how... it's a very long story. Please, come to the Council Meeting. It'll explain the basics, I'll explain the rest."

He looked sideways at me; his gorgeous brown eyes shimmered with so much hope and anticipation that they looked pained. I found it strange that I thought his eyes were gorgeous because until I met him, I'd never thought of brown eyes as being all that attractive. I used to love blue eyes, really blue eyes. How is it that one person can change something like that?

"I can't. I would feel weird there."

Jared sighed again, "You wouldn't. I wouldn't let you."

"Why can't you just accept that I can't? Why do you have to be so persistent?" I groaned.

I knew I wasn't going to change my mind. My parents had taught me to respect the secrets of other cultures and not go searching out answers to questions that I don't have a right to ask. That was how this all felt to me, like Council Meetings were those secrets and answers. It wasn't right for me to know them.

Jared stared at me for a long moment, the pain in his eyes slowly washing away. He still didn't smile though and that made me nervous. I liked when Jared smiled, it was the best smile in the world.

"Because it's important to me. You're important to me."

My heart started to race. I knew no one had ever said those words to me and it excited me to hear them. Even with my brain telling me that it wasn't normal for a teenager to sound so serious about something like that. Teenagers weren't supposed to be _that_ important to one another.

Give it an inch and it'll take a mile.

My brain started yelling about trickery and lies. I'd given into it on the generalisation and now it was going into detail overload. I'd never believed in love at first sight. I did believe in lust at first sight but in order for someone to lust over you they must first find you attractive. No one could be attracted to me so I would never know lust, or love, at first sight.

"I'm sorry. I can't. If it's important to you than I want you to tell me."

Jared shook his head slightly, "It doesn't work like that."

This was starting to get on my nerves. Either he liked me so much that he wanted me to know whatever his secret was or he didn't like me that much and only a Council Meeting was allowed to give me such an insight. Why did he feel the need to make this so complicated?

"Why not?"

It was Jared's turn to get annoyed and he got so annoyed that his clenched fists started to tremble, "Because it just doesn't." He said it louder than I think he meant to because there was a flash of embarrassment after the words came out.

"Ow... Looks like there's trouble in paradise." one of the guys sitting a short distance away sung with obvious mocking.

It was too much for the normally gentle Jared and he seemed to snap. Jolting up out of his chair, his eyes held a hard stare at the rude students back, "Shut the fuck up, Ash."

"Mr Cameron!" Of course Ms Foster would have to show up at that point. Ten minutes late but not a second too slow to catch Jared's only outburst.

Jared dropped into his seat, his anger somehow doused by Ms Foster's arrival. He didn't look at me, as Ms Foster got her things together and started her lecture. He just stared straight ahead, towards the board, although I don't think he was really looking at anything.

I let out a long slow breathe and picked up my pen to start taking notes. For the first time, since I'd originally appreciated Jared's presence, his proximity was awkward. I wanted to move away from him but I was pinned between him and the wall. It was almost enough for me to want to move to another table, but my disdain for catching anyone's attention meant that it still wasn't enough.

There was about five minutes left for the day. Five minutes and I could run away and hide in my room. I could pretend that none of this had happened and I could have just over twelve hours of blissful ignorance.

I didn't get to finish writing the last five minutes worth of lecture because out of nowhere, Jared reached out to take my hand in his. He wiggled his fingers so that he was actually holding my hand and he held on tightly.

With that simple gesture everything seemed to lighten.

Jared smiled as he kept taking notes and his shoulders relaxed. The tension that I'd felt from him for most of the class just disappeared and it was so liberating that I could almost have laughed out loud.

I decided that I didn't want to fight with Jared again, not about anything. Not if it meant risking this feeling.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**It may take me a little while to get up the next few chapters. These last two chapters were written yesterday. I was stacking firewood today, 20.05.2012, and damn near crushed two fingers on my left hand (I think one might be broken). I don't know it you realise how much you use your left hand in typing but it's a lot. **_


	18. Chapter 18

Wednesday was better than Tuesday. In fact, it was better than Monday as well.

I sat with Kim for all the classes I shared with her and she had settled down with the whole my-date-with-Lucas-was-absolutely-perfect thing. That alone just about made my day. But the best part was Calculus, because I got to sit next to Jared without worrying about upsetting Kim.

Thursday was almost as good as Wednesday.

It played out pretty much the same although Kim had officially stopped talking about her date with Lucas, she still didn't stop talking about Lucas but there was little mention of the date. I realised that she was louder about Lucas when Jared was around; in fact, she spoke more about Lucas in general when Jared was within hearing range. I found this strange but didn't think anything of it, figuring she was trying to show that she had moved on from her crush on Jared.

It was worse though because Jared was obviously tired, so tired that he didn't even bother to pick up his pen during Calculus. We swapped seats in Calc so that Jared could lean against the wall. It also meant that he could hold my left hand while I continued to take notes.

Not only was he tired but I could see a rather large, pink scar on his right forearm that, despite looking like it was months old, also looked very tender. He wouldn't tell me how he got it and didn't want me to touch it. I asked how long he'd had it and he brushed it off saying that it looked far worse than it was and would be gone by tomorrow.

Friday was not good.

I woke up later than normal and had to rush to be able to leave on time. Leah had already left by the time I walked out the front door. She'd had no time for me since Jared dropped me off Monday evening. Seth was considerate enough to wait an extra two minutes for me, not to mention he liked annoying his sister.

I was late-ish for Biology, stepping through the door just as the bell rang. As I made my way over to my usual table, I noticed that there was someone sitting behind Kim.

Kyle.

Already the day felt crappy because I knew I wouldn't be able to sit with Jared during Calc. Kyle would lose his shit if I sat next to Jared instead of him, because he seemed like the sort of person to hold a grudge. It wasn't that I wasn't glad to see him back but there was that bitter edge to his presence, something that Jared never really had.

God, I was starting to sound like some pathetic love struck girl.

I smiled at Kyle as I reached my seat, "Hey, Kyle." I whispered as I sat down.

"Today we'll be looking at Mitochondria..."

I think that sentence summed up my day. Mitochondria, boring yet so complex that it takes weeks to figure it out properly. I really shouldn't say that about anything Biology related, since I wanted to study Biology at University, but I'd never been a huge fan of mitochondria. Give me genetics and cell comunication over mitochondria, any day.

Mr Whitehall allowed us to pack up early and wait for the final bell in 'polite conversation'. Any other day that probably wouldn't have been an issue... but today was not my day.

"Hey, Sof?" Kyle sighed as he gingerly picked up his books and moved them to his bag. It seemed he was having difficulty moving and he had to turn with a delicate precision that made me cringe a little.

"Yeah?" was all I could say in reply. I felt kind of guilty, like I was to blame for his argument with Paul. I looked down at my thumb and the little knick of skin that still hurt if it was pushed in the wrong direction.

"I just wanted to say sorry. For what happened on Monday."

I smiled at him, "You've got nothing to be sorry for."

"Yeah, it was that psycho's fault not yours." Kim grumbled as she zipped up her bag.

It annoyed me to hear him called a psycho because I didn't like negative over exaggerations. And from what I'd experienced in my time around Paul, he wasn't that bad. Angry maybe but not a psycho and I got the feeling that there was a reason behind why he got so angry so quickly.

"I know _that_ wasn't my fault; I was talking more about the cut." Kyle grimaced as he wedged the last of his books into his bag.

Someone stepped into my periphery, headed towards Kyle's table. I glanced at them and sighed to myself. It was Ash. He'd been a pain in the arse just about all week, making snide comments as I passed him in the hall and especially during Calc class.

"I heard you had some nice bruises from your encounter with the rabid wolverine." Ash sneered, throwing me a short glance.

Kyle grinned at Ash; why didn't it surprise me that they liked one another? He undid the top three buttons of his shirt, revealing a fairly unspectacular and slightly hairy chest, and then pulling it to the side to uncover a large black bruise over his collar bone.

"There's another one on the other side but it hurts even more to show that one." Kyle explained as he started doing the buttons up again.

"So what _was_ that fight about?" Ash pried and I turned away, not wanting to be involved in the conversation any more.

Kyle laughed for a second and I wondered what it was that he found so funny but didn't turn around to ask. I had a strong feeling that I didn't want to know.

"Sofia, actually. I kicked her chair and she cut herself, I think Paul has a bit of a fear of blood."

That was a lie if ever I heard it. I could barely believe he was going with that and what was worse, Kim was letting him. Worse still was that I was letting it but I was feeling too self-conscious to defend myself let alone Paul. Not to mention that defending Paul would likely cause more problems between me and Kyle.

"Ra-heely." Ash crooned and I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, "That's pretty cold, even for an Aussie."

"What?" Kyle sounded genuinely confused.

Ash snickered, "Well, you get attacked for accidentally hurting her and when you're away with what looks like a broken collar bone, she's shaking up with your attacker's best mate."

"What?" this time he sounded pissed off.

"They were just talking." Kim piped up. My surprise over her defence was moderate to say the least.

Ash laughed, I mean full on laughed, like he was watching his favourite comedian, "When were they just talking?"

"Monday," I knew Kim was trying to help but I had a feeling that this was not going to help, "when she went over to Sam Uley's."

I could feel Kyle staring at the back of my head and I looked up at the clock, there was at least another three minutes left. I was not going to be able to get out of this one.

"You did what?" Kyle gasped.

"And you should see them in Calc class... all lovey-dovey and holding hands. It's actually quite sickening."

"You and Sam?" Kyle choked.

That sounded stupid to me. Not only was Sam with Emily but he wasn't even at school any more. He'd graduated the year before so his presence in Calc class would be exceptionally bizarre.

"No, her and Jared. I never took him for a chubby chaser but I guess everyone has their dirty little secrets." Ash's voice was full of spite and it made me want to slap him. If I were a violent person, I certainly would have.

But at that moment, I saw someone walk past the door and lean against the wall, waiting. I grabbed my bag and pulled myself out of my chair, heading straight for the door. Mr Whitehall looked up as I passed and I expected him to ask me to sit down again but he didn't. He didn't even flinch as I opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

Jared's usual cheery face beamed for a fraction of a second when he saw me, before dampening when he read my face. I pushed his shoulder so that he turned a little and then walked past him, leading him towards History class.

"Are you okay?" Jared said with genuine concern.

I slumped against the wall next to the History room door, "Just really didn't like Biology today."

Jared's eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out exactly what it was that I didn't like about it. But before he got a chance to say anything the bell rang and the hall was filled with the loud chatter of students moving to their next class.

Once the History room was emptied, I rushed inside; wanting nothing more than to be away from the dull roar of a hundred different conversations. I took up my usual seat without looking at Jared and started getting my books out.

Other students started filing into the room and I heard Jared sigh, "We'll talk at lunch."

Kim dumped her bag next to her chair and fell into her seat. She didn't look too impressed but she wouldn't talk to me. She still hadn't said a word to me at the end of class but I didn't bother to question her on it. I figured if she was pissed off at me than she wouldn't want me to bother her more with questions.

I left History before Kim did and Jared noticed.

He pulled me out of the crowd and into an empty recess in the wall. We had about ten minutes before the next class started so Jared wasn't concerned about rushing this. He reached up to brush some stray hairs from my face with the back of his fingers.

"What happened?" he murmured and stared into my eyes.

I didn't want to lie to him but I didn't want to have to think about what had happened. It wasn't like I hadn't thought similar things to what Ash had said but I could delude myself into thinking that I didn't care, as long as no one else brought it up. Everyone was probably thinking the same thing, that Jared and I were more than friends and that he was aiming far below himself.

"It was nothing." I hated lying to Jared.

Jared closed his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh. His breath was minty and hot against my cheeks, and it made the knowledge that I'd just lied to him even harder to bear. I wanted to be back at Emily's and walking around the forest, just me and him; instead of standing in a dark corner of the school hall.

"It was something. Who did it?" He wrapped a large, hot hand around the back of my neck, forcing me to look up at him.

"Ash and Kyle." For some reason I felt guilty about telling him their names.

The muscles in Jared's jaw clenched and his usual smile was replaced with a hard frown. He shook his head slowly and his hands started to tremble. He couldn't look at me and it made my chest hurt.

The bell rang for the next class, making both of us jump.

Jared grabbed my hand and led me down the hall to the Physics room. I could feel his anger through the simple contact of our hands. It jumped up about twelve levels when we reached the Physics room and Jared saw Ash sitting in the back corner.

I pulled back against Jared and his stare snapped from Ash to me, "Please, don't do anything."

Jared sat in the seat across the aisle from me and even with the aisle separating us I could feel the tension rolling off him. His shoulders were frozen and his breathing was deep and ragged. I wanted to do something to calm him down but I couldn't think of anything.

When the bell went for the end of class, and start of lunch, I was thankful that I could get out of this hellish class. Jared didn't say anything to me as he darted out of the class after Ash and my stomach churned. Kim didn't say anything to me either, and she didn't wait for me. I made my way to the cafeteria alone and feeling sick with nerves.

I was so nervous that I couldn't eat anything, so I just went to our usual table without collecting any food. Lily and Mia were already there, chatting with animated arm movements. They looked up briefly as I sat down and continued with the end of their story. I didn't listen to what they were saying.

I didn't listen to anything until a tray was slammed down on the table beside me and I looked up at a very angry Kim.

"Geez, Kim. Angry much?" Lily whined as she gave Kim an annoyed look.

Kim ignored Lily and stared down at me, "How could you?" I gave her a blank look, "Paul attacks Kyle and you decide to take the chance to make a move of Jared?"

That was not at all what happened.

"What are you talking about?" Mia gasped, turning away from Lily to face myself and Kim.

Kim glanced at Lily and Mia, "Apparently while Kyle was nursing a broken collar bone, Sofia here was playing happy families with Jared." Lily and Mia still looked confused, "They were sitting together in Calc, holding hands." Kim said in a sweet childish tone.

"So? It's not like we haven't expected a little more affection from them." Lily shrugged, still confused as to why Kim was so angry.

Kim pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and flicked it at me. I opened it to find it was the note from Tuesday, the one with too many question marks.

"So what did you say?" Kim snarled. I took a deep breath, "Let me guess. You said no. Do you realise how selfish and spoilt you're being? I would have died for an invite like that. For a year I sat beside Jared and not once did he pay me a speck of attention.

"Then you show up and he's falling all over himself to get you to pay attention to him. He asks you out and you turn him down. He kisses you and you run away. He asks you to a fucking Council Meeting and you turn him down, again.

"What is it, huh? What have you got that I don't? Apart for a hundred pounds of excess baggage? If I'd known he liked fat girls I would have gained weight for him. But no, you show up and I get pushed even further into the background.

"You don't deserve him." Kim yelled the last bit and every head in the cafeteria turned our way.

I snatched up my bag, not even considering defending myself, and jump out of my seat. Turning as quickly as I could to leave the way too public domain of the cafeteria.

I was not known for running. In fact, I had a running joke – pardon the pun – with my friends in Australia where, when asked to run for something, I would reply with 'I do not run for public transport so why would I run for that'. Stupid, yes, but we liked it.

Well this, right now, this was worth running from.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Sorry this took so long to get out. The doc said it was a bad sprain not a break (I know, I'm a baby). Updates will probably be a little slow for the next week or so **__**afterwhich**__** I should be fitting fit and updating daily again. But I've got a month off firewood stacking duties. YAY me!  
**_

_**Also have to send a shout out to my friend Rose (she's not a member here but I'm trying to get her to join. She's an awesome writer) for helping type out this and the next chapter.  
**_


	19. Chapter 19

When I got to the Clearwaters' there was no car in the driveway. I was happy to see that because it meant that Harry was out fishing. Seth was right to be astounded by how much Harry liked to fish, at least three days a week he was out on the water. I couldn't imagine enjoying fishing that much.

I hid myself in my room, determined to spend the next sixty eight or so hours alone, with nothing but the cool shadows of my bedroom for company. Believe it or not that was a pleasant thought. Being alone and comforted by darkness. It may not sound appealing to anyone else but to me, at this point in time, it was heaven.

Well, it was until I listened to my thoughts. It's hard to avoid them when there is nothing else around. And they were loud.

Kim's words screamed in my ears.

Ash's mocking.

Kyle's shock echoed.

And Jared... all I could see was Jared storming out of Physics without a single word to me.

And when everything that had been said, felt and done was replayed in my mind's eye, it went back to the start and played again.

Again. And again. And again and again. Like a scratched CD skipping and blearing a single hideous note over and over.

Just as I got used to the sound my brain kicked itself up a gear; bringing Monday and Tuesday into the fray.

My embarrassment was reinforcing my anxieties, which in turn were driving my OCD. And with the obsessive thoughts about what I should have, could have, would have done, I could feel a different darkness creeping up on me.

I could see it coming, could feel its heavy presence, but I was helpless to stop it.

I never wanted to leave this room. Nobody wanted me in the real world, nobody wanted to see me or hear me. I could easily live in here for the next ten months and then when I get back to Australia I will live in my room there too. This was a disaster, _I_ was a disaster.

On and on the thoughts went. The scratched CD was getting louder.

I knew of just one way to get it to stop.

Sue was home before Harry and I stayed quiet in my room, hoping she wouldn't know I was there. Quiet wasn't good enough and within five minutes of arriving home she was knocking on my bedroom door.

"Sofia? Are you in there?"

I contemplated not saying anything. Maybe she was just guessing that I was in here. Maybe she did this everyday when she got back from work, to check we were all still at school. Or maybe the school had called to tell her I wasn't in class; it had been almost two hours since I ran away.

"Yeah." I said, just loud enough for her to hear me.

I heard her return my sigh with a soft one of her own, "Can I come in?"

That was a little risky at the moment. I made a mad dash to slide under the covers and my leg stung where the cotton sheet rubbed against the tender skin. I sucked a sharp breath in through my teeth at the feeling, although the pain only just registered physically. The pain was pushed aside by the relief from to the thoughts, like waves against the beach. Eventually the pain would be drawn back and the thoughts would creep through again, but for now the tide was in.

"Yeah."

She opened the door slowly and flicked on the light. I flinched a little as my eyes worked to adjust to the sudden brightness. Sue's normally tough face was softened by the sight of me and I felt bad for it. I didn't deserve her worry or her care.

"You know I read your file before we selected you. You're not supposed to be allowed to spend the day alone in your room."

I cursed my doctor for actually putting that down in writing. When I was alone in my room I felt comfortable and safe, but if anything threatened that safety than I would often fall into doing things that were not quite so healthy. I thought of my leg and felt the skin smarting slightly.

"Sorry, I'm just not feeling well."

Sue pulled the chair away from my desk and sat near the head of my bed, "Let me check your temperature then?" She smiled as she pressed the back of her hand against my forehead. Her smile dropped a little, "Well, you don't have a fever. How do you feel sick?"

She was such a mother and it didn't help that she was a nurse.

"It's not that kind of unwell."

Sue let out a heavy sigh and placed her hand gently on my shoulder, "What happened?"

This really wasn't what I'd been hoping for when I found that Harry wasn't here. I wanted to be alone forever and not have to actually say this stuff out loud.

"It's complicated."

Sue gave me a gentle grin, "Is it about Jared?"

I was too shocked to do anything but look up at Sue. How did she know anything about Jared? How did she feel about Jared? I hoped she didn't feel the same way as Leah because I couldn't stand for someone else to hate me.

Sue huffed a small laugh, "I see a lot more than either of my children ever give me credit for. I saw him drop you off on Monday and I know his mother. She says that it's obvious that he likes you, he doesn't stop talking about you."

I knew she was trying to make me feel better but it only made me feel even more awkward. I didn't deserve that sort of affection from anyone, least of all Jared. He could do so much better than me.

"Last I heard he was going to ask you to a Council Meeting. Has he asked you?" I nodded, "And what did you say?"

I sighed, "No."

It was clear that this surprised her and it took her a few moments to think of what to say next, "Why would you say no? I thought you liked him."

"I do." I admitted. Just because he shouldn't like me doesn't mean I'm not allowed to like him, right?

"Then why can't you go?"

I took a deep breath, wanting to get this all out as soon as possible and praying that I wouldn't have to repeat myself, "I was raised to believe that there was things that are meant to be kept secret within a family and that, even when they are offered up, a stranger should not bear witness to them. I am a stranger and this tribe is the family, I do not have a right to be present at a Council Meeting. Especially when some full-blooded Quileutes aren't allowed to go to them."

Sue smiled a wide appreciative smile, "That's very respectful of you Sofia, but it's not that big of a deal. And as for those Quileutes that don't go... they could go and a lot do, it's not an invite only event, unless you're not a member of the tribe. Kim could come if she wanted but like most teenagers she just can't be bothered."

I lay in the bed, looking up at Sue and feeling incredibly childish. Now I kind of wanted to go to the Council Meeting but I could still feel part of me telling me it was a bad idea. I thought of Seth and how much he had wanted to go to the Council Meeting when I first got here.

"Why can't Seth go?"

Sue laughed, "He could go, if he knew how to behave himself. He always wants to go but then gets bored and wanders off."

I smiled to myself, "What's wrong with him wandering off, well apart from it being rude? I thought La Push was really safe."

"It is safe, it's just not a nice feeling to look around and find your child is missing. And there are dangerous creatures in the forest, especially at night." Sue was deadly serious as she spoke and I assumed she meant it not only as an answer but as a warning. It sent a slight chill down my spine.

My phone vibrated on the bedside table.

"That's my cue to leave. Harry and I will check in on you before we head off to the Meeting, just think about it. Please."

I smiled at her and she slipped out the door, closing it softly behind her. I still knew that I wasn't going to go, it really did feel like it was something that was too personal for someone who's been here for as short of a time as myself to be involved in.

The phone vibrated again and I flipped it open. Five unread messages. All from Lily.

_R u ok_

_Sof r u alrite_

_Where did u go_

_I gave ur no. 2 J, hes real worried bout u_

_Call me pls_

I figured that J was Jared and it both annoyed and excited me. But before I had a chance to really delve into why I felt that way, my phone was vibrating again. It was on silent, like usual, so no ringtone was coming from it as it buzzed and the screen flashed.

This wasn't a text like the others, it was a phone call. But it was Lily calling me so I relaxed a little.

"Hello." I mumbled into the receiver.

"Oh, thank God. I thought you were avoiding me." Lily said with a relieved sigh.

I wasn't sure what to say, I _was_ trying to avoid her and failing at it. All I could think of was, "Shouldn't you be in class?"

I could almost feel Lily gawking through the phone, "The same could be said for you, missy? Jared was really worried when he couldn't find you at lunch time."

For some reason that didn't make me feel as good as I thought it should have. I just couldn't see him being worried for me, not after how he'd just walked away from me before lunch. And the idea of having to talk to him again made me extra nervous. Sue had just given me a get out of jail free card to go against my beliefs but I knew that I couldn't say yes. Something just didn't feel right.

"Well, tell him I'm fine."

"I wish I could. He heard about what Kim said and went looking for you. After he failed to find you he just disappeared. I thought he'd gone to see you."

I shook my head before realising that Lily couldn't see that, "No. I haven't seen him since Physics."

"Okay, well you need to get back here for English. I don't want to have to sit on my own."

"Why wouldn't you sit with Mia?" I hated the thought that Kim's argument with me might cause a rift between Lily and the others. They were her friends long before they were mine so they should stick together. It only seemed right that way.

"It's a long story; I'll come over this afternoon and explain if you want." Lily said and I heard the phone ring in the lounge and kitchen, making the ringing twice as loud.

"I don't think you should. I promised to hang out with Jared." I tried to explain in such a way that Lily would just leave it as it was. But why would things start going right now?

"Will you?"

I sighed, "Probably not but if I'm not hanging out with him than I probably shouldn't hang around with anyone."

"That doesn't make any sense at all but fine. I'll call you tomorrow, I'm sure Mrs Jacobson is getting a little suspicious."

"Okay." I didn't have the energy to keep this conversation going for too much longer.

"Call me if you need anything?" Lily said with the most genuine tone I had heard in a long time.

I liked Lily, a lot. She seemed to me to be the sort of person that you could really rely on. And I figure the long story was that Mia had sided with Kim and Lily hadn't. With the dynamics of the little group Kim and Mia were certainly the closest to each other. It only made sense that if Kim hated me than Mia would too.

"Sure."

We said our goodbyes and ended the call, and not a moment too soon either as Sue popped her head in around the door.

"Paul's on the phone, he's just wondering if you're coming around to Emily's this afternoon."

I couldn't believe that Sue was suggesting I could leave the house, after I'd ditched school. If I were at home my dad would have me doing fencing runs, even if the fencing had been checked earlier in the day. The idea that I would be let out now was so foreign to me that I couldn't say anything.

Sue seemed to take that as a yes, "She'll be around in about ten minutes, I'll drop her off myself."

Apparently Paul was now explaining something to Sue and she nodded her head in silent acknowledgement.

"Okay, then... she'll meet you out the front in five. Have a good day, Paul." I just stared at her in bewilderment. This was not how parents normally reacted in this sort of situation. Sue smiled at me, "Well? Hop up. Paul's going to be here soon to take you over to Emily's. Jared's going to meet you there."

She pulled the door after her as she let but it didn't click shut. It concerned me for a second but I figured that since I only had to put on my jeans again, I was safe.

I kicked the blankets off me and reached down beside the bed for the jeans that were too large for me now that I'd maintained some steady weight loss. Wearing baggy clothes, particularly if it was something that was too tight before, always made me feel good and seeing as my jeans were still in one piece I'd thought throwing them out was a waste of money.

Before I put my jeans on I looked down at the inside of my left calf.

There shining up at me, like I'd drawn on myself with red fine-liner were three long thin scratches. They'd stopped bleeding and were now smarting with the feel of the cold January air against the unprotected slithers of flesh. Around them were a dozen little bright red dots, like tiny crimson freckles.

I eyed the push pin that lay innocently on the bedside table. Today, while they still hurt a little, I felt stupid. Tomorrow, when the pain would be gone, I would feel like crap. Immediate gratification always meant future disappointment.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Even though Rose is not a member, I feel this should definitely be said again...  
**_

_**Thank-you Rose for help with this chapter, it would never have been typed this fast without you.  
**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Jared's POV**_

When I had seen her face, as she left Biology, I knew something bad had happened. When she told me that Kyle and Ash were involved I was so far beyond furious that, for a moment, I didn't react at all. I wished Paul had crushed Kyle's shoulders so badly that he'd never been able to pick up a pen again, that would have made me happy.

How could they even begin to think they knew anything? I'm still not sure what they said but I didn't care. If they had looked at Sofia in a way that upset her I would still feel like this. She was my Sofia and I was supposed to protect her from this sort of thing.

I had intended to 'protect' her from them.

The plan was to scare them so badly that they wouldn't think twice about saying something offensive to her, ever again.

To me it was hard to think of something that someone would be able to use against Sofia. Imprint or not, she was amazing to me. It hurt me to think that if I hadn't imprinted on her than there was a possibility that I wouldn't have gotten to know her.

She was funny and sweet and smart. I could see us just lounging around in a living room, doing nothing in particular, and perfectly at ease around one another. I could see myself holding her, for forever, and never feeling the need to move or say anything. She was all the important things and she was pretty.

For anyone to make her think she wasn't all of those things and more... Paul's anger at Kyle was nothing compared to how I felt.

I followed Ash from Physics, as he made his way to the back corner of the school property to smoke away his youth with his friends. It was a disgusting habit and I could smell the cigarettes the second I walked out the rear exit of the school building.

My anger grew with every step I took away from the school and with it something else grew. I was half way to the 'smoker's corner' when I realised what it was and had to stop.

It was fear.

I wasn't scared of Ash and his friends. Hell, I could take them all on, in human form. No, I was scared of what Sofia would say. I remembered talking about what happened with Paul and how she thought 'violence without cause was the crutch of a small minded man'. I thought her peace of mind was the best cause in the world, but I thought she'd disagree with that. I didn't want to upset her anymore today than Ash already had. And I didn't want her to think I was small minded.

I was afraid Sofia would hate me if I did what I was thinking of doing.

So I turned around and strode back to the school building, I'd be the bigger man and comfort Sofia. Because that was what she needed, a man to comfort her; it was what she deserved.

My heart sank as I entered the cafeteria and noticed that she wasn't sitting at her usual table. I thought she'd gone somewhere with Lily because she wasn't there either. Kim and Mia were sitting very close together, Kim was crying and Mia was rubbing her back in a caring gesture. I was about to go up to them and ask them what was wrong when a hand grabbed my wrist.

I had been so focused on Sofi's friends that I hadn't noticed Lily standing by the door, fiddling with her phone. Her eyes were wide and ever so slightly red, and the hand holding her phone shook with her obvious nerves.

"You don't want to go over there." she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"I'm looking for Sofi..."

"Aren't we all?" Lily muttered and glanced back down at her phone. She suddenly let go of my hand, "Shit, you are hot."

I knew she wasn't complimenting me but I didn't care, I was more concerned with the thought that she didn't know where Sofi was, "What do you mean? Isn't Sofi here?"

Lily looked past me at Kim and Mia and my stomach knotted. She sighed as she started texting someone, "Kim found the note you gave her; Sofi that is."

"What note?"

Lily pressed the send button on her phone and shoved it back into her pocket, "The one about the Council Meeting. And she, Kim, kind of lost it."

"Lost what?"

"Everything." Lily turned to look out the cafeteria door and down the hall, "She started yelling at Sofi about... God knows what. I heard selfish, spoilt, fat and..." she looked up nervously, I wasn't sure what I looked like but I knew I was disliking Kim more and more with every word out of Lily's mouth, "she said that... she'd have done anything for you and Sofia didn't deserve you."

I had never thought Kim was that sort of girl, the sort that would berate a friend because she didn't get her way. I didn't really care what sort of girl she was anymore. All I knew was that she'd upset Sofia; and that was all I needed.

I glanced over my shoulder to where Kim was still crying and Mia was now giving me the evil eye. They'd get what was coming to them soon enough, but first thing first, "Where's Sofi?"

"She left."

"Left to where?"

Lily growled and looked up at me, "If I knew that, do you think I'd still be standing here? Alone? She left before I could stop her and she won't answer my texts. She normally answers texts within the minute but I haven't heard anything."

It was clear that Lily was upset by what had happened and I felt for her. I was furious myself. I also got the feeling that I liked Lily even more because her concern for Sofia was evident. I considered confronting Kim and Mia now but the only thought on my mind was Sofi. I had to know she was alright.

I sprinted from the cafeteria, checking every room down the short hall before turning around to run towards the office and check all the other rooms. She wasn't in any of the rooms and she wasn't at her locker. In my panic I didn't even think about what I was doing and burst into the girl's bathroom.

Several girls squealed and I shushed them before calling, a little too loudly, "Is Sofia in here?"

A few girls snapped 'no' and they all pointed to the door I'd just come through, a silent demand for me to leave. I did as they asked, if Sofia wasn't in there than I didn't care to stay there any longer.

I left the school through the front office and did a lap of the building. My eyes scanned the vacant land around the building, it was raining as usual and no one wanted to be in the rain, except the smokers. I even made sure to check the tree line because I knew that Sofia liked the outdoors. Despite my exceptional eyesight, I couldn't see anything. She wasn't there and I couldn't even smell her sweet scent. All I could smell was the stench of cigarette smoke.

I did two full laps of the school and on the third go around re-entered the building through the back entrance. It was closest to the cafeteria and now that I knew Sofia wasn't here there was one thing left to do.

Lily was still standing nervously by the cafeteria doors, phone in hand.

"Has she called you yet?" I just about yelled as I stopped in front of her.

"No..." she looked up at me and her brow furrowed as if she were looking at something crazy, which I guess I was, "where have you been? You're all wet."

I groaned, annoyed that I had to waste time on this crap, "I was looking for Sofia. So you've got nothing?"

"Nothing."

I didn't even wait for her to finish what she was saying. Turning, I stalked towards the table that was occupied by the crying bitch and her enabler. I could feel my anger rising and knew that I wouldn't have long to say what I wanted before I'd have to leave. For everyone else's safety.

I grabbed the chair closest to me and pulled it out of the way. Letting go of it, it flew across the cafeteria floor and collided with another empty chair. Kim squealed as she looked up at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Mia glared at me and opened her mouth to say something.

"Don't!" I yelled, not caring who heard what I was about to say, "Keep your mouth shut, Mia, because I don't want to hear anything you have to say. You! I want to know what your problem is."

Kim's lower lip quivered and she started to cry again.

Normally I would have been upset about making a girl cry but I was too angry to give a shit about that. Not to mention that Kim wasn't looking like much of a 'girl' to me at the moment.

"Don't even think that that is going to help you. What is your issue?"

Kim's sobbing stopped and she slammed her hands down on the table, "My issue is that you would choose her over me. What does she have that I don't? How can you be attracted to her but not to me?"

My body was trembling with my fury and by my best estimation I only had about five minutes left before phasing became involuntary. Less if Kim were to get anything else out.

I snarled through clenched teeth, "Because she'd never do what you've just done. She has a heart."

Kim's face told me that she did not expect that answer and I was glad. Her shock was enough to keep her mouth shut until I was out of the cafeteria. I left the school through the back door and headed straight for trees.

I started to feel the warmth in my muscles grow. A tremor was building in my lower back and I knew I was pushing it fine. There was no way I would have time to undress, I was going to ruin another outfit.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and heard the beep that signalled I'd received a message, just as I hit the cover of the trees and the slight reduction of tension let the transformation take way.

I cringed at the sound of my clothes tearing. I had liked the clothes I'd put on this morning, and now they were shreds of fabric.

_Jared?_

Neither Sam nor Paul seemed to understand what was happening but I was distracted by something flashing on the ground and didn't answer them.

It was my phone and I had a received a message from Lily.

_This is Lily and this is Sofia's number 61..._

The rest of the number didn't fit on the screen but I smiled at the thought of being able to call her. And that reminded me that even though Lily was calling, and texting, Sofia, she wasn't answering.

_Isn't Sof at school today?_

Paul's concern spiked at the idea that no one could contact Sofia. His concern was admirable, considering he had no vested interest in her safety, or happiness.

_Like fuck I don't. Sof is a legend. How many girls mention penises the first time you talk to them? Who aren't giant skanks, that is._

_Paul, settle down. Jared, what is going on? Why have you phased?_

Sam's booming voice was kind of calming but the memory of what had happened seemed to outweigh it. I was careful to go over things with as much clarity as I could so that neither of them got lost.

_Little fuckers! I'm going to break the one class streak when I get back in a week._

Paul snarled and imagined punching both Kyle and Ash. His plan sounded good to me because then Sofia couldn't be angry at me for being violent.

_Oh, so it's okay if she thinks I'm a 'small man'?_

'_Small minded', Paul. She thinks it's the act of a small minded man._ Sam corrected and the playful banter worked to calm me somewhat before Sam announced his plan, _I'm sure she's gone back to the Clearwaters'. I'll go check and then call Sue. Jared, get back to Emily's before someone sees you. Paul, you too. We only need one of us on patrol at the moment._

As I made my way towards Emily's I found myself starting to panic. About what I'd done and what I hadn't done. I wondered if Sofia would have expected me to defend her. Or if she would be angry for me having a go at Kim.

I tried to focus my attention on the cell phone gripped between my teeth, it was a precarious balancing act. If I held too tight then I risked breaking my phone. But if I didn't hold on tight enough I would drop the phone and that could break my phone. Either way, if my phone broke then I wouldn't have Sofia's number.

And I really wanted to call her when I phased back.

Paul thought about me trying to call her in wolf form and I heard his laughter in my head.

I didn't concern myself with Paul's mocking because I was two strides away from Emily's. Not that that really mattered because I couldn't get control of my anger. My anger was trapping me in wolf form.

I placed my cell phone gently on the top step to Emily's porch and darted back into the forest.

Unfortunately I couldn't get Kim, Kyle or Ash out of my head. I could hear them laughing and it made me furious. I tried to think about Sofia but all I could concentrate on was how hurt she looked after Biology. Of how hurt she must be now because of Kim. And I was back at those jerks.

_Settle down, J. She's home now. Paul,_ Sam traced Paul's thoughts and found he was barely a minute from Emily's, _I need you to go inside and call Sue. She'll be at work, Emily has the number._

_Yes, boss._ Paul phased.

_Seriously, Jared, she's going to be fine._

It didn't matter what Sam said, I couldn't 'settle down' not when Sofia was hurting. And I knew she was hurting. She wouldn't have left school for anything less than severe pain. Thinking of Sofia hurting was agonizing, thinking of her in pain and not knowing what to do... I wanted to go to the Clearwaters' and see her. Wolf form or not I wanted to lie down beside her and do something to comfort her.

_JARED! She'll be fine._


	21. Chapter 21

Paul pulled up just as I stepped out the front door. He was beaming from the front seat and leant across to open the passenger door for me. As the door swung open I noticed that, like usual, Paul wasn't wearing a shirt.

I hated that they were always flaunting their sculpted torsos. It wasn't fair that they looked so good, not when they were also so nice. I could handle hot guys not paying me any attention' I'd had seventeen years of experience with that. But when they smiled at me, and wanted to talk to me, that was harder to handle. Sixteen years and ten months of being ignored meant that this treatment was bewildering, to say the least.

"Hey, Sof." He almost yelled at me as I approached the car.

I shook my head and pulled myself up into the passenger seat, "Hi, Paul. You been at Emily's all day?"

Paul revved the engine before I'd even closed the door and was driving before I'd put my belt on. His voice was loud and booming when he next spoke, "Not all day but most of it. Have you had any lunch yet? 'Cause Emily's cooking up a buffet and you should really have some."

"I have actually." It was easier to lie to Paul than it was to lie to Jared.

Paul cocked an eyebrow and looked at me sideways. I might be able to physically lie to him but it seemed he wouldn't fall for this shit easily.

"Really? What did you have?" He asked, looking past me down the road to check it was clear.

Did he really think this was my first rodeo? I'd been lying since I was eight, to people who meant more to me than Paul did, "Fruit."

"Fruit? Fruit's not a real lunch. What sort of fruit?" Paul said with a sideways glance at me. He was trying to find proof I was lying.

I smiled at him, "An apple and some grapes."

"That's not a real lunch." Paul scoffed as he rounded the last corner before Emily's driveway.

"It's enough for me."

Paul snorted as he accelerated down the road, the Ute clunked as he put it up a gear. Apparently they all used the same vehicles because this was the same Ute that Jared had driven me home in on Monday.

I had to ask, to stop the silence that had crept into the cab, "Is this your Ute or Jared's?"

"My what?"

"Ute? Your car?" I said, not sure where the confusion was coming from.

"Oh, neither actually. It's Sam's. He lets us use it because our cars are far from reliable. We call them trucks, by the way." Paul smiled at me as he slowed to make the turn into Emily's driveway.

"Then what do you call trucks?"

Paul glanced at me with questioning eyes, "Trucks..? This is a truck."

"No, I mean the big vehicles that... I don't know how to describe them. The really big vehicles with giant enclosed trailers."

"Oh!" Paul said wistfully, "Big rigs."

He pulled up next to the house and threw his door open so forcefully I could feel the cab shudder. It wasn't an angry forceful, more of an 'oops, I forgot I was that strong' kind of forceful. He gave me a comical grimace over his shoulder before jumping down from his seat.

The door took a hard nudge before it opened and a decent push to get it to close again. It was an old vehicle and was showing signs of having spent a while without proper care. My dad would cry at the sight of it, but he'd also love to be fixing it.

"So, ute? What the hell is a ute?" Paul asked as he waiting by the back of the tray.

It was my turn to cock an eyebrow, "This is a ute." I said tapping the side of the tray with my knuckles. I laughed at Paul's exaggerated look, "It's a Utility Vehicle, ergo Ute."

"So, you Aussie's like to shorten things?" Paul said, his voice raised a little higher than it really needed to be.

I watched him for a moment, unsure of why he was talking so loudly, "Yeah, good abbreviations are like crack to us." I noticed that we were walking very slowly to the front door but didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to look impatient or too excited.

"Give me some examples."

"Bossy much? Okay, there's the Melbourne Cricket Ground, which we also call the MCG, which we also call The G. And... I don't know, we just like to shorten things. My mum calls me Fi and my friends call me So." The lazy walk was starting to get a little too much for me. A walk as short as the one to Emily's front door shouldn't take this long.

Paul seemed to catch on to my anxiety, or at least I liked to think he did, and he moved faster towards the front door, "So your friends couldn't give you more than a syllable? How nice of them?"

"Hey, those are my friends you're talking about." I laughed as we walked through the front door.

Emily was in the kitchen, again, stirring soup in a large pot. She turned as we entered and smiled at me, "Hello, Sofia. How are you?"

"Not too bad." Paul and Emily looked at me with stern expressions, "What?"

"You feel bad." Paul stated.

"No, I said 'not too bad'."

"Suggesting that you feel a little bad." Emily stopped stirring and turned around to look at me straight on.

"Would the phrase 'fine' make you feel better?" It dawned on me what the problem was and I turned to Paul, "You know how we were just talking about me being Australian?"

He nodded, his brow still furrowed tightly. I wasn't sure why they were so concerned. Maybe they'd heard about what Kim said. Maybe this wasn't concern but pity. I didn't want them to pity me.

"In Australia we have a habit of telling people how we're not rather than how we are. Me saying 'not too bad' is equivalent to you saying 'good'. I'm fine, I promise."

Paul and Emily shared a long look and then laughed.

"Aussies." Paul sighed and headed into the living room.

I smiled inwardly at his pronunciation and wondered if I'd ever tell him he was saying it wrong. Nah. It was more entertaining this way.

"Go with Paul, Sofia. Jared should get here any second now." Emily said as she waved her hand to shoo me after Paul.

Paul was lounging on an armchair, the small of his back rested against one arm and his legs hanging over the other. He held the remote for the TV in his outstretched hand and flicked through the channels. Grunting and groaning about crappy shows as he sought out something interesting.

I sat on the couch, on the side furthest from Paul because it was closest to the door. I made sure to sit in a polite manner, instead of taking up my usual lazy slouch. It was awkward sitting with my knees together and my feet on the floor; I was used to sitting on my feet when I was sitting on a couch.

We couldn't have been sitting there for more than a minute when Jared walked in. Wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. I thought about what he'd been wearing at school and distinctly remembered him wearing not just more but pants. Where did he get the shorts from? Why had he changed?

"You've changed." I said as he walked between me and the coffee table.

He looked at me with wide eyes and smiled. Jared always looked so nice when he smiled and I couldn't stop myself from smiling back. How could I not enjoy his company when he had such a beautiful face?

He laughed as he dropped into the seat beside me, "Yeah, my other clothes got a little wet."

Paul snorted and Jared cast him a dark look.

"And you only had shorts left?" I put on my best 'I'm pretending I'm slightly disgusted' look and eyed him up and down.

Jared looked down at his lap and then lifted his feet onto the coffee table. They were stained with mud and a few dried flecks fell onto the clean table. He bowed his head further to look at his torso and then gave me a crooked grin, "Do you really want me to put more on? I mean, really?"

I felt myself blush and shoved him playfully.

"Shit, man. Just choose something already." Jared whined as Paul started flicking again.

"I'm trying to be considerate here. There's nothing on that we can all enjoy." he huffed as he paused on some trashy soap.

"... and I'm having his baby. I'm so sorry Ken! Please don't leave me here!" a big breasted blonde bimbo yelled after the tall dark haired man that was storming off screen.

I cringed at the thought of an hour of this crap, "Do you actually like this shit?"

Paul growled, "I thought you might. It's either this or children's programs or the news or football."

"I'm offended that you'd think I would watch something like that. And if you want to watch football than watch football." I said with faked offence.

Paul looked over his shoulder at me, "Really? Emily hates having to watch football."

"Really. Maybe if I see professionals playing it, it will make some sort of sense to me." I shrugged as Paul looked back at the remote to make sure he pressed the right buttons.

Jared laughed and looked back at me, "You don't understand football, but you want to?"

I glanced at the TV where a bunch of burly men in oversized padding were running around a field and crashing into one another, "I don't understand _American_ football, and to be honest I don't really care for it. But football has to be better than that other trashy crap."

"My mom loves them. She likes the romance in them." Jared was watching me as he spoke and it made me a little uncomfortable.

I smiled at him, trying to hide the growing discomfort and turned to the TV. I was far from interested in football but it was easier to watch that than to see Jared looking at me the way he was. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with the look but I could tell he was worried about me and it confused me. I didn't like being confused.

"What was that sigh for?" Jared asked. I looked at him with raised eyebrows. Had I actually just sighed at him? His smile dropped a little, "You don't like romance?"

I'm sure he meant it as a question but part of me heard it as a statement. I tried to think of something to say, I couldn't recall sighing and didn't know why I would have done it.

"It's not that I don't like romance, I just... I think Hollywood makes it look so pretty and easy. It doesn't happen anything like that in the real world."

"Anything like what?"

"Well... like how Hollywood suggests. You know, love at first sight and crap like that."

Paul turned to look at me, totally ignoring the game on the TV, "You don't believe in love at first sight?"

"No. I believe in lust at first sight but not love."

"That's fairly cynical of you." Paul said with a glance at Jared. Now _that_ I didn't understand, that look between them, that was just strange.

I curled my lips in and thought about it for a second, "You call it cynical, I call it honest. And necessary."

"What do you mean 'necessary'?" Jared asked, his beautiful brown eyes shimmered with concern.

"Well, look at me..." I gestured to myself, "Even if it was reall, love at first sight isn't going to happen to me."

After I said that I felt awkward. It generally wasn't something I told people but I hadn't been able to help it.

Jared was gawking at me like I'd just burst out singing in a foreign language. He was clearly shocked by my revelation and was searching desperately for something to say. I didn't like the sadness that was sprawled across his handsome face as he desperately tried to comprehend what I'd just said.

Paul was staring at me too but his face was different. He was stunned as well but there was something far deeper on his face. There was pain and regret and... grief. What I'd just said struck him at a far different level than it had Jared and I was more concerned with Paul's reaction.

The TV started blaring and Paul's head whipped around to see what was going on.

"Oh, shit! I missed a touchdown."


	22. Chapter 22

Jared stared at me.

It felt like forever before he did anything else. And the whole time I was staring back, unable to turn away from him. I had to return his gaze because I couldn't stand him being sad, which he looked at this very moment. If I tried to turn away before I knew that he wasn't sad then... I wasn't sure what would happen because I just couldn't do it.

Jared gave me half a smile and opened his mouth to say something. He decided against it and closed his mouth again. It hurt me a little to see that, because I wanted him to say something. Anything.

I couldn't stand the silent stare for much longer.

He shot up off the couch, grabbing my hand as he marched past me and pulling me out of the room after him. Emily looked up from her cooking with surprise but Jared didn't say anything as he stormed down the hall and out the back door. His silence was painful but at least I had something else now, his hand around mine.

I had to jog to keep up with his long steady strides. He didn't seem to notice that I was struggling to keep up and his grip didn't falter. If he didn't stop soon I would either fall on my face or have to start running. For a second time today though, I had something that was worth running for.

We started down the track that we had exited from on Monday and within a few seconds we were out of sight of the house. The trees were reaching up around me and the ground was hard and icy beneath my old shoes and their worn soles. I had to run to catch up with him a little more and in doing so I slipped.

My shoulder almost wretched out of place as I dropped and Jared kept trying to lead me away. He spun around and dropped down beside me so quickly I almost didn't see him move. He knelt down close to me; his abnormally high body temperature was pleasant in comparison to the cold around me and the tension that I'd been feeling from him.

For some reason, I could feel the urge to cry rising and I looked away from him. I couldn't stand the thought of him seeing me cry. I didn't like the thought of anyone seeing that much emotion from me.

A warm finger pressed against my jaw and turned my face back around. I didn't get a chance to take in Jared's appearance before lips pressed against mine. Warm and soft, with a slightly sweet taste. So passionate, I could barely move. My lips tingled where his touched them and I could feel a glorious warmth growing deep in my stomach.

He pressed his forehead to mine and pulled his lips away.

"I'm sorry." he murmured and his hot breath sent a delightful shiver down my spine.

I gulped and took a deep breath. I had never been kissed before I came to the US, and now I'd been kissed twice; by the single most attractive guy I had ever met. Sitting on the cold packed ground, looking up at Jared, I was comfortable again. Until Jared spoke and I remembered how it was that we'd gotten here.

"Please, don't ever say anything like that again."

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, "Why? It's the truth."

Jared exhaled heavily; I could hear it and feel it against my shoulder and upper arm. In the darkness behind my own eyelids I couldn't see the expression on his face. I didn't want to see it, not if it was anything like the pitiful look he'd worn a few minutes ago.

The back of his fingers brushed against my cheek, as light as a feather. So soft that I could barely feel it and yet so definitive and real that he may as well have been pinching my cheek. The electricity was alive, and exciting. I never wanted him to move away from me again.

"It's not true. I'm proof of that."

I found it hard to believe what I was hearing and yet somehow it sounded right, like he was reminding me of something I already knew. His forehead was still pressed against mine, his slow deliberate breaths grazing my arm and causing my skin to prickle as the goose-bumps rose.

He pecked my lips swiftly, "Living." Another kiss. "Breathing." Kiss. "Proof."

Jared's delicious mouth pressed against mine. Slightly harder than it had before. His hot hand slid from my jaw around my neck, to hold my head still. I didn't need my sight to feel how amazing this was, in fact, I think my lack of vision made it better. Jared's lips parted and the tip of his tongue brushed against my lower lip.

I wanted to yield to him. I wanted this kiss to go further. I wanted to give Jared what he wanted. But I couldn't. The second I felt his tongue my nerves spiked, erupting out of nowhere to ruin this otherwise beautiful moment.

Jared's hand held tightly to the back of my neck and I was sure he was more than strong enough to force my compliance. But when I pulled back, he let me. With nothing but a small sigh to signal that he didn't actually want to stop.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

I opened my eyes to see that Jared was knelling before me with his shut. His breathing was deep and steady but I could see that he was angry. Not with me as I would have expected, but with himself. It was more shame than anger and I couldn't let him be ashamed.

"Don't be."

Jared's eyes flashed open and a smile crept back onto his face. His gorgeous face was only complete when he smiled. His eyes were darker than normal but they still shone with their usual cheerful shine.

He moved his hands so that he was holding my face and swooped in to kiss me one last time. I suddenly understood what everyone else liked so much about kissing. It was exhilarating and felt better than anything else I'd ever felt.

Jared stood up, holding his hands down to me. I took them gratefully and he pulled me to my feet, it was easier for him than I thought it would be. And once I was on my feet he threw his arm around my shoulders and started leading me down the path.

"Where were you taking me?" I said when I realised we were heading back to Emily's.

Jared laughed, "Nowhere in particular, but your pants are all wet now so I thought we'd head back to the warmth of the house."

We walked a few more steps before Jared suddenly stopped. His hold on my shoulders hurt when I kept moving against it and I cringed as his tender hand pulled back on my right shoulder. He instantly released his grip on my shoulder and turned me around to look at me.

"Did I hurt you?" He was panicking as he looked at me and I shook my head, it hadn't hurt, not really. He smiled, "I have one thing I want to... ask before we go back."

I knew where this was going but for once I wasn't upset about it. I was excited by the thought of what he was going to ask and I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. The nerves that had spiked before were still present but they were buzzing for a different reason now. A positive reason.

"Will you..." he sounded anxious and it confused me; what did Jared have to be anxious about? Then I remembered all the times I'd said no and my freak out earlier this week. Maybe he was a little right to be nervous, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

I had not expected that.

Date. That was what I expected. Will you go out with me? That was what I expected. The difference between date and girlfriend may not have been a lot to other girls but to me it was massive. A date was like a trial run, he would realise I wasn't his type after a date. Girlfriend, that was a little more... official; more serious.

My heart raced. This was either the best moment of my life or my worst nightmare about to come true. My brain was saying nightmare. No, it was screaming nightmare. Telling me to run, to get the hell out of here before anything worse could happen.

I looked down at my feet, "That's not what I was hoping you'd ask."

Jared wasn't stupid and he picked up what I meant, although he did sound a little hurt when he spoke, "Will you go on a date with me?"

I nodded my head, too embarrassed to actually look up at him.

"But I'm not allowed to call you my girlfriend?"

I looked up at him again, he was smiling but I knew he was hurting, "I'm sorry. I'm not ready for that."

It was strange. I'd wanted someone to ask me out for years. Just like I'd wanted someone to notice me the way Jared had. But when they did, when Jared did, I couldn't say yes. There was a part of me, located between my ears, that was overly suspicious and still had a hard time trusting Jared. I wanted to say yes, to making whatever we had official, but my brain refused to let me.

Jared lifted my chin and kissed me again. I made a mental note to say yes more often, every time he did this, I just wanted to do it more. He pulled away a second later and smiled down at me, "When you are ready, tell me. I want you to tell me the second you know you're ready, I don't mind it you call me at three fourteen in the morning if that's when you realise it.

"But first, our date. The Council Meeting. And because you won't be my girlfriend, your attendance is mandatory."

I pulled my lips to one side and half smiled at him, "Mandatory, huh?"

Jared sighed, "No. But I really, _really_ want you to go. It would mean the world to me."

"The world, huh?"

"You have no idea. And I want you to know." he said with a soft laugh, "And if you question what I just said with 'you want, huh' or anything along those lines... I'll be forced to kiss you again."

While I didn't feel ready to be his 'girlfriend', I was more than happy for him to kiss me again. It felt nice when he kissed me. I felt nice, like there wasn't actually anything wrong with me.

I smirked at him as I thought about what to say next, he was setting himself up here, "No idea, huh?"

He fulfilled his end of the bargain and kissed me, "You're such a smart ass."

"Smart arse, huh?"

He kissed me, "Yes."

"Yes, huh?"

"Okay, now that one doesn't make any sense but..." he laughed as he kissed me again.

This time as he pulled away, he slipped a hand over my mouth. A slightly calloused and very hot hand, the feel of it sending tiny electric pulses out to excite the rest of my body. I reached up to wrap my hand around his wrist and felt his muscles pull gently, signalling that he felt the same electricity that I did. I wasn't sure how I knew it was the same, I just did.

"Emily is probably concerned about us. Considering how tense I was when we left, she's probably going to send Sam out to make sure we're both okay."

"Close, but no cigar." Paul laughed and I felt myself blush.

Jared pulled me into his chest and pressed his lips to the top of my head, "What are you doing here, perv?"

Paul stood a short distance away, wearing a smug grin, "Emily was worried you were going to bite her. I see she was quite close. No, Sam called. He needs us to help him with something. I don't know what, I wasn't really listening."

I felt Jared tense and noticed the apprehensive look they shared. Jared released me from the tight grip holding me to his chest, and looked down at me with a wide smile.

"Do you mind if I leave you with Em for a little while?"

I smiled back, "Of course not."

Jared slung his arm around my neck and we started back to Emily's house. He was rushing ever so slightly but I was able to keep up with him easily this time. Once the house came into view, Jared hugged me again and then stepped away from me, following Paul to the truck. He cast me one last wishful look and jumped into the passenger seat.

I entered Emily's house alone, but shrouded in a strange comforting air.


	23. Chapter 23

"So what did Jared want to talk to you about before?" Emily asked as she slid the roast chicken back into the oven.

I'd felt really useless for the past hour because Emily had refused to let me help her. She said she liked cooking and she wanted to do it all herself. I thought she was nuts because the 'lunch' she was cooking was more like a medieval feast. There were roast chickens, roast beef, pork, and a mountain of roast vegetables. Then there were three different salads and a collection of home-made sauces and gravies. It looked like my mother's Christmas lunch, not some Friday afternoon meal.

It smelt delicious too and I wanted nothing more than to start eating it now. But Emily had advised me that the guys would likely yell at me if I did that. She promised she'd keep some aside for the two of us though, when I said I didn't understand why that was necessary she told me to wait and see.

"Umm..." How do I answer that question without turning as red as a tomato? I took a deep breath and thought quickly, "Nothing really. I said something he didn't like and he wanted to correct me."

Emily laughed, "You mean he wanted to kiss you."

My cheeks grew hot and I bowed my head so that she wouldn't see me blushing. I was happy for him to kiss me but I didn't really want other people knowing. I thought back to this morning and my stomach churned, it didn't make sense for Jared to like me so everyone would think us kissing was some stupid joke.

I saw a shadow move past my head and heard a chair being pulled along the tiles. Looking up I found Emily sitting down beside me, wiping her hands on a slightly stained tea-towel. She was smiling but there was a concerned edge to her smile.

"This house is special." she said as she took my hands into hers, "I had hoped you would have felt it by now but it seems you may not have. At this house the only things that matter are the people you're with. The outside world is just that, outside. We don't let it follow us in here.

"Everyone here likes you Sof and we want you to be happy. Don't let the opinions of some nobodies in the Outside World make you feel bad. Jared loves you and he just wants to make you happy."

Emily sounded so caring and motherly, I may as well have been sitting at the kitchen table at home-home with my real mother. There was a slight difference though. When my mum says stuff like this, I fob her off, I just don't believe here. But when Emily said it, it sunk in. It resonated as a potential truth when it came from Emily.

Still, I had some reservations about what she'd said, "Jared doesn't love me. Like maybe but not love."

Emily smiled broadly, concern replaced by excitement, "Oh, he loves you and you know it. He's been chasing after you like a love sick puppy for weeks. Not to mention that you feel it too, the only difference is that Jared is giving in to his emotions, maybe you should too."

"It just doesn't make sense. I mean, Sam and you make perfect sense but me and Jared..?"

Something occurred to Emily and her excitement dropped down a few levels, "Why don't you stare?"

I was even more confused now, "Stare at what?"

"Exactly, when people meet me they stare at my scars. Part of the reason why Sam likes you as much as he does is that you don't stare. Part of the reason I like you is because I can tell that you just don't notice them, you see me as I used to be seen. So, why don't you stare?"

I smiled, "My uncle was involved in a car crash when he was eighteen, and he had a massive scar over his cheek and lost the use of his right eye. He lived with us for years so I got used to them. Anyway you're not your scars."

"And you..." Emily said with sincerity as she gripped my hand tighter, "are not your weight."

I stared at Emily for a few moments, taking in the smooth skin and bright eyes. The scars turned down the corner of her mouth and her eye, but the joy in her face still shone through. She was so sweet and so honest that I couldn't help but smile back.

"I almost had it! Like a quarter of an inch more and I would have had it." Paul sounded both excited and aggravated as he walked through the front door.

Jared and Sam coming in hot on his heels and they all stopped to take a deep breath. Their eyes closed and they gulped down the excess saliva that welled at the smell. When they finished taking in the scent they made straight for the table, starting even before they'd opened their eyes.

Paul walked behind me, scruffing my hair roughly and pushing my head forward in a gesture reminiscent to how my father used to torment my oldest sister. Jared slapped his arm away as he followed behind Paul and leant against the seat next to me, that Emily had just vacated. Paul let out a small growl and continued to the far side of the kitchen to collect his lunch.

Jared smiled down at me and I could tell that he was tired. Not sleep tired but just ran a marathon tired. I smiled up at him and he seemed to take that as an invitation to kiss my forehead. Before turning around to join Paul and Sam in fighting over their food.

A chair on the opposite side of the table was pulled out and Emily sat down, "See why I put some aside for us?"

The guys were bickering amongst themselves, jostling to get at food before either of the others did. I'd seen dogs cooperating better than them around food and I couldn't help but laugh at them. Jared turned to smile at me and ended up in an argument with Paul, who pushed in front of him to reach the roast potatoes.

Sam was the first to finish getting his food and he returned to the table with two plates. For a second I thought he was just being greedy but as he walked past Emily he placed a plate in front of her. She thanked him softly as he sat down beside her.

I jumped as Paul sat down to my left.

"Jared wants to talk to you." He said as he shoved a fork full of vegetables into his mouth.

I swivelled in my seat to see Jared waiting for me by the food, a plate full of food in one hand and an empty plate in the other. I guessed what he wanted and my own reaction to it, but I got up to go over to him anyway.

"Aren't you going to eat?" he asked as he held the plate out for me.

"I've had lunch already."

Jared scoffed, "An apple and some grapes? That's not lunch. You don't want to hurt Emily's feelings now, do you?" He jerked the plate forward, as a recommendation to take it.

I looked over my shoulder at Emily and she trailed her index finger down her face along the path a tear might take. I sighed and took the plate from Jared; he beamed as he watched me fill the plate with a lot of salad and a little roast chicken.

"Beef too." Jared said in a playful growl and pointed to the last few slices of beef.

I huffed and took a single small piece of beef. Jared mumbled something to himself and reached in front of me, using his fork he put the last of the beef onto my plate.

"I know it won't be like the beef your father produces but it's good. I promise." Jared dropped his fork onto his plate and turned me back around to the table.

Once sitting around the table I looked at my plate. It contained nothing compared to the guys and I was again astounded by how much they could fit in their stomachs. They wolfed down their food and were getting seconds before either Emily or I had finished. It was a little scary how much and how quickly they ate.

"No offence, but you guys eat like dogs." I said as Jared sat down with his second serving. He just smiled at me and Paul and Sam laughed.

Paul finished what was in his mouth and looked up at me, "We're men. And we've been working hard today. We deserve a good feed."

His second serving was almost all gone and there was next to nothing left on the bench. There was eating like a man who had done a hard day's work and then there was eating your way to a potbelly, and that seemed to be what these guys were aiming for.

"Yeah, right. Men." I muttered and they all gawked at me, "What? You're like sixteen or something. You're not a man at sixteen."

Paul laughed and I felt a slight drop in tension, not that I'd noticed the tension rise, "Look at me. Do I look like a sixteen year old?"

I thought about it for a moment and looked him up and down. Then I turned to Jared and did the same thing. They did look to be more than sixteen and I wondered how I didn't notice it before. When I was being entirely honest with myself, they looked to be in their early twenties. I looked over at Sam, who appeared to be the same age despite the fact that he was a few years older.

What they looked like didn't really matter. I shook my head, "No, you don't." I turned back to my food and cut my first bit of beef. I had eaten the salad first, I was a big support of saving the best to last, and now all I was left with was meat and gravy.

"That doesn't concern you?" Jared's voice was timid and I looked up to see him looking at me anxiously.

"Does what concern me?"

"That I look older than I am."

I pushed Jared away in jest and turned back to my food, "I don't care how old you look, just don't start talking about the 'good old days' and 'the youth of today' for at least another forty years."

Everyone laughed, except Jared but he was smiling, "So, you think we'll be together in forty years?"

My nerves erupted again and my cheeks didn't just get hot, they felt like they exploded. Come on, Brain, work with me. I think my brain was ignoring me for not following it before because I couldn't think of anything to say to that. Okay, don't think just say the truth.

"It was more a word of warning, you know, so you know for the future. Not... I didn't mean it like that." I gave up trying to make excuses and cut another piece of beef.

Jared pulled me into an awkward sideways hug and kissed the top of my head, "Chill babe. I was joking. Kinda." he finished with a whisper and his smile convinced me that he was just joking.

"Aw..." Paul droned from my left side, "Isn't it all just so sweet? Young love."

I'm not sure why but I kicked him under the table; nothing hard, just a tap. But it was hard enough that I realised his calf wasn't a soft as it should have been. It felt like he'd tensed his muscle in expectation of the kick. I looked at him curiously and he just stared back.

"Okay, if you broke your toe that wasn't my fault." he laughed and put his last fork full of food into his mouth.

I sighed and looked back at my plate, "You're all weird."

"And you choose to hang around with us. So what does that make you?" Sam laughed as he pushed his plate away and leant back in the seat.

I didn't even need to think to know how I was going to respond, "Desperate."

There were a variety of shocked replies to my statement, none of which were in any way serious. I laughed inwardly as I looked up at Jared who was holding his chest as if his heart hurt.

"I'm devastated." he whined, "How could you say such a horrible thing? I think I'm going to revoke my invitation for tonight."

"Oh, now I'm the devastated one." I joked and he nudged me with his elbow.

Emily smiled across the table at me, "So you are coming tonight?"

"Apparently it's mandatory."

I expected to hear them laugh at me, to ridicule me for calling myself his girlfriend. But they didn't. They were all just smiling casually at me and Jared, in fact, Emily looked like she were about to burst with joy.

"Mandatory, huh?" Sam chuckled and I pushed Jared's shoulder.

"What?"

"He said it, you know what to do." I said, trying to remain as stern as possible but sure it wasn't coming across that way.

Jared looked confused for a minute and then realisation sunk in. His eyes widened and his face expressed mild shock. For just a moment. Then something 'evil' crossed his mind and his features took on a devilish cheer.

He kissed me.

"That wasn't what I meant." I said with an awkward laugh as I pushed him away.

Jared wore a broad grin as he looked down at me, "The deal only specified that I kiss you."

I crossed my arms like a petulant child, "That's not fair."

"You don't really want me kissing Sam now, do you?"

"Hey! Whoa... what?" Sam choked and sat upright in the chair, "I don't want _you_ kissing me." He said with a pointed glare at Jared.

Jared pretended to be offended, "Hey! I'm a great kisser."

And so started the argument of the afternoon; who was the best kisser. It literally went on for an hour. An hour of bizarre judgements and comments from all of them. Emily and I were able to clear the table and wash all the dishes while they continued to argue. Sam and Jared tried to bring Emily and me into it but we refused to make any judgement calls, so the argument continued.


	24. Chapter 24

The Kissing Argument continued for far longer than it should have. I expected them to run out of steam soon after the one hour mark but they didn't. That part of the argument did die down and moved onto less appropriate things for a short while before heading on to sport, but every now and then the unresolved kissing argument would come to the surface and Emily and I were once again asked to make a judgement.

It was almost five o'clock now and Sam suggested that we should all get down to the Council Meeting in order to help set up. We were jumping into the 'truck' when the argument started again.

"I'm not sitting in the back with those two. It'll be five minutes of tonsil hockey for them and I'm not interested in being a spectator." Paul whined as he pulled down the gate for the tray.

Jared offered me his hand to help my up but I just scoffed at him. I was born and raised on a farm, I'd been getting in and out of trailers on my own since I was tall enough to see into them. Yes, I was fat but I had enough upper body strength to get myself into the back of Sam's beat up Ute.

"Do not let that one get away." Sam laughed and nodded at Jared as he opened the front door, "Paul! How many times do I have to tell you to be careful opening the door?"

"Sorry, I kinda forget sometimes." Paul muttered with a grimace.

Sam jumped into the front seat muttering about getting the door fixed. Jared laughed as he heaved himself neatly into the tray. Paul grumbled as he lifted the tray door, before flinging himself over the sides and onto the cold metal tray with almost cat-like precision.

Jared grabbed my hand with his large hot mitt and held it up slightly so he could inspect them together. He smiled as he twisted his wrist to see how they looked from another angle.

"See, _that_!" Paul growled, "That is sickening enough. I just know you'll be licking each other's teeth before we're out of the drive."

Jared snorted a laugh and smirked at Paul, "Afraid you might learn something, Paul?"

"Not in a million years. Everyone knows I could kiss you under the table any day."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one and I untangled my hand from Jared's to cover my face.

"You'd have to get me there first." Jared said and I could hear the smile on his face.

Paul looked a little confused for a second before realising his mistake, "You know that's not what I meant. And it doesn't change anything, I'm still better than you."

"Who here can vouch for that?" Jared questioned as the Ute rattled into life and started to reverse away from the house.

Paul just glared at Jared, "You can't see gravity but you know it exists."

"Yeah." Jared sighed in a far off dreamy way.

His tone peaked my interest and I turned his way to find him looking at me, with an equally far off look in his eyes. It was as if I was the only thing he could see as he stared at me, like I was the only thing that mattered, that had ever mattered. His face was serious but softened with a happiness that I couldn't quite understand.

It was unnerving.

Paul broke Jared out of his reverie, "Good God, you are sickening. Jared, not you Sof." He added when I looked over at him.

"You're just jealous that I have a beautiful date _and_ I'm the superior kisser." Jared grabbed my hand again and the argument continued.

The Council Meeting was amazing.

It was a very laid back affair, even with the serious overtone hanging in the air around the bonfire. The atmosphere was such that even alone I wouldn't have felt uncomfortable. If Jared hadn't have been there than I would have settled quietly into the background and enjoyed watching the night go by.

But having Jared sit beside me was nice. To begin with I sat with Jared, so close that our legs touched, while Sam, Emily and Paul assisted with the setup. I wanted to help but Sam 'ordered' me to sit with Jared and relax. His orders were unassailable and I felt I had to follow them, which seemed to please Jared.

Once people started arriving I felt a tad anxious sitting as close as Jared wanted to but he gave in to my persistent shifting away from him and let us sit a fraction apart. I told him that it wasn't him, it was my own irrational discomfort, and, even though he still looked hurt, it did seem to make him feel a little better.

I hated making Jared feel bad, which I could clearly see I was, but my brain ruled my body and I couldn't ignore it. Not when it whispered about the eyes watching me and when I looked up I found it to be right. I liked Jared but I couldn't get over my own insecurities.

As the younger tribe members showed up they were introduced as they came by. I had my first actual conversation with Embry and Quil, and thankfully I remembered their names this time.

Jared and I were sitting in just about the same spot we'd been in since we got here and he was trying, in vain, to explain what was so good about American football. I'd made the mistake f saying Aussie Rules was a better-quality game and he'd taken it upon himself to teach me about the 'pure skill' of American Football.

"You have to admit that they're tough though." he urged, trying to convince me of their strength since he'd failed to prove his point in regards to the 'flow' of the game.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him, I knew enough to fight him on this case, "And how much padding do they wear? AFL players have a shirt and shorts."

Jared glared at me with mock annoyance but his eyes caught some movement and he brightened slightly, "Have you met Embry and Quil?"

I looked over my shoulder to see the two boys torn between the idea of walking away or giving in to having been noticed. It was more than obvious that they didn't really want to associate with Jared but it was bizarre, because it didn't look like they disliked Jared. In fact, they glanced over to where Sam and Paul were standing before making their decision.

"Yeah, they're in Biology." I gave them an awkward smile as they approached. Apart from being introduced by Kim, once a few months ago, I'd never spoken to them. When Kim had 'reintroduced' them it was by calling a question half way across the room to them. I'd barely said two words to them.

"Hi, Jared. Sofia." the taller of the two said and for a moment I couldn't remember if he was Embry or Quil.

"Hi." the other said and I remembered thinking that the one with a shorter name was the shorter individual. My brain works in particularly strange ways sometimes.

"Hey." I muttered back.

Jared shook his head at my sudden timidness and looked up at Embry, "How have you been lately?"

I got the feeling that, despite the glance he gave Quil at the end of his question, it was aimed mainly at Embry. I noticed that Embry shrunk back a little and figured he'd realised it too.

"I'm good, and you?"

Jared beamed, "Brilliant. You, Quil?"

Quil always looked to be cheerier, or at least more open, than Embry and his broad grin showed no ill feeling to Jared when he answered, "Really good, I passed that stupid Biology assignment. How did you do, Sofia?"

I had done well, even though I didn't start it until the night before, "Yeah, I passed." Something told me Quil may not have passed with particularly high marks so I didn't want to go bragging about mine or the fact that it took me an evening to complete, "But Biology is my best subject."

"Really? I just don't get it." Quil shrugged, "Give me Chemistry over Biology, any day."

Jared laughed, "That's Sof's least favourite class."

"How can you understand atoms but not cells?" I asked, thoroughly confused by the concept of someone finding Chemistry easier than Biology.

Quil's smile seemed to fit his face very well and, as he beamed down at me, I couldn't help but think it made him look quite cute. Not hot like Jared, but cute none-the-less. He stifled a small laugh before saying anything, "How can you understand cells?"

Jared leant towards me and, due to the presence of the two boys, I was overly aware of how close his lips were to my face, "Are you hungry?"

It was a shock to say the least. After the meal that I'd had for lunch I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't eat for a week, "Are you?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to go grab something. Would you like anything?"

I was shocked that he was serious, "I can't believe you're hungry, and no, thank-you."

"Hey, I'm growing, I need to keep my energy up."

"I think you've grown enough, any more and you'll have to crawl through doorways."

Jared laughed as he jumped up and wondered away towards where Paul and Sam were manning a barbeque.

"If you don't mind me asking," Quil said in a light, bouncy tone, or one as light and bouncy as a voice as deep as his could get, "what's going on between you two?"

I looked back towards Jared and thought about it. Jared wanted it to be official, and after this afternoon it may as well have been; but I couldn't shift this feeling in my gut that something was wrong. That other people would think it was wrong. Jared was hot, crazy hot, and I was most certainly not. Even Kim could see the problem with us being together and she was my friend. Or she was supposed to be.

"Nothing." I sighed and looked back at Quil, "We're just friends."

"Really?" Embry blurted. He looked appalled that he'd just said that out loud and I wasn't sure why. It wasn't like he'd said something mean, or rude. It wasn't like he said 'good' or 'you don't deserve him'.

"Yes, really. Jared's cool and scary good at Calculus."

Quil laughed, "So you're using him for Maths homework?"

There was something about Quil that I liked. He was friendly and honest, and I didn't feel like he was judging me. The idea of me 'using' Jared did make me feel a little awkward but it was nothing compared to how bad I'd felt earlier today.

"Definitely, why else would I hang around with such an oaf?"

Both Embry and Quil smiled but their smiles dropped quickly. I didn't get a chance to see what they'd seen before Paul swooped down behind me to talk into my ear. I could feel the heat of his overly warm hands burning through my shirt and was surprised that it didn't feel as weird to me as I thought it should.

"This isn't another apple and grapes thing, is it?"

I moved to get a better look at Paul and scoffed, "Did you not see me eat food at Emily's?"

Paul furrowed his brow and shook his head, "I keep forgetting that you're just a girl." He stood up and looked at Embry and Quil, "Quil. Embry." He nodded his head at each of them before trudging back to the barbeque.

Embry and Quil didn't look as happy to have been noticed by Paul as they were with Jared. In fact, Embry had taken a full step back and Quil looked tense. I felt like laughing at them but thought that might not go down so well.

"He's really not that scary."

Embry's jaw dropped open slightly and Quil gave me a nervous laugh.

"You're kidding, right?" Quil stuttered at the beginning as he glanced at Paul, "Did you see what he did to Kyle?"

"Ah, yes, I was sitting closer than you. He has his angry moments, but don't we all?" I said as I watched the two boys watch Paul.

Embry looked at me, "Have you ever broken someone's collar bone?"

I gave it a little thought and tried to think of a time when I had hurt someone. I hadn't done it on purpose but I figured they didn't need to know that, "I pushed my sister off a moving vehicle. She broke her arm."

My sister and I had been helping with feeding the cattle by spilling some hay from the back of the farm Ute. She'd pretended to push me off and scared the crap out of me. I retaliated by shoving her, fairly gently, and she slipped off the hay she'd been sitting on. I'd been grounded for a month and had to take over all her chores, in my eyes I'd paid my debt.

"You're evil." Quil gasped, his attention flicking away from Paul and back to me.

"It was only going five k's an hour and she landed on grass. I'm not _that_ evil. Plus, it wasn't so much a break as a fracture." I tried to explain but I could tell that Quil hadn't been as horrified as he'd sounded.

"Note to self, never piss off an Australian." Quil laughed as Embry waved someone over.

A tall boy, around Quil and Embry's age, came jogging up to them. He didn't notice me until he was a few feet away and his reaction was one of shock. He looked at his friends and then back at me, as if unable to figure out why they were talking to me. Then he looked over his shoulder and scowled towards Jared, Paul and Sam. He was more blatant about his dislike in regards to them and I wasn't sure whether I liked that.

"Sofia, this is Jacob." Embry muttered and I wondered if I sounded that scared when I met new people, "Jacob, Sofia."

"You're the exchange girl, right?" Jacob said as he reached down to shake my hand.

I took his hand and shook it lightly, "Yeah, I'm staying with the Clearwaters."

"I think my dad mentioned that." He mused and looked up to where the tribe elders were sitting, "My dad's Billy Black, I think you've met him."

"Ah... yeah. He goes fishing with Harry sometimes."

Jacob laughed, "More watches Harry fish."

"Sometimes there's not that much difference between watching and fishing."

Quil smiled a friendly smile and reached his hand down too, "We'd best be moving on. We don't want to keep you from Jared."

I shook his hand as Jared reclaimed his spot beside me, "Ah, Jared can wait."

"No I can't. Wait, what am I waiting for?" He said, looking up from his paper plate of food with a little confusion.

I just shook my head and turned to shake Embry's, now outstretched, hand. It was like he'd been sitting on his hand for the last hour, which he hadn't been because he'd been standing in front of me for at least the last five minutes. His hand felt like Paul's and Jared's do, strangely firm and very hot.

He must have noticed that I noticed because he pulled his hand away quickly and looked down at his feet.

"I guess I'll see you around." I said and the three boys nodded and walked away.


	25. Chapter 25

The Elders had started talking soon after Embry, Quil and Jacob had left.

I was riveted from just about the first word and felt extremely honoured to be allowed to experience this all. It wasn't everyday that outsiders were allowed to hear the private stories of a tribe, or at least, it felt like it wasn't. There was an ever present nagging sensation in my stomach that told me that I shouldn't be listening but an even stronger feeling was telling me that I had to.

Jared kept a watchful eye over me as I sat almost motionless listening to the Quileute history. I found the story of vampires and – well, they weren't really werewolves but for the sake of literary familiarity that's what I'll call them – werewolves imperative and payed the utmost attention to that.

I had always been a werewolf nut, choosing werewolf movies over vampire movies whenever they were offered. I just never understood how people could find blood drinking zombies enticing and the idea of being attracted to something that was 'technically' dead... can you say necrophilia.

The only part of it that I thought could have been skipped a little was the discussion on how Taha Aki and his unnamed Third Wife were in love from the moment they saw each other. Surely her sacrifice was enough to show that she was in love with him and would do anything for him.

Maybe Paul was right. Maybe I was a little too cynical about love but, even if I was, it didn't change anything. Jared said that he loved me when he first saw me but I really didn't believe that. He was only sixteen, what did he know of love? For that matter, what did I know of love? Maybe my real problem was that I'd never felt it.

As the night wore on and the stories continued, it started to become chilly; to the point that I was shivering and wishing I'd brought my Driza-Bone with me. I wasn't cold for long though, because Jared and his watchful eye noticed the second I started to shake and he scooted along the log seat to pull me into a hug. His furnace like body was delightful against the bitter night air, that was being blown in from the ocean.

It was early morning before the Council Meeting disbanded and I got the feeling that they normally didn't go that long.

Jared had gone to talk to Sam and I was left, trembling slightly in the wake of his departure, with a very sleepy Emily. She was sitting on the ground with the small of her back pressed against the log, trying desperately to keep her eyes open.

"Maybe you should go home." I suggested as Emily yawned for about the tenth time in the last five minutes.

She looked in my direction, her eyes having trouble focusing on me, and shook her head, "I have to wait for Sam."

I shrugged, "Why not wait for him in the Ute? It'll probably be warmer in there."

"Sam won't be too much longer. Did you have a good night?" she stretched and pulled herself up onto the log.

There was a smile plastered to my face, I wasn't sure how long I'd been smiling for but when Jared hugged me during the stories, I'd found that I was smiling then. I hadn't stopped smiling since then but I figured Emily's exhaustion was making it hard for her to really understand what was happening around her.

"Yeah, I've had a great time."

Emily smiled, a sleepy smile, "Now, did Jared tell you you'd have a good time or what?"

I couldn't remember if it was Jared or someone else that had said I'd have a good time. I knew Sue had and I'm pretty sure the entirety of Jared's little mob had said it too at one point or another this afternoon. Or, should I say, yesterday afternoon.

"Whatever he said, I'll have to thank him for inviting me tonight."

"What was your favourite story?" Emily asked.

I was watching Jared, just making sure he was still where I'd seen him last, and he turned around and smiled at me. I smiled back, distracted from Emily for a moment. It was hard to believe that he actually wanted me around him, that he'd invite me here, that he'd ask me out, that he'd kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me again but I was starting to think that wasn't fair on him. Not as long as I refused to make, whatever it was that we had, official.

"The umm..." I tried to think of a term better than werewolf but in my own fatigued state I couldn't get past it, "werewolf origin thing-a-me."

Emily's lethargic smile seemed to lose its tired edge and her eyes widened and brightened, "Really? Why?"

I rubbed my eyes against the wave of smoke that had just washed over me; it was the only part of the bonfire that I didn't like, the smoke, "I've always liked the werewolf myth. Not that I'm saying the stories are myth, I mean... I like the whole howling at the full moon, man-beast combination thing. Traditional werewolves. So that story just appealed to the folklore-lover in me."

I finished rubbing my eyes to find a dark shadow between me and the fire. I looked up and could just make out Jared's cheerful features. His hands were stretched in front of him to help me up and I took them gratefully, if he was going to get me away from this bloody smoke.

"I figured I could walk you back to the Clearwaters'." he chirped as I steadied my feet and he slung an arm around my shoulders.

I shrugged, "Okay."

We walked in silence most of the way, but it was a comfortable silence. I felt warm and safe under Jared's muscular arm and at points it felt like talking would just ruin the moment. Unfortunately, the Clearwaters lived very close to the site of the Council Meeting and it felt like the walk was almost over before it had actually begun.

"So, you liked Taha Aki's story?" Jared said as we passed a mailbox a few houses down from the Clearwaters' and he stopped to wait for my answer.

This confused me a little but I stopped with him and answered his question, "Yeah. It was a good one."

Jared smiled at me but I could tell that he was nervous; more nervous than I'd ever seen him. His voice wavered as he spoke, "You remember how I said that I'd explain stuff to you after the Council Meeting?"

I nodded with caution. My brain was ominously quiet and I couldn't think of anything to do except wait for him to continue. And the longer that Jared took to answer the more nervous I became.

The comfort that I'd felt moments before was long gone and I felt the urge to run away growing. I knew I wouldn't run away though because it was clear whatever Jared wanted to say was important and running would really hurt him.

"I need to tell you..." He let out a heavy sigh and looked me in the eye, "I... I'm... fuck." he breathed and looked away.

My heart was racing and still my brain was silent. I couldn't do anything, to console Jared or myself. Fear was rising in my stomach and making me feel like I was going to vomit. I had no idea what he was going to say and I had no idea what to do. I didn't like not knowing. I didn't like this.

Jared took a deep breath and set his gaze back on my eyes, "I'm a-" his words caught in his throat and I couldn't catch the first syllable.

He's a liar. He's a jerk. He's a homosexual. He's a drug dealer. He's a criminal. He's a she. He's a homicidal maniac. He's a cross dresser. He's a convicted paedophile. He's a wanted felon. He's a drag queen. He's a wanker. He's a member of a boy band.

Why was my brain kicking in now? Why couldn't it have come in a few minutes earlier or a few minutes later? I wanted to smash my head against the footpath. I wanted to curl up into a ball and just rock gently until someone came to take me to a psych institute.

"I can't do this." He whispered to himself and I was sure that I wasn't meant to hear it but I most certainly did and I was starting to freak.

He grabbed my hand and started leading me between two houses. I was too lost in my own thoughts about what he was, and what he couldn't do, to stop him. My body just followed while my brain slowly mulled over the half pieces of nothing that I'd just received.

He had to tell me something. Something about himself. Something that was hard to say. Something that somehow related to the Council Meeting. He was a something. He couldn't tell me what he was because of something. There were too many somethings for my brain to know what the hell it was doing.

We stopped beside the forest and Jared turned me to face him.

He stepped away from me and kicked off his shoes. He took another step back and grabbed at the hem of his shirt; he'd gone back to his place after lunch to grab the clothing essentials. I realised that it wasn't the hem of his shirt he was aiming for; it was the waist of his shorts.

RUN!

My brain screamed and then laughed at itself. Who would really try to force themselves on me? Why would someone who wanted to force themselves on me, be backing away from me? That seemed a little counterintuitive.

"I'm sorry." he sighed and stepped out of his shorts, leaving them in a pile on the ground.

Now my brain was just about shitting itself. This was making less than no sense. With everything he did, I found myself feeling like I was getting dumber. Was he trying to freak me out and scare me away? Because he'd confused me to the point that I couldn't think straight enough to do that.

He stood three large strides away from me, in his underwear and shirt, just staring at me. He adjusted his feet and squared his shoulders, so that he was pointed directly at me. He was shaking but it wasn't from the cold. It was a nervous shiver.

"Maybe I should just show you..." he said, just loud enough for me to hear.

"Show me what? Jared? What are you doing?" I stammered and found myself inching away from him.

He didn't answer me. He just stood there. Staring straight at me, hands trembling. He didn't look like the Jared that I'd known for... well, for the last two weeks. He looked younger than ever and smaller too. So nervous that he looked more like a preteen about to be punished for accidently breaking a priceless vase, than the strong, handsome man that I was used to.

"Gahh..." he growled and broke his trance like state.

Storming forward he grabbed his shorts and pulled them back on. He didn't stop to pull them on, but kept moving towards me. By the time he reached me they were on and he'd regained a little of his confidence. Although it was still clear that the nerves were lingering.

He cupped my cheek and seized the back of my neck, holding my face so that I was looking up at him. He swooped down and engulfed my mouth with his. His delicious lips were more forceful than they had been earlier today and he controlled the kiss with some much authority that I barely knew what was happening.

His tongue ran along my lips and they parted for him like they had a mind of their own. As if triggered by the deepening of the kiss, my arms snaked forward to wrap around his neck and our bodies pressed against one another.

I don't know how long we stood there kissing. It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes, but it felt like forever and yet no time at all. When we pulled apart we were both out of breath and I felt like my legs weren't strong enough to hold me up any more. Thankfully, Jared held me close to him and I didn't have to worry about using my own legs.

"I'm a liar." he breathed and my heart ached, "I can't... I need you. I need to be your boyfriend. Please, reconsider."

I searched his face for some sign as to what was happening. I couldn't get the image of him standing semi-naked a few steps from me, staring at me. His seriousness and his anxiety. There was something he wasn't telling me, I knew it.

And it had my brain going haywire.

But after that kiss it wasn't my brain with all the power. For once I was going to do something purely because I wanted to, rather than because it was the logical thing. Logic was gone, desire was taking control.

My arms were still around Jared's neck and I tensed them to pull myself up to his lips again. His beautiful, masterful lips. I squealed into the kiss as Jared moved his arms to tighten them around my waist and heaved me up so that he didn't have to lean down so far. With my mouth at the same level as his the kiss deepened. Our tongues working together like they'd known each other for years.

This was far, far superior to the kisses of yesterday. This was more passionate, more intimate. If I'd never expect someone to give me a simple kiss, I had definitely never expected this. But now that I was getting it, I wasn't going to stop it.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Please people who are reading this...**_

_**Can you take two seconds to review? Just so I know how many people are reading/keeping up with the story. Any constructive critism or suggestions are always welcome too, so please review.**_


	26. Chapter 26

_Jared's POV_

I was a coward.

And it made no sense. I could chase after the red headed leech, and her mate with the dreadlocks, but I couldn't even tell my imprint the truth. I needed to tell her. I wasn't stupid, I knew she'd never be able to fully appreciate how strongly I felt for her if she didn't know about imprinting, and I couldn't tell her about imprinting if she didn't know I was a werewolf.

But I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She may not feel like she was worthy but to me it was the other way around. Sofia was everything that I needed, she was the most amazing woman anyone could ever ask for, and she was on a date with me. The way I saw it, I'd already hit the jackpot, who in their right mind would risk something like what I had?

So sweet. So innocent. So perfect.

If I had to lose her, like I knew I was going to, I was going to put off telling her for as long as possible.

There was a chance that she wouldn't lose it when I told her but even if she didn't, in ten months she would be on a plane back to Australia. Why ruin this? Why tell her about my curse if I wasn't sure she could accept it?

She wouldn't believe me. She'd said it herself this afternoon, her brain ruled her life, and her brain would not be able to process this. This was a matter of the heart and soul, something that requires listening to both those things over intellect because intellect would never understand.

When she kissed me... she was following her heart, I knew it. Her brain was too wrapped up in my psychotic behaviour to control anything. I liked it when she followed her heart. No. I _loved_ it when she followed her heart. It had taken everything I had to enjoy the kiss while making sure that I... didn't enjoy it too much.

I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to lie her down on the green grass and never stop kissing her. To grow old with her pressed to my body... I wanted her with every part of my body, mind and soul. And my heart ached with the knowledge that that almost certainly wasn't going to happen.

She had a life in Australia. She couldn't just pack up and leave her friends and family. I was too much of a stranger for her to do that, even with the imprint. And, if I really loved her, I would let her go back. Get her away from this because this, here, in La Push, it was too dangerous.

Sam would send Emily away if he knew it would keep her safe. We'd heard it in his thoughts. But Emily's family was here, her life was here, and she would be hurt if she were sent away, even if she knew why he was doing it.

It was one thing to ask your imprint to endure a war that not only risked her life but also her soul and her humanity; it was another to ask them to give up everything without a guarantee for their safety. It was another thing still to ask them to give up everything, in order for them to end up in harm's way.

And that is what I'd be doing if I told Sofia the whole truth, especially if she could accept it. If she couldn't then... well, the ends justify the means. If it hurt her now than that was better than potentially killing her, right?

All I could think about, as I walked Sofia back to the Clearwaters', was the phrase 'if you love them then you need to let them go. If they come back, they're yours'. Maybe that was what I was supposed to do. Break my own heart in order to keep myself sane. Hopefully that would work.

We stopped at her front door and I hated how little time it took. I had hoped to think a little more and figure out what I was going to do before we got here. Now that I was here the urge that had been growing, since I set her feet back on the ground, came rushing to the surface. And I almost knocked her off her feet when I kissed her.

She'd said she'd never had a boyfriend before but with the way she kissed... I'd have to ask Sam about it because it was beyond perfect. She was beyond perfect.

The truth sat in my throat, stuck behind my Adam's apple, and wanted to burst forth the second our lips parted. But it was stuck fast and I couldn't get a single word out, as I stared down at the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. I couldn't upset her, not ever.

I knew telling her would upset her; the biologist in her would never allow her to believe me. But I knew that if I didn't tell her it would come out one day, literally, and then she'd be hurt that I didn't tell her. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

I was damned in general.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. I hope you had a good night." The words flew from me and I was worried she wouldn't quite understand.

She was quiet for a second. And I knew it was for one of two reasons. Either she didn't understand me or... she did and I'd ruined the night with my peculiar behaviour, now she was looking for a polite way to say that she never wanted to see me again.

"The Council Meeting was great and... some other things were pretty awesome too." She smiled up at me and I knew she was still confused about before.

The sight of her smile made me smile and I wanted to kiss her again. I held back because I didn't want to overdo it. I didn't want her to get sick of something as amazing as the kisses we shared because I couldn't control myself. As I watched her, I prayed that she would be able to forget about tonight.

She turned and opened the front door, taking her time to step inside, while not taking her eyes off me. I was glad she was being careful because I'd hate to be responsible for her falling and hurting herself. My heart squeezed a little too tight as she closed the door and she disappeared from my sight.

I heard her head to her bedroom and I could hear her getting changed for bed. It was marginally creepy but I wanted to be in there with her, watching her. I never wanted her to be out of my sight. I needed her like I'd never needed anyone else before. I would always need her.

When the bed squeaked I turned away from the door and ran to the forest. I stopped inside the tree line and stripped, leaving my shirt with no intention to return for it. My shoes lay where they had landed, from when I'd kicked them off before, and now my shirt lay with them. I tied my shorts to my ankle with shaking hands.

I was angry now because when I'd wanted to show Sofia this it had eluded me but when she was tucked in her bed my wolf couldn't wait to burst from me. I was furious with that part of me, with my wolf. He was the whole reason I was in this mess and he couldn't even help me.

The ground was beneath four feet and I took off running the second I felt my front claws contact the dirt. It took just moments to reach Emily's but I was too angry to phase back right away.

I wanted Sofia to see this. I wanted her to know and accept it. She had to know that I wanted her to know this. I wanted her to know everything; everything about me, everything I felt, everything that was me. I had to tell her.

Terror.

That's what I was feeling. Not anger. Not anxiety. But terror. The thought of being without her, I mean properly without her, for a day, for even a moment... I couldn't live with that. It would kill me. I'd go insane. I'd seen how Emily's hesitance had affected Sam and the consequences when she'd eventually rejected him. I couldn't do that to Sofia.

It was terrifying because now that she'd agreed to be my girlfriend I knew exactly what I was risking. Now that I had kissed her, really kissed her, I knew what I would be losing. And I couldn't lose it.

I wanted to hate the Cullens, and a small part of me did. If it weren't for the Cullens then I would never have phased and I would never have imprinted on Sofia and I wouldn't have to go through the torment of trying to explain this all to her. But if it weren't for the Cullens then I'd have never phased and I'd have never imprinted on Sofia. I couldn't wish not to be with her. But I couldn't help but think that I'd never have known what I was missing.

As they say, ignorance is bliss.

Somehow I was able to phase back and I pulled on my shorts and raced to Emily's front door. I didn't knock, I just barged straight in. It may have been Emily's house but she had an open door policy to me and Paul, we were part of the pack, we were as good as family.

"Jared?" I heard Emily sigh and turned towards the door of the living room.

I took two large strides and then slipped inside the room. Almost everyone was there. Emily, Sam and Paul sat in their usual seats. Old Quil sat in the armchair I normally used and Billy was parked on the other side of said armchair. I wasn't sure where Harry was but I couldn't hear him anywhere close by so I figured he had already gone home.

"Where's Sofia?" Old Quil asked in his fragile voice.

Old Quil was a big proponent for imprinting and had actually suggested telling Sofia about it the day that I imprinted. He was big on honesty and had said it would be 'like ripping off a bandaid'. It looked like he was right because it had only gotten harder the more time I spent with her, to the point where now I didn't think I could tell her.

"At the Clearwaters'." I mumbled.

Emily gasped, "Oh, Jared... I'm sure she'll come round."

I looked over at her, her face a painful mix of pity and frail hope. She believed that Sofia would just accept it; she'd said that Sofia was a considerate girl and pointed out how she had never judged her, Emily that is, for her scars. I hated the idea of disappointing Emily but I think she took the expression on my face as doubt.

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires." she said as if reading from a book of quotes.

Sam sighed and squeezed her shoulders in a hug, "He didn't tell her, that's why she's at the Clearwaters' and not here. You need to tell her, man."

Everyone looked disappointed now, and I didn't like to think they were disappointed in me.

"And I recommend you do so before Embry phases." Billy said and I looked at him with a silent request for him to elaborate, "Jake and his friends are suspicious of you. She was talking to them earlier and if she's half as tuned in as you think she is then she noticed it. If he phases before you've told her, she may not be as understanding."

He was right. Sofia was a highly suspicious person and she would soon figure something was going on if Embry joined the pack and she still didn't know what was happening. And Embry could phase any day now.

He had finished growing, finished building muscle and his temperature was holding steady, as far as we could tell. All of these were signs that he was just waiting to get angry enough for that first phase, and anything could trigger that.

Sofia was also smart enough to know that something was going on now, no matter how much I hoped that she wouldn't notice. She'd commented more than once that my high body temperature was a biological abnormality that should really be investigated.

"You should tell her tomorrow, or today sorry. Is she going to come around?" Sam asked with his eyes locked on me.

"We didn't discuss that. I'll call her later."

Paul turned to Sam and Sam looked over his shoulder at him before he'd even said anything, "Maybe one of us should go with him, to make sure that he actually tells her. And to help ease her into things."

Sam nodded, "I think that's a good idea. We'll discuss it some more after everyone's had some sleep. Quil and Billy were about to leave."

Everyone said their goodbyes and Sam drove Old Quil and Billy home in Billy's old four-door. Paul went out to start patrols. I crashed on the couch, under Emily's suggestion. I was asleep before she'd even left the room and I dreamt of the same thing that I'd dreamt of since Christmas Eve.

Sofia. Smiling and sitting with me, in wolf form.


	27. Chapter 27

Breakfast the next day was weird to say the least.

Sue and Harry were surprised I was even in the house; apparently they were under the impression I would be spending the night with Jared. I had to suppress a laugh at the look on Harry's face, although I didn't care to imagine what he thought I'd been doing last night.

Leah was not happy. It was like she had a sixth sense about this stuff and she refused to talk to me. I was starting to get used to it, people not talking to me, and part of me felt I should blame Jared but a bigger part didn't care enough about them to do that. Jared made me happy and if they couldn't see or understand that then it was their loss.

Seth was just confused. He could tell that everyone knew something that they weren't saying out loud and it was killing him to be out of the loop. I would have let him in but I didn't know what to say, didn't know quite how to word it. I figured he'd find out soon enough, at the very least on Monday at school when others figured it out.

Jared texted me just before ten asking if I wanted to go over to Emily's again today but, as tempting as it sounded, I knew I couldn't. I had several assignments due on Monday and I felt a need to just be alone today. I'd promised that I'd see him tomorrow and he'd replied with 'sooner, if I can help it'. I was flattered that he wanted to see me but also a little annoyed that he was now impeding my alone time. I need alone time.

It was early afternoon and I'd finished all my assignments except for the Biology one on biological drawings. This one shouldn't take too long at all, there were a few scales to be drawn and a couple of cells, it would take half an hour at the most.

I had just started the last drawing when there was a knock at the door. Harry answered it but I couldn't hear what he was saying, my CD player was playing Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu and it was enough to jumble the conversation before it reached me.

So I jumped a little when my bedroom door opened and Harry stood beaming at me from just outside, "You have visitors."

Jared and Paul strode through the door and I smiled when I saw them. Harry walked away and Paul closed the door. Meanwhile Jared crossed the room to take my face in his massive hands and kiss me, God it felt good. I heard Paul groan and pulled away, it wasn't polite to do this in company.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked as he stepped back, smiling.

My bed squeaked as Paul threw himself down on it. I turned to look at him; his lanky frame didn't even fit on the bed when he lay on an angle. He rolled onto his side and started going through the things on my bedside table. I didn't care, it wasn't like there was anything there that I wouldn't show him.

"Biology homework." I turned back to my sheet to find that at some point I had drawn a haphazard line through my work, I searched my desk but to no avail, so I turned to Jared, "I'm pretty sure I know the answer but do you have a rubber?"

Jared looked more than a little shocked at my question and I couldn't understand it. His eyes were wide and his mouth sat in a crooked smile, like he wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not.

Paul coughed loudly and started groaning, "That is... not with me in the room. Seriously." He shivered.

"What? Do you have a rubber?"

Jared tensed at that and took my hand in his as he knelt down beside my chair, "I think that's something we should discuss in private."

"A rubber?" I realised that they were not on the same wavelength as me, "What do you think I'm talking about?"

"Well, if you want a rubber than I'm assuming you're talking about sex." Jared smiled at me.

My cheeks burnt and my brain started laughing at me. Pay back for not listening to it yesterday, "No! What the hell did you think I was asking for?" I couldn't understand how he'd gotten sex out of a request for a rubber. Especially one meant in half jest because I knew he wouldn't have one. Who carried around a rubber?

"A rubber; a condom." Jared looked as confused as I was embarrassed.

"No." I groaned and looked away from him for a few moments. I took a deep breath before continuing, "I meant a rubber as in an eraser. I've stuffed up my drawing."

Paul cackled from the bed and threw something towards me. Jared caught it before it hit me in the head, giving Paul a death glare as he did so. He opened his hand to reveal the eraser that had been sitting beside my bed.

"Thank-you." I muttered as I took it and turned back to my work, feeling embarrassed by the miscommunication.

"Who are you listening to?" Paul asked and the creaking bed signalled that he was moving. I looked over my shoulder to see what he was doing and found Jared sitting down in the space that Paul had cleared for him.

I straightened up to finish off my work, "Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu."

Paul laughed, "Gurromal Yupingu?"

"Gurrumul Yunupingu. He's an Australian Aborigine. He's singing in his native tongue, Yolngu."

"I like it." Jared mumbled and I smiled to myself. I loved Geoffrey's music, even though I didn't understand a single word of it. It was beautiful music.

Paul groaned, "Of course _you_ like it. I wouldn't have expected anything else." I could tell that Paul was mocking Jared and I let it go. Jared was, both literally and metaphorically, a big boy, he could take care of himself and the sound of hard flesh hitting hard flesh told me that he was.

"How long will it take you to finish that?" Jared asked and the bed squeaked, telling me that he had gotten up again. He was incredibly fidgety today and it was starting to make me nervous, again.

I sighed, only half as exasperated as the sigh sounded, "Almost done, just a few more details."

Jared stood behind my shoulder and watched as I finished attaching labels to cell features and added a scale to the bottom left hand corner. It was nice to put the pencil down and even nicer to close the assignment and put it in the pile of other finished works. The second the papers hit the pile, Jared grabbed the chair and span it so that I was facing him. It scared me a little but the sight of his face calmed me.

Jared knelt down in front of me, making sure that he could look me straight in the eye. Something about this moment reminded me of early this morning and the same nausea that had built then came barrelling back again. His eyes were wide as they inspected my face and they twinkled with some painful thought. His hands were unbelievably hot on my knees and I wanted to pull away but I couldn't move.

I was paralysed by the fear that he was about to break up with me and that Paul was here as a witness that he'd done it. It would have to be the world record for shortest relationship ever, official for just hours before he breaks my heart and humiliates me. My brain was laughing at me for thinking this would ever have turned out differently.

"Will you come to Emily's for dinner?"

I saw Paul shift behind Jared. He been stoic while he waited but not he was annoyed. He shook his head and looked at the corner of the ceiling, his lips pursed with his aggravation. He grumbled something so softly that I couldn't hear what he was saying. But it wasn't hard to figure out that what Jared had just said was not what he was supposed to say.

Jared's eyes continued to scan my face, as if trying to read my mind, for a moment I thought that he could but he didn't say anything. He was waiting for me to say something, he wanted me to be the one to move this conversation along. At least he thought he did.

All I wanted was the truth. I wanted to know whatever it was he was going to tell this morning and what he wanted to tell me about twenty seconds ago. This conversation was going to go the way I wanted, whether or not Jared liked it.

"Not until you tell me." I said with as little emotion as possible. I really wanted to cry because I hated the thought that he wouldn't talk to me.

"Okay, you've got to come to Emily's for dinner." Jared tried to pull a friendly smile but his blatant anxiety was making him fail.

I growled low in my throat, "That's not what I meant."

I saw Jared's Adam's apple drop as he gulped and felt a great urge to kiss him. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable and if my brain wasn't so annoyed at being ignore earlier than I would have just let it all go. I would have given into him just to let him out of his misery, but my brain wanted answers and it wasn't going to let him out of this until it got them.

Jared remained silent and I could feel my annoyance rising. Paul was tense behind Jared, his eyes still averted but his body language showing that he was definitely listening. Behind me Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu was still playing and the sounds clashed with my emotions so I turned around and pressed the lid to open it and stopped the CD playing.

"Don't play stupid, you know what I want to know. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" I said as I swivelled in my seat so I was looking at Jared.

His eyes seemed to be even wider now and the pain in them had grown. If he was going to break up with me than this isn't how I wanted him to do it. I wanted him to be honest and just say it. It wasn't fair of him to drag this out.

"I hoped you wouldn't." Jared admitted and I could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth.

Despite his honesty, I was pissed off that he thought so little of me as to believe I wouldn't notice that he was acting strange. His display last night, which I had not been able to forget, where he stood a few metres from me in his underwear, staring at me, was still playing through me head. I shivered at the memory and glowered at Jared.

He gulped again, "Please, promise me that you'll keep an open mind. I swear to you that everything I'm about to say is the hundred percent truth, but it may take some... adjusting to."

"Just, fucking, tell me already." If he wasn't going to break up with me than what was the worst that could happen? He wasn't really sixteen, he was actually twenty three? I could live with that. He had a child? I could live with that... I think. I just needed to know.

Jared exhaled heavily, "I'm aware we oath."

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that." I snarled, my brain was not impressed by his bad pronunciation or syntax. Whatever it was that made him say that stupid sentence, I was not happy about it.

He took my hands in his and stared me in the eye, "I am..." he said with deliberate consideration, "a werewolf."

Um...

Ummm...

How in the hell does one respond to _that_?

If Jared seriously believed he was a werewolf than he needed mental help. Help that I could not provide. That sort of delusion was a lot more than I could handle. If he was just being an arse than I would have to kick him in the family jewels, extra hard. Saying something like that was not funny. It was nasty and immature.

I really didn't need this right now.

Kim had humiliated me in front of the entire school, because of Jared. I was feeling majorly vulnerable and overly sensitive. I didn't need this werewolf crap. I just needed Jared to be honest with me and by honest I meant not making up shit about werewolves just because his tribes history includes a story about them.

It scared me that I couldn't find even a hint of a lie in his face. And the pain in his eyes was starting to make sense; he genuinely believed he was a werewolf. He was insane and he knew it. He just wanted me to join in his delusion because it would make him feel better.

I momentarily considered the prospects of it being the truth. But it couldn't be. Biologically it was impossible, for someone's body to change that much in a second... it couldn't be done. No matter how hard you tried, bones did not change and fur did not erupt, that quickly. It just couldn't be possible. I felt like a moron for even considering it.

I looked at Paul and realised that he probably believed Jared. Worse still, he may think he's a werewolf too.

"And Paul?"

They both nodded.

"Okay..." I sighed, more to myself than to anyone else.

"Okay?" there was a hint of relief in his voice and it pained me to hear it.

I looked at Jared, he looked as timid as ever but there was an edge of excitement to him now. He was hoping that I was falling for this crap. He still held my hands and I wriggled them free, I didn't want to touch him anymore.

I pointed to the door, "Get out."


	28. Chapter 28

It had been twenty-four hours since I'd told Jared to get out, almost to the minute.

My chest had never hurt so much. It was like my lungs were half full of sand and my blood was so thick that I couldn't pump it around my body. There was a fierce but dull pain that had engulfed my rib cage and it had attached itself as Jared had closed the door yesterday, and now refused to let go of me.

It was the worst humiliation of my life. And it had nothing to do with the number of people who knew. It was all in my head, quite literally. My brain was making itself feel like an absolute fool. To have ever believed that Jared actually liked me... that werewolf crap was made up to force me into breaking up with him, although I hadn't actually done that. All I'd said was get out and I refused to answer any of his texts.

I had hidden the phone in the bottom drawer of my bedside drawers after the third text from Paul. None of which I had responded to. Every now and then I heard it vibrate, signally the arrival of yet another text, and it only made my chest hurt more.

Every time I thought that I couldn't be in more pain, the force that was gripping my torso squeezed tighter. I could barely breathe. My heart could barely pump. I felt like I was dying.

Sue had come in late last night, after I refused to go out for dinner, to check on me. I told her I felt sick and I think I looked it too because she didn't even bother to check for a temperature. She'd suggested that I should call Jared and see if that made me feel better, and I asked her to leave, far more politely than I'd told Jared to.

She complied but kept coming to check up on me. Unlike Harry, she always knocked before entering which I found quite useful. When I hitched up the leg of my jeans and took a hold of my trusty push pin.

The only stupidity I felt when I was finished was the stupidity of thinking that someone could genuinely like me. And if Jared did genuinely like me than I felt stupid that only an insane person could like me.

By midnight I realised that my push pin, my safety net, it wasn't going to work for this pain. This pain was too intense for some superficial scratches to ever over power. If I skinned both my legs, I'm pretty sure the pain in my chest would still be worse.

It was like every panic attack I'd ever had, every negative thought, every surge of insecurity, replaying over and over at the exact same time and getting louder and louder with every second that passed. It was a million times worse than how I'd felt on Friday after Kim had yelled at me and I was wishing I was back at that moment, feeling that stupid petty pain instead of this all consuming one.

I'd fallen asleep out of pure exhaustion. It was probably more precise to say that I had passed out. Because I didn't consciously notice that I was about to fall asleep and the only sign that I had fallen asleep was when the moon was replaced by the sun in the blink of my eyelids.

When I woke, after not realising I was asleep, the pain was as strong and persistent as before. Nothing made me feel better. Sue recommended food but even water made me feel like I was going to be physically sick. This pain was deeper than anything I had ever felt before and I was desperate to find a remedy for it.

Leah had come in to ask if I wanted lunch but I refused, as I had for dinner last night and breakfast this morning. She'd then proceeded to sit with me. Her slender arm wrapped comfortingly around my shoulder as I sat on my bed and did nothing.

It wasn't that Jared had done this. It wasn't that he'd wanted to get rid of me. It had very little to do with him.

I was in pain because I was humiliated. I was laughing at myself. Yelling at myself. Angry with myself. Hating myself, more than ever before. I felt like a fool, I thought I was a fool and I was never going to let myself live this one down.

Someone like Jared didn't like someone like me unless there was a major flaw in his wiring. Which it sure as hell seemed like there was. And I felt more alone now than I ever had before. Because now half of me hated me and my brain just wouldn't let me get over how stupid I had been.

I didn't do anything on Sunday.

Just lay on my bed, staring at the wall. Until Leah came in, at which point we sat in silence for a long time. She'd eventually left, just before dinner, and I went back to staring at the wall. I tried desperately to force myself into sleep but I couldn't.

When I woke Monday it was to the sun glaring at me from fairly high in the sky. I rolled over to check my clock and found that it was almost twelve, noon. That meant that there was likely no one home so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

That pain was so much that lying still was exhausting and I spent most of Monday fading in and out of consciousness, but never feeling any less tired than when I had last fallen asleep. I had never thought that anyone could hurt me like this. I thought that I had my walls built strong and tall enough that no one would ever get that close to me to create this sort of pain.

My brain then decided that was fair game and used my pathetic defences as another thing to mock me on. I had been depressed before but I had never felt this self-conscious. The worst bit was I knew I had to get my shit together before Wednesday because that was when I made my weekly call home and if mum suspected anything she'd start freaking.

That was the last thing I needed.

Tuesday morning I got up and ate breakfast. Sue was happy to see me out of my room and was shocked when I said I wanted to go to school. She didn't think it was a good idea but she gave in to me. She wrote me a note saying that I wasn't well, so that if I had to come home I could. Not that not having a note had stopped me on Friday so why would it stop me today, when I genuinely felt like crap.

I packed my bag and got dressed, having to push myself to go slowly. As such I was a few minutes late leaving the house. I'd grabbed my phone, thinking it might be necessary, but when I saw that there were seventy-two text messages and twelve missed calls, I threw it back in the bottom drawer and left without it.

School was not as easy as I expected it to be. I don't know what people knew but everyone was staring at me when I arrived. Lily was ecstatic when she saw me coming down the street and ran to meet me before I got to school property. She'd told me Jared had asked about me and Leah growled at Lily not to talk about him, 'ever again'. Lily nodded and didn't question me on it.

Biology was not fun. Kim was sitting with Kyle and I had to sit in front of them, on my own. Then we had to work in groups, which meant I was lumped with them. Kim asked about Jared and when I said I didn't want to talk about it she actually smiled. By the end of class she'd said she was sorry for how she had been acting but I got a strong feeling that she was only saying it because she thought he'd broken up with me.

Still, I couldn't maintain my annoyance with Kim and control the pain in my chest so I let her have it. I sat beside her in History and that was as bad of a mistake as thinking Jared could like me.

When Jared walked in to History, and saw me sitting by Kim, his hands started to shake and he turned on his heels and stormed straight back out of the room. That, too, made Kim smile and she was super chatty from then on.

Jared wasn't in Physics but Ash was. And he'd noticed that something wasn't the same so he'd made a point of coming over and talking to Kim at the end of class. He'd then proceeded to make snide comments about how he wasn't surprised about things and I knew they were directed at me.

At lunch Lily had cursed Kim out when she and Mia tried to come and sit with us. Leah and her friend Nina came to sit with us and it wasn't until they sat down and Leah started in on Kim that she paid attention and walked away.

Lunch was also weird because towards the end there was a loud argument. Between the three boys that I'd spoken to at the Council Meeting. Jacob and Quil watched in silent shock as quiet, reserved Embry got to his feet and bellowed at them that they didn't know anything about him. He continued to grumble and snarl as he stormed from the cafeteria in a manner similar to how Jared had walked out of History.

Quil sat by himself in Chemistry. Looking downtrodden and confused. I wasn't going to sit next to him but Kim was angry with me again so I figured that it wouldn't hurt to sit with Quil, who seemed happy to have some company and I realised that he wasn't kidding when he said that he was good at Chemistry.

In English I sat with Lily, on a table on the opposite side of the room to Kim and Mia. I hated thinking that I was the cause of all these issues and I felt a growing desire to just leave and never come back. Lily said a few times that today was better than yesterday. Apparently she'd spent yesterday bouncing from acquaintance to acquaintance and praying that I would show up.

That gave me a reason to stay.

Calculus was okay. Except I couldn't sit next to Kyle and the only other free seats were next to Lucas, who probably wouldn't be too happy if I sat next to him, and the table in front of Kyle's, which was Jared and Paul's table. I didn't want to sit there but I didn't have a choice, it was the only table where I felt I wouldn't be impeding on anyone's personal space. Kyle made a smart arse remark about whether I'd defiled his seat or the one's on the table I was sitting at.

I just ignored him. It was the last class of the day and then I could go back to the Clearwaters' and hide in my room some more.

When the final bell rang I left without a second of hesitation. Half way to the front door I bumped into Lily, who asked if I wanted to go down to the beach. I apologised fervently and explained that I just needed some alone time.

When I got back to the Clearwaters' and the safety of my room, I put on some Sarah Blasko and lay down to try to get back to sleep.

Sleep was pleasant. Sleep was good. It didn't hurt when I slept. I didn't dream about anything and it was nice to wake up and know that I was a few hours closer to this being one bad memory.

I also realised that the pain wasn't as strong as the day before. Or maybe it was and I was just getting used to it. I didn't really care either way as long as it was getting better.

The next day was similar to Tuesday, except I didn't sit or work with Kim. I sat with Quil in Biology because Embry didn't show up. In History I sat with Collin, who was happy to have someone to talk to again. In Physics I sat near Kim but far enough away that I could pretend she wasn't there.

When I got home from school I put Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu on but had to turn it off because it reminded me too much of Saturday. I changed the CD to Bertie Blackman and enjoyed her quirky music as much as my aching chest would allow.

At four thirty I called Australia. I told them that I had come down with a virus and that was why I sounded so miserable, and they bought it. After the usual fifteen minutes my phone beeped to tell me I was running out of credit and I ended the call fairly quickly.

After my call home, I couldn't get my thoughts off Jared.

The pain was back at full ache. It pained me, intellectually, to think that the reason the pain was worse was because I hadn't seen Jared today. I don't know how he had done this to me and I found that very annoying.

My brain was as masochistic as ever and, seeing how the push pin wasn't supplying me with enough pain, it decided it wanted to read the texts. After about ten minutes of all out internal dialogue war, my curiosity won out and I dug the phone out of the bottom drawer.

_15 missed calls_

_84 unread text messages_

I'd said it before and I would say it again, he was persistent. I decided to check who the missed calls were from. If some were from Lily than he couldn't get all the credit.

_3:32 – Jared_

_8:29 – Jared_

_8:04 – Emily_

That one surprised me for a second. But then I figured she would likely be just as deluded as Jared and Paul.

_01.10.06 – Jared_

_01.10.06 – Jared_

_01.10.06 – Paul_

_01.10.06 – Emily_

_01.10.06 – Paul_

_01.10.06 – Jared_

_01.10.06 – Emily_

_01.10.06 – Sam_

_01.09.06 – Paul_

_01.09.06 – Jared_

_01.09.06 – Jared_

_01.09.06 – Jared_

Okay, so he had them all in on it. I checked the text messages, or the phone they originated from at least. I wasn't particularly interested in what he had to say.

The text messages were the same as the phone calls. From all different parties but mainly from Jared. Paul was coming in a close second although a lot of his texts were just 'call us' or 'sof please'. Jared's were a lot longer, some of them took more than a single text.

I couldn't resist.

_You have no idea how sorry I am that I have upset you. I've wanted to tell you since the moment I met you. I hated carrying the secret around with me. I know it's hard to believe, trust me I know. But I really need you to try to understand. Just give me a chance to explain, a chance to show you. Please, Sofia, you're brilliant, just give it some thought and I know that you'll see the truth._

Give it some thought?

What sort of thought could I possibly give this that would convince me of his deranged delusion? He was a normal teenager with a not so normal self-image. And I thought I was fucked up. At least I knew I was human.

So what if he did look a little old for his age? It was just genetics. Some people seem to reach maturity sooner than others, that was nothing supernatural. I had sixteen year old cousins that could pass for nineteen so it wasn't hard to think that some sixteen year olds could pass as being a little older.

My thoughts flashed to the scar on his arm last week. That day that he was really tired. He'd said it would go away soon and it had. In fact, it had healed a little too quickly to be normal. Even I knew that. But that didn't make him a werewolf, it made him a fast healer.

He ate like a dog, though. Like his stomach was a bottomless pit and leftovers were a crime against nature. Even for a teenage boy he ate a hell of a lot.

And his body temperature was a little on the high side. Okay, so maybe it was a lot on the high side but that didn't make him a werewolf. I'm sure there was a perfectly normal explanation for a high body temperature... I couldn't think of any but I was sure that there was some, somewhere.

Embry.

Embry's hand had been as hot as Jared's and Paul's were. And he hadn't been at school today. Neither had Jared.

And they were always at Emily's. And never in a full outfit. And they followed Sam's wishes like immaculately trained puppies. And they didn't seem to drive anywhere, actually that wasn't that uncommon in La Push but their cars were never at Emily's.

I pulled on my shoes and shoved my phone in my pocket. Standing up I pressed the power button on my CD player, maybe a little too hard, to turn it off. I checked the room quickly for anything else I might need and figured I had everything.

"I'm going for a walk!" I yelled as I made my way to the front door. Not stopping for a second to listen to whatever the reply was from Sue.

I accidently slammed the door behind me as I left.


	29. Chapter 29

They were waiting for me when I got there.

All five of them.

Jared looked down at me with large, soft eyes. I could see he was anxious again, although it seemed like it was for an entirely different reason this time. He wasn't afraid of what he had to say, he was afraid of what I was going to say.

Even I was afraid of what I was going to say.

On my walk here I'd given it even more thought and I had just about convinced myself that he wasn't lying. This was either going to confirm the worst or... actually, however this turned out would be incredibly weird and I was concerned that it might just be too weird for me.

It annoyed me that the sight of Jared made the pain in my chest ease up. It was like the giant hand that had been gripping my ribs was letting go. I kind of wanted to kick Jared for it because it meant that I would have a hard time pulling myself away from him, again. If I had to.

I was standing a few metres from the bottom step and looking up at them. Everyone showed signs of their nerves but none as much as Jared. He was borderline shitting himself as he waited for me to talk.

"Prove it." I said in a surprisingly steady voice, "Or do you need a full moon?"

Jared beamed down at me and I could see that the tension along the porch lightened. He jumped down all four steps and landed expertly on the packed dirt. He was directly in front of me a second later, his face had never looked so light and joyous before but I couldn't let myself smile. Not until he had proven himself to me.

"No. Full moons are not required. I'll be back in two seconds." He turned to make for the trees.

"No!" I yelled after him and he turned around in surprise, "In front of me. I want to see it myself."

Jared was suddenly nervous again, "But my clothes will rip and I don't have any spares here."

I wasn't going to let him trick me because of a few pieces of cloth. I had to see him actually transform or I wouldn't ever truly be able to trust it. I shook my head.

"Then take them off."

Jared looked confronted by the thought of stripping in front of me, but I wasn't going to let myself be fooled any more than my brain thought I already had been. It was still telling me this was all a lie and he wanted to hide behind the tree so they could send out a real wolf to pretend it was him having transformed.

"You do it where you are or I walk away and never come back." I prayed that my voice didn't betray my emotions. I didn't want to walk away. I would wait until the next full moon if that's what it took but I couldn't leave him and go back to that horrendous pain.

Jared watched me for a few moments, too stunned to move anywhere. I shrugged and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" He screamed after me, he really screamed after me, like I had just fastened his privates in a bench vice and was threatening to tighten it, "Okay, I'll do it here."

He pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his toned Greek God body. That body was the stuff of legends and I gulped at the sight of it. He wasn't wearing shoes and as he pulled down his shorts I realised he wasn't wearing underwear either. I'd told myself I wouldn't look, because it wasn't important, but I couldn't help myself. If things weren't so serious I would have blushed or at the very least had the biggest dorkiest grin on my face.

He straightened up and looked at me, "Don't be scared."

I didn't do or say anything and he stared at me as his body started to shake, ever so slightly.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. My brain was totally and utterly speechless, which was something it seemed only Jared could manage. It wasn't physically possible that he could do that. It... It wasn't biologically right. If people could change form like that it should take months at the very least, not seconds.

The giant, and I mean giant, brown wolf whimpered at me. He still had the same eyes, even if they were a little larger and sunk into the skull of a horse sized wolf. He dropped his head and looked up at me, like a dog being scolded for defecating in the house.

My brain was a useless mess as it tried to rearrange everything it had ever learnt to make what it had just seen make sense. So something else took over, something deeper, the something that had been hurting for the last four days. It pushed me forward, pushed me towards Jared, whose eyes brightened the closer I got to him.

I reached out and rubbed the heel of my palm along his large furry cheek. His fur was course but somehow smooth against my skin. Curling my fingers under his jaw I pulled his head up so that I could look him in the eye. He gave in to my silent request and I pushed his nose to the side as I buried my hand in the longer thicker fur on his neck.

He was watching me out of the corner of his eye and with my head so close to his I could see the tiniest hint of worry. He was afraid that I was going to freak out.

I don't know why I thought to do it but I turned so that his cheek was over my shoulder and I could better access his muzzle. I pulled his lip up to reveal his teeth and I could see his confusion growing.

"You're a lot better looking like this." I sighed as I walked away from him.

Paul and Embry laughed from the porch and I noticed that Sam and Emily were hugging each other as they watched me. I hadn't realised that I was the focus of attention here and I figure it was because they'd seen each other in their – this was really weird to even think about – wolf forms plenty of times.

I walked back to where I'd been standing before, I felt a little awkward about just walking back up to everyone, after how I'd been thinking about them the last few days, with the exception of Embry. I turned around to see Jared had changed back to his human self and had put his shorts back on.

"I take offense to that." Jared laughed as he snatched up his shirt and threw it over his shoulder. Then his face turned serious, "Are you okay with... with all of this?"

I hadn't really considered not being okay with this. I actually thought it was kind of cool, scary and very hard to get my head around, but there was definitely a cool aspect. Thinking about not being okay with it hurt, like the pain that I'd felt for the last four days was just the beginning of something far, far worse.

My brain still wasn't functioning at full capacity so my response was slow, "It might take a little time to... adjust to. But I think I'm okay with it."

Jared's breathing started to speed up as a bright smile spread across his face. He rushed towards me and I felt myself flinch away an inch as he reached me. He didn't notice as his arms wrapped around me and he heaved me off the ground, spinning me in a circle.

He put my feet back on the ground and leant down to kiss me. I raised a hand to his mouth and pulled away a little, "It's going to take a little time."

As much as I liked kissing Jared I couldn't get the feelings of the last few days out of my head. The pain, although one hundred percent gone now, still felt raw and my brain was just active enough to remind me of some of the thoughts I'd had that were not quite so nice.

Jared smiled at me, despite the twinge of pain in his eyes, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

I smiled back, "Shouldn't I be the one to ask you that? And do you have a collar and lead?"

Paul laughed again, "I love that chick. Are you hungry, Sofia? Dinner's almost up."

I laughed myself, "Do you guys ever stop eating?"

We turned to follow the rest of Jared's 'pack' into Emily's little house. She'd have to do some major renovations if this pack got any bigger. Inside was better than I remembered it, warmer somehow. Maybe it was because I felt like I was now in on the secret that was so well hidden I didn't even know it was there.

"So, when did Embry... join?" I asked as I sat down at the table next to Jared.

Emily busied herself with a large pot of soup; which smelt really bloody amazing. The others settled down around the table, as seemed to be the norm of these not so normal men.

Embry smiled at me, "Yesterday."

"Was that what the whole screaming fit was about?" I asked and everyone smiled to themselves.

"Kind of." Sam said, "Part of being what we are is learning to control our anger. Before our first phase we get angrier and angrier until we just snap. Embry was lucky that he could get out of the cafeteria before he phased."

The band of brothers – they called themselves brothers and I realised that that was understandable considering the circumstances – explained everything to me. From first phasing to learning how to control phasing so as not to turn into a wolf in the shower or at the corner store.

I also got the low down on the pack and the individuals. Sam was the largest and Alpha, which didn't surprise me in the least. Jared was Beta and had the best eyesight of them all, so far. Paul said he was the most handsomest; to which I had to make a comment about his poor English skills. And Embry was too new to know if he had any exceptional gifts but I couldn't help but note the change in him.

Embry was still reserved in comparison to the rest of the group, but when considering how he'd been the first time I'd spoken to him, he'd come out of his shell a lot. He just seemed a lot happier now. I guessed this could be to do with him not being as angry now that he'd phased for the first time.

"It's really strange." Embry sighed. I'd asked him what it was like phasing for the first time and he was thinking very carefully about how he responded, "I thought I was going mad and then when I heard Paul in my head I thought I had officially lost it."

I didn't like the sound of having other people in my head, I couldn't begin to imagine what it was like and I didn't want to. My thoughts were depressing and fucked up at the best of times; I'd hate having someone else listen to them. It'd just be another place where I didn't feel comfortable.

"But it also made knowing what was happening a lot easier. They didn't really have to tell me anything, they just remembered the stuff that had helped them and it was almost like it had happened to me. Weird, but it's kind of cool at times too."

"So, I don't get it. If it's part of your tribal heritage than why are you guys the only werewolves? Are you really werewolves? I mean, if you can transform at the drop of a hat and don't feel the urge to eat human flesh than... it's not real werewolfish behaviour."

"We are humans that turn into wolves, isn't that the definition of werewolf?" Sam raised his eyebrows in questioning and I thought about it for a moment. Sam didn't wait for me to answer but went on to answer my previous question, "Our parents could have been werewolves too but there were no vampires around then."

"What?" I thought about what he'd just said and it stunned me even more than the werewolf thing, "Vampires? You're fucking kidding, right?"

"So vampires freak you out but men turning into giant wolves doesn't?" Paul laughed.

I glanced at him, "You have a pulse and... I'll figure out how biology fits in with phasing but vampires... that's something entirely different."

"Are you repulsed by them? Or afraid of them?" Jared asked as he took my hand in his.

I thought about it for a second. My brain was barely coming to terms with the whole werewolf/shape-shifter thing, it really hadn't even considered the existence of any other supernatural creatures.

"Umm... a little maybe. I'm more confused. Vampires really aren't possible. If they don't have a pulse than they can't be alive. If they're not alive than they can't get up and bite people's necks, it's illogical."

Emily placed a bowl of soup in front of me, "Don't worry, Jared would sooner die then see you harmed by a vampire."

Now that I didn't believe and I gave her an incredulous face as she moved around me to give Paul his soup. I shook my head and turned away from her. If I let my brain become too sidetracked by any one thing than I might lose it forever.

"I would you know." Jared whispered as he picked up his spoon.

Embry laughed, "Yeah, you're his Third Wife."

That didn't make any sense, "You think we're going to get married?"

"That's what you took from that? Not the idea that he's been married twice before. Or that he is so in love with you that it hurts him. Or that that suggests you have to be willing to die for him. You got that he might want to marry you? Australians." Paul sighed and shook his head as his mouth engulfed his spoonful of soup.

I didn't look away from Jared, I needed to know that he didn't think I was 'his' Third Wife. But I couldn't understand the emotions on his face. Not even enough to make a wild guess at what he was thinking. It wasn't until Sam spoke that I looked away from Jared.

"More correctly, you're his imprint."

I didn't like the sound of that, I must have miss heard him. I thought he said imprint. It sounded... strange, painful, awkward. I really didn't like the sound of being his imprint, like I was something that he just left behind when he accidently stepped in thick mud, or fresh cow shit. No, being an imprint sounded bad.

"I'm his what?"


	30. Chapter 30

_Jared's POV_

This was it.

I felt like vomiting. This was either going to be very good or very bad. I didn't want to think about it going bad, but, of course, I couldn't help myself.

If she was a typical teenager she probably wouldn't care about imprinting being involuntary. But Sofia was far from typical, that was what I loved about her. She'd take the involuntary part of it and focus on that. I wouldn't be able to convince her otherwise if someone said that word. I prayed no one said _that_ word.

"You're his imprint." Sam restated; his tone low and serious, "He loves you, more than anything in the world. More than his parents, more than us. It's not really love; it's so much more than that. Love is trivial compared to how he feels."

It felt like I should be the one saying all this; and that we should be alone when I said it. I looked at Sam, in a silent request for him to let me try. He nodded and sat back in his seat, as I took Sofia's hands in mine.

Her attention darted back to me.

I couldn't quite place her emotion and, by the looks of it, neither could she. Confusion riddled every feature of her beautiful face and it was the only thing I could read properly. I didn't want her to be confused because from what I'd seen, when she gets really confused, she gets mad. I couldn't bear the thought of her being mad at me, again.

My chest tightened and my heart started to race, which only made the whole thing so much more painful.

For reasons that I could not understand my mind flashed to one Calculus class where she'd told me about Gizmo, the dog she'd once hated but now loved. She'd smiled so brightly at the thought of that dog. She'd been so happy thinking about Gizmo and it had made her look unbelievably gorgeous when she smiled like that. I wanted her to smile when she thought of me, like she did when she thought of that little dog.

The memory of that conversation only reminded me of how sad she'd looked when she spoke about being so far away from Gizmo. How she'd said she felt like she was abandoning Gizmo and how pained she'd looked at the thought of it. I worried that she would look like that when I told her that I'd imprinted on her.

"It's love at first sight." I said, staring her in the face, "Only it's a thousand times better and a thousand times worse. I have to see you, because it hurts to be away from you. I need you to smile because it kills me to see you upset, by anything or anyone. I would do anything to make you happy. I would be anything for you; whatever you need, that's what I'll be."

She stared at me. Her face almost blank, showing nothing but pure exhaustion. I thought she might pass out just sitting there, she had learnt a lot today. Maybe this was too much. I ran my hands up her arms, her skin was gloriously smooth but she also felt a little clammy. I stopped at her shoulders and held them lightly.

"The only thing I would change... if I could..." I wasn't sure if this was the right way to go with this but my wolf was telling me it was, "I would be braver. Stronger. I'd have left you alone after we first met, so that I could keep you safe."

She finally moved. She bit her lower lip. I thought she was going to say something but after several minutes of silence I knew it was just wishful thinking. There was this dimness in her eyes that, under other circumstances, I would have thought was boredom.

I rubbed her cheek with my left thumb and found her skin to be cold. It scared me, a lot. She'd never felt cold to me before. Even at the Council Meeting when she'd started shivering, her skin had still been warm and inviting. Now it was like ice and I feared that it may never go back to that delicious warmth again.

I couldn't stand the silence for much longer, "Please, talk to me."

We may as well have been alone. I wasn't registering anyone but Sofia and, as her grey-green eyes stared into mine, I knew that I was the only one she saw. In a weird way this was how it was meant to be, just the two of us together as the rest of the world passed by. But first, I needed her to say something.

"Why me?" she whispered, her lips barely moving and her voice only just strong enough for me to hear, even with my enhanced hearing.

I didn't want to answer because I was afraid that I would say the word that I so desperately didn't want her to associate with this. If she were to think that I didn't want this... it was too painful to even think about it. She had to believe me when I said that I loved her and that I wanted to love her.

"Because..." I remembered how it felt to see her for the first time. To look into her eyes and know that she was the one. The only one, for me. The only one I would ever need and the only one that could ever truly know me. We were built for each other and I'd known it the second I had looked into her eyes, "our souls... they were meant to be together."

She shook her head, ever so slightly, even my brothers wouldn't have been able to see it but my eyesight was better than theirs and I was closer. My heart faltered. She was about to turn me down. When she did I would have to run. My wolf wouldn't be able to be held back, not for long. I had to be away from her before I phased.

"You can't know that." she murmured.

I scooted closer to her, so that my knees were on either side of her thighs and I leant in as near to her as possible. My face was so close that I couldn't see her chin, even when I looked down. Still it wasn't close enough.

I felt like I'd run a marathon, even with the werewolf athleticism, but I forced my breathing to steady, "I can. I feel it, deep within me. It's like a fire that doesn't hurt. It keeps the emptiness at bay whenever we're apart and it's fuelled by the sight of you. I felt it dying when I thought you would never talk to me again. _I _was dying."

Something told me I may have gone a little too far in saying that. I'd been hoping that I wouldn't scare her away and telling her that her absence was killing me was not the sort of thing you say to keep someone by your side, especially someone you only met two weeks ago.

It was hard to believe it had only been two weeks. I felt like I'd known her my whole life, in a way I kind of had. I saw part of her that I knew no one else could see, something so deep in her that I couldn't look away. I couldn't miss a single part of her soul because I had to know it all. If everyone else saw half as much as I did than they'd be just as enthralled as I was.

Maybe it was a good thing that others were too blind to notice perfection when they saw it, otherwise I'd be going crazy with jealousy. Although I couldn't help but think they were the crazy ones, because Sofia... Sofia was... words could not describe her. They never could. Even perfection seemed too flawed.

"Because of me." she sighed.

Panic took hold, "No. No. No. Because of _me_. I thought I had hurt you, I still think I have, and it kills me to imagine you in pain. I can't let you ever be hurt. Because you deserve the very best this world can offer."

I stared at her, desperate to find some sign that she believed me. I couldn't let her think that she had caused me harm. How ironic. That thinking she'd hurt me was hurting me. She just couldn't think that, but she didn't seem to believe me.

There was a pain in her eyes that made me feel sick.

She believed that she had hurt me, that she was still hurting me. Was she never going to be able to see the wonder that had befallen us? Because imprinting was wonderful, it was a pain in the ass at times but it was also wonderful.

I loved her, not with all my heart but with all my soul. Every fibre of my being longed for her, for her touch, for her presence. But most of all, for her smile. I just wanted her to be happy and if she felt anything like I did than she needed me. And I wasn't going to go anywhere, as long as she let me stay.

Her skin was like ice as I ran my thumb across her cheek. Only, unlike ice, it didn't melt at my touch. Not like I wanted it to. I could see in her eyes that she felt the cold, not just the physical cold but an emotional one too. She couldn't think straight and she had never gone this long without a logical thought before.

It scared her and her brain closed down even more as the fear grew. It was a vicious cycle. I could see it deep in her mind, spinning faster and faster with every rotation. Like a tornado forming in her head. The more she feared the less her brain worked and the less her brain worked the more she feared.

I needed to stop it before she passed out in front of me. I needed to know that she was safe and that in that brilliant head of hers there was nothing but rainbows and puppies. Nothing but joy.

My hand cupped her cheek and I tried to get her to focus on me. The raging storm in her pupil was blinding her. She didn't see me, and I feared she couldn't feel me either.

I didn't know where this had come from but I had to stop it.

Maybe it was everything catching up to her. The werewolf thing. She'd taken it way too well to be normal. The pack had to accept it, it was part of us. This wasn't part of her, she didn't need to accept it and her brain just... wasn't.

What had I done? I should not have let them bring up the topic of imprinting. I should have begged them to avoid it, at all costs. I should have lied to her. If it stopped her from hurting than the lie was worth it, right? I shouldn't have said anything, _anything_, about how much her turning me away had hurt me.

I'm a fucking fool. _I was dying! I was dying?_ Of all the things that I could have said why the fuck did I say that. This was my fault. Her loosing grip of, by the looks of it, everything, was all my fault. I had to fix this. I had to see her smile.

Saying I would die for her had seemed like the right thing to say. At the right time. How could I have been so stupid? Shit, what was I going to do?

"Sofia? Please, please look at me." I begged.

Her eyes caught mine, truly caught them, and she was looking at me again. Despite the blinding tumult behind those beautiful eyes, which were the same colour as the flesh of honeydew melons, she was looking into my eyes and seeing everything there was to see.

I could feel her exploring my eyes, exploring my soul. It was ever so slightly awkward but the awkwardness was massively outweighed by the glorious sensation that she was learning about me. She was reading everything that I could show to her and it all revolved around her. She was all I could think about at this moment and I really wanted her to know.

Her head twitched to the side a little and her brow furrowed. She stared harder and deeper into my eyes, "Is it like... a Greek thing?"

I wasn't sure what she was talking about because all I really noticed was that she was talking to me. She sounded... strong, like that nightmare in her head was nothing at all, like it was something she could just brush aside. All I could think to say was, "It's called imprinting."

She shook her head and sighed, "No. According to Greek legend, when Zeus made man, he made them with four arms, four legs, two faces. But, for whatever reason, Zeus didn't like these people so he split them in half. Left them to wander the world alone until..." she gulped, "until they found their other part. Their soul mate."

I nodded, confused by the storm in her pupils and the strength in her voice. How could she be so strong when her eyes were so dark? So disturbing. No, I can't use that word to describe her eyes, they were beautiful, not disturbing. Windows to the most perfect soul anyone could ever imagine.

There had to be a better word than perfect, but I didn't have a good vocabulary. I'd have to find a thesaurus later and see if there was a word that was good enough to be used to describe Sofia. Because she deserved the best and 'perfect' was not the best.

"Are you okay with that?" I had to ask, I had to know.

She smiled and the tension in my body vanished in a single moment, "Are you? I'm not the greatest catch in the world."

"You're the greatest one to me." I said and kissed her.

I really kissed her. So forcefully that she nearly slid off her chair. I scooted my body as close to hers as I could and pulled her body towards me. The feel of her lips on mine, of my tongue against hers... I was in heaven. She kissed back with equal passion and it was the best kiss of my life.

If it never ended it would be too soon.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Okay so I think I'm going to have to slow down a little on the updating. I've fallen behind on my studies and, to be honest, I don't really know where this is going. It was supposed to take months, in the story, to get to this point but somehow it just didn't feel right taking that long.**

**Anyway, if anyone has some ideas for what should happen next than I'd love to hear them. Also, if you have any questions, if you think I have over looked something, or haven't given enough information, then PM me or review and I'll make sure that I find a way to fix it up.**

**And some more reviews would be nice. I hate to ask for them but without feedback I'm not sure if I'm heading in the right direction.**


	31. Chapter 31

I still wasn't sure about this imprinting business. It sounded messy and painful as all hell. It was because of imprinting that I had hurt so much over the last four days. It was because of imprinting that I was so stupidly in love with Jared.

Two weeks. We'd known each other for two weeks and already I couldn't stand to be away from him. Or, more precisely, I couldn't stand the idea of not seeing him again. It wasn't normal for me to feel like this but then again, considering everything, me falling into some over exaggerated teenage romance was actually very normal.

My brain was still sluggish. It couldn't understand how any of this was possible. Men did not change shape like that, and yet I had seen it. The saying 'seeing is believing'... yeah... that's full of shit. I saw and I wanted to believe but my brain was being stubborn.

Jared and I were sitting outside, on the top step of the stairs leading from Emily's back porch out into the forest. Jared wanted me to sit on his lap and I had protested for quite a while, genuinely afraid that my weight would break his legs, but he'd eventually won out. So I was sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, while he read through a dictionary.

Yeah, not only was he a werewolf but he was interested in increasing his vocabulary. It was beyond weird.

And yet, I still had the presence of mind to be concerned about my weight. It made me wonder if I would ever be able to get over it. I wasn't worried about Jared being affected by my weight, tonight I had come to the conclusion that of all things, weight was the least of Jared's concerns. But that didn't mean that _I_ didn't have a problem with it.

There were two things about me that I didn't like. My masochistic, psychotic mind and my weight. All I could think about tonight was those two major flaws. Jared had professed his love to me and all I could do was wallow in self pity. I felt like such a bitch.

It was hard to think of anything but my flaws because my brain wasn't there to protect me. When things got hard and my anxieties rose, I could always rely on my brain stepping in and building up a wall to stop everyone from seeing the whirlwind of my self-hate.

God, I was pathetic.

Jared was flicking through the light pages of the large dictionary that Emily had rustled up for him. Being careful not to tear them as he searched. For what, I wasn't sure. There was a small thesaurus at the back of the dictionary and he was flicking between it and different pages of the dictionary.

"What are you doing?" I finally asked.

He just smiled up at me and then turned back to the dictionary. He squeezed his right arm pushing me into his shoulder so that his head rested against my side and my gut. I felt self-conscious for a moment but the warmth and affection that radiated from him soothed me.

My forearm rested across his shoulders and I turned to look back out at the darkening forest. This was more than I'd ever expected to have. And it felt very... outlandish was probably the best word for it.

Truth be told, after everything that I'd learnt today, the hardest thing for me to digest was the fact that Jared still wanted to be around me. I'd hurt him. And from the sounds of it, I'd hurt him even worse than I'd been hurting recently.

"Seriously. What are you looking for?"

"Do you have a good vocab?" Jared asked, seeming to ignoring my question.

I laughed, "Good enough that I've never had to use the abbreviation vocab."

He rocked back and forth a little, causing me to rock with him. I laughed softly and felt his hot breath blowing across my stomach as he huffed his own cheery mirth. It felt nice to feel his breath against my skin.

He looked up at me, his eyes wide with humour, "Do you know what paragon means?"

That took a little thought, because I knew of the word but had never really thought about its exact meaning, "Something about supreme excellence or something. It's not a word I tend to use, well... ever."

He smiled wider and turned back to the dictionary that sat on my lap, "What about sempiternal?"

Strangely enough I knew that one, "Eternal and unchanging."

"How the hell do you know that?" Jared's voice was an octave higher than normal due to his surprise.

I smirked to myself, "A few years ago it was my favourite word."

"You have a favourite word?" Jared could barely contain his amusement.

His eyes shone with delight, he genuinely liked talking to me and he loved when I surprised him. It made me feel... special. Like I actually mattered, to someone who really didn't need to care about me.

I beamed down at him and stroked his hair, it was surprisingly smooth considering how short it was, "More like words. I've always liked the word phonetic, because it's not phonetic and I like irony. At the moment I like the words quixotic, brobdingnagian, festschrift, autochthon, recondite and of course, hippop- hippopot- this might take me a little while to get out," I took a deep breath and continued slowly, "hippopotomonstrosesquipedali ophobia. And there's more but I don't think we have time to go through them all."

"A hippo did what now?" Jared stared at me with unadulterated amazement.

I took another deep voice to repeat the word, "Hippopotomonstrosesquipedali ophobia. It took me weeks to memorise it."

Jared looked like he couldn't believe his ears, "That's one word?" I nodded, "What the hell does it mean?"

I laughed, just the thought of its meaning made me giggle, "It's the fear of long words. It takes thirty-five letters to name a fear of long words. It's so stupid."

"Say it again." Jared sighed, looking up at me with large eyes.

"Hippopotomonstros-"

He kissed me.

I kissed back.

He pulled away, smiling, "I've been looking for a way to describe you."

"Freak doesn't cover it?" I laughed and he hugged me tighter.

Jared sighed, "So far I've come up with 'paragon of paradisiacal nonpareil supertemporal pulchritudinous-ness'. But it still doesn't seem right, pulchritudinous sounds too... it's just not you."

My laugh was one of confusion. I knew what paragon and paradisiacal meant but the other words were just sound to me, "I'm what?"

Jared hugged my waist and looked up at me, staring deep into my eyes, "I'm trying to find a way to describe you because perfection just isn't perfect enough."

I couldn't help myself, "That is so sweet that... I think I might vomit."

Jared hugged me tighter and I felt my heart soften. I could stay like this forever, or at least a very, very long time. Just the two of us. It felt better than nice, it was marvellous.

A howl cut through the cool air like an audible lightning bolt signalling the start of a storm. Jared tensed and slowly drew away from me. His eyes were hard but the severity was not aimed at me. He looked apologetic.

I smiled at him as I hauled myself off his hot lap, "I get it."

He stood and kissed me softly, before bounding down the stairs and into the forest. Stripping as he went. Embry and Paul dashed past me a moment later, following Jared's actions so as not to destroy their clothes. I heard their wolves howl as they phased and headed towards wherever Sam was.

I scooped up the dictionary, needing to use both hands because it was a hell of a lot heavier than Jared made it look. Clutching it tightly to my chest I headed into the house, finding the darkness of the outdoors less comforting now that Jared was gone.

Emily was sitting by herself at the kitchen table, reading a book. I wondered why she was at the table and not in the comfort of the living room. She still looked content though, as if the kitchen were the most comfortable room for her.

The dictionary made a loud bang when it hit the table and I cringed at the sound. I hadn't meant it to land like that. I'd hoped I'd be able to do it with as little noise as possible. Figuring I could leave quietly while she was engrossed in her book, and she wouldn't realise so she wouldn't stop me.

"So, how do you feel?" she asked as she folded over the corner of the page and closed the book.

I smiled weakly, "Tired."

She laughed as she stood up, "That's entirely understandable."

Emily looped her arm with mine and led me into the living room. The TV was on and somehow Paul and Embry had been able to find a football match to watch, at 11:30 at night. Emily cringed at the screen and snatched up the remote to change stations. She found some trashy movie from the 90's and dropped the remote back onto the coffee table as she sat down. Her arm was still looped with mine so she pulled me down with her.

"This is your first chase."

I scrunched up my forehead and looked at her, "I'm not following."

Emily sighed, "Jared's gone vampire hunting. They're chasing down this red headed vamp, she been trying to get to the town for a while now."

"Well, hopefully they'll be able to rip off a few limbs, right?" I tried to sound confident although the thought of Jared chasing down a vampire did scare me.

Emily sighed, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I muttered and even without looking at her I could tell that she didn't believe me.

She exhaled heavily, "You'll need to lie better than that if you don't want Jared figuring out something's up. Now, what is it?"

Now that Jared wasn't here my insecurities had come flooding back. And with my brain still on the fritz from information overload I had nothing to defend myself with. I knew big girls in Australia who were loved, or married, and had children. I knew fat people who were happy. So why couldn't I be one of them.

That was when I remembered that over the last four days, I hadn't taken a single tablet. With the pain it had been easy to forget that my brain needed help keeping its thoughts in line, but I was going to pay for that now that the pain was gone.

I took tablets for my anxieties. To help me keep them at bay for as long as I couldn't control them. No tablets meant no control. The next week was going to be fun, note sarcasm.

"Sofia?"

"I don't get it." I blurted, suddenly unable to control my own mouth. First my thoughts then my mouth, what next?

"Get what?" Emily said with caution.

I took a deep breath, "I don't get why he imprinted on me. I'm not pretty. I don't make friends well and I can't maintain friendships. How can he even stand to touch me? I mean he is gorgeous. He's flawless. And I'm nothing but one giant flaw. Look at me." I finished looking down my front and pulling at my shirt to signify my weight.

Emily was quiet for a moment and then, "Where the fuck did that come from?"

I looked up at her and found her staring back at me in total and utter confusion. The wall wasn't up, it wasn't even on an angle. All the self-hate, it was swirling around and revelling in the lack of confinement. Emily was going to see it all and I was terrified.

I didn't want her to know just how fucked up I am. Because she might tell Jared. At the very least she'd tell Sam and he had a psychic link to Jared so it was as good as the same thing. She couldn't hear any more, I didn't want her to hear any more.

But I couldn't stop it.

"It's the truth. It's honesty. Seriously, there is nothing redeeming about me and poor Jared is going to have to suffer through it. Why would he choose me?"

"They don't choose who they imprint on. It's not a choice to devote yourself. It's... like an addiction that they don't know they have. Once they get a little they don't want anything else. Jared didn't choose you, it was something he couldn't avoid. Something he couldn't not feel." She tried to explain but I couldn't think of anything past her first sentence.

I figured she was trying to help. Trying to comfort me by telling me that what Jared felt wasn't going to change. But that was not what I was hearing. The words got worse every time I thought about them.

"He... he was forced." I sighed.

Emily turned her whole body towards me and took my hands in hers, "Forced is most certainly not the right word."

I gawked at her. How could she think that forced wasn't the perfect word for it? He had no choice in the matter, that didn't sound like a good thing to me. I didn't want someone to have to like me; I wanted them to want to like me. I wanted Jared to want to want me.

It wasn't a surprise, not really. There was no way that I could ever get someone who just wanted me. Especially not someone as amazing as Jared. If I had any chance with him than I would have to accept that it wouldn't be by his choice. I didn't care what he said, he was drugged by this imprinting thing, he wasn't thinking straight.

Maybe I should just take what I was getting. Even guys that I didn't want, didn't want me. No sane, un-imprinted guy would ever want me, so what was the harm in just letting this imprint thing be. From what everyone had said he couldn't fight this, so it would be cruel of me to even try to force that onto him.

This was as good as it was ever going to get for me. Someone forced into loving me; that was all I ever had to look forward to. If I left Jared, no one would ever want me and it would just hurt him again.

I'll stay. Because I want Jared and because he can't stand to be without me. Maybe one day, it wouldn't feel this horrible to know that he only liked me because he had to.


	32. Chapter 32

The guys got back just before one and I could barely believe that I was still awake.

Exhaustion wasn't tired enough to describe how I felt. If I slept for less than twenty-four hours, when I finally fell asleep, I would not be surprised. There wasn't even enough energy in me to stand up when Jared walked into the room.

Part of that could have been from the darkness that had settled on my shoulders after I had blurted out my insecurities to Emily. I was sure she thought I was insane. I caught her looking at me a few times and she looked like she was afraid of me.

At least they all seemed to be in one piece, which lightened the darkness around me a pinch.

But I couldn't truly appreciate my relief at their safety, because at the sight of Jared I was reminded of his predicament. Forced into loving me. How could he ever love me for not letting him have a chance? A chance to love someone else. To find someone far more deserving of his affection than me.

I had thought that I could live knowing that he didn't have a choice. I thought that I was okay with him not having an option. But I wasn't. I only wanted him to be happy and get what he deserved. That wasn't me. I couldn't be so selfish.

"I'm going to call the Clearwaters. Make sure they know where you are." Sam said to me as he waltzed back out of the living room, Emily followed hot on his heels. I wasn't stupid, even in this state, she was going to tell him what I'd said.

"I'm going back out on Patrol." Paul ruffled my hair as he walked past me on his way out of the room.

"And I'm... umm... I'm going to go elsewhere." Embry shrugged and left the room.

"Really smooth, Embry." Jared called after him and then turned back to me, "You look tired."

I took a deep breath, "I feel tired."

Jared's hot hand moved to my cheek and his thumb rubbed softly against my cheek. His touch felt so good. I couldn't believe what I was thinking about doing. If I did it I would likely never feel this again. His fingers held my jaw gently and he looked me in the eye.

"Are you okay?" I nodded but even I felt the impassivity of the action and I knew it wouldn't be lost to Jared, "No you're not. What's wrong?"

The timid look on his face was heartbreaking. He figured that it wasn't anything good and he was preparing himself for the worse. It wasn't going to be the worst, I didn't think. My own selfishness was going to be satiated just not to the level that it wanted.

"I've been thinking." I sighed, "I can't do this. I want to but... I can't. Not as your girlfriend."

Jared was shaking his head, trying to keep my eyes locked with his. His eyes were wide and his hands on my knee and wrist were gripping a little too tight. He pulled himself closer to me and his voice was weak when he spoke.

"You want to break up? We only just... why? Was it something I said?"

"No. You don't really want this and I want you to have a chance to find something else. Someone else." I was growing more confident with every word that I said and I could feel the wall that had crumbled was rebuilding itself.

Jared shook his head deftly, "There isn't someone else. There's just you."

"Tell me, Jared. If you hadn't imprinted on me, would you have ever even noticed me? Would you have said more than two words to me?"

His eyes scanned my face. Searching. Once again I wasn't sure what he was searching for but he persisted. Unfortunately for him, the wall was almost rebuilt. My brain was just about back and once it was I would not give in to his tales of love and imprinting.

He closed his eyes and grimaced, "No, probably not. But that's not what happened." he opened his eyes to stare at me, "I have imprinted and I want you. The last four days were agony, please, don't put me through that again."

"I'm not leaving you." I muttered.

Jared's hands were starting to shake and his grip got tighter against my flesh, "It sure as fuck sounds like you are." He'd never sounded that cold or hard towards me and it threw me for a moment.

"If you want me to hang around with you, than I will, but I don't think we can be in this sort of relationship, not with how it's come to be."

"How it's come to be? How has it come to be?"

I watched Jared for a moment, this was hurting him and I hated myself for it. Why couldn't he be a normal sixteen year old and just accept what I was saying and go find some other floozy to fall in love with him?

"Imprinting. It's making you love me, not by choice but by force. I'm honoured that it chose me but I cannot do that to you. You need to want to love someone, you need to find someone that you want to love."

Jared's grip tightened further and I was only just able to hold back a grimace at the feel of it, if he held any tighter I would bruise, "I choose to love you. I want to love you. What happened to that Greek stuff? Soul mates? You can't tell me you can't feel it."

I shook my head, "I've never believed in soul mates. Just confusion and fear leading to mutual reliance. Ouch, Jared that hurts." I finished with a grunt as his grip tightened further.

He seemed shocked to find me prying at his hands and he released me from their grip. Anger and annoyance marring his handsome face, but they weren't aimed at me. He was angry and annoyed at himself. But they were soon replaced with hope and he looked up at me with cheerful eyes.

"I'll prove it to you. Give me time and I will prove that you're the one that I want."

I didn't believe that he would succeed but I smiled and nodded, "Take all the time you need."

He put his hands behind my knees and pulled me forward on the armchair, so that my legs were on either side of him. He knelt up onto his knees and put a hand on the small of my back, forcing our bodies to touch. The heat radiating from him was intoxicating and I wanted to melt into him.

His lips brushed against mine for a split second, "Good. Because I do want you." He pressed his forehead to mine so that we were staring directly into each other's eyes. His were darker than usual, shadowed by an emotion I had never seen in anyone before, "I want you, every minute of the day. I want you when I'm patrolling. I want you when I'm waiting to patrol. I want you in my shower. I want you in my bed."

Those last two did things to me that no one had ever managed to do. I noticed how deep and course his voice had become and how slowly he had said those words. Like each one had its own flavour and he had to savour them all. I figured out what it was that darkened his eyes, and despite my confusion, I loved it.

Lust.

I felt it now. He felt it, too. My desire to push him away was diminished by the feeling. He was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and it was still way too much. The thought of him standing before me earlier today, naked in the sunlight, made my mouth water. I wanted him, more than ever.

Our lips met again. His were so soft and delicious; I never wanted to kiss another because no one could compare to this. A hot tongue licked a request along my lips and I couldn't contain myself. I pushed myself forward, into the kiss, and Jared's free hand flew up my side to hold my neck.

I don't know how we managed it but soon we were both on the armchair. Jared's knees sinking into the centre of the cushion as he leant above me, pushing me into the back of the chair. His hot body burning my skin through my cotton shirt.

The hand that held my lower back slid up my side, trailing his fingers along against my skin. The hem of my shirt rose and I could feel exactly how cold the night air was, but was unable to focus on anything but Jared. His hand stopped when it reached my breast, wrapping around the plump mass and kneading it.

I moaned into the kiss and felt Jared smile. He pressed his body closer to mine and butterflies erupted in my stomach.

I wanted to stop him; I wanted to try to tell him that this wouldn't work. But, by God, was it working. My nerves were on edge, I felt everything in so much more detail and yet the only thing I noticed was Jared. And what he was doing to my body.

It wasn't like I didn't know what was happening or what I was feeling; Jade might not have been able to spell but there was plenty that didn't require spelling, she'd told me about this after her _first time_. Not that this was going to be my first time.

I pushed him away and smiled up at him, "That's not going to help you."

He kissed me again, his lips moving away from mine and along my jaw bone. Between each hot kiss he mumbled, "Maybe not but... it sure feels good." His mouth moved down to my collar bone, where he pushed aside my shirt and started sucking and nipping at my skin.

It felt too good for me to stop.

Then I realised what he was trying to do and I pushed him away again, "When I say that this isn't going to work, I mean all of it. Kissing included."

He sat back on his feet and looked at me carefully, "None at all?"

"None."

I didn't like the smirk that grew on his handsome face. He reached out and stroked my cheek, "I think I can get you to change your mind. You're not at all that stubborn."

He tried to kiss me again and I put a hand up to stop him, "I'm not doing this for me. I want to kiss you."

Jared gave me a questioning look and his voice mirrored his face, "Then why are you doing this?"

I thought I'd made it clear that I wanted him to find someone that he actually wanted. Not that the imprint wanted. I didn't want to say it again because I was afraid that, like when he was asking me out, I would give in and be the selfish bitch I felt I was already being.

"For you. Because you need to find someone you want. Someone you really want." I whispered, unable to get my voice any louder.

Jared breathed a laugh, "I've already found that person."

"Without the imprint."

"That's like asking me to live without the werewolf thing." Jared's tone was sharp although I knew he was trying to control himself, "It's in me and I can't get rid of it. Now that I've found you, I don't want to be rid of it. Ignore the werewolf, ignore the imprint, I'm still-"

"Out of my league and would never have noticed me."

Maybe that was a little harsh. Jared's eyes flashed with pain when he heard the words and I felt horrible for it. But if it helped him realise that I wasn't as perfect as he imagined me to be than it was worth it. If it meant that he could be happy one day, truly happy, with a woman who he actually wanted to be with, than I was live with the regret I felt now.

"It's too late." He sighed, "I'm hooked now and I can't get unhooked."

That was the last thing that I wanted to hear. I wanted him to try, he had to try. There was someone out there for him, who was far better suited to him than me.

"Try. For me. Try."

Jared shook his head, "Fine, but first, I want you to be honest with me. I want you to admit that you're not doing this for me. You're doing this because it's easier for you to think that I don't want to be with you. You're scared, I can smell your fear. Admit that you are ending this because you're afraid that _you_ want me."

He grabbed the small of my back and pulled me away from the armchair's backrest. Once again pressing our bodies together. I couldn't deny that I loved how it felt and that the thought that I wouldn't be able to do this again made me feel a little depressed.

I breathed deep and steady, trying to will my heart beat to slow down. He was too close for me to think straight. He was between my legs and it felt... I felt like a horny teenager, which I guess, considering how delectable Jared was, wasn't that unreasonable.

I dropped my head forward, resting my forehead against his bare hot chest, and sucked in a deep breath. He smelt unbelievable and I never wanted to move away from him.

"Okay." I sighed, nervous even thinking about saying it out loud, "I'm scared."

Jared took a deep breath and got up off the chair. He moved around to sit on the arm of the chair, it creaked under his weight.

"So, what does 'all of it' entail?" he asked, staring at the opposite wall.

I tried to think of the best way to put it. If I tried to name everything than I would likely forget something, or he would think of a way around it.

"Basically, just friends. If you wouldn't do it with Paul, than we're not going to do it."

Jared smiled, "So, if I kiss Paul than I can kiss you?"

I moved so that I was facing towards him, my legs crossed underneath me and my back pressing against the arm of the chair, "You'd be willing to kiss Paul?"

"I'd definitely consider it."

I couldn't hold back my laughter, "Let me put it this way, if you kiss Paul than I wouldn't be kissing you afterwards."

"Playing hard to get, I see." Jared looked down at me, "Well, I enjoy the chase."

"There will be no chasing in the house." Sam boomed as he entered the room, Emily following him like a little lost puppy, "I called Sue. She said you can stay if you want, or one of us will drive you back. She also said she'll call the school tomorrow and tell them you're sick, so you can get a good night's sleep."

Emily stepped in front of him, "We have a spare room, with a double bed." She looked at Jared and I knew exactly what she was thinking. God, I wish that was on the cards.

Jared winked at me, "I'll show you."


	33. Chapter 33

When I woke the next morning it was to the sound of someone breathing softly but steadily behind me. They had their hot arms around me, one draped over my waist and the other was under my neck. His firm body supported my back and warmed me against the cold winter air.

I sighed. Content.

This wasn't really friend behaviour, I was certain he would never do this with Paul, but in the haze of my waking I couldn't care less about those details.

I spent the day at Emily's. With Jared. But we kept our hands off one another, after we got out of bed that is. We were trying to be friends and it was working. Most of the time. When he sat, or stood, too close, I wanted to hold his hand, touch his face. But I resisted. If he was going to get over this imprint business than I had to have some self control.

At two o'clock Jared went on patrol and Paul gave me a lift back to the Clearwaters. Sue said that she'd told Leah I was staying at the Honeybones', Lily's family. I already knew she'd done this because Lily called me during lunch to tell me about it. She swore to keep it a secret from Leah as long as I let her in on the 'goss' tomorrow.

Leah seemed happy to accept it and I was glad. I couldn't stand the idea of upsetting her again. It was a little awkward when she decided to have a bitch about Jared and Sam and their little group. But I had a better understanding of why she was so hurt now and I was willing to tolerate it if it meant that she was happy.

School on Friday was much like school on Wednesday. I avoided Kim and managed to go the whole day without talking to her, which I was kind of happy about. I felt bad for Quil though because he was worried about Embry. He kept asking me if Jared had ever said anything about what they did during the day and I had to lie to him. It didn't take a genius to know that theirs was a secret that had to be kept.

After school I went to Emily's, after pretending to head over to Lily's. Lily was surprisingly cool with having to lie to Leah and Nina. It was even more surprising seeing how I was lying to her. I told her just about everything, except the werewolf and imprinting, and she was excited for me. She was keen on the whole thing because she wanted to be a witness to a real life romance.

Once at Emily's I was free to stop lying... or at least reduce my lying. I still refused to tell Jared why I was scared of him liking me but everything else was free game, for all of them. Sam weaselled a few bizarre facts out of me, like that I was a fan of vegemite and cheese on toast. Paul got me to admit that I once owned a Nelly Furtado CD. It was like Emily's house was a, mostly, lie free zone.

But it was a two way street and I found out that Jared and Paul came back to school, not for me, but for Embry. They had known that he was going to phase and wanted to make sure someone was around to help straight away, when he did. It turned out that they were expecting someone else to phase soon, Jacob Black, and they warned me to keep my distance until he had.

Jared promised that he would be back in school for that but, until it was closer to Jacob's expected phasing, Jared wouldn't be at school anymore. He'd be patrolling by night and sleeping most of the day. Sam was trying to find some way to organise their 'schedule' so that Jared, Paul and Embry would be able to make it to some classes.

I made the mistake of bringing up Leah and saying that I thought it would be best, if Jared came back to school, that we pretended not to get along. Jared didn't like the sound of that. He blurted in front of everyone that he was struggling with 'this friends crap' and didn't think Leah should be allowed to control our friendship too.

But I stood my ground and Jared eventually gave in.

The weekend was harder because I didn't have anywhere to go that I could turn into a secret trip to Emily's. So I spent the weekend texting Jared, and at times Paul, when they weren't out on patrol. After a close call with Leah finding my phone, with an unread text from Paul showing on the display, that I lied about and said was from a friend in Australia, I decided to change all their names.

Sam became Alpha, Emily became Emma, Paul was Duke – after his continued certainty that he was comparable to a Mastiff – Embry was now Twiggy, because his wolf was very thin, and Jared became Gizmo.

Why? Because he reminded me of Gizmo. He made me feel the way Gizmo made me feel. Like I wasn't some screwed up freak, who was all alone in this massive, cold world. And, just like Gizmo, I was abandoning him, in a way.

And that was how things would be, from now on. Me attending school and pretending that I wasn't hating being away from Jared. Then me going to Emily's and pretending that I didn't want to touch Jared. Then going back to the Clearwaters' to pretend that I was just at Lily's and wasn't missing Jared already.

I spent my weekends with Lily so that I wasn't just constantly abusing her faithful friendship. I still texted Jared whenever I got the chance and Lily wasn't oblivious. It had been two and a half weeks since I'd found out about Werewolves and Vampires, and I was spending the day at the beach with Lily.

"I was thinking about going to Seattle in a few weeks." Lily said as she rolled onto her stomach. She was sun bathing in a strappy bikini because it was unusually sunny for La Push today, especially for winter.

It made me wonder why anyone in La Push even owned a bikini. There was barely enough sun today to register as bikini weather and yet more than half the girls on the beach were wearing them. Then again I didn't see why Lily wanted to sun bath, her skin was already a lovely colour and I couldn't see it changing much, no matter how long she lay in the sun.

Then again I had never understood sunbathing. Waiting for skin cancer didn't sound interesting to me. I don't know how no one else around here seemed to realise the harm it could do. Maybe it was just that I was Australian, skin cancer is out National Cancer. How many nationalities can say they have a National Cancer?

"Earth to Sofia." Lily sung as she waved her hand in my face.

I smiled at her, "Sorry, so Seattle?"

Lily shook her head and pressed her cheek to her forearms, head turned my way, "You were thinking about _him_ again, weren't you?" Due to my concern about Leah finding out we had decided that we'd only use Jared's name when we were certain no one would hear.

"No, I wasn't actually." I laughed, "But now that you've brought him up..." I pretended to go into a deep trance.

Lily groaned, "Don't do that. I wanted to know if you'd like to come shopping with me. And before you ask, no, he can't come with us."

I lay back in the sand so that my head was level with hers, dropping my head to the side to look at her, "I wouldn't have suggested that."

"Are you sure? I mean, he makes you feel all giddy and warm. Why wouldn't you want to spend every minute possible with him?" Lily made a stupid love-struck face and I hit her in the arm.

I sighed, "It's not like that. We're just friends."

Lily looked up at me and dropped her voice to a whisper, "Two weeks ago he tried to fuck you in his best friends lounge room. That isn't _just_ friends. Shit, that isn't even friends with benefits."

My heart raced at the memory. Parts of me stirred at the recollection of the feel of his thighs between mine and his chest pressed against me; part that shouldn't stir, not in public. I took a few seconds to clear my thoughts and try to will that memory and these feelings away.

"We're just friends." I repeated, making sure that I sounded as serious as possible.

Lily didn't care how serious I sounded, "I stand by my previous assertion that you need to throw that dog a bone. I don't think you realise just how intensely he looks at you."

It always made me laugh when she said that, at least when she said it about Jared. Because I don't think she knew exactly how... coincidental it was. I wanted to say ironic but I know that ironic is not the right word. I'm sure Jared would laugh if he heard it.

"When have you seen him looking at me? I haven't seen him in public for weeks." I argued. I really wanted to get off this subject because the combination of having not seen him since Thursday, he was patrolling Friday afternoon, and having not touched him in weeks was making me feel uncomfortable, in the best way, but still very uncomfortable.

"Right now." she whispered and nodded her head in my general direction.

I turned around to see the majority of their gang heading to their usual spot for playing football. Sam wasn't there, he must be out patrolling, but they walked with the same confident air that they always had around other people. Jared was trailing slightly behind Paul and Embry, his eyes glued to me.

The urge to run up to him and kiss him was... almost unbearable. If I'd thought that just being friends would make things easier than I was sorely mistaken. The longer we went without touching the harder it got. I mean, I had stopped almost all forms of touching him, at the most our arms would graze one another. It was not easy.

I bit my lower lip, thinking about how it had felt to touch him. And I saw him lick his lips. Oh, now that was mean. But I deserved it. I was the one that said no kissing. I was the one who asked him to think of me as a second Paul. This pain was my own doing.

"This is ridiculous." Lily's voice broke through my reverie, "You two are so jonesing for each other. Why can't you be more than friends? At least for like... half an hour."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I knew that I wouldn't be able to just look away, I had to close my eyes and turn my head. Otherwise they were like magnets to his.

"It's complicated."

Lily laughed, "It so doesn't need to be. I don't know how they do it in Aus but here... it could just be sex. As long as you don't do it with every guy in town than your image is safe."

It seemed to be Lily's goal to get me to give in to the imprint, even though she didn't know that was what it was. But I was going to remain strong until Jared tried to move on. If he failed than I would be 'right back on that', I feel dirty even thinking about it like that, but until he tried and only if he then failed, would I even think about going back there.

Jared needed a chance to find someone that he actually wanted to love. He deserved me to let him have a chance.

I glanced back over at him and saw him put something in his pocket before running after the football. He looked so good when he was playing football. He looked so good all the time and it just wasn't fair. How could I keep avoiding that?

My phone vibrated. I had a message. I realised what Jared had just put in his pocket.

I pulled my phone out and looked at the screen, _1 text from Gizmo_.

"Is that lover boy?" Lily whispered and I ignored her.

_I have a surprise 4 u 2moro_

I hated surprises. I was incredibly impatient and always wanted to know what the surprise was before I was supposed to get it. Which meant that I would likely spend the next, however long before I get the surprise, trying to figure out what it would be.


	34. Chapter 34

Jared's surprise could have been better but I wasn't going to complain.

He was back at school.

That meant that I could perv on him for most of the day but it also meant that there was so much more temptation. I decided that, since Jared and Paul being here meant that Jacob was looking to phase soon, I would finish this just friends thing once Jacob was a part of the pack.

I wasn't sure how I would get around the whole Leah thing but I couldn't keep pretending that I was okay with the way things were. Anxieties or no anxieties, I needed him and it was killing me not to be with him.

Why couldn't I just end the friends thing now? I had no idea. Part of me said that I should give him as much time as possible. If the last few weeks were anything to go by then it didn't matter how much time I gave him, he wasn't going to even try with anyone else. But I was a little afraid that someone would show up the day before Jacob phased and I would be thrown out like some old piece of trash.

One good thing was Biology. Mr Whitehall had decided on a project that meant the class would be divided by their year level. So, despite sitting next to Quil, I wouldn't be able to work with him on this one. We would be working in pairs to produce a poster detailing something biological.

Guess who I was paired with?

Paul.

It was hard to disguise my joy at this announcement, because it meant I'd have a reason to hang out with Jared, outside of school, without having to worry about Leah knowing and thinking I was betraying her.

I apologised to Quil who was told that he would be working with Embry, when he came back to school. Which, from what Jared and Paul had told me, wouldn't be for a while because Embry was having trouble controlling himself. I felt bad for Quil and I wanted to tell him that it would all get better but I knew I couldn't.

I hate secrets.

"Hey." I grumbled as I dumped my stuff at Paul's table.

Kyle had moved to sit with Kim, as he did regularly nowadays. Not that I minded in the slightest. That was why I had been paired with Paul, because all other students in our year level were sitting in pairs already. I was thankful Paul had shown up today, otherwise I might had been lumped with Kim and Kyle.

Paul leant back in his chair and smiled at me, his eyes momentarily flicking to Kyle who was watching us out of the corner of his eye. Paul's smile became a smirk, "How's your thumb?"

I knew exactly what he was doing and I didn't like it. Kim and Kyle were far from my favourite people but I did not believe that stooping to their level would fix anything. I glowered at Paul when I answered, "Fine." I wanted to make a snappy retort but I couldn't think of any that wouldn't suggest we communicated outside of class.

"So, do you know what you want to do the poster on?" Paul asked as he leant forward on the bench, watching me arrange my things.

"It doesn't bother me. What are you worst at?" I sat down and turned to Paul.

He pulled a face as he thought about it, "How about Pheromones?" I cocked my eyebrows at him, "What? I don't know much about them and I'm interested."

"There are a lot of thing that you don't know much about, why aren't interested in any of those?" I smiled at him and he smiled back.

Until Kyle laughed.

I could see Paul start to shake, almost immediately, and reached out to grab his forearm, "Not again." I whispered, "They need you to keep your cool."

He stared at me for a while. His body still trembling as Kyle continued to laugh. I was starting to think that Kyle really wasn't all that smart. Paul took a deep breath and looked away from Kyle, towards me, his eye betraying exactly how mad such a simple act made him.

I reached out a second hand to grab his wrist, "Just ignore him. He's just jealous that you're a Mastiff."

Paul smiled and his shaking started to subside, "So you think so, huh?"

I shrugged and looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Why do you think I've got your number under the name Duke?" I knew that Paul knew about Duke, God knows I talk about those dogs often enough.

"You're unbelievable." Kim gasped, she was so loud that I couldn't help but look at her. She was looking at me, her eyes wide and her face angry, "Really, Paul? You couldn't get Jared so you figured Paul was the next best thing. You know she's using you right?" She added looking at Paul.

Paul started to shake again and I realised that my hands were still holding his arms; maybe she'd inferred something from it. I didn't really care, I just had to make sure Paul didn't punch her, although I was thinking she would deserve it, if he did.

"Paul, settle." I said firmly before turning to Kim, I had had enough of biting my tongue, "I don't know what you're problem is Kim but do you want to just butt out. Last time Paul got angry, Kyle got hurt. This has nothing to do with Jared, it has nothing to do with sex and it sure as hell had nothing to do with you, so back off and get a life."

The shaking under my hands lessened and I glanced at Paul to find him staring at me. He was shocked that I was standing up to Kim. It wasn't that he didn't want me too, he had been recommending I get into a catfight with her for a while now; it was more that I'd always said I would never get into an altercation with her.

"I thought you were a good girl. Turns out your just an oversized whore in disguise." Kim snarled.

I shook my head, "I thought you were nice. It turns out you're just a spiteful little girl with no understanding of the words 'none of your business'."

The room was full of chatter, everyone discussing what they were going to do their poster on. I was happy about that because it meant that no one would be listening to our conversation. They wouldn't hear me being a bitch to Kim.

Kim turned towards me, her eyes staring hard at me, "How do you do it? How does someone your size get so many guys chasing after them? I mean Seth Clearwater was first, at least you have enough sense to realise that he's a little on the young side but still. Not that he'll admit it but Kyle here had a thing for you. Then there's Jared, who from the moment he saw you didn't want to look at anyone else." she mumbled something that I couldn't hear then continued at full volume, "And now Paul, although it looks like he's getting more than the others."

Paul laughed, "That's what all this shit is about?"

I didn't think this was funny. Kim was seriously misled; maybe Kyle had liked me, I didn't believe so but maybe he had, that didn't mean Seth was attracted to me, we were just friends. Seth was more like the younger brother I never had. And the thought of Paul and I was all kinds of wrong, knowing that he and Jared couldn't help but share thoughts. She was wrong on every count, meaning she disliked me for fictitious reasons. That wasn't laugh-worthy.

"Paul." I snapped and turned to Kim, "You are wrong. None of those guys like me like that. I'm not the sort of girl that guys feel that way about."

Paul was still laughing, "That's not what this is about, Sofia. She knows that Seth, Kyle and myself aren't attracted to you like that. Well, maybe Kyle but he's just desperate for sex. No offence," he added with a glance in my direction. Why that would offend me I wasn't sure. He continued with even greater mirth, "It's because of Lucas. What was it? Did he say he thought she was pretty? That he wanted to do her?"

I couldn't help but gawk at Paul. His logic didn't make any sense. Lucas had Kim, why would he want someone else? Least of all, someone like me. Jared could say whatever he wanted about others being blind but the truth was that I'd hit the jackpot having Jared imprint on me.

Kim huffed and turned away from us, Paul just smiled at her.

"I think he said that he'd like to make love to you, Sof." The sound of that made me cringe and Paul noticed, "I know, he's no Jared. But then again, who is? I'm close, as are Sam and Embry. But outside of us no one has any chance of comparing."

Kim growled, "Shut up, Paul."

Paul opened his mouth to say something and I jerked his arm to get his attention, "Leave it alone."

Paul whispered to me and I knew that the others couldn't hear him, "Don't you want answers as to why your supposed friend turned on you?"

"No." I didn't whisper as Paul did because I knew I wouldn't be able to pull it off, "If Kim has reasons that she wants to keep from me than I'm fine with that. As long as she doesn't expect me to forgive her."

"You forgive me?" Kim almost squealed as she spun around in her chair again, everyone in the class looked at her.

"Kim, Kyle, Paul and Sofia. Whatever is happening over there, stop it. Now." Mr Whitehall watched us over the top of his glasses for a moment and then turned back to the students he was currently working with.

Kim continued in a whisper, "Lucas told me what you said, after you..." She looked too repulsed to finish her thought.

Kim's eyes stared hard at me and I searched my brain for some clue as to what she was thinking. I couldn't find anything. There was nothing in my memory that made sense. Lucas and I rarely spoke so what could I have possibly said that would upset Kim.

"Why? I thought we were friends." she whimpered.

I let go of Paul's arms and turned to her, "I have no idea what you're talking about. The only time I have ever spoken to Lucas is when I was with you, so how could I have ever said that you didn't hear?"

"Don't lie to me." Kim growled and it was easily loud enough for everyone else to hear.

"That's it. Quil, can you please swap seats with Kim and Kyle? If this argument continues than you will _all_ be getting detention." Mr Whitehall growled again.

I turned back to Paul, as Kim and Kyle collected their things. He looked pleased with himself and I slapped him, on the shoulder. It hurt my hand but I was too annoyed to complain about it. Not only was I confused about what Lucas had told her but I couldn't understand why _I_ was the bad friend.

I'd never said a mean word about Kim, not one, not even when she was yelling at me four Fridays ago did I retaliate. I couldn't see how I was the bad friend, but I could see that she was hurting. One of the few emotion that I knew was hurt and I saw it in her, hidden behind her anger and disgust with me.

"Be nice to Quil. He's a good kid." I whispered and turned to greet Quil, "Hey, Quil. What are you and Embry going to be working on?"

Quil smiled at me, "No idea what Embry's going to work on but I'm going to go with cell division. We finished that a little while ago so it shouldn't be too hard to do a poster on. What about you?"

I noticed that Quil wasn't even game enough to look at Paul, let alone introduce him into the conversation and I felt really bad for it. Quil was upset that Embry had joined Sam's 'gang'. If he knew that I spent my weekday afternoons with them, and thought about Jared just about every second of every day, then he would definitely hate me.

"Pheromones, maybe. I still think we can do something a little more interesting but you know... pairs." I said with a shrug.

Quil smiled, "At least yours is here. Embry was the Biology guru of the two of us. I'm probably going to fail this without him."

Paul laughed and I found it very irritating. It was one thing to laugh at Kyle, and even Kim, but Quil was cool, I liked Quil, he didn't deserve to be laughed at. I elbowed Paul and, like usual, did more damage to myself than to him.

"I can help you, if you need any assistance. I've been obsessing over cell division for a few weeks." I said as Quil sat down in front of Paul, so he could turn to look at me without having to look at Paul.

It wasn't a lie. After finding out about the whole Werewolf thing, I had been obsessed with finding a way to make it all make sense. I'd already debunked one stupid theory that Sam had come up with about their high body temperature.

He had theorised that their high body temperature helped them survive the cold without noticing it. Biologically speaking that was bullshit; animals with higher body temperatures felt the cold more, because the differences between the two temperatures were greater.

No, their fur kept them warm in wolf form and they ate shit loads in human form in order to keep their energy levels up so they can keep themselves comfortable, temperature wise. I figured the most likely scenario for their high body temperature was actually to help them phase faster. High temperatures make biology work faster, until it gets too high and shit starts dying but clearly they were not that high yet.

Extremophiles. That was my new name for them, had been for about a week. Because their cells were handling very extreme conditions and doing so very well.

"Thanks for the offer but I'll try this by myself. At least for the moment." Quil smiled at me and turned back to his textbook.

I watched him for a short while before whispering to Paul, "Will he ever know about why Embry isn't here?"

Paul frowned, "As it stands at the moment, no. But if he phases too, then of course."

"So, Quil might join you?" I made sure to be as quiet as possible, I knew Quil would not like the idea of joining Paul, in anything.

"He might, but we're hoping he won't." I was going to say something but Paul continued, in a normal voice, "So, should we work on layout or content first?"

I sighed. I could always ask Jared about it later. In Calculus.


	35. Chapter 35

It was finally Calculus.

Despite having numerous classes with Jared, before lunch, I was unable to talk to him in them without raising suspicions. Then at lunch I sat with Lily, Leah and Nina. Of course, that meant I couldn't talk to him then either.

Calculus was my first chance to sit anywhere near Jared and potentially be able to talk to him.

Kyle didn't want to sit with me and seeing how Jared and Paul were now back in their usual seats, I had to go back to my old one. Kyle moved to sit next to Lucas, who smirked at me from his spot on the other side of the room.

I knew that Lucas had said something to Kim, a lie, and turned her against me. It was strange because I didn't care what he'd said, I just wanted Kim to know the truth. What was stranger was that I don't think I could forgive her. She wasn't honest with me and she turned her back on me without even offering me a chance to defend myself. I just wanted her to know that she was wrong, so she better understood the consequences of her snap judgement.

"So, we've been paired together for our biology assignment. She's going to come around this afternoon so we can start work on it. But I expect it will likely take every afternoon for the next month to finish." Paul explained and I smiled down at the fresh blank page of my book.

"Awesome." Jared sighed.

I could feel him staring at me and it made me blush, I hated not being able to touch him because it was turning me into someone I wasn't. Someone desperate for the affections of another. It was annoying.

"You'll have to present it on your own though." I muttered as I looked up at Paul, "So are you sure you want to go with Pheromones?"

Jared's happy face became stern as he thought about what I'd just said, "It's likely we won't be here then and where will you be?"

I could have sworn I'd mentioned it to him. Obviously not, "Australia."

His eyes widened and his voice sounded panicked, "I thought you were here for a year. You can't go back so soon. Why are you going back?"

"Settle pet." I smiled at him, "It's my great grandmother's 95th birthday and since she's adamant that she won't make it to her 96th I have to go home for it. I'll only be gone for a week."

"When's her birthday?" Jared pried as he swivelled his seat around to face me.

I shook my head, finding his desperation a little humorous and feeling like a bitch for it, "Sunday, March 12th."

Jared nodded his head for a few moments until something dawned on him, "Your birthday is March 12th."

I shared my birthday with my great grandmother; I was 'the best 78th birthday present any woman ever got'. I'd never believed that myself but my great grandmother loved celebrating our birthdays together. She liked seeing me enjoy the day because it made her feel like she was sharing something with me, giving me a gift that no one else could give me. And my smile on our birthday was the best present I could ever give her.

Lame and corny, I know, but it made my GG happy so I was good with lame and corny.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

Paul and Jared looked at each other for a moment. They both wore grim expressions that made me think something serious was happening on or around the 12th of March and I wanted to know what it was. I hated the thought that they were keeping something from me.

"What is it?"

Jared sighed, "We had been thinking of having a party for you. A celebration at Emily's where we could pretend that you weren't worried about the rest of La Push finding out."

I could tell from the look on his face that it pained him to think that we weren't spending much time together because of what others might think, or say. I didn't want it to be like that, I just didn't know how to not worry about causing others pain. And by others I mean Leah.

My friends always told me that I cared too much about other people. My parents told me that I put others before myself too often, and that sometimes it should be the responsibilities of others to think about what me before themselves. But that was part of who I am. So much a part that it killed me not to think about how what I was doing affected people around me.

I felt especially strongly about this situation because I really liked Leah. And she'd already been hurt by imprinting. I couldn't bear to hurt her again, not like this. She was strong but there was only so much that one person could handle at any one time.

"Thank-you. It was a sweet idea, but it's my great grandmother's 95th. She has a legitimate reason to believe it may be her last. I can't miss it."

Jared smiled at me, "I understand." He checked around the room to be sure no one was watching them, "Do you think, maybe, I could go with you?"

Paul looked shocked by this thought and he turned to Jared, "You really should talk to Sam first. And wouldn't it be a little suspicious to, well, everyone, if you go wondering off to Australia on the same day as Sof?"

Jared ignored him and just stared at me, his eyes begging me to say yes. I wasn't sure what to say though. The idea of spending a week with Jared was more than tempting and I wanted to say yes the second he suggested it. But then I thought of my family, the whole reason for going back.

I was sure that my GG would love to see him and, as she reminded us every time we called to talk to her about anything, she may never get another chance. My dad probably wouldn't feel the same way, neither would my mum. They were believers that people shouldn't be in a serious relationship until they were in their mid-twenties, and meeting the parents when you have to travel to another continent to do so, suggests a serious relationship to me.

My friends would love it. Jade would have some eye candy to ogle at, and I'm sure that Becky would join in too once she saw Jared. Corey might not be as overtly happy about it as the others but he'd like Jared once he gave him a chance.

I couldn't help but think of my father's reaction. He'd flip out if I brought an American home. It wasn't the American bit so much as the 'I'm seventeen' bit. He'd told all of my sisters that he wanted to meet their dates before the first date but after that he didn't want to see them again. Unless they hurt one of 'his princesses', in which case he would hunt them down and castrate them using unsterilized tools he normally used on the cattle.

Dad would likely make an exception to his usual rules and try to castrate Jared on sight. I wondered if the usual tools would work on a werewolf but cringed at the thought of actually finding out. I was pretty sure I didn't want Dad finding out about werewolves and I was pretty sure that Jared's junk was fine as is.

No. I couldn't take Jared back to my father. Not after only being 'together' for however long it might be at that point.

"I have to agree with Paul. I want to spend more time with you but I'm going home to see family. It'll just be one week, you'll survive without me."

Paul frowned and turned towards me, "You didn't see him those few days after... well, you know."

"It'll be different because you'll know I'm coming back." I finally remembered what it was I wanted to talk to him about earlier, "What did you mean when you said hopefully Quil won't phase? Don't you like him?"

Jared looked at Paul and laughed, "Talk about changing topics."

Paul sighed, "It's not that I don't like Quil. I don't really know the guy well enough to make any judgements about him but... this isn't something that we want for anyone else. This is... it's more of a curse than a blessing."

I could kind of understand what he was saying but the majority of me was astounded that they could look at it that way, "A curse? You think what you have is a curse?"

"Yeah." Paul sighed again. Jared just looked at me like I couldn't possibly understand, which I guess was true. Paul looked up at me, "We were normal teenagers, living normal lives before this. Now we have this responsibility that we never asked for, that we never wanted. We have lost friends because of this. We have to lie to our families. This whole thing sucks."

I didn't get a chance to say anything else because Ms Foster walked in at that moment and growled at the class to get out their textbooks. It appeared that someone was not having a good day. Paul got sent out of class for asking Jared, a little too loudly, about one of the questions. He'd almost flipped his lid at that but managed to just contain himself.

After class I went straight to Emily's with Paul and Jared. Leah heard about the Biology project at lunch and recommended that I get it over and done with. She suggested that Paul should come to the Clearwaters to work on it but Paul said he was more than happy to look like the bad guy that forced me to go to Emily's.

Needless to say I didn't even open my bag once I got to Emily's. Instead, Jared and I dumped our bags by the front door and then walked straight out the backdoor. We sat on the back step together and just talked, like we did most afternoons. It had become such a habit that Emily now set out drinks and snacks for us on the table by the backdoor.

"You have to be able to see the curse in this. Take this imprinting business. Do you think that it's a good thing that we're like this?" Jared asked, his tone gentle although I knew he was annoyed that I refused to call being a werewolf a curse.

He made a good case but I was sure that if they stopped thinking of it as a curse than it wouldn't be a curse to them anymore. He just had to give accepting it a chance.

"Tell me, can you change this? Can you stop yourself from being what you are; I mean stop it this very second? Can you go back to how things were before you first phased?" I enquired, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.

Jared took a deep breath and sighed, "No."

"Then you need to stop thinking of it as a curse. As long as that is how you think of it then that is how you'll feel. You are not cursed, Jared." I smiled at him and he smiled back.

He grabbed my hand, something that I usually protested but I didn't this time. He held it to his face and leant forward slightly to brush his lips against my knuckles. This was one of the things he was doing to try to get me to call an end to the friends thing, but I was going to remain stubborn for just a little bit longer.

"How do you think you'd handle it?" He asked and then pressed the back of my hand to his mouth.

His breath felt amazing against my skin and I was happy to let him hold my hand there for as long as he wanted.

I took my time answering him because I didn't want to sound like I thought this was a trivial thing. I'd thought about it a lot since I found out it was real. It had been subject number one on my mind from the moment I saw Jared phase. And I envied him.

I sighed, "I wish I could do it. I wish I could run with you, in my own wolf-form. I've never felt comfortable in this skin, never felt like I belonged. My relationships with my pets are far stronger than my relationships with my friends and, at times, even my family. Out there," I pointed to the forest, "I have dreamt of living out there for years. I wish I had that option available to me. Do you realise how many doors have opened up for you?"

"Do you realise how many doors have closed to me?" Jared retorted, his voice soft and slightly muffled as his lips were still pressed to the back of my hand.

"Temporarily. Those doors have temporarily closed. When you stop phasing and you become essentially human again, those doors will re-open. The doors I was talking about, they will never be open to me. Maybe I could experience them vicariously through you but they will never be open to me. Try to enjoy the freedom. The liberation. People would die for what you have."

Jared dropped my hand from his mouth at that. He turned to look at me and when that wasn't enough he moved to crouch in front of me. His hands on the edge of the step I was sitting on, on either side of my thick thighs.

His eyes were hard as he stared at me, their usual friendly shine replaced by something fierce and protective. It was like he had spotted a threat and was now sizing it up. His eyes craved some sort of sign that the threat was empty.

"Would you?" he asked, his voice wavering as he stuttered the two simple words, "Would you die to be a monster?"

I cocked my head slightly at him. He was inferring something that I didn't like the sound of, something that I didn't even know what it was but I was certain he was inferring it.

"Not a monster. I'd die to be like you."

Jared shook his head, "Please, take that back. You're perfect as you are. I don't want you to ever change. And I never, ever want you to die. Not for this."

I reached out to cup Jared's cheek and get his attention back to me. His eyes snapped to mine and I watched him for a few moments. I couldn't lie to him, I couldn't tell him that I hadn't dreamt of being exactly what he was. But I didn't want him thinking that I would do something stupid in order to get it.

"I can't take it back, but I promise you..." I broke my friends rule and kissed him; the softest, quickest peck on the lips, "I'm not dying any time soon."

Jared smiled at me. His eyes softened and became ever so slightly darker. One hand snaked around behind my neck and he launched himself at me. I should have expected this, but I didn't. I should have stuck to my 'just friends' thing and pushed him away, but I didn't. Jared's kisses were just too hard for me to resist.


	36. Chapter 36

I have never liked Valentine's Day.

I used to say it was because it was so commercialised and people shouldn't need a designated day to show that they loved each other. I also liked to bring up the Valentine's Day was originally a day that remember St Valentine, three of them actually, all of whom were martyrs persecuted for their beliefs.

The truth behind why I didn't like Valentine's Day was far simpler than that and had nothing to do with the rest of the world or men that had died many hundreds of years ago. I disliked Valentine's Day because I always thought I would never really celebrate it. No one would want me as their Valentine.

All of that changed this year.

I still wasn't all gooey over the whole thing, as many of the girls at school were, but I enjoyed it more than all the other years. Yesterday, while at Emily's 'working on my Biology assignment', Jared had asked me to be his valentine. I couldn't say no to Jared, and I didn't really want to.

He'd already said that he had something planned for the evening so I couldn't go around there after school. It confused me because he knew that I wouldn't be able to leave the house after dinner without confusing Leah. And I did not want her asking questions. Avoiding certain truths was one thing but having to flat out lie to her... I didn't like that at all.

I was at my locker at the start of lunch, getting rid of my morning textbooks and collecting the ones I'd need for the afternoon. My bag was too heavy when I tried to carry them all, although I had tried when I first started here.

There was a loud bang beside me and I jumped as a shadow flew into my periphery.

"Sorry for scaring you but I figured since it was Valentine's Day I would make some effort."

I closed my locker door and turned to my right, trying my hardest to remain stoic, if not slightly annoyed, "What do you want, Jared?"

"Well, I was going to give you chocolate but I know that you don't like American chocolate. Then I thought I'd give you a rose but I remembered that you don't find roses all that romantic. I settled on giving you a kiss, before realising that you'd probably get Leah to beat me up if I tried. So, I've decided that a smile would suffice. A smile just for you." Jared beamed at me and I wanted to punch him, in the arm, for being so stupid.

I rolled my eyes and made to put the padlock back on my locker, "Keep it, I don't have time for useless junk."

Jared had found a way to make this 'not-in-public' thing interesting. We'd been messing around with it since his first Wednesday back. Role play.

I pretended that I really didn't like Jared and he pretended that he was happy to go through numerous rejections every day. It made for interesting discussions of an afternoon at Emily's, although those afternoons were becoming fewer.

Leah became suspicious on the Tuesday of me going over there because she thought that the project shouldn't take more than an afternoon. Lily came back on the scene as my cover but I started to feel like I was using her, so at least once a week I was actually at Lily's in the afternoon.

Sam and Emily liked the public role play idea and they split up to help us find ways to get at one another. Sam helped Jared come up with stupid pick up lines and come-ons. Emily helped me with witty rebuffs.

"How does it feel to be the prettiest girl in the school?" He asked in a slow drawl.

I really wanted to kiss him. It was the only problem with this role play bullshit, in order to pretend that I didn't want to talk to Jared, I had to be extra careful not to touch him. I just wished Jacob would hurry up and phase already so that I could, in good conscience, tell Jared that I was over this friends crap.

Why did I even suggest it in the first place?

"How does it feel to be the lamest guy in school?" I growled and turned away from my locker, as I turned I saw him slide something into the locker through the horizontal grill in the door.

"Ouch, Sofia. That hurts. I'm not a robot, you know?" he said as he followed me down the hall. I knew the hurt in his voice was faked but I couldn't help but be a little concerned for him.

As I walked through the cafeteria doors I saw Lily and Nina sitting at the usual table and made towards them. Nina glared at Jared, he was enemy number one at our table and I hated pretending that I actually agreed with that. Lily pretended to be annoyed by his presence but I could see the cheer in her eyes.

"Come on, Sofia. I want you." I had made a very bad mistake telling Jared that when he'd said that the first time I had found it quite stirring, because now he brought it up at times when I really wished he wouldn't, like now, "And I know what you want, too?"

I sat down and turned to look at him, "Then why are you still here?"

He gasped and clutched a hand to his heart, "You sure know how to hurt a man. But every rejection will just make that inevitable acceptance so much sweeter."

"Fuck off, Cameron." Leah snapped as she waltzed up to the table and took her seat between Nina and me.

I really didn't like the way Leah and Nina spoke to Jared but I couldn't ask them to stop, not without making them suspicious. I desperately needed to find a way to get Leah to accept that I liked Jared, and hopefully I could do that before I was too deep in this lie to get back out.

"I know when to step down. But rest assured, sweet Sofia, I will not be giving up on us. Not ever." Jared bowed as he backed away and I felt the urge to laugh at him grow to an almost unbearable level.

"That guy is such a fucking creep." Leah groaned as she picked up the plastic knife and fork to eat her lunch.

Nina turned to me, seemingly torn about saying something, "I know that it's not true but I can't help but ask." She glanced at Leah, "There's a rumour that you're sleeping with the hot-head."

"Who?" I asked as Leah choked on her first mouthful of lunch.

She cleared her throat and glared at Nina, "Who the hell said that?"

"I don't know who started it. I think some people have just seen you walking to that chick's place of an afternoon and assumed that there was something going on." Nina explained with her hands held up as if shielding herself from Leah.

Leah's glare snapped over to Kim, who sat with Lucas' friends a few tables over, "Of course it's not true. Sofia's too smart to fall for that shit."

"Who is the hot-head?" I repeated, looking at Nina to answer.

But Nina didn't answer, Leah did.

"Paul Lahote. The one you're doing the project with." Leah turned back to her tray of food.

I often forgot that everyone else thought Paul was violent because that was not a side to Paul that I ever saw.

Leah continued, "I wouldn't be surprised if Lucas thought it up. You know he told Kim that you made a move on him, right?"

I was too shocked to say anything. I had known that he'd told her something but that... I was repulsed by the thought of Lucas, not that he was ugly or anything, but as Paul had said, he was no Jared. And since I met Jared that first time, I had never been even slightly attracted to anyone but him. The idea of me 'making a move on Lucas' was just disgusting.

"He said what?" Lily gasped, just as shocked as I was.

Leah looked at me, "Apparently the first Monday back after Christmas, you got moved to sit next to him in Calculus and you were flirting with him the whole time."

"That is not what happened. That first Monday back..." then I remembered that Jared had been moved that first Monday, the day Paul pushed Kyle, "Jared was made to sit with Lucas, not me."

"That lying prick." Nina growled and looked over at Lucas, who was telling a story with a massive smile on his face, oblivious to the anger we were feeling towards him.

It explained a lot. About why Kim had lost it with me. And I didn't care. She had made her bed, now she could lie in it. I just hoped that she was happy with Lucas because otherwise it had all been for nothing.

With that revelation finally out in the open, I actually had a far more pleasant afternoon than I thought I would. After Calculus I walked home with Leah and spent the afternoon watching crappy romances with her. Watching romances with someone as generally unromantic as me was quite nice. None of my other friends seemed to notice the stupidity of romances.

Then again, wasn't I currently in a romance? It was almost befitting the silver screen, this crap that I was going through with Jared. Just the thought of him made me smile and if that wasn't a sign of a crappy romance than I didn't know what was.

Thinking of Jared reminded me that he had something planned for this evening. It also reminded me of the note that Jared had put in my locker.

_Dear Valentine,_

_Beautiful eyes, beautiful face,  
I'm shy to talk to you.  
You're the eagle I must watch  
No matter what I do. _

_You're the beauty, wild and free,  
The mistress of my eyes,  
Rolling through exultant air,  
Alone in pristine skies._

_I would take you for my own  
Could I but have your wings,  
Could I but go where night begins  
And frozen sunlight sings._

_Could I but have you for my love,  
How might we fly together!  
But I must watch you from below  
And long for you forever._

_But I must be the one below  
And long for you forever._

_Love your American Gizmo_

_XOXO_

_P.S._

_I have a surprise for you tonight_

_Your room, 11 o'clock, don't be late_

It was one of the longest notes I had ever gotten, but definitely one of the best.

Jared had been playing with my phone one afternoon and found that I had listed his number under Gizmo. He'd been surprisingly happy when he found that and then decided he liked to be called the American Gizmo, by me anyway.

Paul laughed at him and calls him Butterfly instead, because Gizmo is a Papillon, or Butterfly Dog. Paul thought he was smart when he thought it up. Who was I to take that from him?

All I had to do was wait until a reasonable hour to say I was tired and head off. Even I couldn't fuck that one up.

And I didn't.

At eleven o'clock, exactly, there was a clatter from somewhere in my room. It sounded like someone knocking on a door but somehow not. I sat up and looked around, to find Jared staring at me from the other side of the window.

I jumped off the bed and unlocked the window. Jared could open it himself but I needed to get the computer monitor off the desk so that he could get in. I pulled it off the edge of the desk and held it as he clambered in, with masterful silence.

The weight of the monitor and the bite of the sharp plastic that was digging into my hand made it feel like he was going a little slower than necessary. It was a welcomed relief to my now sore fingers when I was able to put it back on the desk and turned to Jared.

He was only wearing shorts, like usual, but he carried several things in his hands. One was a bouquet of flowers, which seemed romantically trite to me but regained some of the romance when I realised they weren't roses. It was the only thing I could actually make out because of its size.

The bouquet consisted of a collection of familiar flowers, with leaves of subtle rustic greens. I could smell them from where I stood; I imagined that it was like a former alcoholic noticing the aroma of their favourite beverage from three feet away. They were Australian Natives. Banksias, Kangaroo Paws and Leucadendrons. It was home in a bunch.

He offered it to me and I took it gratefully, in both hands. I held the bouquet up to my face and took a deep breath. There was nothing like the smell of the Australian bush and I felt instantly homesick at the scent. Although it was a nice sort of homesick.

Without a single word he went over to my CD player and opened the lid, taking out the Yunupingu CD and replacing it with the one he had brought with him. He closed the lid and pressed play, I knew the song the second it started. Thankfully the volume was low enough so as not to wake anyone else in the house, but easily loud enough for me to hear.

Sideways, by Citizen Cope featuring Santana. I'd recommended the CD it was from to Jared, saying it was one of my favourites. I looked at him and he smiled.

"I listened to the CD. This song made me think of you. They're all songs that make me think of you. It's _your_ CD." He whispered as he took the bouquet from my hands and placed it on the desk. As he did so he grabbed the last object from the desk and passed it to me.

It was a photo, in a beautiful wooden frame. I stroked the glass of the frame as my eyes scanned the picture. It was a photo of forest that surrounds La Push and, lying amongst the bright green foliage of the ground cover, was a handsome brown wolf. I looked up at Jared. It wasn't just any wolf, it was Jared.

"It's a recycled wood frame and I figured that this way no one would be suspicious of you having a photo of me. And..." Jared stepped right up in front of me, taking the photo in a manner similar to how he took the bouquet, but putting it on my bedside table.

He was so close to me that I was staring at his chiselled chest when I looked straight ahead. I could feel the fantastic heat of his beautiful body and found myself wondering how I had gotten this lucky. Jared used a single gentle finger to lift my chin so that I was looking up at me.

He looked like he was going to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he leant down and kissed me.

I flung my arms around his neck, desperate to deepen the kiss. It had been way too long since we'd done this. And I don't think we'd ever done this without a werewolf being within one hundred feet, which had always held us back some. Now, we didn't have to hold back, or at least not as much as we did around the others.

Jared grabbed my thighs and heaved me up onto his hips. I wrapped my legs around his waist, thankful that he was so strong because no other guy could stand with me like this. He walked us to the bed and lowered me slowly backwards, before crawling onto the bed to stand on all fours over me.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Sorry, ending here.**_

_**If you want to see the bouquet that I think fits the best with what I was thinking than go to this address **_


	37. Chapter 37

Jared woke me early on Wednesday morning.

He woke me up with kisses, hot and tender, down my neck and along my shoulder. His body was pressed tight against my back; his hard torso softened by the blanket that lay between us. It was a nice feeling, lying with Jared, it was comfortable and easy.

"Morning beautiful." he sighed between kisses.

I murmured a greeting back and lay in simple bliss. It felt so good to have him there. I didn't care about Jacob phasing anymore. I didn't care about being friends. I wanted this; being able to touch. I had no more interest in pretending that I didn't want this, not that Jared would believe me anymore if I said I did.

"I haven't given you all your presents yet." Jared whispered.

He stopped kissing me momentarily as we heard someone moving somewhere else in the house.

I struggled to roll over and look Jared in the eye, he moved so I could lie on my back and look up at him, "It's just Harry. I want to say something first."

Jared smiled down at me. I knew he knew what I was about to say. After our make out session last night, how could he not? I had well and truly broken my friends rule so there was no point in pretending anymore.

"I don't want to be friends." I said. Jared smile dropped for a second before he realised what I meant, at which point it flew back onto his face and he leant down to kiss me. I complied, momentarily, before pulling away, "But until I've found a way to break it to Leah, no one outside the Pack can know."

Jared sighed, "You know, I don't really give a shit how Leah feels about this."

"You might not but I do. Leah's nice, she's just hurting. I don't want to hurt her more."

He smiled at me, lowering his head to kiss me. His lips brushed lightly against mine as he repositioned himself so he hovered over me. The kiss slowly deepened until I had my arms around his neck and his hands held my hips.

One hand came up to sweep hair from my cheek so he could hold my cheek and keep my mouth close to his. His hot skin felt exhilarating as he let go of my hip to get the blanket out from between us. It seemed that he needed to touch as much of me as I needed to touch of him and the blanket was just hindering us.

During the night my singlet had risen up my stomach, with the blanket gone and Jared leaning down on me, his hot stomach pressed against my pale one and the feeling spurred us on. It was like a jolt of energy to the butterflies in my stomach and they fluttered like mad. I loved the feel of his skin against mine and I wished neither of us were wearing anything. Although I was far too self-conscious, still, to let that happen.

There was a knock at the door and my heart raced, for a less attractive reason. Jared rolled off me and landed silently on the floor. He crouched behind the bed, trying to keep himself hidden from whoever was at the door. Once I knew he was hidden I called out a groggy good morning and pulled the blanket back over my stomach.

Leah opened the door and poked her head in, "Hey, sleepy. I was just going to..." she trailed off as her eyes caught the bouquet, "What's that?"

"My friends in Australia ordered it for me." I replied, without really thinking about it, "I got them the other day."

Leah seemed to accept my explanation but her brow furrowed, "Why didn't you put them in water?"

I scoffed, "They're Australian Natives; they don't need water."

She laughed and took a step into the room, "Do you mind if I put them in a vase? They're too pretty to just let them wilt in your room." I nodded and Leah made her way to the desk to collect the flowers, "I came in to ask if you'd like some scrambled eggs for breakfast."

"Um... yeah, sure. I'll be out in a bit."

Leah took the flowers and left the room, closing the door behind her. I liked this family because they closed doors. At home my sister would have just barged in and then left leaving the door wide open.

Jared knelt beside the bed, his forearms rested on the mattress, "That was scary."

"I know. If she had have just walked in without knocking..."

He shook his head, "Not the Leah bit. It's scary how easily you just lied to her."

I hadn't thought about it like that, I was just trying to save Jared's neck.

Sure he could take Leah on, if she wasn't a she he probably would. But Jared had been raised with the usual ideal that men shouldn't hit women and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't go against that.

Still, I didn't want them getting into an argument. I didn't want to hurt Leah. And if they argued, I didn't think that I could go against Jared.

"I did it for you." I smiled at him and he pulled himself up on the bed, to kiss me again.

He moved away and positioned his body so that he was lying as he had been before the last kiss, his head propped on one hand while the other stroked my cheek and played with my hair. He watched me for a few moments before sighing and pressing his forehead to mine.

"I've done something for you, too."

I muffled a laugh, "You've done a lot for me."

He kissed my nose and smiled wider, "That's not what I was talking about. I've been speaking with the others, Sam and the elders mostly but that's neither here nor there." I was curious as to what the hell he was talking about and he noticed my confusion, "You remember our history, right? How Taha Aki became the first werewolf?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Tell me what you remember."

I sighed, not thinking this was entirely necessary, "Taha Aki was a spirit warrior. One day when he was doing spirit warrior things, as a spirit, his physical body was stolen by Utlapa. Anyway, Taha Aki found a wolf with whom he shared a body, while the evil guy pretended to be him. One day fake Taha Aki killed another spirit warrior, who found out the truth about what happened and the real Taha Aki became so outraged the wolf whose body he shared turned into Taha Aki. Hence, first werewolf."

Jared smiled even wider and his eyes glittered as he looked down at me, "I'm glad you remember."

"You said it was important to you. And they are amazing stories."

Jared reached down to take my hand in his, "Do you remember telling me that you didn't feel right in your own body?" I nodded, "Well, it's a little new age-y and what not but I got thinking that... maybe we could train you."

"Train me to what?"

"Travel, in the spirit world."

It took me a few seconds to realise what he was suggesting. I stared at him in amazement, unsure of whether or not he was actually being serious. His face portrayed pure honesty that somehow made this harder to understand.

He had to be joking. I couldn't do it, I wasn't a spirit warrior. I was just a simple country girl from rural Australia. There was no magic in my blood. The spirit world, as Jared knew it, was something that I hadn't even known about until that first Council Meeting. That was Jared's world, where he was part of a pack.

Not mine.

The idea was so sweet. I wasn't easily impressed by romantic notions but this was the nicest thing that anyone had done for me, in the longest time. This wasn't just some stale old act that had been done a million times before, this was personal. It showed that he was thinking about me, not just that I was a girl.

It was suddenly clear to me that he had actually thought about me. That he cared for me. I might not understand it but it was as plain as day, he liked me. If he was willing to share something like this with me, than he must love me. I couldn't imagine someone sharing something like that with anyone that they didn't love.

I reached up and held his cheek; he closed his eyes and leant into my hand.

This was more than I could accept. If I had issues going on a date with the guy than how the hell could I say yes to this? I wanted to say yes; I wanted to see that part of the world. But that wasn't me. I wasn't a warrior and the spirit world... that was his tribe's land, something sacred to them.

I loved Jared for thinking of me but I could not accept this.

"I... thank-you, Jared." I whispered and then sighed, "But I'm not a spirit warrior."

Jared laughed, his eyes still shut as he pressed his cheek to the palm of my hand, "But you have a spirit and you're strong. If we're happy for you to try, then what's the problem?"

"I don't know, Jared."

He sighed and opened his eyes, "Just think about it, okay? Are you going to come to Emily's this afternoon?" I nodded and he smiled, "I'll see you at school then."

Jared slid off the bed and I looked after him in confusion, unsure of what he was doing. That was until the door flew open and Leah walked in. For a second I thought she'd heard us, but she only looked at me. Damn, Jared and his super hearing.

"The eggs are ready and waiting for you in the kitchen. What are you doing?"

I realised that I was leaning half across the bed towards Jared, in a way that was not usual for someone in a room by themselves.

When I agree with my brain it works wonders, and helps me. Sometimes I love it.

"I thought I left my book on the bed last night and now I can't find it." It was scary, how easy it was for me to make up a lie.

Leah shook her head at me in exaggerated exasperation, "Unbelievable. Anyway, breakfast is waiting. You might want to grab some before it goes cold."

She turned and left the room, but she didn't close the door this time. So I knew I had to be extra quiet. I rolled over to the other side of the bed and looked down at Jared.

"Quiet. The door's open." I said with my head poking out over the edge of the mattress.

Jared kissed me, his hand sliding under my hair to the back of my neck and holding me still. Kissing Jared was always nice and I couldn't imagine it ever being anything less than that. But I knew that it was better than normal because we'd gone so long without doing it, or even touching.

"Sheesh, Sofia!" Leah yelled from the direction of the kitchen, "Hurry up already."

I pulled against Jared to break the kiss, but he refused to move his hand and kept our lips locked together. After a few seconds I gave into him and just continued, loving the feel of his lips and tongue. Somehow, morning breath didn't faze either of us.

Finally he let go, mainly to catch his breath.

"How are you going to get out of here?" I whispered, but found myself overly aware of how loud my whisper sounded.

Jared smiled at me, "Don't worry about me. Go enjoy your breakfast and make sure you close the door."

It was my turn to demand a kiss, so I reached out for the back of his head and pulled him up to meet me. It was a quick kiss and Jared groaned as I pulled away. I smirked to myself as I got up and rushed to get dressed; made all the more... interesting by the fact that Jared was sitting on the floor on the other side of my bed, watching me.

I asked him to look away when I changed into clean underwear, and he did, but the rest of the time he watched me with the single stupidest look on his face that I had ever seen. It was probably similar to the look I had when Jared had stripped in front of me. In fact, I was curious as to why he didn't use that to argue against looking away when I changed my underwear but thought better of questioning him.

Before I left for school I said that I'd forgotten something in my room and ran to check whether Jared was still there or not. He wasn't. So I grabbed the nearest thing I could, my Yunupingu CD, and headed back out. I found the easiest way to get away with lying was to leave little doubt. I said I needed something from my room so I got something from my room, telling Leah that Lily wanted to borrow it.

That day Jared eased off on the cheesy pick-up lines, which was good because after last night I was sure that I would suck at trying to act like I disliked him. But it was kind of exciting to pretend that there was nothing going on, now that there was something going on.

I was excited by the prospects of going back to Oz to tell Jade about this. She'd have a field day and I wanted someone unrelated to the drama to be as enthused by it as I was. I wanted someone from Australia to see how happy Jared made me. Because they were sure to notice.


	38. Chapter 38

The next few weeks were quite uneventful.

After school on Wednesday I did the usual trick of pretending I was going to Lily's and then getting picked up by one of the guys, that day it was Embry, to go over to Emily's. Embry congratulated me on remaking mine and Jared's relationship official. Apparently, Jared had been stressing that I would never give in and it had been annoying all the others.

It was both awkward and comforting to be able to act like I wanted, again. After so long pretending that we could only be friends it was liberating, but it was like the release of a wild animal, with the tentative start as they suspect that it might be a trick.

We started, and finished, the poster for Biology, with the whole group doing something. Mostly it was just outlining or cutting, but it was like a family collaboration. In a typical sixteen-year old display of maturity, Embry grew a penis on the back of one of our print outs with the words, 'see Paul does have one'. Time seemed to pass too quickly, and before I knew it Sam was getting ready to drop me back off at Lily's.

This secret shit was annoying. But Sam and Emily agreed that Leah didn't need to know and we should do what we can to make sure that she doesn't find out. That was, until everyone agreed that she could handle it.

Embry had piped up then, "I hope it's before the wedding, because that's really going to give it away." He meant it as a joke but it just made me uncomfortable. Jared and Paul noticed and they both slapped him, at the same time. That took the discomfort and made it humorous, and I had to laugh at them.

Jared took to breaking into the Clearwaters' of a Sunday evening, complaining that two days was far too long for him to go without seeing me and asserting that he'd die if he had to wait until History on Monday.

Not that I really minded. It was just another thing he did that made me feel special. No one had ever made me feel the way he did, and I couldn't resist him because of that.

So on Sunday's he'd creep into the house and sleep beside me on the bed. With the occasional make out session added for 'good luck', as Jared liked to put it.

That first Monday, after Valentine's Day, Old Quil came around to Emily's in the afternoon and we all sat around talking for hours.

As far as Leah knew I was working on the Biology assignment with Paul so I stayed until after dinner, telling Leah that we were so close to finishing that I was willing to do anything not to spend another afternoon there.

I knew it was going to go very bad if... no, when she found out about me and Jared. Big lies always found a way into the light of day. But I figured that until then it was easier to have her like me than hate me.

Unbeknown to me, Jacob phased that evening. So I was more than disappointed on Tuesday morning when I read a text from Jared saying that he would see me on Wednesday after school. Tuesday and Thursday were Lily days, where I actually went to her place and stayed there.

I found Jacob to be a nice kid, although very distracted. According to Paul, he was 'whipped by the vamp bitch' and for the first time since he lost it with Kyle in Biology, Paul was living up to the nickname 'hot-head'. Jacob and Embry seemed to stick together, which didn't surprise me since they were friends before they phased.

After the afternoon with Old Quil, my time at Emily's became a bit more serious. Sam and Jared were trying to prepare me for the Spirit World and I made sure to tell them every day that I was nervous as all get out, about it. They argued me out of thinking that I shouldn't do it, saying that Sam was essentially an Elder now and it would be disrespectful for me to defy him.

Spirit Walking wasn't going to be easy, if I could do it at all. It didn't help that no one really knew how it was done but Old Quil knew enough to sort out a plan of attack.

First step Strengthening.

The mind and the body.

If I've said it once than I've said it a million times, I do not run. Well, the pack wasn't going to listen to me about that. Paul took it on himself to be my 'trainer' and he damn near chased me around the La Push forest for hours every afternoon that I went to Emily's. Sam said it wasn't about weight loss but muscle building so he told me to eat as much protein as possible.

After a couple of hours of feeling like my lungs had shrivelled up and were about to fall out of my body, I would go back to the house and then sit in the spare room with Emily. She'd grill me about how I felt about myself and Jared and the Pack in general. She wouldn't stop; even when I said something that made me cry, which happened a lot because I was always physically exhausted after my 'training' session with Paul.

Physical exhaustion plus confusing questions equals overly emotional Sofia.

On my days when I wasn't at Emily's I had to make sure I went for two walks, one in the morning and one in the evening. And Paul said I needed to push myself on these walks to the point where King was tired by the time we got back. Sometimes Paul would show up and walk the tracks with me, which I didn't find fair because he'd walk them in wolf form.

I had a feeling it was Jared's idea. I'd told Jared that I preferred walking with a dog to walking with people, but Paul in wolf form was a very grey area. I still classified him as human, even if he didn't look it.

It was Wednesday March 8th. I'd been training my mind and body for just over two weeks and it was really taking its toll on me. I was almost always tired and found keeping the charade about not liking Jared difficult, even though he was never around. More than once I had almost said, to Leah, that I was going to Emily's after school, but thankfully I would choke up on her name and could fit Lily nicely into its place.

Still, I had a feeling that Leah was suspicious.

I was sitting in Biology, before the first bell had rung, waiting with half closed eyes for Mr Whitehall to arrive. If he didn't show up soon I would no doubt fall asleep in my chair. Or worse, I'd fall asleep and then fall off my chair. Either way, it was not a good idea to fall asleep in your first class.

Quil dropped his books onto the bench and it sounded like he'd just thrown a bowling ball at it. Since Jacob phased, and Jared and Paul left, I'd gone back to sitting with Quil. I opened my eyes to see a very annoyed Quil settling into the seat next to me.

I wasn't sure why but I noticed how taut the muscles in his arms were, and then noticed that he had very obvious muscles. How I'd missed them in the first place I had no idea but they reminded me of Paul's arms and that made me a little anxious.

It was a mix of good and bad anxious. But I knew that it would be bad for the Pack and bad for Quil. Then again, since Jacob phased, Quil had been feeling very 'sensitive'. He felt like his friends had abandoned him and he had no idea why. Maybe he wouldn't find phasing such a bad thing, at least he'd have his friends back, even if he lost every other bit of normality he had.

"Are you okay?" I asked, sitting upright in the hopes that it would help me wake up a little.

Quil's eyes shot to me and for a second he looked furious. He calmed himself down very quickly and smiled at me, "Yeah, just feeling a little over worked and tired."

I sighed, "Tell me about it."

"Are you okay? You _have_ been very tired lately. You're not coming down with something, are you?" Quil's words were rushed and in my fatigued state it took me some time to decipher them.

I sat up straighter and pulled my chair into the bench, "Yeah. I mean... no, I'm not coming down with something. Just been working out a lot and think I need to get a little more sleep."

"Good. Good." Quil muttered to himself, "Because I think I've caught something and I'd hate to have passed it on to you."

The cold bench top felt good against my forehead and I sighed in my contentment before answering him, "You haven't passed anything on to me."

A bitter laugh sounded from in front of our work bench and I didn't need to look up to see who it was. I could hear the smile in his voice, "It's more likely that you'd catch something from her. If you have to go there Quil, protection is definitely recommended."

"Jealous are you, Kyle?" Quil snapped, his usual cheer was entirely gone and I looked up in surprise. The fury that had left his eyes moments ago was back and it was quite scary.

I reached out to grab his bicep and my stomach churned. Even through his t-shirt I could feel the heat and I knew exactly what it meant. Thank God it was a Wednesday and I'd be going to Emily's this afternoon, so I could let the others know what was coming.

"He's not worth it, Quil." I said, suddenly energised by the realisation that Quil was a werewolf.

Kyle laughed, "Why would I be jealous of her?"

I could see Quil was going to say something back and I was too tired to go through another outburst like Paul's earlier this year. Jared's warning that werewolves were volatile before their first phase rang in my ears, so I didn't push Quil to get his attention, like I wanted to. Instead I pinched his nostrils shut for a second, it was something I did to annoy both Jared and Paul, and he turned to me with wild eyes.

"Not worth it." I repeated, loud and clear.

Quil sighed and turned back to his books. Kyle made the sound of a whip and continued back to his bench. I snatched my phone out of the side pocket of my bag and hid it under the bench to compose a text.

"What are you doing?" Quil snapped, unable to control his own temper.

I looked at him, lost for words and trying to think of a good excuse through the thick haze of energy deprivation, "Just checking the time of my flight tomorrow."

I was leaving the states for a week, tomorrow. Well, it was a week by American standards. I left on the Thursday and returned on the Thursday. Only, I arrived in Australia on the Saturday and then left Australia on the Thursday. I hated crossing the date line because it made shit so much more confusing.

Quil let out a long breath, "What time do you leave?"

"I leave Seattle at 11:30 am tomorrow morning and, twenty hours later, I get to Australia at 9:30 am on Saturday."

Quil was quiet for a few moments, "That makes my head hurt."

"Mine too." I said as I hit the send button and sent a message to all four werewolves, whose numbers I had.

_To: Alpha, Gizmo, Duke, Twiggy_

_Message:_

_Don't know who's patrolling,_

_Semi-urgent. About phasing_

I figured it wouldn't hurt if they didn't find out until the afternoon, as long as Quil didn't do his 'nana before the school day ended. But, despite the fact that he was angry, he didn't look like he was blow-his-top-in-the-middle-of-class angry, not just yet.

"Biology's going to be shit boring without you." Quil groaned as Mr Whitehall arrived and told everyone to be quiet.

I hoped someone would get back to me soon.


	39. Chapter 39

Embry picked me up from Lily's that afternoon, and the second I got in the car I hit him in the shoulder.

It took him a few seconds to realise I'd done it out of spite, "What?"

"Why didn't anyone respond to my text?"

Embry chuckled, "You said it was semi-urgent. If you wanted a response you should have texted 'emergency'."

I glared at him, although I wasn't really that mad, "Did the words urgent and phasing not make you in the slightest bit curious?"

He seemed to give this some quiet thought as we reached the half way point to Emily's. This drive seemed to take less and less time as the weeks passed. I found it a little annoying because it felt like I was losing time but it was also nice because it meant I got to see Jared sooner.

"Trust me, after the day we've had, I was happy to ignore my curiosities."

That concerned me, "Why? What sort of day have you had?"

Embry sighed and I got a feeling that he wanted to tell me something. When he didn't even try I figured it was for one of two reasons. One, Sam had ordered him not to. Two, it was something that I didn't want to hear; in which case, I'd rather hear it from Jared.

We finished the drive in silence, Embry wanting to tell me something and me wanting to know, but neither of us knowing what to say. It was awkward but not uncomfortable, because we both knew that what we wanted we would get soon enough.

I was out of the Ute almost the second it was put into park. It wasn't that I was in a rush to get anywhere; I just wanted to be out of the vehicle. I waited for Embry to clamber out of the driver's seat and we walked to the front door together, not saying a word. I wanted to mention something about Quil, he was half the reason I was desperate to talk to these guys, but it didn't feel right bringing anything up.

Once inside, I found the pack was sitting around the table, looking slightly morose. Sam and Jacob had their backs to us and Emily wasn't anywhere to be seen. Paul smiled at me when he saw me and nudged Jared very, _very_ gently.

Jared had been staring at the table and when he looked up my heart gave a painful squeeze. His eyes were dark and his face looked forlorn, like someone had just told him the worst news ever. I wasn't sure what the worst news could possibly be but it must be bad for him to look that upset by it.

His eyes brightened somewhat when he saw me and his lips spread into a pained smile. Jared's smile wasn't supposed to be painful, it was not right for it to be like that. I needed Jared to smile properly, if he wasn't happy than I couldn't be happy.

I made my way straight over to him, ignoring the mumbled hellos from everyone else. Sitting down, I turned my seat so that I was facing Jared directly. I wasn't sure whether or not I should touch him because I figured, from how gentle Paul had been, that maybe Jared was hurting. My hand reached out, seemingly with a mind of its own, and touched Jared's hot right forearm.

He shifted in his seat to wrapped his right arm around my shoulder and pull me into a one armed hug. So he had hurt himself, or he'd been hurt, either way I didn't like it. While embraced in the one armed hugged I noticed that his right arm was swollen, from wrist to elbow. The sight of it made me feel sick.

"What happened?" I asked in a whisper, having lost my confidence when I noticed how hurt Jared looked.

Jared kissed the top of my head and then rested his mouth against my hair, breathing in deeply. He let out a small chuckle before answering, "I got a little too close to the leech. I'll be fine soon enough."

"It broke your arm?" I gasped and pulled away from Jared. I could feel him trying to resist but he didn't have the will to maintain any restraint and let me go.

He smiled at me, looking less hurt than he had moments before, "It'll heal quick smart. Remember, I'm a werewolf."

I wanted to find that comforting but I really didn't, "I don't care. What if she'd bitten you?"

"It would hurt worse than the break but he'd survive." Sam said in a powerful tone.

It calmed me, slightly, but I was still worried about Jared. I was worried about all of them. It wasn't fair that they would be forced into defending La Push, they were all just teenagers. Even Sam, their Alpha, was only nineteen, sure he was a few months from being twenty but at this point in time, he was nineteen.

That was when I remembered Quil and sighed.

"Now, it's my turn." Jared smiled, "What's wrong?"

I looked up at him, glancing at Sam momentarily as I looked up, "It's Quil."

"What? What about Quil?" I could hear the concern in Jacob's voice.

And the panic in Embry's, "Is he okay?"

I turned to them, "He's not unwell. But... he's hot." Jared's right arm tensed around my shoulders and I knew he'd taken it the wrong way. "I mean, he's got muscles and he's tall." Jared's breathing started to hitch in his chest and I realised again that I was not helping matters.

"Are you sure?" It seemed Sam understood what I was getting at.

I nodded, "He was about an angry sentence away from decking Kyle in Biology."

"I wish he had." Paul muttered.

Sam growled, "Shut it, Paul. Just today?"

Sam looked desperate, like he thought I was simply misled. I wished I was but I didn't think that was the case.

"To be honest, I can't be sure. I only noticed it today but he could be hours away, for all I know."

Jared pulled me back into his side. The tension was gone from his arm, he'd realised that I hadn't been saying I was attracted to Quil, but I could tell that he was still stinging a little from the thought that that was what I meant. I'd have to apologise for that later.

Everyone sat in silence. This was not what they wanted to hear, but I got the feeling that they had a little warning. I wasn't sure what it was but I expected a worse reaction than I got.

It was only a few moments of silence before Sam spoke, "Well, sitting here isn't going to help. Embry, Jacob. It's your turn for patrolling. Sofia, do you think you can handle one final workout with Paul?" I nodded, "I most likely won't be here when you get back, neither will Emily, so you and Jared can spend some time together before you leave tomorrow."

Paul pried Jared's good arm from my shoulders and I went to get changed into my track-pants and an old t-shirt, my usual workout attire. As usual Paul pushed me harder than ever. I don't know how he managed to do it, because every session I thought it couldn't get worse and every session it did. After almost two hours of torture, I fell over and refused to get up.

I was so exhausted that even when faced with a horse sized grey wolf I couldn't be bothered to move. When the wolf nudged my back, I still didn't move. When he growled at me, baring his teeth, I just stared back at him.

Finally he gave up trying to intimidate me and went to change back and get dressed. He offered to carry me back to the house but I said I'd be happier if he just brought Jared here. It took me fifteen minutes of having him stand me on my feet and then letting myself fall back to the ground, before he gave in and went to get Jared.

Jared arrived minutes later and we just sat together, on the cold, slightly wet, forest floor. I didn't mind because I was with Jared, and it would be the last time I would be with him for the next week. Jared had already organised to be the one to pick me up from the airport, when I came back, but until then, this was it.

Still it wasn't enough, and at eight o'clock that evening, when Paul came to tell me that Sue was calling for me, I didn't want to move. The idea of having to leave Jared was not a pleasant one. I didn't physically hurt and I didn't feel like crying, it was just annoying to know that I wouldn't be able to see him until next Thursday.

When I got back to the Clearwaters' I went almost straight to bed. After saying farewell to Seth and Sue, who I wouldn't see tomorrow before I left. I was glad that I went to bed early because after I'd closed the door and turned the light off, I felt strong warm arms wrap around my waist.

Jared spent the night in my room, again. It was nice but it made going to sleep very difficult. Between kissing him and not wanting to miss a moment with him, I found it almost impossible to close my eyes.

I woke to a very bad thought a few hours after falling asleep; Jared was wide awake still and just lying beside me. If this was what it was like when I was going back to Australia for a week, what would it be like when I was headed back to Australia for my exams? I didn't like that thought and, in order to get rid of it, I kissed Jared.

His lips could calm me down from any anxiety.

Harry, Leah and Lily went with me to the airport, after one final, ten minute kiss, in secret, with Jared. I didn't take any luggage with me because I had clothes at home still so it seemed quite pointless.

The flight was long and arduous but I was so exhausted from the last two weeks of training that I slept the whole way from LA to Sydney. The short flight from Sydney to Melbourne was the worst flight, because it was plagued with turbulence and the end was so close that time seemed to crawl.

My mum met me at baggage claim and we made the three hour drive to the farm in relative silence. I slept most of the way, still exhausted despite more than ten hours of sleep on the plane. Mum was listening to talk back radio, something which I despised, and it was easier to sleep and dream about Jared than listen to that crap.

I won't go into the details of my arrival home because the short story is quite fitting. I walked through the door, my dad said hello and hugged me. My sisters said hello and after five minutes of questions two of them, Anne and Eliza, ended up in a screaming match. So I excused myself, saying that I felt jet lagged and went to nap in my room, with Gizmo.

The nicest thing about being home was spending time with Gizmo. She was as soft and huggable as ever, even though she didn't really like being cuddled. Just the feel of her little warm body pressed against my ankle as I slept was enough to keep me smiling. And for a few moments, I didn't want to leave her, ever again.

She would be the hardest thing to leave behind. She was the first time and things weren't going to get easier just because I'd already done it once. It did make me feel a little better that after four months she still loved me, still cherished the time we spent together.

I must have slept for two days, the whole twenty hour flight and then all of Saturday, because before I knew it, it was Sunday and Dad was threatening to dump a bucket of water from the horse's trough on my bed, if I didn't get up.

Since it was my birthday and I was officially seventeen years old now, I didn't have to do any of the preparation for the party. Right?

Wrong.

With Gizmo as my right hand man, I was charged with clearing the half dozen sheep, two alpaca and five horses from the 'backyard'. I knew it was not necessary but I grabbed 'Corroboree Frog', or CF, the yellow Yamaha ATV, and chased the sheep from the yard. Dad yelled at me for it but it was definitely worth it. I hadn't been on an ATV since I left Australia and I was surprised by how much I missed it.

At 11 am I grabbed my Australian mobile, my American cell phone was in my bedroom in La Push, and was shocked to find that I had a text from an American number. Actually from two American numbers.

Message 1:

_Hey Sof happy bday_

Message 2:

_Hey babe, I miss you, can't wait for you to get back. Happy Birthday, give your GG a hug for me. Love AG_

I couldn't help but smile at my phone at that. I stood in the hallway, just outside my room, staring at the message for a little while. Until the phone was wretched out of my hands.

"What's this?" a short brunette said as she turned her back to me to read the message herself.

I smiled when I saw Corey and Becky standing just to my left. Becky launched herself at me, tightening her arms around my neck as she squealed hello, numerous times. Corey just stood there laughing at me.

"So who's AG?" Jade crooned as she turned around and handed the phone to Corey.

I couldn't help but smirk a little at the thought of Jared.

Becky gasped, "Oh, you are so in love! Back in your room, it's girl time. With Corey."


	40. Chapter 40

Girl time; with Corey.

It was something that hadn't happened in a long time, more than a year. I was happy that it was happening now although I had hoped that it would happen after lunch. So that Jade wouldn't get all stupid about it. Knowing her, she would tell someone before the meal was over and the whole family would know by the end of the day.

I sat at the head on the bed, on my pillows, with Jade on my left, Becky on my right and Corey sitting opposite me. I'd forgotten how much I loved doing this.

"So, what is his name?" Jade almost cried with her excitement.

I shook my head in amazement at how excited she was, "Jared."

Becky looked confused, "What does AG stand for?"

Part of me wanted to lie, because it was a little embarrassing, but when Gizmo jumped onto my lap, just as I was about to answer, I couldn't help but tell the truth, "American Gizmo, because he makes me smile like Gizmo does."

Becky and Jade 'aww'ed and Corey looked at them like they had gone mad.

He turned to me, "How old is he?"

"Sixteen, but he'll be seventeen in December."

"And how long have you known each other?" Corey asked, with a stern brotherly tone.

Jade laughed, "He means that in the biblical sense."

I shook my head, "We haven't slept together... well, we haven't had sex. And I met him on Christmas Eve."

"So you two have slept _next_ to each other? Why? When? Did you spoon?" I had never heard Becky sound so excited about someone else's relationship. Then again, we heard too much about Jade's and I'd never had one before, so maybe it wasn't that weird.

I thought back to last night... no, Wednesday night; it was all becoming one big blur. I thought back to Jared lying beside me, with his warm arms wrapped around me, as he tried to convince me to get some sleep.

"He kind of breaks into my room some nights to see me. But nothing ever happens." I added to stop Jade's next question.

Corey grimaced at Jade who was mumbling about guys not breaking into her room, "That's because they know the door is never locked. Are you two in a serious relationship?"

"Yeah, it's pretty serious. You know me, Serious Sofi." I laughed and Jade flung herself at me.

Her grip was tighter than Becky's and she rocked back and forth whispering in my ear, "I'm so happy for you."

You would have thought I'd just told her I was getting married, or was married and announcing I was pregnant, or something else that's considered to be a big event in most people's lives. She just seemed overly excited for some teenage romance, which as far as she knew, was all it was.

She pushed away from me suddenly, maintaining a tight hold on my shoulders and looking me in the face, "Do you have a photo?"

I smiled and nodded my head. She let me go and I reached down beside my bed for the bag that I'd used as my carryon on the flight home. In the front pocket was a photo album, which I had promised mum I would bring home. It contained photos of the Clearwaters and Lily, and of course, the Pack. As I opened it I saw a photo of Kim, Mia, Lily and myself from Christmas Eve, before I'd met Jared.

I pushed past it, deciding I'd remove it later so as not to draw attention to it now. There was one photo of Jared, and Paul, that I really liked and I wanted to show them that one. When I found it I turned the album around and pointed to it.

"Holy shit!" Jade gasped and snatched the album away from everyone else to get a better look at the photo, "Which one is he?"

"The one on the left." I smiled at her. It was nice to see that Jade agreed with me about his gorgeousness. I let my hand fall off my thigh and rest on Gizmo's soft side. She licked my fingers and then went back to sleeping.

Jade used her hand to fan herself as she passed the album to Becky, who held it so Corey could see as well, "My God girl, you found yourself a major keeper. He's sixteen?"

I nodded, only just remembering that he didn't look all that young. It was too late now, I couldn't go changing his age, that would look suspicious. I watched Becky and Corey inspect the photo. Once Corey had finished he pushed the album towards Becky, who started flicking through pages.

"He looks like a 'jock'." Corey grumbled as he sat back on the bed.

Corey used to be a 'jock', I don't think Australians have a word similar to that, but that was until it came out that his father was gay. Then he lost heaps of his 'friends' and the majority of the football team turned on him. Teasing him for being just like his father, even though his father was an amazing man who most fathers hoped their son would end up being like.

I smiled at him, "He's not. He's wants to be a Police Officer, they all do."

"Who are they?" Becky asked as she opened to a picture that contained the whole Pack, except for Jacob, who hadn't phased when the photo was taken.

"Oh, Jared and his friends. Those guys. That's Sam, Paul and Embry. The chick, Emily, she's Sam fiancée." I said, pointing them all out to Becky, and Jade who was craning her neck up to see who I was pointing to.

"What happened to her face?" Becky asked as she handed the album to Jade.

"Bear attack. She was lucky to survive."

"Okay, you can keep Jared," Jade said and I smiled to myself, there was nothing Jade could do to take him away from me, "and I'll take Embry, that guy is fucking _fine_!"

I laughed, I was sure that Embry wouldn't mind Jade saying that about him, although he'd probably be a little embarrassed at first, "He hasn't got a girlfriend. Do you want me to put in a good word for you?"

Jade looked up at me, "I would drop out of school for that root. Gah." she grunted and looked back at the photo, "You just know, with a body like that, he'll hit the right spot every time."

Corey groaned, "I did not need to hear that."

"Hey, you sort your shit out and I could be saying the same thing about you." Jade grumbled as she started flicking through photos.

Corey was definitely well muscled, he still played sport and worked on his dad's farm, so he had no problem remaining active. He wasn't as toned as any of the Pack but he'd never been interested in that. He was content being healthy, it didn't bother him if he was 'ripped' or not.

Becky turned to me, "Talking about sorting out shit, what's the go with you? How much weight have you lost since you left?"

I looked down at myself and then back up at Becky, she waited with raised eyebrows for my response, "I don't know, I haven't weighed myself recently."

"Well, go do it." Jade chirped, "You look hot, by the way. I'm going to guess twenty since November."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was thirty." Becky countered and the two girls turned to Corey.

Guessing how much weight I'd lost became a game for them when I started losing it. You might think it was mean but it kept me motivated so I didn't mind it. And it worked, unlike most of the other things I had tried.

"No offence, So, but I'm going to go with twelve point one nine four." Corey leant back against the metal foot of the bed with a cheesy smile on his face.

Gizmo whimpered and sneezed as I moved to get off the bed. She followed me to the edge of the mattress and then backed up a little before jumping off. I could always rely on her to be by my side, no matter where I was, she was always at my heel.

No one in my family had ever been able to understand it. Gizmo had no formal training and, apart from the couple of basics that I had taught her, she didn't know any commands. Still, she was as loyal as a retriever and as faithful as a German Shepherd.

The thing was that I understood her, and she understood me. My psychologist says that when I look at her, I see someone looking to be loved, I see myself. I have to say that I agree with him because Gizmo was exactly like me. She'd never been respected and she never had anyone show her real affection. Except for me.

I loved her, more than I loved anyone else. Walking to the bathroom, it was hard to choose who I loved more. Gizmo or Jared. Gizmo, who was loyal and affectionate, in her own way, was the best friend that I'd ever had. She'd been there for me when I thought no one else was and her years of companionship would be hard for Jared to surpass, for at least a few more years. But Jared was human, so it was a different love that I felt for him.

The old clunky scales clattered on the bathroom floor and creaked as I stepped onto them. Part of me was anxious to see what they said but a bigger part didn't really care. I wanted to be thinner, I wanted to be pretty and healthy, but Jared loved me regardless of that and, even though I couldn't understand it, I couldn't deny it.

I headed back to my room, unable to hide my joy. I had lost weight, although I had plenty left to lose, it was nice to know that I was still heading in the right direction. After Paul's ridiculously strict workouts, I'd kind of hoped that I would be.

"So?" Jade just about yelled as I entered the room.

I smiled at her, "Twelve point four."

"Fuck yeah!" Corey yelled and Jade and Becky gawked at him.

Becky looked angry, "How the hell do you do it? Are you psychic or something? You were point three out. Point fucking three!" She wasn't angry just astounded that Corey had guessed best. He'd won at least the last four guesses.

"Settle down people. I'll have gained it all back by the end of lunch. I haven't had an Aussie barbie in months." I looked at my three friends and couldn't stop myself from smiling. With all the time I'd been spending with, and thinking about, Jared, I had forgotten to realise how much I missed these guys. "Come on, we should really get out there and help."

We all turned from the room and made our way out the back. Mum, Anne and Eliza were preparing salads and we were shooed from the kitchen the second we stepped into it. We dashed through the kitchen and into the back yard. We grabbed at the work boots by the back door, making sure we got a pair the right size for us, and checking that there weren't any spiders by banging them, upside down, against the side of the house.

"Are you going to go riding while you're back? I'm sure Wazza would love a good ride, you're sisters haven't been near him."

Warrigal, or Wazza for short, was one of my father's horses. He was a tamed Brumby from the Northern Territory who my father did not like to ride. Dad actually bought him from our next door neighbour who called him Warrigal, which is the Aboriginal word for dingo, because of his buckskin coat.

I didn't particularly like riding Warrigal, his gait was very hard and choppy and it made prolonged sessions sitting on his back quite uncomfortable. But I used to ride down to the back fields with him and then walk back to the house, often he'd take off ahead of me and I wouldn't see him again until I got home. Sometimes, Becky went with me.

"I'm sure I can find time somewhere over the next three days." I laughed and we split up to get to work setting out places for people to sit and eat, should they choose to.

My dad was over by the barbeque, checking that the gas hose wasn't leaking because he couldn't get the fire to catch, "Sofia! Get your arse over here and help me with this thing. You're sister is useless."

My youngest sister, Samantha, groaned as dad shooed her away from the antique BBQ, "I won't even try to help next time."

"Watch your tone, girl!" Dad warned and I slowed in my approach.

Dad was never the sort of man that you said anything, even remotely, rude to. He ran a large cattle farm and was always busy with something, so there wasn't time for him to be disrespected. He often had work experience students help out; most of them were arrogant little pricks. None of them lasted long, generally a day or two, because Dad didn't take shit from anyone. Not from his workers and sure as hell not from his daughters.

Sam glared at him and stomped away. Which did not sit well with Dad, "Don't expect that little shit to be allowed back in the house for a month."

Dad had never liked Sam's boyfriend, who had cheated on her twice that we knew of but she took him back every time. Dad always seemed to be itching for a reason to ban him from the house or encourage Sam to take some time away from him. He was the only person in the whole of Australia for whom we had to get permission to invite into the house. Not that I had a problem with that because he was an arse.

Sam started to argue with him but he'd stopped listening to her, "Can you go grab me the tank from the shed," he tapped the gas tank currently connected to the BBQ, "and check on the dogs? They're complaining about something."

"Sure." I half cheered as I walked past him towards CF. The shed was a good ten minute walk away and Dad would want the tank as soon as possible.

The ride to the shed wasn't particularly nice; the wind was blowing the scent of fermented cow shit across the dirt track. It was a smell that I certainly didn't miss in La Push. It made me dislike some types of beer because their smell reminded me of the cow shit and made me want to chunder. I was glad for the wind protection of the machinery shed.

The dogs were yelping and hollering at me from their sectioned off area. Not one of them was outside, which was strange because they were normally rarely inside. I made my way over to them, to find a young bitch sitting in the closest corner, while the others fussed about her. I assumed this was the new dog Dad had told me about a few weeks ago.

She was a large female, larger than some of the males, and her coat was on the thicker side of normal for kelpies. Her coat was a little longer than all the others we had, Dad generally preferred shorter coats, but ultimately, like most farmers, it was skill over beauty.

She turned to look at me as I approached and the other dogs followed suit. Jumping up at the six foot wire wall that stood between us, it needed to be high because the aptly named Houdini was a master escape artist. The new dog stayed lying where she was, resting her chin on the tall fence so she could watch me with little effort.

There was something about her that made me feel sad. She seemed to be healthy and there was no reason for her not to be happy, but there was just something about her... like she knew something that I didn't. Something sad. Something that I should know.

I knelt down to pat her through the wire and the other dogs tried to push in front of her. I shooed them off and Gizmo jumped in front of me, trying to push my hand away from the forlorn red and tan working dog. Gizmo's fur was soft and cool beneath my hand as I shoved her out of the way. It wasn't like her to be so demanding.

The unfamiliar red and tan kelpie licked at my fingers and her tongue felt cold. Not her saliva but her actual tongue. Like she had been sucking on an ice cube. It made me shiver.

A car horn blared and I knew it was Dad telling me to hurry up.

I grabbed the small gas tank and fastened it to the rack at the back of the ATV. Gizmo jumped up and stood over the handle bar as I mounted the hard seat. With one last look over my shoulder, at the strange, cold kelpie, I revved the vehicle and took off back into the invisible fog of fermented bullshit.

I think she's sick; I'd have to ask Dad about it.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**I know this one was long and didn't contain any Jared but I promise the next one will make up for it. I just want to say thanks to everyone who has read this far and another thanks to everyone who has reviewed.**_

_**Things will start moving pretty fast in a few chapters time. We're currently in March and the story kicks back into in depth mode at around October-November. I'm guessing that by approximately Chap 50 we will be in October so get ready to miss a few months.**_

_**Once again, thank-you for reading.**_


	41. Chapter 41

_Jared's POV_

It had been far too long since I'd last seen or spoken to Sofia.

I texted her every day, and was sure that my next cell phone bill was going to cost me an arm and a leg to pay, but it hadn't been enough. Paul laughed at me for being so anxious about Sofi being away but Sam seemed to understand and that was all that mattered to me.

It wasn't like it hadn't been a stressful week too.

Saturday morning we had a rather unpleasant visit from Bella. I don't blame her for it but I was a little annoyed with Jake, for finding a way to give her a heads up, especially since she wasn't family or an imprint. The unpleasantness came from Paul, who flipped when he found out that Bella knew. It wasn't fair that Jake was allowed to get away with bending the rules, just because he was supposed to be Alpha.

Paul felt that Bella should be held as much a cause to our 'condition' as the Cullens, because she was so fine with what they were. He hated to think that she knew who and what we were because it meant that if the Cullens came back, which I believed they would – because we are all just unlucky enough for that to happen – than they would know all about us.

After Saturday, all I wanted was to sit with Sofia. To hold her close to me and listen to her soft breathing; watch her as she thought about something that was no doubt too complex and technical for me to understand. I just needed to be around her and knowing that she was 8,200 miles away just made everything so much harder.

To make matters worse, Bella just couldn't stay away now. Paul was not happy about her continued presence, neither was I, but at least she stuck with Jacob when she was in La Push. This only made things tenser between Jacob and Paul because Jacob was getting time off patrol in order to keep her out of trouble.

Sam allowed this because we now knew that the vamp was after Bella, and it was safer for her to be with us then for her to be wandering around on her own. Despite her lack of coordination and bad luck, which she knew she had, she seemed to do a lot of wandering alone. It annoyed me because she knew it was dangerous and she knew she had a habit of finding danger, but she did it anyway. I thought it was kind of selfish.

To top it all off, Quil phased late last night. So late in fact that there were only a few of us, myself, Paul and Sam, that knew he had phased. Although, I'm sure by now Jacob and Embry had phased at least once and were aware of the new addition. Sam was going to do the usual introduction to 'the lifestyle' and I was pleased to know that Quil wouldn't hold it against Sofia, that she didn't tell him what she knew.

It was a little awkward when Sam explained imprinting to Quil, while in wolf form, and it came out that Quil had a crush on Sofia. I didn't mean to but I'm part-man part-wolf so I got strangely jealous when Quil sent out an if-only-she-wasn't-taken thought. I could have strangled him, or bitten him, if he'd been within reach. But he grasped the imprinting idea quick smart and apologised for ever noticing Sofia.

If Leah was half as accepting as Quil than telling her about us, Sofi and I that is, wouldn't be all too difficult. But Sam said that was unlikely, Leah had always been fiery and she would almost certainly lose it when she found out.

Why can't things just be simple?

Why hasn't her plane arrived yet?

It was due to land at 12:48 and it was now 12:51, still the arrivals board said the plane was delayed, with no indication as to when it was due to get here. I didn't like it, not in the slightest. What if something had happened and Sofi needed me? I was useless here, waiting for someone who needed me somewhere else.

"Flight VX781 from Los Angeles arriving at Gate 9." the computerised voice boomed through the airport and I sprinted towards Gate 9.

If I saw her this second it was still feel like too long of a wait.

It took almost twenty minutes for the first passengers to walk out of the runway to the plane. With every person who came out I became more and more anxious. What if she'd missed her flight and had to hitchhike from LA to La Push?

No, she made her flight. I could see her adjusting a heavy backpack on her shoulder. She was as beautiful as ever, maybe more so. Every time I saw her she took my breath away and I know it's not 'normal' for a teenager to be so infatuated but I'm not a 'normal' teenager.

She showed her ticket to the flight attendant, not that I thought that was necessary; I mean, she had to show the ticket to get on the plane so she couldn't get off without it. It was an airline conspiracy to keep us apart for even longer. I was tempted to hunt down the person who made them do that, and punch him.

Once she was through the final partition I was on her; well, not really. I had her in my arms, holding her feet off the ground so that we were looking each other in the eye. She was beaming at me, and her beautiful eyes sparkled like opulent green beryl – yes, I'd spent hours on the internet looking for things that were the same colour as her eyes, so sue me.

She laughed as I twirled around, not caring how it looked to anyone walking past us. Sofia was finally back in my arms and it felt so good that I cannot explain it.

"Please." She said, with something between a laugh and a giggle, "Put me down."

I stopped spinning but kept my grip around her waist. I didn't want to put her down, not quite yet. My eyes held onto hers, watching them shine in the artificial light of the airport. She was too beautiful for me to let go. I stretched my neck and kissed her, I knew she didn't like public displays of affection but I couldn't help myself.

She pulled away after a few moments, I was just happy she had reciprocated at all, "Now, please. Down."

Giving in, I lowered her slowly and carefully to the ground. Once her feet were firmly planted she gave me a second kiss and took my hand.

It was so good to have her back. I could feel the tension of the last week just rolling away, all she had to do was stay by my side and I'd be perfectly content with everything in a few minutes. Everything Paul. Everything Jacob. Everything Bella. It would all be fine as long as Sofia didn't leave me again.

I had Emily's little coupé to drive back to La Push in. Sam had already managed to get the story, that he was in Seattle on 'business' and was happy to give Sofia a lift back to La Push, into everyone's head; everyone outside the Pack and the elders, that is. He'd meet us just outside of the township and I'd head back to Emily's through the forest, while Sam drove Sofi the rest of the way to the Clearwaters.

We took the long way back to La Push. It was only an extra half hour but I wanted to take every minute I could possibly have. It was a great drive. Sofia talked the whole time, which was something she didn't do a lot, and I just sat and listened. The best bit was I got to hold her hand the whole way because Emily's coupé was an automatic.

Sofia had a CD of classic Aussie hits but the only songs I knew were 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl' and 'Thunderstruck'. Sofia decided it was up to her to introduce me to the supreme genius that was Australian Rock. But first she had to tell me all about her trip home.

At least an hour of the drive was spent talking about Gizmo and another hour on all the other pets. I found it amazing that she could talk so much about those animals but the people in her life seemed to only come into the equation by accident. A decent time was spent on Australian music and what was left, about an hour and a half, went into talking about her friends and family.

I learnt a few things about her family, like that it was massive. Her father had five siblings, all of whom were married with at least three children. Her mother had ten siblings, eight sisters and two brothers, with only one of them not married with a child. She had seventy four relatives when only counting Aunts, Uncles and first cousins. Apparently there were second cousins, great aunts and uncles and even a third cousin, who showed up for her Great Grandmother's 95th birthday.

Maybe it was a good thing that I hadn't gone because I was certain to have stuffed up names and relations after being introduced to the first couple of 'relos', as Sofia called them. I also found out a lot about her friends, like the fact that Jade, the promiscuous one, had the hots for Embry; and that they'd given me a nickname.

Jazza.

According to Sofia, names like Barry, Garry and Harold were 'shortened' to Bazza, Gazza and Hazza, respectivey. So Jared had become Jazza. I asked Sofia not to use it in front of the others because I knew they'd make it into something bad. It was bad enough that Paul kept calling me Butterfly.

"So, you had a good time?" I said after our first few moments of silence since Sofia had started talking.

She turned to me and squeezed my hand, "It could have been better but yeah, I had a good time."

I smiled, knowing exactly what she was implying and knowing that I returned those sentiments, "Well, you're back now. I'll swing by tonight so we can... get reacquainted." I said with a sly wink.

Sofia just laughed as I pulled over at the point where I was supposed to meet Sam. He wasn't waiting for us and that had me concerned. He knew what time we were meeting and he wouldn't just not show up.

I looked at Sofia and she looked slightly concerned too, "I'll be back in a minute, I just need to find out where he is. Okay?"

Sofia smiled at me and my knees went weak, if I'd been standing than I would have fallen down. I felt so stupid at moments like this but I knew that Sam, at least, would understand. If I was the only one that had imprinted then I probably would have felt super stupid around the others when I thought about this sort of thing.

I left the key in the ignition but turned the engine off. Dashing from the car in the hopes that I would be able to get back there sooner. Even though I had striped in front of Sofia before, it felt wrong to do it again. Like I was perverting her to even think about it. I hid behind a tree to remove my clothes and phase.

I was not expecting what awaited me.

Grief.

Horrible gut-wrenching grief.

And anger.

Lots and lots of anger.

But it wasn't coming from anyone that I knew. At least, it wasn't coming from any of the Pack members that I'd left behind this morning. It was from a new- no, two new members. And everyone was at some stage of freak out.

Seth Clearwater had phased because Harry had had a heart attack.

And Harry had had a heart attack because...

That couldn't be right.

_Fuck you, Jared!_ Leah's voice was loud and clear in my head.

Leah was a werewolf; she was part of the Pack.

Sofia rushed to mind.

_I know all about _that_ now! I can't believe that she lied to me. I can't believe you all lied to me._

Sam came back, I don't know where he'd been but he came back from it. He noticed me the second he phased.

_Take Sofia to Emily's. It doesn't matter who sees you, any more._

I followed Sam's order obediently and phased back. Pulling my clothes on as quickly as possible and running back to the car.

Sofia noticed the change in me and I could see that it stressed her out. I didn't want to tell her in the car but I didn't think I could stand not telling her. She needed to know and I never wanted to keep any secrets from her, not even for a minute.

"What is it?" she asked as I closed the door.

I turned sideways to look at her. There wasn't an easy way to put this. How do you tell someone that someone they lived with had just died?

I took a deep breath and picked up Sofia's cold and slightly shaky hand, "I... I have some bad news." Now that I'd said it, it sounded like a horrible way to start. Who in their right mind actually thinks that statement helped to give someone bad news?

"Harry has passed away."


	42. Chapter 42

I didn't know what to do.

I liked Harry, a lot, and to know that he wasn't going to be around anymore made me feel... I wanted to say sad but sad just didn't seem to cover it. I was in shock because I didn't really do anything, I cried a little but not as much as I expected. Jared wouldn't make something like that up but somehow I just couldn't believe it was true.

Jared pulled up at Emily's and he rushed to help me out of the car. I swatted his hand away, annoyed by his implication that I couldn't do this myself. Jared took it in his stride and held the door open for me. I made sure to touch his hand as I got out, as a silent apology.

The house was quiet when we entered and Jared led me straight to the lounge room. Emily and Sam were sitting together on the couch, watching a muted TV. As we walked in, Emily looked up at me.

"Sue brought around some of your clothes. Are you okay with staying here for a short while? Just until everything's settled down, over there." Emily looked like she'd been crying a fair bit and I felt for her. I'd never lost an uncle but I was sure that I would be a wreck if I did.

I nodded, "Of course."

Emily smiled and it was dull, despite the obvious want for it to be warm, "And Jared won't have to worry about sneaking in. As long as there's no funny business."

Jared hugged my shoulders and pulled me over to his armchair. Sitting down he beckoned me onto his lap, encouraging me to hug my knees so he could wrap his long arms around my huddled form. His warmth was comforting and I think I could have fallen asleep in his embrace, if I wasn't so confused about what had just happened. And desperate not to cry in front of Jared.

I hated crying in front of people.

Sam groaned, "I really should get back out there. I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" He looked at Emily with apologetic eyes and I was glad that Jared wasn't Alpha. I don't know how I would respond if he had to keep leaving me, if I were in Emily's position.

"Take all the time that you need. Make sure Leah and Seth are okay. I'll be fine."

Sam kissed Emily sweetly and darted from the room.

I looked at Jared, "Leah won't want to see him."

Jared grimaced and I knew something else was going on. I pushed away from him to get a better look at his face while I waited for an answer. I wanted to just cry into his shoulder but I needed to know what he was hiding from me first.

"Leah and Seth... they phased."

What he was saying didn't sink in right away, "What do you mean 'they phased'?"

Jared sighed, "I mean they're part of the Pack, now. They're werewolves."

That wasn't possible. Quil was supposed to be next. Seth didn't even have a temperature last time I saw him. Sure, he'd grown a lot in the last few months but he wasn't... I could barely believe it. Little Seth. And Leah was a woman, how could she have phased?

Maybe it was because their father had died. Maybe that had spurred them on to the point where they hadn't needed months to change, they just needed that catalyst. Could the timing be any worse for them? Losing their father and then losing normality.

I had heard Jared and Paul talking about how difficult it was to regain control over themselves and their lives, Paul still struggled with it. Paul had to ditch all his old friends and act like it was a normal thing. He'd ended up breaking up with his girlfriend because of it and he hated that, because he had really liked her.

Seth and Leah would have to leave their friends too. Join the group that a week ago neither of them particularly liked, or trusted. This wasn't fair on them.

And poor Sue. Losing her husband and, in a sense, her children too. My mum said that all she had ever wanted for her girls was happy, healthy, normal lives. Leah was sure not going to be happy, not that she had been recently, and neither of them would have normal lives again.

I couldn't imagine losing Jared, and I wasn't married to him. Sue and Harry had been high school sweethearts, and married at just nineteen. From what I'd seen they had the typical marriage, they fought at times but always talked things through in the end. In fact, their relationship was probably more stable and civil than my own parents'.

It didn't feel right.

"Do you want something to eat?" Emily asked as she dusted off the front of her clothes.

Jared looked down at me and I returned his curious stare, "No thanks." We said in unison and went back to just sitting in silence as Emily headed into the kitchen.

I could hear Emily bustling around in the kitchen and every now and then she'd gasp loudly as she tried to control her tears. Harry was her uncle; I couldn't imagine what it was like for Emily. I turned to Jared and pecked him on the forehead. He looked confused as I weaselled my way out of his grip and headed towards the kitchen.

"Can I help with anything?" I asked and waited by the door for an answer.

Emily wiped her red nose with a scrunched up tissue and looked at me. Her dark brown eyes full of tears, she shook her head. I didn't like that response because it was like one giant contradiction. Her response was no but her face, and teary eyes, screamed yes.

If there was one thing I knew it was when someone was hurting, and Emily was hurting now, more than I could understand. If she were my mother or any of my sisters, I would have forced her to sit down and done the cooking myself. But I got the feeling that this was Emily trying to cope and I didn't want to get in the way of that.

Jared came up behind me, wrapping his hot arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. It was nice to have him hold me, since I felt awkward just standing there watching Emily. She was struggling but I couldn't do anything to appease her, no matter how much I wanted to.

I couldn't begin to imagine what Leah and Seth were going through.

There was a loud clatter as the frypan that Emily had been holding fell from the bench and landed on the cold tiled floor, spilling its uncooked contents. A furious growl ripped from Emily and she kicked at the cupboard closest to her. Viciously cursing herself as she bent down to start cleaning up the mess, with tears streaming down her pretty face and most likely blocking her vision.

Jared let me go as I made towards Emily. I defiantly kept trying to stop her from cleaning up the mess, although she fought me with muttered curses and aggressive smacks to my hands. She ran out of steam quickly and I was able to convince her to leave the mess and sit down at the table.

Once she was settled at the table I grabbed the box of tissues from above the fridge and sat down next to her. I wasn't good with lots of physical contact so I offered her the tissues and just sat beside her. I could hear Jared cleaning up the mess behind us and smiled, inwardly, at how kind he was.

After he'd cleaned up the mess he disappeared out the back. I wasn't sure where he was going, or why, but it turned out to be a good thing. The second that Jared was gone, Emily opened up about what was actually upsetting her.

"Do you think I'm a good person?" she sobbed.

I couldn't contain the shocked gasp that left me, "Of course. Why would you ever think you weren't?"

Emily cried for a few moments before looking up at me, "I think this is partly my fault. If Sam hadn't imprinted on me than he would be happy with Leah still. She'd have never gotten angry and she'd have never phased. Harry died when he saw Leah phase, and it's my fault she phased. Harry's death is my fault."

I was too shocked to say anything. It sounded like the sort of logic I came up with when I was feeling especially crappy and when I heard it from this side of the conversation it was exceptionally stupid. None of this was Emily's fault. She never asked for any of this. If she'd chosen this knowing what would happen then, yes, it would be her fault. But how could she have foretold things would end up like this? How could anyone?

"No, Emily. This isn't your fault. It's not your fault at all." I sighed and took her hand in mine. I had no idea if this was the right thing to do but it had felt right. Emily looked up at me and smiled.

Someone came charging down the hall from the back door and I turned around just in time to see Sam rocket into the room. He didn't even notice me, as he ran straight to Emily and embraced her.

I crept out of the room moments later. This was a private thing that Sam would definitely be able to handle on his own. So I went out the back to sit on the step that Jared and I used to frequent regularly. It was strange to think that we hadn't sat here together for at least three weeks.

The afternoon was cool and dark. The sky above me was thick with slate grey clouds that blocked almost all of the sun's bright rays, if I weren't in La Push than I would have thought the weather was weeping for Harry's passing. It may well have been because it was gloomier than usual. All around me the air was motionless and not one leaf was caught by any wind, in the forest in front of me. It was too miserable for even the wind to blow.

I had been so excited to return and now I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep off this nightmare. It did surprise me that I hadn't cried because I was normally a big crier when I heard that someone had died. After Jared had told me, I had cried a little but nothing like I expected. It wasn't that I wasn't upset; I was, very much so, but... I just couldn't help but feel that crying wasn't going to help anyone.

"Hey, stranger."

I jumped at the sound and clutched a hand to my chest as if I could physically stop my heart from beating so fast.

It was Quil. He was leaning against the railing and smiling at me, like my surprise had been humorous to him. I wondered why he was here and then why he was only wearing shorts. Before I'd even finished thinking the question, I knew the answer. He had phased.

I smiled at him, "When the fuck did you join up?" Being in Australia had really reignited my passion for curse words and I just hoped that Quil didn't think I was being too aggressive.

"Yesterday." He nodded and came to sit next to me.

I wasn't too impressed with that, as I suddenly realised that it meant I wouldn't have anyone to sit next to in Biology or Chemistry. In fact, I was going to be alone in most of my classes. Biology, History, Physics, Chemistry and Calculus. Gah, almost the entire day.

I sighed, "Biology's gonna be shit boring without ya."

Quil laughed and shoved me playfully, just as movement by the trees caught my eyes. The Pack was back, well, Jared and Embry anyway. There was a light air between them although it was clear that Harry's death was a shock to them and still hurt a little.

"You. Move." Jared said, with a smile, pointing to Quil, "That's my seat and my girl."

I feinted insult as he stopped and waited for Quil to get up, "Hey!"

"Sorry, my seat and my master?" Jared corrected himself and I laughed.

"I guess I can accept that one."

Every head but mine turned to the side of the house and it took me a second to realise that I was the odd one out. I shifted to see what they were looking at and saw Leah standing there, in shorts and a t-shirt, clearly not wearing a bra.

Her eyes and nose were red from rubbing at them. The corners of her mouth turned down in a heart-breaking frown. Her hair was slightly matted and didn't sit as neatly as it normally did. If I were anything like Jade or Becky I would have gotten up and hugged her, but Leah seemed as awkward with physical contact as I was so I knew I was safe to just sit here.

She looked at me for a few long seconds before her gazed flicked to Jared. That was when I realised that she knew. Of course she knew, wolf telepathy, there probably wasn't anything about our relationship that she didn't know. Every lie. Every fib. She knew them all.

She must hate me.

"I'm going home." she grumbled and looked at me. I could see she was about to say something but it didn't want to move past her lips, after a few awkward moments she managed to get something out, "You should have just told me. If I knew you loved him I wouldn't have said the things I did."

Then she turned and stormed away.

I was too shocked to say anything. I felt like a royal bitch for not telling Leah the truth, I should have known that she wouldn't have had a problem with it. She might not like Sam because of imprinting but she wasn't the sort of person to stand in the way of someone else's happiness. How could I have gotten her so wrong?

"She wouldn't have said them in front of you. She still would have thought it all though." Jared assured me as he pulled me into a hug.


	43. Chapter 43

I've been back in 'the States' for a month now.

Seth had taken to the Pack really well, and everyone enjoyed having him around. I still had a hard time imagining him ripping apart a vampire, though Jared sung his praises regularly, stating that he was just what the pack needed; a 'younger Jared'. Seth liked to think of it more as Jared being an 'old Seth'.

Things weren't so easy with Leah.

Jared regularly came back to Emily's complaining about Leah's inappropriate thoughts; apparently she liked concentrating on the more physical interactions she had shared with Sam. At least Leah was talking to me, which I had not expected, and I couldn't dislike her for her actions.

It had been bad when she had not known how Sam was feeling and she'd thought knowing would make things easier, but it didn't. Now she had to hear about how devoted he was to her cousin and know that devotion would never be hers again. Leah loved Sam, more than any other man she knew and she feared she always would. It scared her that the closest she would ever get to the happiness she had with him, was to dream about the time before he imprinted on Emily.

Quil was having a much better time with the changes. He was ecstatic to have his friends back and know that it wasn't because of him that they had left in the first place. Quil was also a reliable Pack member. He took on any patrol that needed filling and was often ordered by Sam to go home and get some sleep. I liked having Quil around because he was more open than Embry and seemed to be in a more persistent state of cheer than Jacob. It sucked not being able to sit with him at school, and no amount of social interaction outside of school could make up for that.

At school it was back to being just me and Lily. Sometimes Nick, the guy who threw the Christmas Party that I didn't go to, and a couple of his buddies would sit with us. I had a strong feeling that one of Nick's mates, Mat, was interested in Lily. I knew Lily liked him flirting with her but she would not make the first move. It was slightly painful to watch.

Classes were far more bearable than before. Now that Leah knew about Jared and I, it meant that we were free to let the rest of the town know. As such, Kyle and Ash's jokes about me being easy stopped pretty damn quickly. It helped that Paul threatened them with whole Pack violence; although I scolded him when I found out, I was glad that he did it.

I was still living at Emily's but as far as any authorities were concerned I was living with Sue. Sam had thanked me several times for providing Emily with company when he wasn't around; he was still concerned about her, after how she'd acted the day of my return. She seemed to be better now but I knew the concern that he was showing, it was the concern my family had felt for me after I was diagnosed with OCD and depression. It was the 'I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-but-I-pray-to-God-that-I'm-doing-it-right' type of concern.

To give Sam and Emily some much needed time alone, I was spending the evening at Jared's. His parents were out of town so we had the house to ourselves. Jared wanted the night to be romantic and had tried to cook something; he said it was supposed to be Spaghetti Bolognese but it smelt like charcoal when I arrived. We ended up ordering pizza and watching a collection of crappy horror movies in his room. He had rented some romances but I told him if he even tried to put one of them on, I would go back to the Clearwaters' for the night.

We were watching Jeepers Creepers 2, it was getting close to the end as three of the teenagers reached an 'abandoned' Ute. Jared was watching me with caution, as if worried that I was about to freak out. I'd seen this movie more than once and it didn't scare me all that much. Jared had not liked the first one, which we'd watched immediately before this, and I got the feeling that he didn't actually want to watch this one.

I leant against him and he dropped his arm to lie against my waist. His hand rested on my outer thigh; more than a small part of me wanted his hand to be working on a different part of my thigh. I wanted to make a move, show him that I was ready for the next step but, despite knowing he had imprinted, I was fearful of rejection.

He pressed his cheek to the top of my head and I snuggled closer to him. I loved this; touching him, knowing that I wasn't just allowed but encouraged to do so. It felt like there were magnets under our skin where it contacted, trying to pull up together.

'Jeepers Creepers

Where'd you get those peepers?

Jeepers Creepers

Where'd you get those eyes?'

The old song played as the credits started to run.

Jared snatched up the remote, "Thank fuck!" He sighed as he pressed the power button and turned off the DVD player. I breathed a chuckle as he kissed the top of my head. He moved to get up and I held onto him, "Two seconds. I promise, two seconds."

I sighed and let go of him, watching silently as he walked over to the CD player.

I could not believe how lucky I had gotten. He was beyond hot. He was the sun and I was Pluto. We were never meant to meet and yet here we were, embracing one another whenever the mood caught us.

Within the first two chords I knew that song. 'Truly Madly Deeply' by Savage Garden, it was one of the sweetest songs I knew and ever since I first heard it I had wished that someone would think of me when it played. I knew I hadn't mentioned it to Jared because I'd forgotten that Savage Garden existed until the song started playing.

Jared returned to the bed and pecked me on the lips before lying down beside me, "Another CD for you." He took my hand in his and held it in front of his face, just admiring how they looked together.

I smiled to myself as I observed Jared in his musings, refusing to say or do anything in case it ruined the moment. He looked so content just gazing at our hands and it amazed me that he was still so interested in me, like I was an endless story that he couldn't put down.

His lips found the back of my hand, sending a jolt of electricity up my arm, as Jeff Buckley's 'You & I' began. It only spurred the electricity on and I could feel it radiating out to the rest of my body. The song was haunting and elegant, and I couldn't suppress the shiver it evoked.

Jared's strong, hot arm snaked around my shoulders, pulling me into him. He gave me a sideways kiss to the forehead, unable to take his eyes from our hands. I wondered what was so fascinating about them and fear gripped me.

Maybe he was noting how chubby my hand was; how fat my fingers looked next to his slender digits. I tried to push the thought aside to focus on the song and somehow my mind turned to the spirit world that Jared wanted me to experience.

It was hard to be too side tracked by that as Jared turned his head and his eyes caught mine. His gorgeous, cheerful chocolate eyes were always so stunning; I often forgot to breathe when he looked at me. I had to remind myself now.

His perfect lips curled into a smile and it flooded his face with joy, not that he hadn't already looked very content. He kissed my brow and then my nose. Moving sweet kisses over my skin in a playful pecking fashion, I couldn't help but giggle as I rolled onto my back to get away from them. It wasn't that I didn't like it, and he knew that, it was something in my gut that told me that rolling away was a good idea.

He followed me. Leaning on his forearms for a moment before moving gracefully to support himself on his large hands, he kissed my chin and his upper lip grazed my lower one. It was sent a wave of warmth through my body and I wanted him to kiss my lips again.

Soon he was leaning over me, on all fours, staring down at me with his dazzling eyes a shade darker than normal. He'd stopped kissing and was just gazing at me. Time seemed to slow as we inspected each other's faces, mesmerized by mere proximity.

His lips grazed mine. Once. Twice.

The third time he didn't pull back and I wrapped my arms around his neck, officially stopping him from pulling away. Well, as officially as I could manage against his immense strength. Not that he looked like he was going to even try to move away again. He dropped back onto his forearms and leant into the kiss, as his tongue brushed against my lip.

His hot tongue slid past my parted lips to mingle with mine. I loved the way it felt. It had always felt so right, so normal. My heart raced and my stomach tightened, in the most amazing way.

It was no longer enough for me to have my arms around his neck; I had to feel the rest of his visually delicious body. I wanted to feel the warmth of his flesh held tight against mine. More than I'd ever wanted anything else.

My hands found the buttons of his shirt but they were small and their holes were annoyingly tight. My annoyance didn't go unnoticed and Jared shifted his knees, placing one between my thighs, to anchor himself securely on the bed. Then he took his weight off his arms and grabbed the two sides of his shirt, pulling it roughly apart so that the buttons popped and scattered around us.

The tightness and warmth in my stomach intensified.

Jared's hot hands held my jaw and neck lightly as he leant back into the kiss. I was, annoyingly, running out of air and needed to break from the kiss just as he tried to deepen it further. He wasn't deterred though, his lips moving away from mine and along my jaw.

A soft moan rumbled from my open mouth as I panted to regain my breath.

Jared groaned and I felt his hips drop slightly. His hands moved out of the way of his roaming mouth and down to the hem of my t-shirt. The feel of his fingertips on my stomach sent pulses of electricity coursing through me and as they dragged up my torso the feeling only strengthened.

That had the butterflies screaming in my stomach.

He had to pull away to take my shirt off and I took my chance to catch his mouth with mine again. I had to prop myself on my elbows to raise my head to his and his hands darted behind me. With supreme ease and speed he had my bra undone. Again he broke the kiss and dropped his mouth to my shoulder, using his nimble lips to push the straps from my shoulders. Once off my shoulders he used his hands to pull them down and threw the bra clean across the room.

I guided his lips back to mine, and then snaked my arms around behind his head. He didn't try to move away again and we worked to rearrange our legs without either one getting hurt. Once his knees were between mine, I folded my legs around his thighs and his pelvis pressed down.

His erection was growing and strained against his pants. I could feel it, tantalisingly close to my core and it was making parts of me stir. Making me ache for him, in a way that I had never ached for anyone before.

Now his mouth moved away again and I, again, moaned in longing. He kept giving me a taste of what I wanted and then taking it away from me. Teasing me.

I gasped and arched my back as his hot mouth enclosed my hard nipple and his firm tongue flicked at it. It was like nothing I had felt before and I yearned for him to never stop. A large hand cupped my free breast, kneading it firmly while his mouth worked over my other nipple.

Jared ground his hips against mine, his excitement putting pressure over my clitoris and making me squirm. He groaned around my nipple and I arched my back in delight. Somehow, he took more of my breast into his mouth and sucked, ending with a gentle nip that made me almost cry out.

My body was more alive than it ever had been before. I could feel everything, every movement of Jared's hot body and every shift within me. It was like I had someone else's senses, stronger senses. It was both exhilarating and frustrating. We were still wearing too much clothing.

He changed the motion of his hips, so that he was hitting parts of my sex that had never been touched before.

"Jared!" I whimpered and it fuelled his agonisingly beautiful movements.

He rolled his firmness over my centre in a way that interfered with my breathing. His mouth swapped breasts and my lungs froze with the delight that flooded my body.

I felt like I was close, although I couldn't be sure. If he kept doing what he was doing, it wouldn't be long before my body burst into metaphoric flames. There was a tingle inside me that I'd never had before and I could feel something shifting, moving in my core.

He made one more smooth grind against me and I grunted his name.

Just as the light flicked on.

"Jared!" a woman bellowed and my tense, butterfly filled stomach disappeared.

Jared's head shot up and looked over his shoulder towards the door. His eyes were wide and his body frozen in shock. He snatched my t-shirt from the head of the bed and laid it hurriedly across my exposed chest.

"Mom! Get out!"

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**

**_Please review. I'm starting to lose motivation to finish this story because while there seems to be a few people reading there are only a couple who are reviewing._**

**_So please, if you are reading this and want to know how this all ends then reveiw._**

**_Also, thank-you to all those who have reviewed so far._**


	44. Chapter 44

_Jared's POV_

Fuck!

Tonight had been so good. More than good, it had been perfect. Okay, so I was definitely not a cook and Sofia did not like romantic movies, but everything else had been amazing.

Sofia was a paragon of paradisiacal nonpareil supertemporal pulchritudinous-ness. The feel of her beautiful body beneath mine, of her cool flesh against my lips, was mind-blowing. I had felt the way her body reacted to mine, heard how she became breathless and her heart raced, all in sync with my matching actions.

I could still taste her on my lips and it was doing things to me that really weren't appropriate at the moment.

This was not cool. This was so fucking not cool. I could strangle my mother. I had no idea why they were home so early but I was too angry to care. They had said that they wouldn't be home until tomorrow afternoon, dad was supposed to have some business meeting tomorrow and they were going to come home after that.

I was furious that they would decide to come home early.

Sofia would probably never want to touch me again. What had just happened may be the closest I ever get to making love to her. I didn't like that. I wanted to kiss her and hold her, for everyday for eternity.

I could not believe mom had walked in at that point. Half an hour earlier or half an hour later and it probably wouldn't have mattered, it still would have been embarrassing but it wouldn't have changed anything. Her timing couldn't have been worse. Actually it could have; five or ten minutes later would have been a lot worse.

The front door slammed shut. Mum was back from dropping Sofia off at Sue's. I couldn't imagine how awkward that ride would have been. It was hard for me to not go with them; I wanted to protect Sofia from everything, even awkward silences with my mother.

She strutted into the room and sat on the couch opposite me, beside Dad, with a mix of emotions across her face. Dad just looked proud, which annoyed me, but mom looked disappointed, ashamed, angry and embarrassed. I guess it was uncomfortable for her to walk in on that but I had no sympathy for her.

She sighed heavily, "I don't know what to say."

My anger was building and I knew that if she was going to keep acting like she was the one wronged in this situation I would have to run out of here. I wouldn't be able to hold my wolf back, because it was pissed that things had worked out this way. I was barely able to keep it under control as it was and I didn't want to be phasing anytime soon.

Paul and Quil were patrolling at the moment and I could just imagine how they would react when they found out what had happened tonight. Paul would laugh at me, he'd find it absolutely hilarious, and then there would probably be a little animosity from him, he looked at Sofia like she were his sister. I could only assume that Quil would feel a little arrogant when he found out, he tried to hide it but I knew he still had a flame for Sofia.

Not that I blamed him. She was sweet and friendly, and she had a way of making everyone feel comfortable around her. Sofia was beautiful, and when you got to know her she just becomes so much more enthralling. The more I got to know her the more I realised that I would have noticed her. Regardless of the imprint, we would have gotten here, no matter what; well, hopefully not here here but here ten minutes ago, without the interruption.

I suppressed a growl and looked up at my mother, "Why are you home so early?"

"My meeting was cancelled but I still have to work tomorrow." Dad smiled at me and I could see that he was pleased about something.

Mom did not suppress her growl as she scooted forward on the couch to scold me, "This is not about us. Why would you do that?"

That seemed like a stupid question to me and I couldn't control the condescension in my voice, "Because I love her."

"Having sex does not equate to love." Mum screeched and I flinched at the sound.

"I know that," I growled, "we've been together for three months. It's not like I just picked her up off the street."

The pride on Dad's face dropped and he scowled at me for raising my voice at my mother. I felt bad for doing it but my wolf didn't care, it was fuming that Sofia wasn't here at all.

Mum seemed to soften somewhat and the anger dampened, "Did you consider how Sofia felt about this?"

I could barely believe that she was even suggesting that. Sofia was all I ever thought about. I'd never do anything without considering how she felt. Sofia wanted that as much as I did. It had been building for weeks and tonight was supposed to be it. We should be lying in each other's arms right now.

But why would Mom have brought that up? What if Sofia wasn't ready and my own desires were clouding my senses? She hadn't said no but she wasn't known for going against what others wanted just because she felt uncomfortable. No, she was more than good with what _was_ happening.

I couldn't forget the feel of her supple flesh against my hard stomach. How she'd ached her back and moaned my name when I...

I had to stop thinking about that. I was sure that Mom and Dad would not be impressed with my 'reaction' and I didn't feel entirely comfortable with them seeing it.

"Calm down, Lori." Dad soothed and pulled my mother's shoulders back, "Of course Jared was thinking about Sofia. It's not like we didn't know that they were doing that. My only question," he turned to me, "you are using protection, right?"

That made me feel a little sick. Not so much the question but the fact that my father was actually asking me. I didn't want to talk to them about any of this; I wanted to forget that my mother had just walking in on me with my imprint. I just wanted to be with Sofia.

I didn't answer. I jumped to my feet and ran from the house. That question had pushed me over the edge and if I stayed I would have phased in the living room and destroyed half the furniture.

The grass beneath my feet was like a green light to my wolf and I was barely at the trees when I heard my clothes rip. I was furious at my parents and all I could think about was how many times they had embarrassed me or done something really annoying. Nothing compared to what they'd done tonight.

_What did they do tonight?_ Quil wondered and it took all my strength not to actually think about what happened.

_Better question, what are your parents doing home?_

Paul was a few miles south of where I was and he wasn't sure if he wanted to pry into my thoughts or not. Quil seemed just as hesitant. If I'd had sex than they didn't want that being seared into their heads but if something more 'interesting' had happened then they really wanted to know.

_Especially, if it's humiliating._ Paul laughed and I could sense Quil's agreement with that.

I would not think about it. The less they knew the better. The less everybody knew the better. I couldn't believe that my parents had come home early. My anger towards them was unwavering, I didn't want to be angry but my wolf wouldn't let me be anything else. But I had to calm down so that I could phase back and go see Sofia. So I could apologise.

_What did you do?_

_I didn't _do_ anything!_

This telepathy thing was beyond annoying. I didn't have a single private thought and it was infuriating at times like this. Too angry to stay in human form and every thought was too public to allow me to think things through.

Paul's thoughts were like a breath sucked through teeth, and I could hear his pity as he thought that it was to do with me having 'performance anxiety'. There was a small part of him that was slightly glad for it, he was protective of Sofia and that protective nature didn't even trust me.

_Damn right, it doesn't. I gave Sofia a day off from training so that she wouldn't be worn out_ _and you wasted that chance. She's not going to get another. Her training is important, seeing how you want her to rip her spirit from her body. You know it might not work, right? She's not a Quileute._

At times like these I didn't know whether I liked or disliked Paul. I liked that he cared for Sofia but sometimes it felt a little awkward. We'd all known her the same amount of time and yet he'd taken it upon himself to act like her big brother. She didn't need a big brother, she had me.

_Difference is that Paul isn't trying to get in her pants. And failing._

_I won't hesitate to bite you next time I see you, Quil. _I threatened and considered actually hunting him down right now.

_Whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Sofia cares for you, she's not going to care that you couldn't get it up._

Quil was being genuine. He believed that I had not been able to hold up my end of the conversation and that was what the problem was. I wanted to scream at him about how wrong he was but I didn't want to get into any details about what did happen.

_Quil's right,_ Paul thought as he started heading in my direction, _Sof isn't going to care. I'm sure she wouldn't mind helping you prolong the experience._

I could feel Paul cringe as he thought about me being too excited. It was frustrating that they were assuming there was something wrong with me. Then again, there was definitely nothing wrong with Sofi so if it had been something between just the two of us then it would have to be a problem with me.

_Was it your mom or dad?_

Quil had caught on to the few bits and pieces that he'd gotten and pieced them together. I could see him thinking about my dad walking into the room. Then he thought we were in the living room and both my parents had interrupted us.

I wasn't able to keep my mind off what had happened, not when Quil, and Paul, were concocting bizarre scenario's that all missed what had happened.

_Dude! Too much information!_

I heard Paul growl and noticed that he was standing a few feet in front of me. It was clear in his mind that he had not wanted to know what I had just told them. Quil thought it was hilarious but Paul was not interested in knowing about that part of our relationship.

_Oh, and I am?_ Quil growled as if I'd just offended him. But his thoughts quickly went back to the humiliation and I cringed as he reminded me of what I was hoping to forget about, sooner rather than later.

_Well, you are the only other pack member with a hard on for my imprint._ I growled; anger building as the embarrassment did.

I wasn't sure why I was so embarrassed. It wasn't that big of a deal, not really, and yet the thought of it all was making me sick with discomfort. The whole evening was one massive disaster, and it had started out so nicely.

_Stop!_ Paul bellowed, _If I have to hear any more, than I already have, I will attack you._

Quil was ashamed, all of a sudden, and his laughter ceased, _I'm sorry. I just... you know Sofia well enough to know that she's not going to turn against you because of one mistake. She loves you too much. Shit, if you two were never able to do it than she'd still be with you._

_Stop! Fuck, you two don't get it. I_ do not _want to hear about Sofia having sex with anyone! I can't believe you're alright with talking to Quil about this. He spent a month wanting to stick his tongue down her throat in the middle of Biology class._

It was nice knowing that Paul's feelings, although strong, were perfectly amicable and brotherly. I could trust him around Sofia, knowing that he wouldn't make a move on her or ever do anything to upset her.

I knew that none of the Pack would ever actually make a move on her but I didn't trust them anywhere near as much as I did Paul. I especially didn't trust Quil because of his admitted affection for Sofi before he knew about her and I. He understood now that he had no chance and his feelings were more platonic, although not perfectly so, which made me suspicious of him at times.

Suddenly we weren't the only ones around as Jacob and Embry phased. They were ready to take over patrolling and could sense the awkward tension that lingered between us. They shared confused thoughts about what the hell was going on, but before either of them could say anything Sam turned up.

_I don't want to know so do _not_ think about it. Any of you. Jared, your parents called, they've left some clothes for you in the forest behind your house._

I was thankful that my parents knew about the werewolf thing, although they didn't believe in the imprinting business. They thought that I was just being a hormonal teenager and that one day I would wake up and not love Sofia. There was no way that I could ever not love her, you didn't feel this strongly about someone and then feel nothing. Not ever.

I had to go talk to her.


	45. Chapter 45

The ride back to Clearwaters' had been more than a little bit awkward. Most of it was in silence, until the end when Lori, Jared's mum, said, "You know that you don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with?"

I had stammered my response and then rushed into the house. Lori had followed me to the front door and then asked me if she could come in. Of course I said yes and she went to talk to Sue. That wasn't where the awkward ended.

I was hiding in my room, trying to avoid any more difficult conversations, when I heard Lori leave. She had told Sue what she walked in on, I wasn't stupid. I was annoyed though because it had ruined the whole night. It had been so good up until that point and Lori's sudden appearance was like being woken from a marvellous dream by a bucket of water from the horses' trough.

Sue had decided that she should do the motherly thing and have 'the talk' with me about what had happened tonight. I normally wasn't an immature person but the conversation was quite embarrassing. She went through birth control and iterated that condoms didn't just protect against pregnancy. Then there was the 'you don't have to do it' part and it was cringe-worthy to actually say out loud that I _did_ want to do it.

It probably would have been worse if Sue was my mother but it was still pretty bad. At least it wasn't Sue that had walked in on us because I didn't ever want to look at Lori again, and she probably didn't want to look at me. It was humiliating.

It was old news.

At least, that's what I told myself to help get over it all. It's been about a week since that... dream turned nightmare, and for the most part it felt like it hadn't even happened. Jared had apologised repeatedly the next time we were alone together, he seemed as upset about it as I had been embarrassed.

Today was Friday night and we were sitting in the lounge at Emily's, watching some crappy early-nineties comedy. Emily and Sam had gone to Seattle for the weekend, to get away from everything La Push, and Jared had promised to 'keep me safe' while they were away. Everyone knew what he actually meant and, surprisingly, I didn't care.

Paul had mentioned that there was a ban on coming near the house for the weekend. He'd also _mentioned_ that all I had to do was call, or yell because he'd likely hear that alone, and he would come over if I wanted a break from Jared.

I loved Paul. He was like the big brother that I never had and it only reminded me of how much I'd always wanted a brother. It was never awkward around Paul and he always made me feel welcome. I'd even had dinner at his house a couple of times, with just him and his father. His father was a nice guy, albeit a little reserved but still a very nice guy. It wasn't hard to see where Paul had gotten his tough guy persona, or at least the part that said he wasn't allowed to show real emotion to people.

Jared squeezed my shoulder, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, really." I sighed as I smiled at the television.

He breathed a laugh and kissed the top of my head, "You think about nothing a lot."

I shrugged, "It's easier than thinking of something."

He moved away from me to look in my face, "Honestly, what were you thinking about? I'm not going to get upset, I promise. I just need to know."

I turned on the couch so that I was facing him, with my legs crossed between us, "Paul." Jared's face fell, "And how he's like the brother I never had." That didn't cheer him up as much as I'd hoped it would.

"Word of advice, Sofi." Embry said as he and Seth waltzed into the room, "Don't tell a guy that you're thinking of another guy, when you're alone together. It's a major mood killer."

I laughed as they took up an armchair each. Jared didn't like that and he gawked at them, like they were missing something very obvious. I moved back to my original position, lying against Jared's hot side. He instinctively wrapped his arm around me, his hand resting low on my stomach. I loved when he placed his hand there; it was a teasing yet comforting gesture.

"What are you watching?" Seth asked as he rested his heels on the coffee table, his eyes glued to the television.

"My Father the Hero." It was really quite a ridiculous movie and I was glad for the distraction from it.

Jared realised they weren't noticing his annoyance, "What are you guys doing here?"

Embry looked startled by how loud and hard Jared's words had been, even I was a little upset about how rude they'd sounded. Embry and Seth wouldn't be here long and then it would just be the two of us again. I didn't see why he was so annoyed.

Seth was the one to speak up, "We've got patrol in like five minutes and we could hear you talking so figured that we wouldn't be walking in on anything."

Jared just shook his head, "It's no wonder at all that neither of you have a girlfriend. This is a no go area because we want privacy, and not just when we're not talking."

"Fine then, we'll go and you two can talk about how _your girlfriend_ was thinking of Paul." Embry laughed and got to his feet.

His comment stung a little because it pointed out that I was being a bit of a bitch thinking about anybody other than Jared at this moment. He was after all my boyfriend and we had a house all to ourselves, at least we had until Embry and Seth had shown up.

Embry and Seth went to leave but Seth stopped before he was out of the door.

"Now, I'm really torn at the moment." he said and Embry turned to him, "Sofi's like my sister, almost, so I don't want to recommend that they... you know... but if I have to hear Jared thinking about how his hand and imagination just aren't the same, I think I might cry."

The TV remote hit the wall behind Seth's head as he just ducked out of its path. The two boys laughed as they darted from the room and headed down the hall towards the back door. I heard the back door squeak open and slam shut as the deck creaked under the running feet of the two werewolves.

I was going to say something but Jared pressed a finger against my lips to shush me.

After a few minutes he turned to me and removed his finger, "Just making sure they're out of hearing range. What were you going to say?" He smiled at me.

"Your hand and imagination?" I cocked my eyebrows as I looked at him and a slight blush rose in his cheeks. It was cute that it embarrassed him but it really shouldn't have. In fact, I wasn't sure why, but I found it kind of exciting, the thought that he touched himself thinking of me.

He looked away from me and I moved so that he was at eye level. Cupping his cheek in my right hand, I turned his face to me and pressed my lips against his. It was like I'd flipped a switch and all of a sudden the embarrassment was entirely gone. Jared kissed back and took control. I liked it when he did that, because I had no idea what I was doing.

One large hand found the back of my head, while the other pressed against the small of my back, pushing our bodies together. We kept kissing as we jostled around and ended with me lying on the three-seater with Jared hovering over me. Our lips still locked together as he lowered his weight slightly. The tip of his hot tongue swiped across my lips and I parted them almost instantly.

The hand that had held the small of my back now slid up my side, under my t-shirt. His touch prickled the skin and left a trail of yearning in its wake, until it hit my breast. He wrapped his hand around its mass and gave a light squeeze.

I moaned into the kiss as Jared's other hand moved to pull my t-shirt up over my head. I hated that we had to stop kissing but the knowledge that his glorious skin would soon be touching mine was enough to get me through the absence. With my top gone, he worked feverishly to remove his own.

It was almost like we were rushing to reach the point where we'd had to leave things last time. I couldn't get my clothes off fast enough and Jared couldn't kiss enough of me. He left hot wet tracks all over my neck and chest and every time he kissed somewhere new, I found myself moaning his name.

Suddenly his lips weren't on me anymore and a great longing erupted inside me, I reached out for him but I couldn't pull him back, "Not here." He breathed and I smiled up at him.

He jumped off the couch and pulled me to my feet, our lips meeting again and we stood there for a few moments, lost in our own passionate embrace. Without breaking contact, Jared started backing out of the room. It was slow and laborious but worth it as long as we were touching. Jared grunted as he backed into the door frame and laughed into my mouth.

He stooped slightly and wrapped his arms around my waist, straightening up he lifted my feet from the ground. I hooked my legs around his hips and he carried me to the spare bedroom, where we fell onto the bed.

Jared stopped kissing me again and I was starting to get annoyed.

"Are you sure?" He asked and I nodded, desperate for him to kiss me again. But he didn't, "If at any point you want to stop, you just have to say so."

I heaved a sigh and looked him in the eye, "I want you to stop talking."

A sly smile spread across his face and he kissed me, finally. He really was a brilliant kisser and I found myself melting into his tender touch. His hot kiss ran along my jaw and down my neck, sending out waves of electricity where his lips pressed.

My legs wrapped around his waist as his mouth attached to my breast and started massaging the tender flesh. His hands ran up and down my sides, inching further down my hips with every pass and pushing my jeans down. He dropped his hips and rubbed the bulge in his shorts against my centre.

The pressure of his gentle thrust focused on my clitoris and I gasped at the sensation. My gasp made him suck harder on the flesh of my breasts and his tongue darted across my erect nipple. Then his kiss moved up to my lips.

I took control of this kiss, because I didn't want him stopping it again. Not before I was ready anyway. My hands held his face to mine for a few minutes before moving down to his hard chest, lavishing in the warmth of his firm body. They roamed further down, running the contours of his abs and counting them as I passed them.

His belt bucket was icy in comparison to his scorching torso but it felt good still to know that once it was undone I'd be one step closer. I fumbled with the buckle for a few seconds, too caught up in every other sensation to be able to concentrate on getting it undone. Annoyingly, once I'd finished I had the button and zipper of his shorts to contend with but they were far easier than his belt.

Jared groaned into the kiss as my hands worked around his erection, occasionally brushing against it. It excited me to know that he was excited and a powerful longing was building in my stomach.

He pressed his hips into mine and I sighed as pleasure pulsed through me. Jared moved away from my mouth again, trailing butterfly kisses all the way down my torso. He hooked his fingers in the waist band of my jeans and my underwear and I lifted my hips, more on instinct than anything, to let him pull them down.

Jared stood at the foot of the bed, looking down over my naked form with dark eyes. I had expected to feel over-exposed and uncomfortable about this, but I felt nothing of the sort. Seeing his eyes wander my body and the delirious smile grow on his face, it made me feel warm. Deep inside me things were tensing with the building desire.

He pushed his own pants down, his erection standing proud as he stepped out of his crumpled shorts and onto the bed. He took my foot and raised it, pressing his hot lips against my ankle. I wasn't sure what he was doing but I liked it. His passionate kiss snaked up my calf, past my knee to my inner thigh. The higher he went the harder I found breathing.

Jared's kiss was so high up my thigh that I could feel the warmth of his cheek against my labia. The kiss moved across and his tongue dipped in between my lips, causing my breathing to catch and my back to arch. He ran the hot firm tip of his tongue up, pressing it down hard as it rolled over my clitoris.

"Jared!" I gasped as electricity flooded from that point and made some of my muscles twitch.

He trailed his tongue and kisses back up the rest of my body, finally coming to a stop at my neck, where he sucked on the skin for a few moments. He stopped and pressed his mouth against mine as his naked hips ground into me; his erect cock rubbing against my sex in the absolute most delectable way.

For a minute or so we stayed like that, kissing and rubbing together. Jared was hesitating and the longer we rubbed together the worse it got. I pushed his shoulders away from me, so that I could look him in the eye and nodded.

"Are you sure?" he whispered and I could hear his desire in his voice.

I laced my fingers together behind his neck, "Stop talking." I moaned and pulled his lips down to mine.

He stopped grinding our hips together and moved so that the tip of his penis pressed lightly against my entrance. His concern was both charming and really fucking annoying. I moved my hips so that he pressed harder against my core, a deep groan rumbled from him and my desire built.

Jared sat back on his knees and I growled at him. This wasn't what he was supposed to be doing. He had something in his hand and he concentrated on it for a second, tearing at the corner to open it. Okay, so this he was supposed to do.

I remembered Jade telling me something and sat up, my knees on either side of his hips. I took the condom and gave him a long passionate kiss; as I blindly reached down to put the condom on him. His cock twitched in my hand and I smiled into the kiss. I liked how he reacted to me.

With the condom on, his mouth pressed against mine so forcefully that he pushed me back down onto the bed. His warmth was thrilling as he put more of his weight on my than he ever had before. His member poked at just the right spot and I groaned louder.

Jared pulled away from the kiss and I could see in his face that he was about to ask me if I was sure, again. I pressed a finger to his lips and nodded my head, "I'm ready."

He smiled at me but I knew he was worried; he didn't want to hurt me. He watched me carefully as he pushed his hips towards me, the head of his erection brushing against my entrance. I nodded and he pressed on.

It was a bizarre pain as I stretched around him. It hurt and it felt good, but I wasn't sure which it was more, pain or pleasure. The buzz that had dominated that region of my body moments before was no longer that confident, and yet the thrill was still great. I felt the warmth of his pelvis against mine and new that he was as deep inside me as he could go.

That felt good.

He waited for a few minutes, kissing me lightly. I kissed back but I couldn't concentrate on it.

This was it. I wasn't a virgin anymore. I was hurting slightly but I was suddenly more excited than anything else. Already I could feel the pleasure returning, the buzz growing. My breathing was steady and getting deeper by the moment.

Oh, God. Jared felt so good inside me.

I needed him to know that I was ready for him to continue but words were lost to me. I lined my mouth up with his and kissed him. Hard. Passionate. He couldn't not understand what I was telling him.

And he didn't.

He ground his hips gently into mine, moving slowly inside me. He pulled out a little and then pressed softly back into me. The head of his cock nudged something inside me and it was like he'd turned the light back on. My body was burning with the same ferocity as before he'd entered me. Everything felt marvellous again.

I pressed my head back into the pillows, too distracted to keep kissing him, "Oh, Jared!"

My voice spurred him on and he started to increase his pace. He was always gentle and sweet, but I could feel the fire that encouraged him. His grinding rubbed my clit and I felt muscles all over my body delight in his movements.

He was making a noise, somewhere between a moan and a grunt, that intensified my reaction to him. He muttered my name as he kissed my neck.

"Sofia. Beautiful, beautiful Sofia."

He thrust inside me, stronger than he had before and I sucked in a breath as my back arched and my chest pressed into him. He recognised this was a good thing and he did it again. These stronger thrusts had him rubbing against that delightful spot inside me, that when combined with the pleasure flowing from my clitoris felt like my body was sparking.

Jared didn't do it every time, we were making love and it was delightful in its tenderness. But there was nothing better than that unexpected thrust that sparked inside me. It was a bittersweet action though, as every spark seemed to fall just flat. I wasn't sure what it was falling short of but I knew it was.

That was until it didn't fall short.

The spark started an all out inferno inside me. Every muscle inside me contracted and pulsed. I grabbed at Jared's back and dug my fingers in as my back arched clean off the mattress. I heard Jared grunt my name but it seemed far off and not right beside my ear as I knew it must be.

I tightened around his cock and I felt nothing but pleasure rack my body. He continued to move reliably inside me, although it did feel different, better. Much better. His member twitched inside me and I knew that he had peaked.

The ability to breath came rushing back; I hadn't even realised that I'd stopped. My muscles relaxed and pure contentment washed over me. I was panting heavily and I could feel and hear Jared doing the same.

Jared planted a sweet kiss on my lips and pulled slowly out of me. He stayed above me though, as he kissed me again. His warm fingers brushed against my cheek, wiping my sweat drenched hair off my face. He didn't say anything, just kissed me and stroke my face.

It was bliss.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**So I'm not sure whether this chapter really worked... :\**_

_**I was aiming for something soft and tender, but with a slight edge to it...**_

_**Yeah... so what did you think?**_

_**Please Review.**_


	46. Chapter 46

I was going to die.

My muscles were screaming in agony. My lungs were swearing in sharp short bursts as they realised they couldn't get enough air in and then had to push more out. My heart felt like it was trying to pump half-set cement around my body and my pulse roared in my ears like waves crashing on the shore.

But I couldn't stop.

I had to keep moving or I would die. And yet moving seemed to be killing me as well.

Catch-fucking-22.

Inside my head there was a major battle of wills, that were a greater hindrance than the aching of my entire body. Part of me was sure that I was going to have a heart attack if I didn't stop running, but there was a stubborn part of me that kept saying that I wouldn't stop and I could run for another hour.

_One more minute. Just three more strides. You can run for one more minute._

Two strides later.

_One more minute. I can go for another five strides. Just one more minute._

That was one half of the conversation the rest was...

_It hurts! My legs are going to break. I am having a heart attack. Or at least I will in another three beats. If I have to keep going than I'm going to pass out. I can't breathe. Okay, in another three beats I'll be having a heart attack._

Suddenly a large brown wolf flew past me and everything relaxed. So much so that I couldn't even stand up any more, and crumpled down to the ground. My hands stung where they had been scratched up from my numerous trips and stumbles.

I rolled over to be sitting and looking back at the large wolf. He was crouching between me and another large wolf, his hackles raised and his teeth bared. I could hear a dangerous growl tear itself from the brown wolf and the grey wolf took a step back.

The temptation was to tell Jared to calm down but I couldn't get enough oxygen in to soothe the burn in my muscles, let alone to use more energy trying to talk. Every inhale was painful, as my lungs tried to pull in more than they could hold. I couldn't catch a break away from the pain.

I lay back on the ground and closed my eyes. My chest swelled with every painful breath and my throat dried with the copious litres of air rushing up and down. I choked on a breath and felt the lactic acid rising in my stomach. A small retch pushed my shoulders into the forest floor and my chin into the air. I turned onto my side and retched again, bitter stinging fluid rose from my stomach and splattered on the ground.

A hot hand rested on my shoulder and I looked up into Jared's shimmering eyes. He gave me a concerned smile and sat down behind me. I leant back and he helped to move me so that my head was rested on his shoulder. I kept my eyes closed, so that I could focus on breathing, and he kissed my cheek.

I couldn't be sure how long we sat there for but it felt like only a few minutes before Jared was whispering in my ear, "It's getting late. We should head in."

That sounded like a horrible idea, so I just grumbled at him.

"Come on, before you catch a cold."

He started to move and I groaned louder, "No. Can't we wait a little longer?"

Jared laughed and wrapped his arms tight around my waist, pulling me closer into him. He had his knees on either side of my torso and it only helped to keep me warm. Encased in his glorious warmth, I could have easily fallen asleep where we were.

I grumbled and rolled my head to the side, so my lips were in the crook of his neck. I kissed his hot flesh, and I was overtaken by his scent. He moaned as I nuzzled into his neck. I could feel his pulse below the skin and felt it quicken as I nipped at his skin.

"You have no idea what you do to me." he sighed a low grunt and I smiled into his neck.

I stopped kissing and rolled back away, "I think I do."

All of a sudden I wasn't lying on the ground anymore. Jared was on his feet and I was in his arms. He was running, God knows where to, but his eyes rarely left me. He kissed me every now and then, I was surprised he was able to keep running when he looked at me, but figured it was another positive to being a werewolf.

We were at his house a few moments later. I hadn't been back there since the incident with his mother, two months ago. It was the middle of the day so his parents were both at work. It was June so exams had started, and for me they had finished as well. It was strange to think that for the next three months I wouldn't have to go to school and would be free to spend almost all my time with Jared.

"What are we doing?" I laughed as Jared put me down so he could open the door.

Jared smiled a wicked grin, "I thought you knew."

I was a little nervous that we were coming here, but it was the only available house that we had access to. It was Sue's day off and Emily was waiting for me at hers. The thought that I had somewhere other than here to be at excited me a little. I liked it when things felt a little... I hate to say it but... naughty. No, mischievous, I liked when it felt mischievous.

We didn't have any interruptions this time. But Emily was not impressed when I arrived at her front door four hours late. She didn't bother to ask me where I'd been because she knew that she didn't actually want to know.

Apparently Paul had been worried though. Worried that he'd push me too hard and Jared had rushed me to a hospital where he was too wracked with fear to phase and tell everyone what was happening. I agreed to talk to him after my session with Emily.

It was far better than it normally was. I guess I wasn't as wound up as usual. We talked about the things that made me want to cry, because Sam believed that facing things that I found emotionally painful would be the most efficient way of making me emotionally strong.

After an hour of talking about the idea of Gizmo dying, something which I knew I would have to face one day but hated to think about, even for a second. I left the spare room to find Sam, Jared, Seth and Paul sitting in the lounge.

"Hey, babe." Jared beamed at me and patted his lap.

I smiled back at him, "In a minute, I need to talk to Paul."

Seth laughed, "Are you sure that Paul's not a threat?"

Jared flipped him the bird and turned back to the TV. I could see that he wasn't too happy but I would apologise later, I'd promised Emily I would talk to Paul and that was what I was going to do.

Paul followed me out the back and we sat at the half rusted metal table. The chairs weren't particularly comfortable but I didn't think we'd be sitting there for very long. I just needed to apologise for what happened, although I wasn't entirely sure why he had gotten so upset about not knowing where I was.

"Emily told me that you were worried when I didn't come back after training." I started but stopped when I realised that it was far from apologetic, "Anyway, I'm sorry if I stressed you out."

Paul smiled at me, "That's alright. I just feel a little over protective sometimes."

I couldn't help myself, I'd been wondering about it for months, "Why?"

He sighed, "I was wondering if you were ever going to actually ask me." He shifted in his seat to look me dead on, "You remind me of my sister."

"You have a sister?" Neither Paul nor his father had ever mentioned a sister to me before, maybe it was a half sister, on his mother's side.

"Yeah, six years older than me, Sally. She had weight problems her whole childhood, only she didn't have your smarts. And she was obsessed with what everyone else thought of her. I thought she was great, the best oldest sister in the world."

I noticed that he was talking about her in past tense and wondered what had happened to make her change. Maybe she'd lost the weight and became a bitch; I'd seen that happen before, to a girl that I was friends with in primary school.

"She wasn't that big, no offense but she was smaller than you were when we first met. Over time she just got more and more obsessed. It started with her doing anything to get people to like her, she'd write essays for people that she didn't like and let them copy her homework. She was expelled from one school for doing it and was constantly getting in trouble at the next school for it."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Sally stole makeup from the mall because mom and dad wouldn't buy it for her. She was twelve at the time and thought that she was ugly without it. Eventually the makeup wasn't enough. She stopped eating and Mom and Dad were beside themselves.

"I was seven at the time and didn't really know what was happening. I just knew that my sister wasn't my sister anymore. I could see her losing weight and I started to hate her for it. I didn't care if she was overweight because she was my sister and I loved her. I knew her better than the losers that she kept trying to impress but she kept telling me that I didn't understand."

I wanted to reach out and hug him but didn't know how he'd feel about that. I would easily call Paul one of my best friends but we'd never been the sort of friends that touched for... well, anything. I gave him a feeble smile as he continued.

"A few months after my eighth birthday my parents got divorced. Mom and Dad have never explicitly said so but I've always known it was because they couldn't agree on how to handle my sister. We stayed close by for a few years until Dad decided that I shouldn't be exposed to anorexia at such a young age, so I moved back here and he travelled between me and my sister."

He took another deep breath, "I was thirteen when she died. Cardiac arrest."

I covered my mouth to stop myself from gasping. If Paul was thirteen then Sally would have been just nineteen years old. Nineteen and suffered a heart attack, I felt horrible for Paul and his family, particularly his sister.

"She didn't have someone like Jared to show her that she was perfect the way she was and I wonder if it would have changed things if she did. I worry about you because..." Paul bit his lip and looked away from me, "I don't want what happened to my sister to happen to someone else. I see you happy but... my sister was good at faking happiness too."

I wanted to say that I was happy but I couldn't. Partly because it felt like it wasn't my time to talk and partly because I still had my moments when I wasn't as happy as I felt I should be. It wasn't that big of a deal. I just had nights when my OCD was out of control and I would feel bad. I was definitely better because I'd well and truly lost that push pin through disuse.

The scars on my legs were still very obvious to me but I had a feeling they were fading to everyone else. Despite that feeling, I refused to wear shorts or anything that didn't cover my calves and, excluding our first night together, I never let Jared look at my legs. I was very lucky that night because he's kissed up my right leg; it was my left leg that was scarred the most.

"I've seen them." Paul said, as if he could read my mind, "A couple of times, when you've fallen while training, your jeans have ridden up your leg and I've seen them. Why would you do that?"

My first instinct was to tell him that he 'wouldn't understand' but I remembered that his sister used to say that to him and tried to think of something else. Most likely every rebuff that I could think of, his sister would have used on him. The only option seemed to be honesty.

"Because... physical pain is easier to handle than psychological pain."

He sighed, "Sally used to say similar things to that. It was easier to be hungry than to be disgusted when she looked in the mirror."

That broke my heart because I knew exactly what Sally had meant. And I suddenly realised how dangerous such a belief could be. What if I'd never met Jared? Would my self-harming have gone in the opposite direction? Would I be cutting myself every day rather than on the occasional miserable evening, as I used to do?

I was brought back to reality by someone grabbing my hand and looked up to find Paul leaning across the table, "Promise me something, Sofi. Promise me that if you ever feel like... like doing _that_ again, promise me you'll think twice. Promise me that you'll talk to me, or Jared, or Lily. Anyone really, just talk to someone instead of doing something stupid."

I nodded, "Of course. But you don't have to worry about that. Not anymore. I haven't done it in ages."

"I know. I took that fucking push pin." He growled and then his face turned to confusion, "What made you think of that? I mean, a push pin?"

I bit at my lower lip but I couldn't stop myself from being honest. He'd just opened up to me and it would be rude for me to lie or ignore him now, "Because it's inconspicuous. Who would ever suspect a push pin? How did you know?"

He shook his head, "I could smell your blood on it. Promise me again, you won't do it."

"I promise. Never again."

Paul smiled for the first time since he'd started his story.

His anger made sense to me now. Seeing someone you love go through that and knowing that you couldn't do anything. To have them die and then spend your life wondering if there was something you could have done. I could see it in his eyes, as he had told his sisters tale, he wanted nothing more than to have saved her. It killed him that he didn't. That he couldn't.

"No!" I heard Sam bellow from the front of the house. Paul and I got up and headed back inside.

Sam was sitting in his armchair with his arm around Emily's waist, she sat on the arm of the chair with her arm around his shoulders. He was glaring at Seth as Emily tried to soothe him by stroking his hair. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Sam look so annoyed.

I crept across the room to sit with Jared, he pulled me onto his lap and kissed my cheek.

"But I can fight." Seth protested and I knew exactly what they were talking about.

According to one of the vampires, who apparently could see the future, there was an army of 'newborn' vampires heading this way. They were after the girl that Jacob was infatuated with, the one that Paul still couldn't stand, although at least he could hide it in front of her now. This girl seemed to be a real big hassle and I couldn't understand her.

How could she love a vampire? That just seemed weird to me. But seeing how I was in love with a werewolf, who was I to judge?

They would be here tomorrow and the pack was going to help the 'good' vampires fight off these newborn vampires. I was worried for Jared, and the whole pack, but I knew they were strong and I had faith in them. They'd killed a vampire before.

Seth was still fighting to be allowed to face the newborns, but Sam was adamant that Seth would be more help staying with Bella and Edward during the fighting.

I shook my head and cuddled into Jared, settling in to watch the argument before me. It was easier to watch than get involved, everyone knew it, and so only Seth and Sam participated.


	47. Chapter 47

I'd been at Emily's almost all day. Sue had given me permission to stay the night, as I had recently moved back to hers because she thought I was becoming to dependant on Jared. Unfortunately today, I hadn't seen much of Jared.

He and the Pack had left, for the clearing where this fight was supposed to go down, early this morning. None of them had really wanted to go; the idea of spending the day around vampires that they weren't allowed to kill made them sick. Embry was afraid that he would stuff up during the fight and bite one of the Cullens, and it would make things worse for them all.

Brady and Collin were not happy about their lot in all of this. They wanted to be in the fray, tearing some newborns apart themselves. Although they hadn't ever fought against a vampire because the red head was too fast for them.

I was sitting on the back step, watching the forest and the small chestnut wolf that was wandering past on its patrol. In a few minutes an umber wolf would be passing by instead, as they were running tight circles around the town. Despite their desire to be in the fight they were taking town protection very seriously.

"Nothing yet, Col?" I said clearly, knowing that he could hear me fine even from this distance.

He stopped to look at me and huffed a sigh before shaking his head. They may be taking patrol seriously but they still longed to be elsewhere. They wanted to be helping in the fight.

"Chin up," I smiled at him, "Your roll is vital."

I knew that he didn't believe me but I was being sincere. Everyone remembers the ones that fight a war but the people in the background, protecting rather than fighting, they were often overlooked. I wasn't going to overlook Collin and Brady's contribution and I had a feeling that Sam wouldn't either.

"Sofi." I turned to see Emily standing at the backdoor, "Old Quil is here."

This was it, for me. My first session with Old Quil. I always felt strange calling him Old Quil, because Old sounded rude to me. My father would smack my upside my head if I ever called any of my older relos or neighbours Old-anything.

Dusting myself off, I headed back inside to find Old Quil sitting in the living room. He looked peaceful sitting there and I got the feeling that he was confident too. I knew this was unlikely, Jared had told me many times that no one knew exactly how to do this, or if someone not of Quileute heritage even could. As such my hopes were fairly low, although there was a little part of me that was praying that I could do this.

"Take a seat, Sofia." he said as we entered and gestured to the rug in the middle of the room.

The coffee table had been moved to the far corner, as had all of the furniture except for the chair that Old Quil was seated in. I took up a spot on the rug and sat with my legs crossed in front of me. I jostled around a little to get comfortable and when I was ready I looked up at the elderly man.

Quil, the young werewolf Quil, did share a striking similarity to his grandfather when I was looking up at him. They had the same round face and gentle sloping nose. And the same shaped ears, although Old Quil's were larger and droopier than Quil's, I imagined that when Old Quil was younger they looked exactly like Young Quil's.

"Are you ready?" his high voice was strangely soothing and I just nodded in response, "Your conditioning seems to be going well. Do you feel stronger?"

I hadn't really thought about that. So I asked myself, earnestly, did I feel stronger?

I wasn't as tired as I used to be. I mean, I was more energised than I had been in years. It was taking longer during my training sessions with Paul for the exhaustion to kick in, or at least it was darker of an evening when exhaustion finally hit me.

Sleep was better too. I didn't have so many nights consumed by horrid thoughts that kept me awake until the early morning. I also required less sleep of a night to feel the same level of contentment when I woke.

All in all, I would say that I was stronger.

"Yes, I think so." I nodded and looked Old Quil in the eye. His age notwithstanding, he had brilliantly vibrant eyes. More vibrant than I had ever expected and I wondered why I'd never noticed that before.

Old Quil smiled and leant back in his chair, "Good. Let's start then."

I took a deep breath and waited for Old Quil to start. He had to tell me what to do because I had no idea where I was supposed to start. There was a good chance he didn't either but he was the one with a plan so I was going to follow his every command.

"Close your eyes."

The room disappeared from sight as my eyelids closed and I felt a slight anxiety rise. I couldn't see what they were doing, I couldn't see anything that was happening around me. I didn't like that.

"I think meditation is a good place to start, so stop thinking. Listen to your own breathing but don't analyse or describe it. Just listen."

That wasn't as easy as it sounded. I focused on my breathing and started noting how it felt after ever breath. How it felt to push the air out or pull it in. It was almost impossible to stop my thinking. But I tried. I made sure that I didn't move anything by choice, except my lungs. I worked to steady the pace of each breath in the hopes that a steady pass would make not thinking easier. With every breath I could hear my brain trying to describe it, like I couldn't feel it without the presence of my thoughts.

My hand twitched and I growled to myself.

"It's okay, Sofia. Just try again."

I tried, again. And it was just like before I couldn't stop my mind. I could just block out the outside world but I couldn't not think about what I was focusing on. I had never been able to stop my brain before, not by choice, and it was putting up a fight this time.

It felt like I was trying to stop myself from breathing when there was no plausible reason to do so. I could manage it for a couple of seconds but then the urge just became too much. I had to take a breath.

I had to think.

After what felt like ages I opened my eyes, Emily and Quil were watching me. I'd forgotten they were even here; I'd been so focused on not thinking that I'd forgotten why it was that I was doing it in the first place. Now I felt like an idiot. Because I couldn't do something as simple as thinking of nothing.

What a fool I must have looked. To be sitting there with my eyes closed and failing at such a simple task. They should be laughing at me because I would if I were them. I wasn't so much embarrassed by not being able to do it, as I was angry that I'd failed.

I looked at my watch and found that I'd only been trying for twenty minutes.

Now I was thoroughly pissed. Twenty minutes. That wasn't even really an attempt. I had failed without even properly trying. After all those training sessions and teary conversations, I'd lasted twenty minutes.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd actually been able to do something but I didn't. I'd sat still with my eyes closed for twenty minutes and nothing had happened. If I weren't so stubborn I would have suggested we just give up now, but I'd come so far and I wanted to exhaust myself with not thinking before I considered giving up.

"Well, maybe we'll try again in a few days. It may take a bit of practice." Old Quil said in a very fatherly tone.

I shook my head, "No. I want to try again, please let me try again."

Old Quil smiled and nodded.

It was late when I finished trying. And I stopped only because I was so bored and tired and angry that I was going to fall asleep if I tried again. The lights were on in the room because there was little coming in through the window, the sun was more than half below the horizon.

I was lying on the rug, where I'd thrown myself after Old Quil had left, and was staring at the ceiling. I had felt angry after I couldn't manage to stop my thoughts but soon realised that the anger was just a cover for my embarrassment. Now that I was alone I could feel it swimming in my mind, reminding me of how stupid I must have looked.

My self-pity was interrupted by the back door creaking open and several feet storming down the hall. I sat up just as Collin skidded into the lounge, Brady continued past him towards the kitchen. Collin looked concerned as he looked down at me and my heart paused, something had happened to Jared.

He took a deep breath, "It's Jake." I sighed in relief, it wasn't that I was happy that it was Jake, I was just happy it wasn't Jared, "Jared wanted me to tell you he's at Billy's and wants to see you."

"Thanks. Is Jake going to be alright?" I asked as I jumped to my feet and walked to the front door with Collin.

Emily was already at the door, grabbing a sweater and her keys from the table by the front door. She looked how I felt, worried that Jake was badly injured but thankful that our significant others weren't. The four of us left together, Emily took the driver's seat and Collin offered me the passenger seat. I waved it off because I knew that the boys needed more leg room than I did.

I jumped in the back with Brady and before I'd even gotten a chance to settle into my seat we were pulling up at Billy's. I could see Jared sitting on the railing and Paul standing next to him, they watched the car as it pulled up and as I opened my door Jared slid off the railing and came over to me.

Jared reached me before I'd even closed the door and embraced me in an almost fatal hug, "Human." I gasped and he laughed as he put me back on the ground.

He held me close to him for a few moments, rocking gently from one foot to the other. It was nice and warm in Jared's arms and I would happily have stood like this for hours. But Jared heard something that made him look over his shoulder and he released the hug to drag me towards the front door of Jake's house.

Billy was sitting anxiously on the opposite side of the stairs and I knew that whatever it was, it was serious. Paul ruffled my hair and I smiled at him, he gave me a meek smile in return and then looked up at the front door. I followed his gaze in time to see someone unfamiliar walk through the door.

I had never seen someone quite like this man. His skin was deathly white, and looked worse in comparison to all the beautifully toned werewolves around him. His hair shone like radiant gold even in the low light of the evening. I knew he was a vampire, it was so obvious that he may as well have had 'vampire' stamped on his forehead.

Jared and Paul's reactions only confirmed my certainty. Paul stepped away and Jared held his breath. I often wondered exactly what a vampire smelt like to them. I had a major sweet tooth and I had never smelt anything that was so sweet it burnt my nose.

"Jacob wants to see you." the vampire said to someone who was on the other side of Paul.

Curiosity caught me and I peered around Paul to see a girl standing alone beside a truck. I felt bad for her being alone, surely one of the guys could have stood with her to keep her company. She was quite pretty, even in her awkwardness at standing alone. Although I'd never met her before, I knew who she was.

She was Bella; the girl who was leading Jake on and going to break his heart. Everyone saw the catastrophe that was waiting to happen although most of them were trying to deny it. I had asked Jared what would happen when she became a vampire and he'd ordered me to never ask again, because it wouldn't happen.

Only Quil and Seth smiled as she walked past them, and even then only Seth's looked genuine. I had thought that she was crazy for loving a vampire but now I saw that she must really love him. If she was willing to bear this sort of animosity for a vampire than she must love him a lot.

Although I didn't understand why she felt the need to drag Jake through the ringer. She had to know that she was hurting him, and if she truly loved him she had to realise that her presence was not helping. If she loved Jake more than she loved herself, she'd leave him alone.

I couldn't say that though, because I knew that it would hurt Jacob not having her around. That boy was determined to put himself through as much pain as possible. He hated Bella's boyfriend, which was understandable, but he just couldn't stay away her. Jared said it was almost like he'd imprinted only he definitely hadn't.

I could almost see the parallels between Bella and myself.

She loved a supernatural being and was best friends with another. The big difference was that it was working for me. I couldn't see any way that she could come out of this without breaking someone's heart. And I knew it wouldn't be the vampire that lost out at the end.

Jake may be hurting now but he hadn't felt anything yet.


	48. Chapter 48

Nobody was talking. Nobody knew what to say.

Jacob had run off. Sam, Embry and Quil were still in wolf form trying to convince Jacob to come back. Collin and Brady were patrolling and Jared and Paul were at the Clearwaters' with myself and Seth. Nobody really knew where Leah was at.

Paul was fuming. He couldn't believe that Bella would be so stupid as to invite any of the werewolves, let alone cruel enough to invite Jake. Even I knew that Jake had told her that he loved her and that he would do anything for her to choose him. She knew that it hurt Jake that she chose the leech over him, so why the hell did she feel the need to invite him to the wedding?

Paul was so mad that I was surprised that he was still in human form.

I agreed with him for the most part but I stayed sitting with Jared, rather than pacing furiously. Jared was mad, too, only he wasn't as demonstrative as Paul. I could feel him shaking, intermittently, and every time he did I hugged him tighter, trying to calm him. Normally I would be sitting beside him, but it was clear to me that he was upset so I gave in to his request to sit on his lap.

Seth was sitting quietly in the corner, feeling a little responsible for Jacob's disappearance. He had nothing to feel bad about; Billy, Sue and Seth would be attending the wedding to try to convince Bella's father that there weren't any real issues. If anything, Seth was making up for Jacob's disappearance.

"That bitch." Paul growled for about the hundredth time since they'd shown up and told me what happened.

I agreed with him but I felt for Bella a tiny bit and figured she needed someone defending her, "I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt him."

Paul laughed a hard laugh, "I don't care whether she meant it. Tell me, Sofi, would you have invited Jake if you were her?" He stopped pacing and stared at me.

"I don't know how she feels, so I can't say-"

He interrupted me, "Then let's pretend. Let's pretend that you and Jared are getting married and I told you that it would kill me to see you marry him. Would you proceed to invite me despite being told how much it would hurt me?"

I sighed, "Probably not. But that wouldn't be the same."

"It's fucking close enough." Paul roared and I felt myself being pushed to the side.

Jared was standing in front of me, between me and a very angry Paul, "Watch yourself, Paul."

They stood motionless for a few minutes. The air between them was so thick and tense that I didn't even like looking at it. Both young man-boys were standing with square shoulders and clenched fists.

I got up and placed a hand on Jared's shoulder, his whole body was shaking. I wasn't really scared of Jared but I was suddenly cautious because we all knew what could happen in the blink of an eye. I mumbled Jared's name trying to get his attention, as Seth realised what was happening and got up from his armchair.

Seth stepped in between the boys and Jared's concentration seemed to break. He turned to me, his eyes wide and apologetic. He gulped down something, I wasn't sure what. His face suddenly contorted in disgust and horror. I wanted to reach out to him but before I could he turned around and ran from the room.

I stared after him, not sure what I had done wrong or why he had been so horrified. It hurt that he had looked at me like that. It reminded me of all the times I thought that was how he was supposed to look when he looked at me. What had I done to upset him?

I sat back on the couch, trying to look calm and collected. It was obvious I failed when Paul sat down beside me and shooed Seth from the room. Paul nudged me with his elbow and I looked up at him. He smiled at me, a gentle brotherly smile.

"I promise it wasn't what you think." he said and nudged me again, "Jared loves you. He always will."

I took a deep breath, "I know." I said, nodding my head.

"He's just worried about Jacob." Paul sighed, "We all are. And I'm the... least stable. He was concerned I might hurt you."

Paul was picking at his fingers as he sat solemnly beside me, anxiety rolling off him like storm water flooding a gutter. I reached out and took his hand, hoping to show him that I understood. He smiled but didn't look up from the spot on the carpet that he was fixating on. He was still furious; I could feel the tremors in his muscles even though his hands weren't visibly shaking.

We sat there for a while, just holding hands in a simple gesture of comfort. It was so easy with Paul and the simplicity made me think of Bella. I got a feeling that this was the sort of thing she wanted from Jacob, a close friendship where both parties had no intention of it ever being anything more than that. She wanted a Paul.

Despite wanting to defend her, I couldn't understand her. It was one thing to invite Billy but to send an invite addressed solely to Jacob... that was cruel. For doing that Paul was right, she was a bitch. I had never understood the appeal of vampires so she lost me the moment she even thought she was in love with one. But to give up on a werewolf to be with a vampire, to give up on life in order to never die... that was immature and selfish.

At least in my eyes it was.

"You should get over to Emily's. Old Quil will be there soon." Paul nodded at my watch.

I let go of his hand and headed for the door, Paul didn't follow, "Are you going to make a helpless human girl walk all the way to Emily's? Alone? At this hour?"

Paul laughed and pushed himself up off the couch, "I'm sure you could handle yourself, but I'll come if it makes you happy."

"Yeah, you better bloody well." I growled with false annoyance, "It is your fault that Jared took off."

"Hey! That's not fair." Paul whined as he pulled me into a headlock, "Take it back."

Jared had met me at Emily's, in a pair of shorts that he hadn't been wearing earlier. I wondered if Bella and Jacob realised what their actions did to everyone else, particularly the already volatile werewolves. If I was going to blame them then some blame needed to sit with Paul for letting it get to him so easily, but I couldn't really be mad at Paul.

Paul had gone on patrol once he'd dropped me off and I went into the living room with Jared to work on 'meditation'. I was better now. It had been just over three weeks and I was finally able to not think for extended periods of time. Although, I practiced multiple times a day so I'd have wanted to be making some sort of progress.

Yesterday I had 'meditated' for a full half hour without noticing anything. It was a strange sensation, this meditating thing, because time was both slow and fast. While I was doing it, it felt like hours but once I was coming out of it, it was like no time had passed at all. I would have a moment of extreme annoyance when I came to, because I was certain that I'd only just closed my eyes.

Twice a week I had sessions with Old Quil, where he would try to get me to meditate for longer and longer. On Saturday Old Quil had asked me to try to reach out, after I was in a meditative state. I'd failed miserably. I got into the required trance but once in the trance had forgotten what it was I was supposed to do. Half an hour later I came back around without having 'reached out'. I was so mad at myself that I had to leave the room.

I hoped that today was better. I wanted to be better. Old Quil told me I was doing well but I believed I could do better.

As we had on Saturday, Jared and I sat facing each other. I closed my eyes and I concentrated on not concentrating. It was a bizarre feeling, shutting off ones thoughts. Even thinking about not thinking, is thinking. I had to go through a sequence of thoughts before I could truly clear my head.

First I'd get sucked into my own head, shut out everything else. I couldn't hear Jared, I couldn't hear Old Quil. If it was outside of my head then I wouldn't hear it. It didn't exist. It was surprisingly comfortable to be in your own head when the rest of the world was not; like coming home from a busy day and collapsing on your own bed to listen to nothing but the sound of your own existence. It was peace.

Then, and this was the tricky bit, you had to shut that out too.

When the world is buzzing through your head then there is a fight between the peace inside and the chaos outside. When there is no chaos then you just have peace. When you shut out the peace...

It's cold in there. Cold and lonely. All your darkest thoughts are hidden behind that peace and the first time I heard mine I felt like crying. They were the thoughts that I had covered with my sessions with Emily and for the most part they didn't last long. There was still one left, one that I didn't like having to sit with.

I can't describe it as an emotion. It doesn't really have a name. But it hurt when I tried to touch it, when I tried to understand it. Whatever it was, it was trapped in my head. I wanted to free myself of it, relieve myself of the pain that it was causing. The physical ache that it evoked.

Today it was numb. It sat in the deepest recesses of my mind as if it were waiting for me. As if it was bored. I couldn't understand what it was but I felt like it was teasing me, like it knew what I had to do and knew that I was going to fail. Well, it would have a fight on its hands because I _was_ going to reach out today.

The numbness faded, to be replaced with a sharp sting, like the first second of a mosquito bite. It, the inanimate emotion in my mind, didn't like that I thought I could defeat it. How it had conscious thought I did not know but I had to ignore that. I pushed past everything about it to settle back into the discomfort of the darkness.

_Reach._

_Jared is just there._

_Reach out._

_Do it for him. He wants you to succeed._

_Reach out for him._

There was a flash of light. Blinding in its brightness. It stabbed, not only at my eyes, but at every part of me. A burning chill enfolded my body. A bitter taste flooded my mouth. My skin felt dry and an acidic wind nipped at me. The carpet below me scratched at my legs, like I was sitting on a million tiny razor blades. The world around me roared, like I had just stepped into a raging cyclone. Winds hollered in my ears, angry and spiteful.

It was loud in my head; it was chaos.

The unnamed emotion screamed at me. It didn't yell words and yet I knew exactly what it was saying. It told me to stop; told me that I was making a big mistake to fight against it. The first second of a mosquito bite became a million bull-ant bites, concentrated on a single point, the venom flowing out like a tidal wave of pain.

Something hit the back of my head.

The brightness vanished, the horrid taste and feel were gone within a fraction of a second. The deafening noises were suddenly mute. The venom had broken down. Pain... pain was replaced by numbness, which was in turn replaced by the complex feeling of intermingled peace and chaos.

Normal, everyday discomfort was back and I was staring at the ceiling.

Jared hovered over me, as did Sam and Emily. In the background I could hear Old Quil mumbling to himself and I heard the concern that was etched in it. They all looked concerned.

I felt stupid. And sore.

I covered my eyes and rubbed my fingers along my eyelids, under my brow. Pinching the bridge of my nose was surprisingly helpful. I groaned as I tried to sit up, only to have Jared push me back down. I slapped his hands away and dragged myself back into a sitting position.

"Take it easy, Sof." Sam crooned as he, too, stopped me from getting off the floor, "You hit your head, just rest for a second."

"What happened?" I grumbled as I clutched at the back of my head, it didn't really hurt but I felt like holding my head would help.

They all looked at Old Quil, as if he were the only one who could answer that. Old Quil smiled at me, but I knew that he was uncertain of what he was going to say, "What- what did you feel?"

I scrunched up my brow, my eyes still hurt, "Like I'd been set on fire with water." Talking hurt and took a _hell_ of a lot of energy. I leant back against the wall and revelled in the cool feel of it against my back.

Jared sat down beside me, pulling me into his arms. His arms felt so nice and I cuddled into him. I didn't care if they wanted to keep talking to me, I didn't care about anything. Except for the arms that held me.

I fell asleep a few moments later.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So, this is where things are going to start jumping ahead by, potentially, weeks with each chapter.**

**Also, I've been thinking of doing another lemons chapter but I'm not sure. Review or message me with what you think.**

**If you don't care about lemons please review anyway, it's always nice to get some feedback.**

**Thank-you to Ashes2Dust18, avidimagination2610, Fanatic22, j1u29, and Neejaloveslife for your support and reviews through the writing of this story. Your time spent reading and reviewing is much appreciated.**


	49. Chapter 49

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, so there is some Lemons in this one. There wasn't going to be but I felt that it was something that Sofia needed after her painful humiliation from the afternoon before.**

When I woke in the morning I was wrapped in warmth. It was glorious. I could have lain there for forever. I snuggled into the warmth and felt smooth, firm flesh press against my cheek. It was Jared's beautiful chest and I could feel him breathing.

Jared tightened his arms around me and moaned, a happy little moan, "Good morning."

"Morning." I mumbled.

It didn't feel like morning but I was too comfortable to fight him on that. He was the werewolf in this relationship, I expected him to be more in tune with that sort of thing. Maybe I was being a bitch thinking that he knew nature because he was a werewolf, but I couldn't help but think he had a better connection with it than me.

I wiggled a little to get a bit more comfortable and noticed that there was a blanket around me, and a mattress under me. That confused me enough for me to open my eyes and I found myself staring at Jared's chest. It was dark in the room; so dark that I wasn't sure what room I was in.

Rolling away from Jared and turning to see further over my shoulder, I spied the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. 3:12. Shit, it was early. Then again the sun had been up when I fell asleep so it wasn't surprising that I'd wake early. I looked back at Jared and he was smiling at me.

"Morning." I sighed again and he laughed.

He pulled me back to him and nuzzled into my neck, "How do you feel?"

"Warm." I smiled and breathed in his musky scent. I don't know how he did it but he always smelt amazing.

Jared tucked some of my hair behind my ear, "I have some good news."

"Mhm." I didn't really care about getting news, I just wanted to lie with Jared for a little longer. I wanted to pretend that we were the only ones in the world, or at least, the only ones at Emily's.

He kissed my forehead, "Old Quil says you did it."

My mind was still hazy from sleep and the cogs were barely moving enough for basic thought. All I wanted was to lie still and wait for unconsciousness to come back to me. But my mind was doing something, and my curiosity was peaked.

"Did what?"

Jared pulled me closer into him; his heat and musk overcoming me, I thought I would fall asleep any second.

"You... Okay, I don't know what the word is but... you astral projected. You spirit walked."

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was a good thing but I wasn't sure why. I knew it was the reason why I was tired but I couldn't remember why. I knew I should be jumping for joy but I couldn't. I just didn't have the energy. I huffed a slightly joyful note and cuddled back into Jared's chest.

Sleep settled over me.

"I did what?" I gasped and pushed myself away from Jared's warmth. I opened my eyes but then had to slam them shut again, the light was too bright. Not as bright as the light I'd seen yesterday but still too bright to open my eyes against. My head was reeling.

He jumped a little and stared at me like I had gone mad. Through my madly blinking eyelids I could see the shock on his face as he stirred from his slumber. His face softened as the sleep washed away from him and he smiled at me.

"You did it. It was only a second but you did it." I shook my head, unable to believe what he was saying. He laughed again and held my head in his hands, "Old Quil knows all the old stories, he said your description of what happened sounds like the tales. Being in spirit form is not comfortable, you'll get used to it the more you do it but even then you'll have to return to your body every now and then.

"Well, obvious you will need to return to your body. You can't touch or move anything in spirit form. I wouldn't be able to see you either so I'd want you to return to your body. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to do this."

He pulled me towards him and pressed his lips against mine. I didn't fight him on this, it was too nice. It was always nice, I didn't know how he could always feel so good but he did, so I couldn't fight him.

Jared threw the blankets off and moved so he was half on top of me. His tongue touched my lips and I parted them for him. The kiss quickly deepened and soon I was moaning for him as he moved his kiss along my jaw.

I pushed against his chest and we rolled over, so I was straddling his hips. He smiled up at me and tried to sit up to catch my mouth in his. I put a finger to his lips and pushed his shoulders down. It was obvious what he wanted but I didn't feel right about it. What if someone heard?

"We're at Emily's."

He gave me a wicked smirk, "Sam has gone shopping in Forks. Emily won't hear anything."

I considered what he was suggesting, it turned me on.

I couldn't understand what Jared was doing to me, I'd never been particularly interested in sex. Jade used to tell me how good it was and I used to think that I could easily resist it. Maybe it was the imprint but I couldn't resist it, not how I'd thought I could.

"You're right. She won't." It was hard to even think about rejecting Jared because I wanted exactly what he did at this moment.

But Jared had always been persistent. He wasn't going to stop now and he held onto my hips, forcing me to remain where I was. I scowled at him and he just smiled back. He removed one hand from my hip and firmly gripped the back of my head, pulling me down to kiss me again. I kissed back.

What can I say; I have a weak stop for everything Jared.

Jared wasn't wearing a shirt. He normally slept naked but when we slept together he put boxers on. I noticed that I wasn't wearing my jeans; I could feel the cool satin of his boxers on my inner thighs.

I smiled into the kiss and pressed my hips down against Jared's. He moaned into my mouth as his tongue ran along mine. I kissed him harder.

His erection grew, pushing against my core through our underwear. My head and hip were freed from his grip and his hands went straight to the hem of my t-shirt. I helped him pull it over my head and sat back on his upper thighs, so his member stood up in front of me.

I inched his boxers down, uncovering his beautiful phallus, and smiled up at Jared. He gulped and his eyes twinkled as I traced my fingertips along his length. A deep moan rumbled from his chest.

Running my fingers up the underside of his member, I wiggled down his thighs a little and started to lean forward. I heard him moan at the realisation of what I was doing and it made me smile as I kissed his tip. I took him into my mouth, not all of him but enough to keep him moaning. My free hand moved to his sack and I worked it the way he'd once told me he liked it.

After a few minutes I removed my mouth and stimulated him with my hand. He was breathing heavily and had his eyes squeezed shut, in a look of pure delight. The sight made me wet. Knowing that I was causing him such pleasure made me excited. I leant carefully over my own arm and kissed him, he rose to meet me.

Supporting himself on one arm he reached down, his warm fingers stretching past my hips to my clit. I gasped as he made contact and he sat up to cover my mouth and stop me from crying out too loudly.

I continued my ministrations and he continued his; rubbing slow, gentle circles around and over the sensitive bundle of nerves. He moved his hand from my mouth and replacing it with his lips. His hand found my underwear and he stopped touching me to rip them off. Literally. His fingers went back to my clit and massaged harder than before. I groaned, pushing my hips down and feeling his cock against my centre.

In a single fluid motion, I released my hold on his phallus, swatted his hand from my clitoris and cupped his cheeks to kiss him harder. Then I moved my hips and lowered them in just the right way to slide his length inside me. A guttural groan echoed from him as my own moan escaped me.

He lowered his shoulders to the mattress, pulling me with him. His hands skimmed down my back and seized the back of my hips, slightly higher than my buttocks. He helped to move my hips so as to maximise the pleasure we shared.

We kept kissing, it was the only way to stop ourselves from crying out. Knowing that we couldn't, was a turn on and every time a sound was shared between us I felt myself getting wetter.

Jared pushed his hips up, allowing him to touch deep inside me. He felt like he was the perfect size for me, he filled me up and always hit just the right spots. I could feel his tip touching my cervix and it felt so good.

I wanted to cry out. I didn't care who heard. Keeping quiet only seemed to bottle the feelings up and I worried that soon it would be too much. Soon the glorious feeling would overtake me and I didn't think I'd be able to hold back then.

The hands left my hips, one running up to my breasts, where he fondled the entire thing with his nimble fingers. The other hand ran to the front of my hip and dug its way between our bodies, towards my clit. He found it and pressed hard against it. The feeling flooded my body and moaning into the kiss wasn't enough.

I pulled my mouth from his and gasped, "Oh, Jared. Harder." I pushed my hips down forcing his cock deeper and pressing his hand harder against the excited nerves.

He followed my order to the T and roughly rubbed my clitoris, using all of his hand to touch as much of me as possible. I pressed my weight down against him as he thrust up, the combination hitting everything in just the right way to force the air from my lungs.

I clamped my mouth around Jared's smooth shoulder, to stop myself from yelling. I didn't want to hurt him but I knew that if I did, he'd heal fast. Jared grunted in my ear as he thrust up again. I matched his every stroke and the scream-worthy feeling grew, so I bit down harder.

"Sofia. You're so wet." He thrust up, "You're so tight." His voice was deep and rough, he was almost there. His hand worked harder against my clit, he didn't release an ounce of pressure, even when our bodies parted before each thrust. "I'm about to..."

It was unbelievable every time. My walls clamped down around him, my muscles tightened, and my toes, literally, curled. Jared let out a long, low growl as his cock twitched and his seed spilt in my depths. If I wasn't feeling such euphoria then I would have kicked myself for not using a condom, but at that time, I couldn't have cared less.

We separated and I fell off Jared, lying beside him in mutual joyous exhaustion. His breathing was loud and he couldn't help but smile at me. I knew he wouldn't say anything, we'd spoken about it months ago; I didn't ever want him to say he loved me after sex. Somehow that made me think it was a cheap statement, even though I knew that it was true.

I liked to think we were open and honest about our sexual preferences, and every time we had sex it just reinforced that belief. We had a tendency to just fall into line with one another and we both seemed to reach the finish line at around the same time. I liked that, because I had a feeling that some other couples didn't get that. According to Jade, she had to finish alone fairly regularly because her new boyfriend was 'selfish'.

Jared grabbed the blanket and pulled it back up to cover our bodies, then scooted across the bed to pull me into his chest. It was nice, feeling his warm skin against mine. His skin was surprisingly smooth for a guy who frequently ran around the forest wearing nothing, albeit he was in wolf form but he was still naked.

"Let's consider that a congratulations for being so talented at astral projection." He laughed but I wasn't sure at what.

"What's so funny?" I muttered into his chest.

He sniffed my hair and I felt him smile as he kissed the top of my head, "Sorry about your underwear."

It took me a second to realise what he was talking about, "Oh, yeah." I gave him a little smack, "What did you do that for?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. You're just so fucking beautiful." He sighed and I snuggled into his chest, "It's times like these that I wish we had our own house."

I took a deep breath and let sleep settle over me again. Not really listening to him, just liking the sound of his voice.


	50. Chapter 50

_Jared's POV_

I love the feel of Sofia's body.

I don't mean that in a sleazy way, I just like when our bodies touch. It doesn't have to be a big touch, a simple graze of our arms or holding her hand in mine. She just seems to fit with me, and I with her.

It was unbelievable. That someone as beautiful and perfect as Sofia would be with someone like me. She was superior to me in just about every way, smarter, funnier, sweeter and prettier. It wasn't that I had a bad self image, I knew who I was; I just knew that Sofia was better, even if she couldn't see it.

She was leaning against me, as we sat on the floor of her room at the Clearwaters'. My arm around her shoulders and her head rested on my chest. She'd just tried astral projection again and she was exhausted. It always took it out of her when she did it and it killed me that I couldn't help her with it.

It also scared me, because no one really knew what was happening or what should happen. She had to lie down when she did it because as her spirit left her body, her body became limp. I didn't want her knocking herself out in case that impacted her getting back into her body. I was terrified that she'd get stuck in the spirit world and I had no way of knowing whether she had or not, until she came out of her trance.

Old Quil, Sam and I had made sure to tell her that she didn't need to push herself any more. Now that we knew she _could_ do it, we were happy to let her get there slowly. Sofia didn't like that. She wanted to learn how to do it properly and, now that she was part way there, she didn't want to stop until she could do it perfectly.

She was definitely getting better. It took her a few minutes to drop into a trance and a few more to get to the point where her spirit was inching out of her body. After ten minutes looking like she'd fallen asleep, she'd tear herself from the spell and collapse into my arms. The first time it had taken more than half an hour.

I was scared but I was proud.

Paul wasn't too happy with me either. He'd been concerned when he heard Sam and I thinking about what happened that first time she'd done it and he was not happy about how she'd reacted. When he saw her come out of another attempt about a week ago, he'd just about lost it. Sam had to remove him from the house before he phased and attacked me. He calmed down quickly enough but he had been angrier than he had for a long time.

Maybe he was right though. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I hated seeing Sofia in pain and I wanted to free her from it, but despite the pain she kept going back. She said that it wasn't getting better but she believed that it hurt because she was half way between the two worlds, between the physical and spirit worlds. Old Quil said she may have a point but he believed that in time it would get better. I hated that it hurt her and wished I'd never suggested it.

But Sofia was determined and she kept telling me that she wanted to do it. I believed her but I feared she thought I was more interested in her spirit walking than being happy, and that she was putting herself through this pain purely because she thought I wanted her to.

"You know you don't have to do this. I'm glad you've tried but..." I said, looking down at her relaxing form, "I don't like to see you hurting and I just want you to know that you don't need to keep going if you don't want to."

She turned to look up at me, "I know that and I want to do this."

I rubbed my finger gently on her bare arm, "But it hurts you."

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." she sighed.

I loved her attitude towards this, even though I was concerned for her. She may not be the most confident and proactive person but once she starts something she always sees it through. This mentality scared me a little too because I was afraid she would push herself too hard, in her attempt to spirit walk properly.

"It's been a month and it hasn't gotten better. Maybe you should take a break."

She shook her head, "If I take a break then I may never try again."

She nestled her head into my chest and I got a whiff of her coconut shampoo. She smelt so good. I kissed her hair and breathed in her scent. I felt kind of stalker-ish, sniffing her hair, I knew she didn't mind but it didn't stop a small part of me from feeling strange doing it. But it smelt too good to resist.

I knew Sam felt the same way, only he felt it about Emily. He was besotted with Emily and often did things that he used to think were creepy, like smelling her hair and watching her sleep. I used to think he was weird for doing it, that he was more stalker than lover. I now realised how innocent and non-stalker it was, even if no-one else could.

The thought of ever being without her frightened me. I couldn't imagine not being able to do this; I didn't want to imagine it. In 53 days she would be getting on another plane headed back to Australia. I wanted to go with her but Sofia thought I was needed here; Sam hadn't yet made a ruling as to my necessity.

Sofia wanted a chance to talk to her parents about me, because she'd admitted that she wasn't sure if she could handle a month without me. She was nervous about telling them because they believed that 'teenage romances' weren't reliable. Apparently Sofia's sister, Samantha, was in love with a 'wanker' and so her parents were even more against serious teenage relationships at the moment, than usual.

She had also pointed out that she wouldn't be able to study if I was there. It'd been almost impossible to pry ourselves away from each other just after the school year had ended. You would have thought we were stuck together with superglue. And that was how we liked it. We always wanted to be together and, nowadays, I spent more time with Sofia than I did with my own parents.

"Anyway," Sofia mumbled, tearing me from my thoughts, "it's better than the first time. I'm quicker and it's not quite as loud anymore."

I sighed, "But it still feels like you've been dropped into a pot of boiling water. I don't like that."

She pulled away from me and turned so that we were facing each other, "If I wanted to shave my head, would you let me?" I nodded, I couldn't imagine her without her beautiful hair but I wouldn't stop her if she really wanted to do it, "And if I wanted a tattoo; would you stop me?" I shook my head, I didn't want her to mark any part of her body with something like a tattoo but if it made her happy, I wouldn't stop her, "Well, this is far more important than either of those two things, so it should be more painful. The pain will fade but I can't get another chance to learn this."

Her lips curled into a sweet smile and I pulled her back to me, kissing her gently.

"Okay, but you know that you can stop at any time?" I asked with as stern a voice as I could possibly use on her.

She smiled and all my fears subsided, "Of course."

She settled back down beside me, just as she had been before my anxiety fit. She felt so good snuggled into my side, like she was the only one that would ever fit there. I was designed for her body and her body alone. No matter her weight, which I knew she still worried about, only she could fit so nicely against my body.

Thinking of her body and astral projection got me thinking of something else. Something more important and potentially more immediate, I had to ask her about it. But how? I didn't want to sound like I was intruding or that I was some sort of freak.

I decided that Sofia would know me better than to assume that I was being a creep, "Have you had your period?"

"What?" She had no idea what I was getting at, her confusion was written all over her face as she manoeuvred to look up at me while keeping our bodies close together.

"Well, about a month ago we forgot to... you know..." for some reason it was hard to actually say it, I felt like I was thirteen and in a sex education class, "use the appropriate protection."

I must have sounded like a fucking fool. Like a child. Why was it so hard to say condom in front of her? I could say just about anything else, cock, vagina, whatever it was I could say it. I just couldn't say condom. I'd said it before, but not now. Why not now? I have no idea. I must look like an idiot.

She raised her eyebrows at me and I could tell that she was thinking I sounded stupid, "Condom? We didn't use a condom. I know that but..." She seemed to be thinking about something but shook her head to continue, "I'm not pregnant, if that's what you're asking."

That didn't make me feel as relieved as I thought it would.

I had first thought about it a few hours after the event but Sofia was fast asleep by then. I'd remembered that I needed to ask about it a few dozen times since then but never when I was around Sofia, or never when it was just us, there was one time in front of Sue but I didn't want her knowing that we'd been so careless. Paul had threatened to deck me when I accidentally thought about it while on patrol once, he didn't like any mention of sex with Sofia. Sometimes his brotherly affections were terribly annoying.

At those times I thought about how awkward it would be for Sofia to return to Australia, three months pregnant. I thought about how hard it would be for her to be a teenage mom, she hated when people stared at her and the weight gain probably wouldn't help her much. Then telling her father, whose wish in life was for his daughters to all go to college _before_ they were 'weighed down with responsibilities'.

It came out before I could stop it, "If I asked, would you marry me?"

I had been thinking about it a lot for the last week. Bella's wedding was tomorrow and it was on everyone's mind. Jacob was coming back for it, we expected him back tonight, and it was something that was on his mind. Therefore it was on everyone's.

Maybe I should have thought it through a bit better because Sofia was staring at me like I had officially lost the plot. I hadn't meant it to be that blunt but I had to know. I suspected the answer would be yes, all the others said that it would almost definitely be yes. Even Leah. But until Sofia said the answer was yes than I couldn't rest.

I knew she loved me but that didn't mean she'd say yes. Maybe she wanted a less conventional relationship, maybe she didn't want to wear a white dress and have everyone watch her. Maybe she was happy calling me her boyfriend and didn't want me to be her husband. I wanted to be her husband, one day.

She sighed, "If you were to ask today, then... don't ask today, please, don't ask."

"No, no, no. I didn't mean today, I meant... in a year, or two, or ten." To say that I was starting to panic was an understatement. My head latched onto the idea that she didn't want to marry me and I didn't like that. The second Sam mentioned marriage to Emily, she had jumped at the idea; it hurt a little that Sofia wasn't the same.

"I love you, Jared. I really do... I just... we're only teenagers; marriage is not a thing for teenagers." I could hear fear in her words; fear that she was upsetting me.

I cupped her cheek in my hand, "It's okay. I'm not looking to ask you any time soon."

This didn't seem to appease her and I wanted to kick myself for even mentioning it. I could see that old tornado swirling in her eyes, I hadn't seen it in a while but I could see it now. I had come to realise what it meant. She was blaming herself, most likely she thought that she had hurt me and now the thoughts were building.

I had to stop them.

My hand slid from her cheek to the back of her neck and I pulled her towards me. Her lips were so soft and smooth and she tasted like butterscotch, she had been eating it before she tried to astral project again. I loved kissing Sofia, it just felt so right. I would do it every day for eternity if that was an option.

Sofia pulled away and I let out a soft whine, "It's semantics."

"What's semantics?" I sighed as I tried to pull her back to me. She complied for the most part but refused to kiss me again.

She gave me a small smile, "If we were twenty and you asked... I'd say yes."

I couldn't contain my happiness at hearing that. I launched myself forward, catching her lips in my mouth without giving her a chance to pull away. She had as good as promised to marry me, we may as well be engaged. Okay, so that may be a little bit of an exaggeration but I was good with that.

There would never be anyone but her, because no one will ever compare. No one can do to me what she can. All she has to do is look at me and I would throw myself under a bus for her, under a train. If she asked me to, I would swim the long way from here to Australia. I would do anything werewolf-ly possible to be the one that she wanted to sit with. The one she wanted to lie with.

Her back rested on the carpet, her legs were wrapped around my waist. I could feel the warmth of her core and felt myself twitch. It only ever took moments for her to get me at full mast and she didn't even really need to do anything.

I loved making love to her. I loved having sex with her. I loved fucking her.

It didn't sound romantic or sweet to call it that but that was how I felt. To be inside her and know that only I could turn her to putty and make her want to scream. It didn't matter how sensual or how rough, we knew each other better than we knew ourselves, we would get _there_ every time.

I love the feel of Sofia's body.


	51. Chapter 51

"Something tells me that doggy-style would just be awkward." Paul said as I walked into Emily's living room.

"Paul!" I growled; it wasn't an appropriate topic for the audience he was with.

Paul sat in his usual armchair, his back to me so he didn't notice our arrival. Collin, Seth and Embry sat on the three seater, and Quil had claimed Jared's usual chair. They were waiting to start their patrols; night patrols were particularly werewolf heavy at the moment, as Sam had been untrusting of the Cullens since the wedding.

I normally wouldn't have cared but Collin was only thirteen and he used to be very innocent when I sat beside him in History. Also, I wasn't alone. Lily had come with me, as she had a little crush on Quil. The whole Mat thing hadn't worked out too well; they had one date and then stopped talking to each other. Something to do with him telling Lily he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, just 'some hot and heavy'.

When Lily had confessed her attraction to Quil, I had wanted to tell her that wouldn't happen, but I didn't have the heart. I figured she'd eventually get over him by herself.

In early May, Quil came over to Emily's before patrol and met Claire, Emily's little niece. It had been a little weird to begin with, thinking that he had imprinted on a two year old but it became clear that his love was platonic. The pack were the first to accept the innocence of his affection, and all Jared had to do was tell me and I was fine with it; because I knew Jared wouldn't lie. Emily still has a few problems but I'd be surprised if she didn't.

"I'm talking about swimming." Paul laughed and I shook my head.

The boys on the three-seater were playing rock-paper-scissors in order to figure out who got to stay on the couch. Embry cheered and Seth and Collin got up to make room for us. I was happy to take Seth's spot beside Embry and Lily sat to my left. Seth and Collin went to grab chairs from the kitchen.

"Sure you were." I muttered to myself before yelling towards the hall, "Your mother wants to talk to you, Seth. You might want to pick some flowers on the way home because she sounded pissed."

I heard Seth curse and then the front door slammed shut.

Quil laughed, "Well, does Jared find it weird?"

I gasped and gawked at Quil, wondering exactly what it was that Jared had told them. If I found out that he was going into great detail with them then I was going to kick him, in just the right spot that he won't want sex for a month.

Lily giggled and stared at me, "Really?"

Paul came to my rescue, "No, Lily. He's just being a cock head."

"What? They've done just about everything else, it's fair to assume they've done that too." Quil argued and Embry started laughing.

"Everything else?" Lily kept giggling, "I didn't realise you two were so serious."

It was Embry's turn to defend me, as I couldn't think straight or fast enough to do so, "If you think what they've done is 'just about everything else' than it's no wonder that you're so unsuccessful with the fairer sex."

Quil pretended to laugh, "Oh, ha ha. When was the last time you even kissed a chick?"

"I could so get a chick before you could." Embry said as he turned towards Quil and they started to argue.

Paul turned away from the TV towards Lily and I, "Jared has never even hinted that you've done it doggy-style. He's been as chivalrous as possible."

"How much do you guys know about each other? If I walked into a room of guys and they were talking about my sex life, I'd feel a little worried." Lily smiled awkwardly and raised her eyebrows.

I sighed, it wasn't easy to explain this sort of thing, 'oh my boyfriend and his mates can read each other's every minds', I'm pretty sure Lily would laugh in my face.

"They're guys. All they ever do is talk about their sex lives. Which, for most of them, is nonexistent so they hold onto whatever they can get."

"Hey!" the boys whined and looked at me.

I shrugged and gestured for them to prove me wrong. Embry and Quil sighed and leant back into their seats. Paul didn't give in quite as easily. He moved to settle himself comfortably so that he could look directly at me.

"Firstly, just because we're guys doesn't mean the only thing we think about is sex. Secondly, I have a perfectly normal sex life, thank-you very much."

Lily laughed, "You two sound like brother and sister. A brother and sister that know too much about one another but still... it's kinda cute."

"Don't let Jared hear you say that." Quil said with a sly smile.

Lily's eyes glittered at that. She loved drama and, for reasons I do not understand, she thinks a guy getting jealous over his girlfriend's relationship with someone else is romantic. I don't think it's romantic, I think it shows a lack of trust and relationships can't work without trust.

She turned to me, "Jared is jealous of your relationship with Paul?"

"He's not." I said firmly.

It didn't do any good, "Did you have a crush on Sofia too?" Lily smiled at Paul, who shook his head.

"No. What do you mean by 'too'?" Paul asked, glancing at me.

"Well, Jared of course, but I guess that's not really a crush anymore, right?" Lily said with a slight laugh.

Embry laughed, "Hell, no. They're basically married."

"God knows Jared wants to be." Quil added.

Lily gawked at me and shifted her body away from Paul. She looked amazed and offended that I hadn't told her about Jared's almost proposal. I figured that since it was all in the hypothetical it didn't really matter, but the boys had clearly heard different.

I was thankful for the interruption when Brady burst into the room, "Sam needs you guys, now."

They didn't need to be told twice. Embry used my knee to help heave himself from the couch, only to be knocked back slightly by Quil, who was faster out of the gate. Barely a second later they had flown out of the room, none of them paying any attention to me and Lily now that they had a job to do.

Lily watched them run from the room and then turned back to me, "Do they all have an issue with wearing shirts? Actually, I don't care. What's this about Jared wanting to marry you?"

I explained the whole conversation, swapping astral projection with moving back to Australia, and made sure to emphasise that Jared wasn't actually proposing. It didn't work too well because Lily considered it to be as good as a proposal and said that I had actually accepted. As far as Lily was concerned, I was engaged. She also made sure to offer her services as Bridesmaid when we set a date.

It was not how I had expected the afternoon to go and I was grateful when I got back to the Clearwaters' that afternoon. That was until I walked through the door and found that Sue had company, Billy Black and Charlie Swan; he and Sue were good friends so I'd met him a few times. Considering how he was, I was surprised that Bella would be the way she was but I guess I didn't see him behind closed doors. Sue told me that Bella was, quote-unquote 'in hospital overseas and quite sick'. I knew exactly what that meant, as did Sue, but it was clear that Charlie thought it was exactly how it sounded, his daughter was sick not newly undead.

I couldn't stop thinking about it as I lay in bed. It was past midnight now and my mind swirled with the implications of Bella's choice.

Sam had said more than once, as had every member of the Pack, including Jacob, that if any of the Cullens turned Bella then the treaty was null and void. It didn't matter if they were on the other side of the country or the other side of the world. The Cullens were exempt from attack because they said they would never harm a human, if Bella was a vampire then the treaty was broken. To me, that showed how selfish Bella was and her issue with being older than her leech lover showed how immature she was. When you can live for an eternity than what does one year, or five, matter?

It meant that Jared would be risking his life. I didn't want Jared to be in harm's way, I didn't want any of them to be in danger. They may have been fast, strong and agile but even they knew that competing one on one was risky. If anything happened to Jared, to any of them really, then I didn't care if they were vampires or not, I would find a way to get revenge.

Even the simple act of choosing an eternity as a vampire confused me. Part of what made life so wonderful was the knowledge that we only had the one and it was short. To live forever would dull the senses to the beauty around them. Each sunset would be 'just a sunset' because there were a thousand more to come.

Then again it wasn't really living. Bella was dead, life was not an option for her anymore. How could that be enticing to anyone?

I knew that Jared would not age as long as he kept phasing and if he never stopped I would be alright with that. I didn't want to live without him so if that meant people thinking I was his grandmother than I would accept that, in order to stand beside him, in life. In order to _live_ with him.

It made me shiver to think that someone would do what Bella had done, that someone would make such a massive decision with such an immature mind. I was sure she had not thought about this from all angles, no one who had could ever choose what she had chosen.

There was a knock at my window and I rolled over to see Jared standing outside. I rushed to open it, not bothering to remove the computer monitor as Jared was nimble enough to get past it without breaking anything.

He looked thoroughly exhausted and I led him straight to the bed. We sat in silence for a while, just watching one another.

Jared looked like he'd been running for days on end and had to do a five hour exam on quantum mechanics. His hair was scruffed up and his face smudged with small streaks of dirt and mud. He didn't hold himself with the same strength that he normally did. It was almost like he was sleep walking, only when he slept he looked much more comfortable than he did now.

He wrapped his long arms around me and I could feel exactly how tense and tired he was. I snuggled into his side, hoping that my presence alone would help him feel better. I think it did, somewhat, but I could still feel his tension in how his arms held me.

I broke the silence when the tension got too much, "Sue told me what happened."

Jared sighed, "She doesn't know the half of it."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I said softly as I tightened my arms around his waist.

He took a deep breath and pressed his lips to the top of my head, "Bella is still human."

There was something in his tone that told me this wasn't as good as it sounded. Bella being human meant that the treaty was still in place, which meant no war, which was good. Well, that's what I thought but it was clear that that wasn't how it was. I tightened my grip even more.

"She's pregnant."

I almost laughed but was able to hold it back because of the stress in the moment, "That's stupid, even for Bella."

Jared moved away from me and looked down, shock written on his face, "What?"

"Well, cheating on a human male can be dangerous at times. Cheating on a vamp is flat out moronic."

"She didn't cheat on Edward." Jared sighed.

I cringed, "He approved?" It was disturbing to think that a vampire would allow his human wife to sleep with another human just to get pregnant. It disturbed me to think that maybe he had watched. I shivered.

Jared shook his head and pulled me back into his side, "I guess you can say that." He took a deep breath before mumbling, "He's the father."

It was my turn to push away from Jared and I stared at him, "How is that possible? He's dead. No pulse. No pulse means no hard on means no climax means... how the fuck did he manage that?"

"I don't want to think about _that_." Jared groaned in disgust, "But the treaty is broken. The... that thing inside her... it's killing her."

The thought of a vampire having a child was beyond weird to me. If werewolves threatened the laws of Biology than vampires certainly did, and vampire offspring... that made no sense what so ever. How was it possible for something that wasn't living to make something that was?

"Jacob left." Jared whispered.

This was all getting to be a little bit too much, "What do you mean?"

Bella wasn't a vampire. But she was pregnant with vampire spawn. I wondered whether it would be human or vampire, should Bella survive to give birth to it. Now Jacob had left, I would have thought that he meant Jacob had run off like he did before the wedding but there was something hidden in his words.

"He's left the pack, for good. We can't hear his thoughts anymore because he's gone to save Bella and that thing."

I sighed, "It's a baby, Jared. You might not want to admit it but it's a baby. Maybe not human, maybe it's a monster like nothing we've seen before but it's still a baby."

Jared growled but I knew he didn't mean it to offend me, "It's a monster, you're right about that. But to compare it to a baby... it's not really a baby."

"Okay then, foetus." I said with slight uncertainty; I couldn't think of an animal equivalent of, or one that I feel deserves to be compared to, a vampire.

Despite everything, I still considered that science-defying progeny to be a baby. It wasn't its choice to be what it was, that was just the hand it was dealt. I learnt such things from Gizmo, she was a dog that no one liked but she couldn't help the breed she was born as or the unsuitable upbringing she had received. Bella I could dislike for wanting to be a vampire because she had a choice. This child was unfortunate; I couldn't hate it for being something that it had no choice in.

No, Bella was the one guilty of that.

Jared smiled at me but it was colder and weaker than usual, "I love that you still defend it. Despite how it goes against something that you love so much." He was referring to my love and knowledge of Biology.

"It's not the child's fault that its mother is a selfish, careless girl."

Jared kissed my forehead, "Seth went with him."

I pulled back and furrowed my brow at Jared, "With who?"

"Jacob."

I shook my head slowly and cuddled back up against Jared's side. I wondered if Bella felt at all bad for the drama that she was creating. If her past actions were anything to go off, she didn't know and she didn't care. Every day I found myself liking this girl, and that was what she was, less and less.

Jared fell asleep before I did and I was calmed by the sound of his slow, steady breaths. Despite everything, I was going to miss this when I went back to Australia, and I was sure that I would not be able to stay there for long without it.


	52. Chapter 52

I stared at my bags, packed and sitting by the door. When I first got here I couldn't wait for this moment but now that it was so close, I didn't want to go. I wished I didn't have such a good relationship with my family because then I could just call them and say I wasn't coming back. But I couldn't do that to them, they meant too much to me.

And part of me was anxious to see Gizmo again. It still hurt me to be so far away from her but I got the feeling it would be at least equivalent to how I would feel without Jared. He'd promised to call me every day but I knew that wouldn't be enough; eventually I would have to see him again. Sometimes I hated this imprint shit because I had never felt so dependent on anyone before.

The door opened and Jared walked in. His eyes caught on the bags and he sighed heavily.

"I don't want you to go." he said as he looked up at me.

I smiled at him, "We've been through this. I have to."

Jared made his way to the bed and crawled from to foot to the head, so that he straddled my legs and sat close enough to kiss me. He kissed me passionately. All of our kisses recently had been so much more powerful, more intense. And just when I thought they couldn't get hotter... they did. Like right now, his kiss alone was turning me on, in ways it never had before.

He pulled away and I groaned, but he looked like he had something important to say so I stifled myself quickly, "Marry me."

I huffed a laugh, "We don't have time; my VISA expires tomorrow."

"Then we do it tonight. If you marry a citizen then you don't need a VISA."

I smiled at him and shook my head, "My Dad would go psycho. No, I need to go home and ease him into this whole thing. Then I'll come back."

Jared took a deep breath, "As long as you come back."

We watched each other for a few seconds and then Jared kissed me again. He grabbed my hips gently and pulled me down the bed, so that my back lay flat on the mattress. His body pressed down on mine and his warmth seeped into me, making my heart rate accelerate to an unbelievable pace. His hands moved up my side, pushing my singlet up.

The kiss broke so that he could remove my singlet but we reconnected the second the singlet was gone. His bare torso pressed against mine, the feel of his firm body and the electricity that still passed between us, was starting to get me wet. I loved the feel of his beautiful skin against mine.

And the feel of his erection straining against his shorts, like it was now, that was just as electrifying. I groaned into the kiss, telling him that I was ready for more. He moved his hands to his shorts, unbuttoning them and pulling them down, releasing his engorged member. I was left in just my panties, as I had been ready for bed before he arrived.

He leant back over my legs, "Leah and Seth are patrolling. Sue's gone to Forks. We're alone." He smiled and I smiled back, sitting up to kiss him again.

I maintained contact between our mouths as I wiggled out of my underwear. Jared was naked and I wanted to be too, it wasn't fair that I should be burdened by clothes when he was not.

Jared pushed into the kiss, forcing me to lie down, just as I freed myself from the constraints of my last article of clothing. He hovered over me so there was a slight gap between our bodies and the kiss moved down my neck. The tender caress of his lips sent shivers through my skin and I moaned his name.

He wrapped his hot lips around my nipple, sucking it lightly for a moment before moving to kiss the rest of my breast. He went back to my nipple every now and then, while his hand massaged my other breast. Then he swapped sides and I could feel the fluid warmth building between my thighs.

I felt his firm hand working its way down my stomach and between my legs. He cupped my mound and pressed on it, the pressure causing a delightful tingle to roll out from where our skin connected. A finger slipped between my lips and ran up my slit, over my entrance and stopping to rub gentle circles around my clitoris.

"Oh, Jared." I gasped as my breaths quickened, "Oh, God. Jared."

He smirked into the kisses that he laid on my breasts and he rubbed harder, causing my breaths to falter. His hot tongue rolled over my hard nipple and I sucked in a ragged breath. He was good at confusing my lungs, he knew how to work my body to stop and start my breathing. It was slightly annoying but unbelievably thrilling.

"Jared." I moaned as his skilled finger slid down and outlined my entrance, using the palm of his hand to maintain pressure over my clit. I pushed my hips up and the tip of his finger slipped inside me, making me gasp.

Jared removed his lips from my breast, "No you don't. Tonight you're mine, all mine." His voice was hoarse as he removed his finger from my entrance and put them back to work on my clit.

I groaned at the loss of his fingers from that sensitive opening but he soon had me forgetting about it by working hard on my clit.

His mouth inched down my stomach, the excitement in my core grew. Jared had used his mouth down there fleetingly in foreplay and every time his face got near there I was enticed by the idea that it wouldn't be mild foreplay this time. Despite the enticement, I was a little nervous about him being down there. Jared never seemed to mind though so I let him do as he wished, since I was all his tonight.

"Oh... uh... Jared..." I couldn't think straight enough for a simple two word sentence. I loved what Jared was doing to me.

His hot breath fanned over my centre as he inched his fingers away from my clit and replaced them with his firm, dexterous tongue. Two fingers skimmed down my slit, one finger traced a path around my entrance, moving in circles that became progressively tighter and focused on my entrance.

Finally, it slipped inside, massaging my walls in a quick, erratic pattern. Jared was losing his composure and that made me shiver with want. His tongue worked over my clitoris and he moaned into his ministrations, the vibrations were strengthening the pleasure that was building in my core.

A second finger entered and I gasped. The duo found my pleasure point and rubbed long, firm strokes over it. The pleasure built and my breaths were catching as they entered and exited my lungs. I was getting so close.

Without warning he pulled his fingers out and I felt longing envelope my core.

"No, Jared... I... I need you in me..." I gasped, his mouth on my clit was making me pant with my frustrated desire.

Jared laughed and the feeling was indescribable, far better than the vibrations from his moans. His mouth dropped down and his tongue swept over my entrance. His hot breath wafted across my moist lips, sending gratifying tingles around my core.

His tongue delved deep inside. The warmth of his tongue was so stimulating that I couldn't stop my hips from bucking, forcing a little more of him into me. He moved his tongue inside me, in such a way as to touch as much of me as possible and he did it so fluently that I couldn't anticipate a single motion.

He mouthed and sucked at my supple flesh and a few moments later my walls tightened around his glorious organ. My orgasm didn't stop him and he kept lapping at my core, which prolonged the mind-blowing sensation.

As my climax subsided, Jared dragged his tongue out of me and up over my clit, sending a surge of pleasure up from my clit. He trailed his tongue over my stomach, between my breasts and then he kissed along my jaw. His lips found mine and I could taste myself on him. I had thought that it would taste bad and that I wouldn't want to kiss him after doing that, but it was a strange flavour. The taste of it excited me.

I wrapped my legs around Jared's waist and he moaned as he pushed his hips down against mine. His erection was as hard as ever.

Jared pulled away, "I'm glad you enjoyed that. 'Cause I enjoyed it. You taste delicious." His words were making me wet, again.

He smiled at me as he ground his hips into mine, his erection sliding along my moist centre and brushing against my sensitive clit. I tightened my legs around his waist and pushed my hips up. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh.

His mouth dropped to meet mine, his tongue darting into my mouth and played with mine. His hands gripped my hair, pulling gently at it as he kissed me. The passion was so strong that I didn't feel I could keep up with him.

Jared rolled over so that I was above him and he sat up, a hand dropping from my hair to push against the small of my back. It forced out stomachs together. His erection stood proudly, poking at my wet core. He released my back and we moved apart slightly.

He moved again so that he was above me and we were lying across the bed. He pulled away and knelt on the edge of the bed, looking down at my naked body. His eyes bright with desire but dark with lust. His breathing hastened and he gulped as his eyes took in my form.

He moved back so that his feet were on the floor, my legs around his waist meant that my hips were angled up towards him. His erection slid along my core and he moved to position himself at my entrance. I smiled up at him as he pushed into me.

His member glided into my hot centre, filling me quickly and stretching me. No matter how many times we do this, he always seems to be stretching me; it made me wonder if he was exceptionally large or me exceptionally small.

He delivered slow, gentle thrusts that rubbed along the front of my vagina. His thumb found my clit and kneaded it softly. The combination of his thrusts and rubs turned me into putty, he knew exactly how to work my body. It always felt so good.

Slowly but steadily, he increased his pace. His thrusts became deeper and stronger, while his thumb worked harder. The tip of his cock hit my g-spot and a thrilling sensation flooded me for a split second. With every thrust he managed to hit the same spot and every time he did the sensation intensified and lingered.

His thrusts reached their peak and his thumb pushed hard against my clit. But he couldn't maintain the velocity for long and he fell forward onto the bed, using the mattress to hold me while he pounded into me. His new angle meant that his pelvis worked my clit and he used his hands to support his weight.

He wasn't hitting all the right places anymore but the sensation was lingering and he touched just enough of the right places to maintain it. He lifted one of my legs so as to get a better angle and reach further into me. Far enough that I climaxed again.

As my walls closed around him, his cock twitched and his hot seed filled me. Neither of us could hold back our cries of ecstasy, but neither of us wanted to. Hearing him added to my pleasure and prolonged the descent from our high.

Jared fell back onto the bed and pulled me up so that we lay side by side. His arms wrapped around my naked torso as I cuddled into his side. He kissed my hair line and breathed in the scent of my shampoo. He liked the smell of coconut; he said it suited me perfectly.

"I don't want you to go." he whispered. I could hear the pain in his words and I wanted to promise him that I would stay. I knew I couldn't but I wanted to, I didn't ever want to leave Jared.

I pressed my lips against his sweaty chest, "I promise that I'll come back."

Jared held me tighter and I fell asleep, bathed in his warmth.


	53. Chapter 53

I sat in the back of the car with Jared. Paul was driving, while Lily controlled the radio from the front passenger seat. It was a difficult drive, because I knew it would be the last time I saw all of these guys for a while but I couldn't get my attention off Jared. He was the one that I would miss the most.

When I'd woken this morning there was a blanket around us. It was a good thing too because it had taken Leah physically shaking me to wake both of us, if we'd still been exposed then it would have made the whole thing incredibly awkward. I had been tempted to pretend that I was still too tired to get up and miss my flight but I knew that I couldn't do that.

I kind of wished that I had never come here. Then I wouldn't have to leave and I wouldn't feel this awkward. But I couldn't really wish for that. Because then I wouldn't have met Jared and I'd still be the fat loser that I'd been when I first came to America.

This morning I had realised that my clothes were way too big for me. I had to borrow one of Leah's belts to hold my jeans up. Which was something I have never done before, in fact I don't think I've ever bought a _smaller_ belt in my life. I don't know how I didn't realise how baggy my clothes were before this but I had a feeling some of it was to do with not caring anymore.

We had just exited a bizarre network of criss-crossing roads, like a round-a-bout that thought round wasn't intricate enough. That meant we were about five minutes from the airport. I checked the clock. I would be alone on a plane for LA International in just two and a half hours.

Jared tightened the hug around my shoulders, "You okay?"

I nodded and leant into him.

"Oh, so sweet." Paul mocked as he glanced over his shoulder at us, "Isn't it horrible that the love birds have to be away from each other?"

Jared took the bait, "Shut up, Paul. You're just jealous."

"I've got nothing to be jealous of, I've got Rachel now." Paul said smugly.

That was something that made me very happy. Angry little Paul, not that I'd call him that to his face, had imprinted, a few months ago. For the most part he had eased up on teasing me and Jared but it wasn't in him to entirely stop.

I liked Rachel, she was intelligent and independent. From the moment I met her I knew that she would be good for Paul. While Paul had never been particularly angry around me, he was definitely a lot happier and more willing to let things go, now that he had Rachel. I liked her a hell of a lot more than I liked her brother.

Jacob had confused the crap out of everyone when he imprinted on Renesmée, Bella's half vampire offspring. And seeing how he spent every day with the Cullens now, I rarely saw him. I didn't hate Jacob, imprinting couldn't be controlled, but I couldn't understand his behaviour. It didn't concern me all that much though, as I'd never been particularly close with Jacob. I guess it was more that I didn't know Jacob.

So much had happened of late that I tended to forget a lot of it, and exactly what happened. Jared liked that I wasn't too involved in it all, because it meant he could pretend that some of it didn't exist. I liked being able to comfort Jared so I had stopped asking questions about most things. I got my in tell from Emily and Paul for the most part, and they were fairly sparse on details so there wasn't ever much to know.

Paul had imprinted and Jacob had imprinted, I was happy to keep it, that that was all there was to know. Otherwise my head might explode from information overload.

Everything had calmed down over the last few weeks, although Leah and Seth were still living at the Cullens, and Embry was considering making the move. Quil would have already if he hadn't imprinted on Claire.

The one thing that I was keeping up with was the imprinting. There were five imprinted 'couples' now, including two relationships which were more brotherly than romantic. I'd been yelled at for suggesting that it might be possible for two guys to imprint on one another, because everyone claimed to be straight and were offended by the insinuation that they weren't.

Most of the guys were suddenly scared of being in a relationship with anyone, for fear they would imprint and hurt their original partner, just like what had happened between Leah and Sam. I told them not to be so silly, that they couldn't stop living their life because of something as uncertain as imprinting, but they didn't listen.

Leah was looking for her imprint and she was desperate to find him, or her. Leah was willing to imprint on anyone, she was still hurting over losing Sam although she said that she felt better since getting Sam out of her head. She just wanted to feel happy again and I understood that. I suggested she should come to Australia and meet my family and friends, or just spend a few weeks in Melbourne or Sydney. If Jared could imprint on an Aussie than why couldn't Leah?

"So when are you looking at coming back?" Lily asked as she turned in her seat to look at Jared and I.

I sighed, "I don't know. It depends on when I get a chance to talk to my father."

"You could tell him straight away." Jared said as he watched me carefully.

That sounded like a lovely idea but my Dad wasn't good with surprises, "Yeah, I'll just walk through the front door and announce my undying love for an American teenager. Then tell him how I won't be staying for long and will probably leave for the US the day after my exams so that we can live happily together for forever and ever."

"Well, you might want to be a bit more subtle than that." Jared laughed.

Lily smirked at me, "Did you just say 'undying love'?"

I often forgot that Lily didn't know about imprinting and she thought this was just a teenage fling. Although she hadn't forgotten that I was engaged to be engaged to Jared, should I ever come back to the States. It was clear that she thought I would get back to Australia and slowly forget that Jared even existed. How simple _that_ would be...

"You did too." Jared crooned, "I like the sound of that. Do you think it will bring you back?"

"I don't know... I might find a better offer in Australia." I teased. Jared tensed at that and I hugged him softly, "I'm joking."

Paul pulled into a free parking space and we all jumped out of the car. Jared carried my bag, despite my protests that I was strong enough to carry it myself. Lily bounced around as we made our way to check-in, when she got nervous she got giddy.

After waiting in the long queue for a half hour, I was able to check-in and was advised that boarding would start in just an hour and a half. To pass the time we went to the food court and got something to eat. I was hungry, despite having eaten a large breakfast at Emily's only three hours prior. And Jared and Paul would never turn their noses up at a meal.

I had a chicken burger and chips, or as Jared called it a burger and fries. I was finishing my chips when the conversation turned to my exams and how I felt about them. I was far from excited about having to do more exams, I'd already done one lot this year, and passed. I wished they counted for something.

"I'm not too anxious but I wish I didn't have to do it. I'm worried that I'll make a really big mistake and then my grades will suck." I sighed as I bit a fat chip in half.

Jared grabbed my chip-free hand, "You'll be fine. You're a genius."

I gave him a simple look of disbelief, "I'm far from a genius."

"You two are just so cute." Lily squealed and shivered in her chair, "I hope I have a relationship like yours one day."

Unless one of the guys imprinted on her that was unlikely to happen, although I did believe that she deserved to find love like what we had. I did wonder how different the love of an imprint was from traditional 'true love', they seemed to be very similar in my eyes. Only Jared wouldn't be so dependent on my presence if it were true love.

"I'm sure you will. Are you excited about University? Or College? Or whatever you call it?" I asked as I ate the last half of the chip.

Lily looked down at the half salad sandwich that she said she couldn't eat, "I'm not sure whether I'm going to go or not. I was thinking I might just head straight into the workforce."

"The workforce will still be around when you leave Uni." I argued. I wouldn't be going to University next year and that almost killed me. I'd always imagined going straight to Uni after high school, to think that wouldn't be the case was slightly depressing.

Lily laughed, "University will still be around next year."

I noticed Paul eyeing off Lily's remaining half of the sandwich, "Are you going to eat that?"

Lily shook her head and silently offered it to Paul. Who gratefully took it and wedged as much of it into his mouth as possible, "My God, you eat a lot. How are you not choking to death?"

"I breathe through my nose." Paul said as he chewed the sandwich.

It was clear that Lily didn't understand what he had said. It was another thing that you learnt around the Wolf Pack, how to understand mouth-full-of-food speech.

I laughed, "He said he breathes through his nose."

"Every time I see you guys together it amazes me. Are you sure you're not long lost siblings?" Lily giggled as she watched Paul shove the last portion of sandwich in his mouth.

I heard Jared growl softly, it never ceased to amaze _me_ how much it annoyed him when people pointed out how well Paul and I got along. He knew that there was nothing going on and that Paul and my affections for one another were nothing more than friendly, and would never be more than that. Jared assured me that he knew I was faithful, and said that his jealousy was more protective than untrusting. He worried that someone would get close to me and then hurt me, either by making a move on me or somehow ruining the relationship.

Paul leant back in his chair with a content look on his face, "Nah, we don't fight enough to be siblings. Are you going to finish your fries?" He added with a glance at my basket of chips.

"Am I still eating them?"

Paul huffed, "You're letting Jared take some, I'm like your brother so why can't I have any?"

I pointed at Paul, "_Like_ a brother..." then pointed at Jared, "Actually my boyfriend."

Jared stuck his tongue out at Paul and took another chip. He took his time putting it in his mouth, teasing Paul that he was allowed to have some when Paul wasn't. Paul did not look happy and I could see the anger and annoyance building in his eyes.

He shook his head and stood up, "I have money, I'll just buy my own." And he walked away to the fast-food stall that I'd gotten my chips and burger from.

"So, I have to ask, before I only get Jared's point of view on the matter... how serious is this?" Lily asked.

I looked at Jared, wondering how much I could safely tell her before she became suspicious. If I heard any of my friends describe how they felt about their boyfriend of a few months, the way I felt about Jared, I would be suspicious. I'd be very suspicious. I'm not sure what of but I know I would be.

Jared smiled at me, "It's serious to me."

"Yeah, it's serious." I sighed and Jared took my hand in his, again.

Lily squeaked and I looked at her in shock, "So cute!"

A bowl of chips landed to my right with a dull thud, "Do not encourage them." Paul grumbled as he sat down.

Five minutes later, Paul had finished his chips and we were on our way to Gate 3. It was about ten minutes until my flight would start boarding and every second that ticked by made me feel even more nauseous. I didn't want to go back to Australia. Not without Jared, anyway. I wished I hadn't told him to stay behind. Why did I always have to be so cautious?

The boarding call sounded just as we arrived at the Gate. I hugged Lily and Paul and they moved away so that Jared and I could have a semi-private farewell. Unsurprisingly the first thing we did was kiss, for so long that a second boarding call sounded before we pulled away from one another.

"I promise that I'll be back." I whispered as we held onto each other.

Jared pushed me away, "When you do, I'm going to propose. I don't see the point in postponing the inevitable." I smiled and hugged him. He whispered in my ear, "A thousand bucks says that we'll see each other before October ends."

I kissed him swiftly as I pulled away, "You've got a bet. I'm going to miss you."

"I already miss you." he sighed.

Another boarding call sounded and I stepped away from him. This hurt. More than it had hurt to leave my friends and family in Australia. This hurt more because I was leaving more. Jared was my future and I was leaving to go back to my past, it was stupid and painful.

He walked me to the gate and watched as I handed my ticket to the flight attendant. She smiled at us as Jared turned me around and gave me one final kiss. It was a sweet kiss but it had a bitter edge, because we knew that it would be a long time before we got to do this again.

I walked through the gate with a heavy heart and I could feel every part of me encouraging me to turn around and go back to him. It wasn't too late to change my mind, not really. Plenty of people lived in the United States without VISAs, why couldn't I join them? The walkway to the plane was directly in front of me, this was my last chance to look at Jared for the next... I didn't know how long.

"Just don't go looking for a better offer." Jared called over the flimsy partition that was keeping us apart.

I turned back towards him, "I couldn't find one if I tried."


	54. Chapter 54

It has been over a month since I've seen Jared and I was borderline insane with my need to see him. We talked for ages every day, on days that I'd had exams he had always found out when they were due to end so that he could call me straight after.

Okay, so we hadn't spoken every day. The last couple of days he hadn't called. He'd texted me to say that there were 'dramas' in La Push but I shouldn't worry. I was worried but he wouldn't answer his phone when I called. Paul had told me that Jared had injured himself on patrol and his voice was really hoarse because of it. I pressed for more details but that was all Paul could give me. He said that he wasn't a doctor so he didn't know what had happened.

I had tried to tell Dad about Jared but I couldn't. My Dad scared me and despite knowing that he wanted the best for me, I knew he would not like the sound of me falling for some teenager that he hadn't met before. He was protective of his daughters and he'd been against me going to the US for a year to begin with. He would not be happy if he found out going the once meant that I wanted to go back, and stay there.

Jade loved that I had come back because she wanted to know more about Jared. More specifically, she wanted to know about his 'bedroom attributes'. To begin with I didn't want to tell her anything but after a short while I found that I needed to talk to someone about everything Jared, and Jade was that someone.

We'd go out to the sheds to talk about it, so that none of my sisters and neither of my parents could surprise us or over hear the conversation. This meant we spent a lot of time near the working dogs. I was still confused by the bitch that my Dad had bought, she looked as miserable as she had the first time I'd seen her. And she didn't get along well with any of the other dogs.

Dad said that he'd noticed the same things but that physically she was fine and she was a good work dog too. I'd watched her work and she was good. She moved about the cattle so easily that it was almost like she was one, and she was able to work them without stressing them out too much. But even when she worked it was clear that she was not the same as the others.

It was nice to help out on the farm again and it was amazing how easily I fell back into Australian farm life. This was home, so it wasn't too surprising that I still felt comfortable here.

What was surprising was the reaction of others to my return. Mum and Dad had both commented that I had lost a lot of weight in my last seven months in the US. But it was most obvious in the reaction of a boy named Tyler.

He was a year above me at school and had never paid me a speck of attention. He hadn't even bothered to tease me for my weight. Now that I'd lost the weight he'd made a point of introducing himself to me. To begin with I thought he was just being nice but then Corey had come to work on the farm for a day and pointed out that Tyler was flirting with me.

I didn't tell Jared about that and I now tried to avoid Tyler, if I told him I had a boyfriend and he mentioned it to Dad then things might get awkward. It's not that Dad didn't know about Jared; he just seemed to believe that it wasn't that big of a deal. Dad liked to pretend that he knew everything about his daughters but we all knew there were lots that he missed.

We were all seated around the table for dinner. Just waiting for Dad to finish cleaning up before we could start eating. Mum had made a decadent roast from cow number 4107, it was disturbing that we knew the number of the cow and I can assure you that we normally didn't but, for some unknown reason, Dad made a point of telling me this afternoon.

GG was over for dinner tonight as a celebration for me finishing my exams just two days before. I was planning to talk to Dad tonight about Jared. This was 'my' dinner after all, so theoretically he would be giving me a little extra consideration this evening. Regardless I had to say something soon, because I couldn't stay away from Jared much longer.

I knew that I could visit the US without a VISA for up to ninety days and was planning on doing so and then organising a VISA once I was there. I couldn't organise a VISA without my parents knowing and I couldn't stay away from Jared for too much longer. I needed to do this tonight or I would go mad without Jared.

"Dinner is getting cold. Hurry up, Malcolm!" Mum yelled as she piled roast vegetables onto her plate. She didn't eat huge amounts of meat, which was strange because all her daughters loved meat, as did her husband. Not to mention she lived on a beef farm.

There was a knock at the door.

"Go see who that is, Samantha." Mum barked as she turned to my GG, "Your son is the slowest man in the world when it comes to getting to dinner on time."

GG laughed, "He got that from his father."

Samantha grumbled to herself as she left the dining room, she was an incredibly rebellious teenager. More so than Eliza, Anne and I ever were. She had recently gotten into the Emo scene, although she claimed she wasn't. Her black clothes, dyed black hair, caked on black makeup and permanent lack of smile suggested that she was at least on her way to being Emo.

Eliza said it started after she finally broke up with her wanker of a boyfriend. He'd gotten a young girl pregnant and there was no way that Sam could deny his infidelity when there was very real proof of it now. Anne said that the baby looked like him and she felt for it because of that. I would hate to not only have to call him my father but to also look like him.

Dad stepped into the dining room and took a deep breath, "Now that is a lovely piece of meat."

"Dad! I think this one's for you." Sam called from the front door.

Dad turned away from the table and Mum growled. She'd been cooking this roast for hours and now it was getting cold while it waited for everyone to sit down. When Dad was late for dinner he was really late, but normally Dad was the first at the table and yelled at everyone else for being even seconds late.

We waited in relative silence until, "SOFIA!"

I looked nervously at Mum, while Eliza 'ohh'ed and Anne suppressed a laugh. I got up from the table and everyone but GG got up to follow me to the front door. I didn't want them too but I couldn't stop them. I knew them well enough to know that trying was futile. As I rounded the main hall, towards the entrance, I got the feeling that I was in a lot of trouble.

When I got a look at the front door and the man framed by it, I gulped. Part of me was excited, the other part was terrified. It was no wonder that Dad had sounded so angry. I prayed that Jared hadn't said the wrong thing.

He looked so handsome standing in the doorway, backed by cloudless blue skies. He looked more rugged than I remembered but he was as handsome as ever. For the first time in a long time, he was wearing a shirt. In fact he was wearing nice pants and a nice shirt, and shoes and socks. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him wearing so much.

I wanted to run up to him and hug him, but I knew that that would only make things worse. Dad was going red in the face and looked like he was about to throttle someone. Sam was gawking at Jared, she was blushing from embarrassment and shying away from him, like an awkward twelve year old meeting her favourite movie star.

"Who's that?" Mum asked as if Jared couldn't hear her.

Dad glared at me, "He says his name is Jared."

Anne squeaked, "As in Sofia's imaginary boyfriend, Jared?"

"Clearly he's not imaginary, dickhead." Eliza argued. She loved starting fights.

"Sofia? Who is that?" Mum asked cautiously.

I smiled at Jared, unable to control my own emotions, "That's Jared. My boyfriend."

Dad hesitated for a few moments, his face reddening as he thought through what I had said. He hadn't actually believed that Jared was who he said he was, but then again he did look like he was in his early twenties. Which almost certainly added to my father's discomfort about this situation. Dad turned back to Jared and looked him up and down.

He stepped away from the door, "Come in. I suppose you are going to want something to eat."

"I'm okay. I can wait outside if you'd like." Jared said anxiously.

"Don't be so stupid. We have plenty of food. Come, before it's frozen." Mum urged as she led the way back to the dining room.

Dinner was awkward, to say the least.

Jared and I weren't allowed to sit next to each other, Dad sat between us, and Jared was berated with a multitude of questions. Where we met? What he planned to do with his life? How he got to Australia? Why he'd come to Australia? When he would be leaving? Why he was 'pursuing' me? And dozens of others, all of them made me very nervous.

Jared took them all and answered them perfectly. He never said anything that could lead my father to thinking something bad about him. I thought that he was doing exceptionally well, considering most boyfriends were so terrified of my father we only ever saw them once and they usually called that visit short.

Dad had declared that Jared was not allowed in any of the bedrooms, as long as he was in the house. And that he was not welcome to stay the night because we did not have any room. GG was staying in the only spare room and I knew that Dad was glad for it too, because Mum argued to let Jared stay the night in the lounge room. Dad was _not_ having any of that.

Samantha was making things extra weird. She was fascinated by Jared and asked him the stupidest questions imaginable and then giggled whenever he answered them. She sat there making eyes at him that made me want to vomit. Eliza and Anne noticed too and they stuck the boot in whenever that got the chance.

This meant that Sam got embarrassed and after she'd finished her meal she stormed off to her room, slamming the door behind her. Mum growled at Eliza, for the comment that she'd said to annoy Sam, who in turn yelled back about being unjustly singled out and disappeared to her room.

On the plus side, GG loved Jared. She asked him a few simple questions and even told Dad to back off more than once. I loved GG, she was a blessing and I'd never been so happy to have her around.

After dinner I took Jared out the back and we sat together on the makeshift seat, a massive cross section of an old gum that had been cut down before I was born. Gizmo joined us, but she didn't seem to like Jared all that much. She sniffed at his pants leg and then sat between my feet. When Jared moved she'd stand up and watch him until he stopped moving, then she'd settle back down between my feet.

"You owe me a thousand dollar." I muttered as we stared out at the golden horizon that faded into a deep blue grey night.

Jared laughed, "I guess I do, but I'll have to give it to you in instalments."

I snuggled into Jared's side, "You are really bad at making bets. Have you ever considered going with the thing that you think won't happen?"

"If it means I get to see you than I will lose every single one."

It was nice to just sit with Jared. To know he was by my side and that he didn't want to go anywhere. I loved being with Jared. I loved Jared.


	55. Chapter 55

_Jared's POV_

It was great to see Sofia again. Better than great, it was overwhelming. I wanted to cry when I saw her. I had been in physical pain without her, so much worse than when she wouldn't talk to me at the start of the year. So much pain that Sam had told me to come see her, I hadn't argued.

Mom and Dad had paid for my flight, it was the longest twenty-two hours of my life, and helped organise a VISA. But now I was here, now I had her in my sight and in my arms. Nothing else mattered.

I was fine with her father's resistance because just Sofia's presence was enough to heal the invisible wounds that had plagued me for the last month. For that, for Sofia, I would put up with anything he wanted to throw at me. He wouldn't be able to ruin this for me.

As per his wishes I wouldn't be staying in his house, and I suspected that he would be suspicious enough to check on Sofia during the night so I wouldn't be creeping into her room either. He had offered to drive me back into town and Sofia silently hinted that I should say yes, I wasn't sure why until he dropped me off at the Motel that I'd said I was staying at. It took fifteen minutes by car to get to the town, walking likely would have taken an hour.

It was a wasted trip. As soon as Mr Morgan had driven off, I headed back to the street. The roads outside of the town were lined with thin stretches of gum trees and I crouched in a paddock behind them to undress and tie my clothes, and shoes, to my ankle. There were no houses for a good distance so I phased and made my way back to Sofia's.

I spent the night, curled in a ball under Sofia's window. I know, creepy, but I had to be near her. I'd been away for far too long to stay away from her for one more moment. She had suspected my return and shortly after my arrival she leant out her open window and scratched behind my ears. I had missed her touch and despite the simplicity of it, I found myself longing for us to _be_ together.

In the morning I woke with the first movements from inside the house. Sofia told me that her father got up early so I was prepared. I left Sofia's window and hid amongst the trees that bordered the road, I was a dark enough colour that if I didn't move I wouldn't be noticed.

After a few hours of watching the house the sun was up and I figured it had to be around nine o'clock. I didn't care if some people thought that might be too early for a visitor; I phased and redressed. I tried to compose myself before making the trek up the long driveway to the front door.

I knocked carefully and waited for the door to open. It felt as though it took ages for anyone to even move, let alone make it to the door. Eliza opened the door and she looked as though she were unsure of how to react.

"Ummm... you're here for Sofia?" she stammered.

I nodded, "Yes."

She grimaced at me, "Do you mind just hanging there for a couple of minutes?"

"Of course not."

Eliza smiled and I noticed that it was similar to Sofia's, only not quite as bright and cheery, "Thanks." She closed the door in my face and rushed down the hall.

I could hear her dialling a number and tapping her foot as she waited for someone to answer her call, "Hey Tyler. Is Dad there? Thanks... Dad, Jared's back... He's waiting at the front door... Of course he does... Alright, but don't keep him waiting... No, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just suggesting that he hasn't done anything wrong yet... Okay, okay. No one will talk to him until you get here. Is Fi with you?... Okay. Geeze." she sighed as she hung up the phone.

It was at least fifteen minutes before the door opened again and I was greeted by Mr Morgan. He didn't look as annoyed as last night but it was obvious he wasn't impressed. I didn't really blame him; if I were in his shoes I'd be suspicious too.

He was a tall man and his muscles were thick and sturdy. He wore a discoloured blue singlet that stretched around his distended beer-gut. His blue jeans were stained with grease and had turned black at the ankles from continued exposure to mud. His socks were thick, black and woollen, with short straws of hay clinging to them at certain points.

"You want to see Sofia?" he asked gruffly.

I took a deep breath, my nerves building, "Yes, but I'd like to talk to you first. Man to man."

He glared at me, as if trying to figure out my intentions, "About what?"

"Sofia and how I feel about her."

That struck a chord with him. His face softened, only for a split second but it was long enough for me to notice. He looked at me for a long moment and then gestured towards the metal table and chairs that stood just to my left. I followed his silent demand swiftly, not wanting to give him any reason not to hear me out.

We sat down and there was silence for a few minutes. I wanted to be the first to say something but I was under the impression that it was up to Mr Morgan to start this. Once again, I couldn't give him a reason to send me away.

"And how do you feel about her?" He asked solemnly and watched my face with a great degree of caution, like he had to pick up every emotion the second it showed itself.

"I love her. I'm in love with her. Actually... it feels like it's more than love. Ever since Sofia left America, I-" I realised that this may not be the way to tell him about the strength of my feelings. I'd probably come across as some sort of psycho stalker boy.

But Mr Morgan wasn't going to accept my sudden silence, "Ever since she left, you what?"

I bit my lip and then decided that it was too late to turn back, "I have been... agonised. I can't stand to be away from her because without her I don't feel quite right. It's not so much being away from her as it is not knowing when I'm going to see her again. I love her, more than any other man ever could."

Mr Morgan thought about this for a few minutes and they were excruciating minutes. He rubbed his large hand over his mouth and stared at me. It was clear that he didn't know what to make of me. His brow furrowed in his confusion, in a way that was reminiscent of how Sofia's brow furrowed when she was confused.

"So, you want to take my seventeen-year-old daughter away from me?"

I shook my head, "No. I'm asking if you will let me be in her life, for as long as she will have me. I don't care whether that's here or in America, I just need to be with her."

His eyes brightened and he raised his head slightly, "Why do I get the feeling that you are keeping something from me? Or that there's something else you intend to ask?"

My heart raced. Sofia had told me that he had a knack for reading people but I had always thought I was more difficult to read than this. I took another deep breath and tried to calm myself down before answering. It didn't work.

So I just bit the bullet, "I want to marry her. I would like your permission to ask her to marry me."

Mr Morgan's eyes narrowed, "And if I say no?"

"Then I will respect your wishes and I will not ask, at least not in the immediate future. I would rather not ask without your blessing."

Mr Morgan stared at me and I suddenly understood what Sofia said about him being a scary man, "If I never say yes?"

I prayed this didn't come out the wrong way, "Eventually, I will ask without it, if I must. I love Sofia and she loves me. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I will do anything to prove that to you."

He sighed, "Well... I'll think about it but for the moment you can consider this a 'no'." He got up from his seat and turned back to the door.

That was not what I'd been hoping for. I'd hoped I'd be able to convince him that I really loved Sofia and he would say yes. I had hoped that nothing would stand in the way of us being together. I wished that Sofia wasn't so close with her family, and then this wouldn't be an issue.

Mr Morgan's booming voice pulled me from my reverie, "Sofia is in the calf shed, I'll take you to her. Shoes off here, we've got boots out the back you can use."

I obeyed like a well trained puppy, if there was any chance that I could get him to change his mind then I would do anything. The house was small and old, with a T-shaped hall that sectioned off the communal areas from the bedrooms. The back door was located at the far side of the kitchen from the hall and just outside the back door was a wooden crate full of boots.

Mr Morgan gestured to it and I scrounged around to find a pair of shoes that were my size. All the boots were by the same company and were the same shape, although a few pairs were lighter or darker than the rest. I was amazed at how comfortable they were but they were heavier than any boots I'd worn before.

As we walked through the grass, wet with dew, the soles of the boots sunk into the damp earth, leaving distinguishable footprints behind us. The calf shed seemed to be a decent walk from the house and the further I got from the house the more I smelt it. I couldn't describe the scent, it was like cow shit and mould and something else... I hated having a heightened sense of smell.

As we got closer to the calf shed, I started to love it, the heightened sense not the gross smell. I could smell something soft and floral, with a hint of coconut. It made my mouth water to smell it and I honed my senses in. Desperate to cut out the scent of wet farmland.

"She's in there." Mr Morgan pointed to the shed in front of us and I thanked him as I rushed towards it.

The smell of cow shit dampened as I stepped through the door, which stood ajar to let a simple soft smell waft out. Inside light filtered in through a large open window while half a dozen calves of varying sizes lazed in a single large enclosure.

Sofia was feeding a tiny calf with long pendulous ears, a small hump over its shoulder and too much skin. It had a black head and feet and a lightly mottled back. Despite its overgrown shoulder growth, it was quite a cute calf. I wondered how old it was because it looked very young. Watching it feed I wasn't surprised that its mother wasn't feeding it; it'd probably pull the poor cows teat off.

Sofia laughed as it pulled on the teat of the large bottle and she fought to maintain her grip on it, "Hungry little bugger, aren't you?"

I stood and watched her. She looked so at ease around these calves, it was almost like she was in a pen full of kittens. With my appearance the calves closest to the door got up and headed over to Sofia, almost straight away. One tried to push the calf she was feeding away from the bottle, but Sof growled at it as she shoved it away. Another calf rubbed against the back of her legs and she moved with the force of it.

"Hey, Beautiful." I sighed and Sofia jumped.

Her face brightened when she noticed me, "Come here, I can't leave the calf." Her shoulders jerked as the calf took an almighty suck on the bottle and almost pulled it from her hands, "Don't let them get your fingers, you'll never get them back."

I jumped over the three foot barricade between us and strode over to my gorgeous imprint. She laughed as I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face into the nape of her. I felt the calf pull at the bottle and fought against it to keep Sofia's back pressed against my stomach.

"I can't believe I'm fighting with a calf." I mumbled into her warm flesh and she laughed.

She struggled with something and I looked up to see her pulling the rubber teat from the little calf's mouth. Her hand slipped down the bottle towards the calf's head and she cursed quietly. Placing the empty bottle gently on the bench beside her so that the calves couldn't get at it, she turned to me and wiped her thumb down my neck. It was wet with thick, cold slobber.

"Ew, what the..?" I said pulling away from her.

She laughed, again, "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Neither can I." I said and leant down to kiss her.

We only stopped when thick bristled lips mouthed at my fingers and dragged half my hand into a warm sticky mouth. I pulled my hand away and accidently broke the kiss in doing so.

"I warned you." Sofia beamed as she pushed the little black calf away.

I looked around at the calves, who had encircled us, "I thought this was a beef farm."

"It is." Sofia turned towards the bench beside her and grabbed two full bottles, she handed one to me, "These girls are orphans. The one I was just feeding was only born this morning, her mum died during labour."

I suddenly felt bad for thinking that the cow didn't want to feed her calf. I realised it was a stupid thought, this calf probably wasn't rougher than any other calf so it's mother would probably love to feed it, if she were alive.

"Feed the black one. And hold tight because she'll try to rip it from your hands."

I was surprised at how strong the calf was, I could easily keep a hold of the bottle but it still surprised me. The sound was comical, so loud and greedy. I steadied my grip and looked over at Sofia, she was beaming as she fed one of the largest calves. Animals always made her smile.

"I've really missed you." I whispered, trying to coax the calf towards Sofia so I could be closer to her. It was easy as long as I held onto the bottle.

"I've missed you too. I've been practicing. Twice a day." She smiled at me.

I knew exactly what she meant and I wasn't sure whether I was happy about it or not. I didn't like the idea of her doing it alone, or trying to sooth the pain it cause all by herself. It made me sick to think she was locked in her room, going through all of that discomfort and not having someone to cling to afterward.

I sighed, "Is it getting better?"

"I think so; it hurts less when I do it at night. It's cooler and quieter. It's almost tranquil." I could hear the far off tone in her voice that told me she wasn't lying.

Still I didn't feel comfortable talking about it. I wanted to sit down in private to discuss it properly. Not standing around feeding calves and trying not to say certain words in case someone was listening. It never got easier, keeping this secret; it only got worse when the Pack wasn't around to complain to, about having to keep it.

"I spoke with your father."

"About what?" she sounded as nervous as I had felt.

"You. And me. I asked him if I could marry you."

She froze, staring at the calf that nursed from the bottle in her hands. After a second she looked up at me, "And?"

I gulped, "He said he'd think about it."

"He said no." she pulled the bottle out of the calf's mouth and clumsy returned it to the bench as she looked up at me, "He's not going to change his mind. He's nothing if not stubborn when it comes to his daughters."

My heart sunk. I couldn't imagine not being able to be with her. I'd have to talk to her father again. And I won't stop trying because I am nothing if not persistent.


	56. Chapter 56

"Paul has your cell phone, doesn't he?" I asked as I snuggled into Jared's side.

He laughed softly, "How did you know?"

It had been three days since Jared had asked my Dad for permission to marry me. I'd made a point of talking about Jared over dinner, trying to convince Dad that we were in love. It didn't seem to be working, last night he had told me never to mention him at the table again. I couldn't understand why he was so against us being together but I didn't know how to ask without getting Jared banned from the house for good.

As it was Jared was walking on eggshells because Dad was sick of him coming over. We were sitting out the back on the wooden stump, watching the rain fall around the house. Despite the rain it was still warm and that confused Jared. He was used to cold and wet, not warm and wet.

I smiled and turned to bury my face in his shoulder, "You wouldn't call but you would text. Nobody can imitate your voice but texts don't have voice and as long as someone has fingers they can send a text."

Jared pressed his lips to my hair, "My little genius."

I couldn't get my mind off the thought that every touch may be our last.

Sam could call Jared back any minute now and then I would be alone again. Sure, Jared would eventually come back but he still had to be gone before he could come back and that was the thing that concerned me. I didn't know if I could handle being indefinitely removed from Jared again. Having to wait the whole night to touch him was bad enough.

I didn't want to be away from Jared, ever again. It scared me that there were two forces circling us, threatening to pull us apart, again.

Dad might finally blow his top and demand that Jared never returned. Shit, sometimes I could see Dad starting a lynch mob and chasing Jared out of town, maybe even out of the state. I was angry that my father wasn't even giving him a chance, not even half a chance. Dad was so certain that Jared was untrustworthy, like no one could love me without some hidden motive.

Mum was trying to persuade him to ease up on Jared but she wasn't able to succeed. No one could. Eliza and Anne seemed to notice how much he meant to me and they pestered Dad to back off. Even GG had tried, and failed.

GG was amazing. She loved Jared and, without me needing to ask, was always trying to convince Dad to let him stay for dinner or overnight. GG had even yelled at Dad, last night, and it momentarily looked like it worked. But Dad soon regained his composure and he held his ground.

Samantha didn't care either way; she was falling further into the 'Emo' lifestyle, spending most of her days in her room blaring screamo-death-metal music. It was a wonder she wasn't deaf.

"I don't want you to have to leave again." I mumbled.

I felt the surprise wash through Jared and he moved so as to try to catch my eye. When he did, he sounded as surprised as he looked, "I'm not going anywhere."

I shook my head, "But we can't stay like this forever. You sleeping in town and then spending your days here. Eventually we need to move on from this."

He hugged me tighter, kissing my forehead and breathing in my scent. I liked that he liked how I smelt. It was something so minor but it made me feel good. I could feel his chest expand with his breaths and, with my ear pressed to his warm skin, I could hear his heart beat.

This was what I wanted. Just this. Forever.

"Okay, stop that. Or I'll spray you with the hose."

I smiled at the sound of Jade's voice. When I turned around I saw that she wasn't alone. Becky and Corey were with her.

"Hey guys." I said as I moved so that my back was rested on Jared's side.

"Lean forward." Jared whispered and I did as he asked. I watched him over my shoulder as he moved to lean against the garage wall. Once he was seated he coaxed me back so that I sat with my back against his chest and my hands rested on his knees. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me close to him.

Becky sighed, "You two really are just too cute."

"I think it's sickening." Corey grumbled as he sat down, "I'm happy for you and all but some things need to be kept to the bedroom."

Jade snorted a laugh, "Jared's not allowed in the bedrooms."

Corey rolled his eyes and looked at Jade, "That wouldn't stop you."

"But Sofia isn't me. As far as I know they've only ever done it in the confines of the bedroom." Jade sat on the plastic picnic table and started to swing her feet.

Jared kissed my neck and his fingers rubbed gentle circles under the hem of my t-shirt. I could feel the smile on his lips and knew exactly what he was thinking about. The not so quick 'quickie' in the lounge of his parents place. I had been nervous about being caught, again, but that only made the whole thing that much more exciting.

Just remembering it made my insides squirm.

It wasn't fair for them to bring up sex at the moment. I went a month without it when Jared wasn't around and now that he was, I still couldn't get any. If Dad thought for a second that we'd been intimate he'd blow his top. It'd be even worse if he actually caught us, like Jared's parents had. The mention of sex had me so riled up, I was tempted to turn around and jump Jared where we were, regardless of who saw. I could _feel_ that Jared reciprocated my feelings.

Corey shook his head, "So, what are your intentions for our lovely Sofia?"

"I want to marry her." Jared murmured but everyone heard.

My friends all looked astounded. They had not expected that at all. It was clear by their faces that they didn't know how to react to it. Even Jade, who knew how serious this relationship was, looked like she had just been slapped in the face.

I jerked my elbow back and hit him in the ribs. It hurt like crazy but I heard Jared grunt so I knew that he'd at least felt it. I turned to him and glared into his beautiful eyes, he just smiled back.

"I refuse to deny it anymore. You were right, we can't keep doing this. I'm more in love with Sofia than I have been, or ever will be, with another woman. You are my soul mate and I'm not going to pretend otherwise." Jared said defiantly and finished by kissing me swiftly on the lips.

A deep laugh rumbled from the back door, "Her soul mate?"

Dad stood there, looking like he'd just heard the best joke in the world and holding his stomach in false mirth. I knew he was being an arse and I wanted to get up and kick him for it. I wouldn't because it was incredibly rude but I really wanted to.

Jared straightened up slightly in my periphery, "Yes, sir."

"Don't call me 'sir', boy." Dad growled and stepped down from the threshold, "You said you would do anything to prove to me that you love her."

Jared nodded, "Yes, Mr Morgan."

Dad laughed, "Then start proving it. I need some help around the farm; you are going to provide said help."

"Yes, Mr Morgan."

Dad scowled, "First, stop with the Mr Morgan crap. My name is Malcolm. Secondly, what are you doing lounging around? We have work to do."

Jared pecked me on the cheek and jumped up. He was thrilled at being given a chance to prove to my father that he loved me. I was excited too but I knew that it wouldn't do me any good to get my hopes too high. I smiled at Jared, to try to make him think that I believed this was a good thing, although I couldn't help but feel that it was not going to go as well as Jared hoped.

Dad led Jared away from the house, through the rain, and I prayed that Dad wouldn't be too hard on him.

"He either really loves you or is really stupid." Becky laughed and I shot her a look of annoyance.

"We actually came to invite you to a movie. We're going to go see 'Stranger Than Fiction' at the Centre." Corey bubbled.

The Centre was a massive, state-of-the-art cinema a few towns over. By a few towns over I mean an hour and a half's drive away. That meant that I would be away from here for a minimum of five hours. I couldn't do that. If things went wrong I needed to be close by.

"Thanks for the offer but I should stay here." I muttered and threw them a timid smile.

"Girl, you are so whipped." Jade laughed as she turned back to the house. Becky and Corey followed after issuing their own farewells.

The rain was clearing and I decided that I'd go for a wander down to the shed to see the dogs. I almost stepped on Gizmo as I got up but she was fast for a dog her age. She bounced out from the shelter of the tin roof, her long coat soaking up water like a sponge. I was about to follow her when the screen door to the house opened.

I turned to see Becky sticking her head out of the house, "If you're not going to go to the Centre then you may as well take Wazza for a run. Like you're supposed to."

When Dad had yelled at me last night I had been punished with exercising Wazza every night for a week. It was Dad's way of finding something that Jared could not do with me, seeing how he didn't know that Jared turned into a wolf about the same size as the old buckskin gelding.

"Whatever. Go enjoy the movie." I yelled at her and she disappeared back into the house.

Dad would know if I didn't exercise Wazza and I wasn't sure how serious he was about me doing it. If he meant it as an empty threat and wasn't going to check then I was safe to just ignore it. But if he was serious and he did check and I hadn't done anything... then it would be my fault that Jared wouldn't get another chance.

I grabbed the Driza-Bone from the coat rack by the door and continued to the shed.

All the riding tack was stored in the equipment shed, where they were safe from the elements. We only had a few horses, one for each member of the family plus three horses that were used by farm hands that didn't have their own. Then there was Wazza and two Shetlands, who were used at family events for the youngest kids. Okay, so we had a dozen horses, which was a lot more than some farms had.

I grabbed Wazza's gear and headed to the paddock to be greeted by two overly friendly mares. Samantha's and Mum's. Two purebred Arabians that Dad had bought from a neighbour when they sold their farm. My Clydesdale, Boris, snorted at me from beside Wazza but he didn't move towards me. Boris had never been overtly affectionate and always waited for people to approach him. Thankfully, Boris wasn't much for rides, once every couple of days was enough for him and I'd taken him for a ride on Monday.

Wazza couldn't care less as I walked up to him and knelt down tostrap the halter around his sandy coloured head. He snorted as I placed the rug on him and adjusted the position of the saddle. He knew what we were doing but clearly he was more interested in eating. He was a guts of a horse.

I hoped that I would be able to catch a glimpse of Jared on my ride.


	57. Chapter 57

Wazza's gait was as uncomfortable as ever. His feet landed hard on the ground and the force rippled up his legs. His spine didn't roll like other horses, it seemed to be clunky and disconnected. It made the saddle bounce in a jarring rhythm that made it almost painful to use.

He wasn't bred to be ridden but he was bred to run. He ran faster than most of the other horses we had. Only Dad's Thoroughbred was faster on the straight, but Wazza was better over natural terrain. He was surefooted especially when he hit great speeds. His feet hit hard and set fast, even on the soft wet earth.

The land around here was so dry that the water only dampened a few inches of earth before it became too hard to penetrate. Soft earth flicked up under Wazza's large hooves, some of it hit my legs and made me shudder. I didn't mind the mud but it was even colder than the rain.

The rain was lessening and the clouds were clearing. I could see the halo of the sun through the thin cloud that covered it and knew that the second any part of it broke through, I would be close to blinded by it.

I had to get to the back paddock before then because I hated riding into the sun. It was almost like trying to spirit walk, so bright that you can't truly notice anything else. After a few seconds the backs of your eyes start to burn, and if you can't look away for long enough than your head starts to ache, your brain throbs.

A few hundred metres away, I could just make out the faint line of the back fence. It signalled that this bumpy ride was about to end and the almost two hour walk home was close to starting. I liked that walk, as long as I avoided rabbit and wombat holes. A twisted ankle made the walk back a lot less enjoyable.

The sun peaked out from behind the thin cloud, it wasn't enough to blind me but it was enough to be uncomfortable. I lowered my head slightly and squinted my eyes, trying to shield my sight from the harsh rays. It didn't help much so I pushed Wazza harder, the quicker we got to the back fence the sooner the sun would be out of my eyes.

Despite my pushing, Wazza slowed down. I opened my eyes to find the fence was racing to meet us, it was almost under Wazza's feet. Wazza didn't slow down as much as he should have, I feared he was going to try to jump the fence.

I was sure he could make it. But I had never been good at jumping, half the reason I had a Clydesdale was because no one expected them to jump. I had seen Boris jump a fence before, but that was only because a bull was trying to gore him. I prayed to God that Wazza wasn't going to jump this fence.

He didn't try to jump the fence but he may as well have. Maybe then I would have had a chance to hold on.

Wazza reared up, his back almost reaching vertical. I slid from the saddle and I couldn't get a grip on any part of the old horse's body. It was not a fun fall and I knew that the landing was going to hurt.

A painful wave of pins and needles radiated up my back and forced the air from my lungs. Everything below my waist went numb for a few seconds and a throbbing pain burst into life in the small of my back. I was winded by the landing. Try as I may, I couldn't get my lungs to expand enough for another breath.

"Fuck!" I gasped but barely made a sound.

I lay on my back and tried to calm myself down. I was thankful for the hours spent meditating because otherwise it would have taken me ages to settle my body. When the first breath of air stung at my lungs, I smiled to myself. Since learning to 'meditate' I had learnt that breathing was something very pleasurable.

Hot breath fanned across my face and whiskered lips mouthed at my cheek. I opened my eyes and pushed Wazza away. He nuzzled into my hand and snorted, spray a fine mist of spittle from his nose landed on my skin.

"Ew... gross." I laughed and sat up.

Water seeped into my denim jeans and chilled my skin. My Driza-Bone protected my torso from the wet ground but my jeans were more than useless. The walk home wouldn't be as comfortable as I wanted it to be, not with my jeans dripping wet.

Wazza watched me as I got to my feet, he hadn't meant to throw me off and he appeared to be upset that I had fallen. He was a protective gelding, although he wasn't overly affectionate. He liked to think that he was king of the little herd of horses we had and when the mares had foals he became incredibly defensive of them.

It didn't matter that I knew it was pointless, I brushed the backs of my legs to rid them of the mud. I only succeeded in getting my hands dirty. I wiped them on the front of my jeans to clear them of the majority of mud. Wazza nudged me with his nose again and I finished wiping my hands on his neck, before pushing him away.

He knew what I was asking of him and he started back to the house. He stopped a few times to look at me but eventually he started to run. Once he was running he forgot that I existed and he didn't stop again.

I liked watching Wazza run. It was natural for him to run and it made him happy. That was clear in the way he held himself. It may have been uncomfortable for his rider but for Wazza it was pleasurable. His joy almost screamed at me as he ran back to the house.

Yapping caught my attention and I saw Wazza adjust his direction around something. I knew what he was running around and I started back towards the house, to reduce the distance that those little legs needed to travel.

Gizmo bounded into view, her long coat flowing in the apparent wind that rushed past her as she ran. She looked so cute and excited, but also worn out. She'd started the ride at Wazza's ankle but she couldn't compete with him for speed and was quickly left behind. Normally she was further behind than this, but normally she wasn't this worn out.

I crouched down to pat her when we finally met. Her white fur had turned grey-brown from the mud she'd picked up and it clung together in thick clumps. I would have to give her a good brush when we got home, maybe even a bath, if she'd let me. She jumped up to lick at my face but I pushed her down.

"Come on. We need to head home."

I walked home along the edge of the open bush that bordered the side of the farm. It wasn't a massive section of forest but I used to love exploring it when I was younger. It was a joint project by a few of the farmers in the area to assist the local nature park. Thin sections of forest around property borders meant that native animals had corridors to travel around; it was good for the environment. Dad was very pro-environment and I loved him for it.

We were about five minutes into the walk when movement caught my eye and Gizmo took off under the fence, into the bush. I wouldn't chase any of the work dogs into the bush, but all of the work dogs were used to this environment. Gizmo was not a work dog, she'd been raised in a house and only left the house if I was with her or she needed the toilet.

"Gizmo, come here! Gizmo!" I snapped before realising that I would have to chase her.

A family of magpies took to the trees as Gizmo tore through them. They squawked and warbled their annoyance as they eyed Gizmo, and then me. But it wasn't the magpies that Gizmo was after so she just kept running.

I figured out what she was after a few steps later, when I saw a small white tail disappear down a hole. Gizmo hated rabbits. Gizmo had tried to attack Samantha's pet rabbit when she first came to live with us, it had not gone down well with Sam but I had defended Gizmo, mostly to spite my little sister.

"You stupid mutt. Come back here." I growled.

I was catching up but I had to get to her before she got to the burrow. I wasn't sure if she'd fit or not but I didn't want to wait and see.

She reached the entrance before I reached her. She skidded to a stop at the burrow's entrance and barked at it, like barking would lure the rabbit out. I grumbled as I reached Gizmo and pulled her back by the collar. She barked louder the further she got from the burrow.

"Oi! Stop it!" I snapped and Gizmo stopped instantly.

I picked her up, holding her small but sturdy body against my chest. I felt the muddy water from her underside soak into my shirt and my skin twitched at how cold it was. The sun came out from behind the clouds, its radiant warmth flooding the area around me. One of the great things about this section of bush was that the canopy was sparse and let lots of light through.

There was a spiny ball stuck to the ground a few metres from us. It was mostly brown but with long, thick yellow spikes that jutted out at every angle. There was no way to get your fingers under the ball of spines, not without tearing them open on the sharp tips. I stood perfectly still, watching the little ball.

Eventually it moved. Just a small ripple in the muscles to begin with but then the spines flattened and the ball lifted from the ground. Four stout legs barely held its belly from the wet ground and a short grey nose stuck out in front of it. The echidna was facing away from me, I don't think it even realised that I was still there. It started to waddle away, like its legs weren't able to bend at the knees. I loved the way they walked, it was like a penguin, only cuter.

I jostled Gizmo into my right arm so I could remove my Driza-Bone. With the sun shining, it was useless wearing it and I would likely get hot and sweaty if I kept it on. I had it half off when I turned around to head back to the farm, but I tripped on my own feet and fell.

A lot of things happened in the next few moments that it took me a minute to register them all.

I threw Gizmo away from me, so as not to fall on top of her and held my hands out to break my own fall. I grimaced before I landed because I thought this was going to hurt as bad as the fall from Wazza. My right hand hit slimy, wet leaves and slipped a little. My left hand landed a thick stick.

A sharp pain flew up both arms and the ache in my back flared up. But they weren't the pains that concerned me. Out of nowhere, a painful sting pierced the skin of my shoulder.

Gizmo rushed to my left side, yapping and crying like she was running into war.

I collapsed onto the wet ground and rolled onto my back. Hoping the support of the ground would ease the ache in my lower back. My wrists were throbbing and the skin on my shoulder burnt. I reached my right arm, still in the Driza-Bone, up to my left shoulder and felt around for what was causing the burn. The now spreading burn.

I could feel holes in my t-shirt and below the holes I could feel a warm liquid. I pulled my hand away, my fingers were stained with red. Blood. I glanced to my side to see Gizmo standing there, looking at me. My heart sunk.

Gizmo had been going into war, a war that she'd won, against a snake.


	58. Chapter 58

I couldn't use a tourniquet, the bite was on my shoulder, there was no where between it and my heart that could hold a bandage of any sort. Even if I had one. I tried to keep myself calm but I knew that I needed to get to the house as soon as possible. I needed help.

It was a struggle to get the Driza-Bone off my right arm and when I did it was a struggle to check the pockets. I missed the openings or I didn't lift the flap above them, and once I thought I'd checked them all, I got the feeling that I missed one. It took me forever to check the eight pockets, all of them empty. Their contents now spilled on the forest floor.

My jeans pockets were empty too. The land around me, empty. I knew I had put my phone in one of my pockets, I almost always had my phone with me. It was especially crucial when we went wandering around the farm, we all knew to take phones with us. So where was mine.

Gizmo was yapping at me. She'd dropped the snake and was freaking out. Unable to sit still but unsure of where to go next, she danced around my head. Occasionally she would bounce forward and lick my face, but for the most part her nerves held her back.

The burn in my shoulder grew, there was venom in that bite and it was spreading. And I didn't have a phone to call for help.

I rolled onto my stomach and reached for the snake, if I knew what sort it was then I could decide on what to do next. That was a bad idea because the second I identified it, fear set in.

An Eastern Brown Snake.

That was why I needed a phone, for a bite from this snake. Most bites didn't release venom but I knew this one had. Beside the burn of the venom, in my flesh and seeping through my veins, I could feel the nausea set in.

I took a few deep breaths to try to regain some control.

The lethality of Eastern Browns was generally low, even without medical treatment. Even without medical attention this wasn't necessarily fatal. All I needed was to get someone's attention. But I needed to get to a hospital, just to be on the safe side.

I needed my phone but for the life of me, literally, I couldn't remember where I'd put it. I hoped I hadn't put it in the saddle bag. That was unlikely, I rarely used the saddle bags unless I was looking at a big ride.

As if to point it out, my back throbbed.

"Shit."

It probably fell out of my pocket when I took the fall from Wazza's back. I'd never hated that horse before but at this moment I did. He had never reared up, with a rider on his back, before. And now he would be half way back to the house, not that he'd have returned if I called.

Why had he had to rear up today? Why had I followed Gizmo? Why didn't I lift my freaking feet?

Although walking was potentially dangerous, sitting here wasn't helping me. I needed to either find my phone or find home, which was at least an hour and a half away. It took a little bit of manoeuvring to get up, with the aches in my back and arms, but once I was up I headed out of the forest.

I ducked under the top wire of the fence, being careful to avoid touching the wires because I had a bad history with the barbs. When I was eight I fell on a bundle of barb wire and cut open my wrist, when I was twelve I tripped getting through a fence and scratched up the full length of my shin, and when I was fifteen I nicked the back of my hand and ended up with blood poisoning. I didn't need any of that on top of a snake bite.

The terrain was flat from here to the back fence but I couldn't seem to walk in a straight line towards it. I'd think that I was aimed perfectly but then a minute later I would be looking at the wrong fence post. So, I would stop and re-aim, but a few minutes later I was aimed at the wrong fence post again. Despite this annoying drift from my target I eventually got to the right spot.

I knew it was right by the churned up grass that indicated where Wazza had reared up. I dropped to my knees and my hands flew blindly through the wet grass. My phone was nowhere to be seen but I knew it had to be here. I had definitely left with my phone. A piercing pain ran up my finger to my wrist and I grabbed at the area.

"No. No. No!" I stammered as picked up the phone and stared at the cracked screen.

The phone was covered in mud and water had gotten in behind the screen. A shard of plastic from the screen stood up at an angle, I pushed it back into place and it made a small click. The screen remained blank. I put it up to my face. I couldn't hear anything, so I tried to dial a number.

"Fuck!"

I looked up from the useless chunk of plastic. There was no one around for kilometres, there was nothing but flat farmland all around me and nothing moved on it. I couldn't even see Wazza and I wondered how long it had been since I was bitten. I wondered if anyone would hear me if I yelled.

Jared was a werewolf. He could hear people on the beach at La Push from Emily's house, that was a couple of kilometres away. Maybe he could hear me from here. I calmed my breathing, although I hadn't realised that it was getting out of hand, and readied myself to yell. If he knew I needed him, he wouldn't care about what Dad wanted; he'd come running.

"Jared! Help!" I yelled and after each word I had to take a large breath, "Help! I need..." I didn't have the air in my lungs to finish yelling and I couldn't seem to regain it. I sucked in breath after breath but none of them were able to go deep enough to help me.

This wasn't a good sign.

I checked my watch, it had been an hour since I mounted Wazza. Given half an hour to get here and ten minutes for walking, I'd been bitten almost twenty minutes ago. It hadn't seemed like that long; it felt like it was just a minute ago that I'd been holding Gizmo in my arms.

Soft sweet Gizmo, who had killed a snake to protect me. A snake that was easily big enough to kill and eat her. Little old Gizmo, who was so faithful that she'd chased a horse almost twenty-five kilometres just to walk home with me. Faithful Gizmo... who wasn't anywhere to be seen.

I realised that I hadn't seen Gizmo since I left the bush where I'd been bitten. Snakes could still inject venom into a victim after they were dead, because of residual muscle movements. If Gizmo had stepped too close during one muscle spasm than she could easily have been fatally bitten. I had to make sure she was alright.

I stumbled to my feet, my balance seemed to be swimming. Most of the way to the fence I had to skim my fingers through the grass, unable to straighten up. It took me longer to get to the fence than it should have and once I was there I got on my hands and knees to crawl under the middle wire, ripping my jeans on a barb as I went.

On my hands and knees I could see straight, so I crawled to the spot where I thought I had been when I'd been bitten. The presence of my Driza-Bone told me I was in the right place. The flaccid body of the snake lay beside the worn brown jacket. A rabbit darted down its burrow when it saw me stumble into view.

Gizmo wasn't there.

My heart sank and I fell back to lean against a tree. I was still having difficulty breathing and I was exhausted from making my way back here. Another ten minutes were gone and still I was no closer to getting any assistance. My stomach churned and my lungs ached. I coughed and my mouth filled with a bitter tasting liquid.

I spat it out but it did nothing to remove the taste. I leant forward to snatch up the drink bottle I'd left with my Driza-Bone, took a mouth full to try to wash away the taste but I couldn't swallow. When I did, it came straight back up, with some more bitterness added.

The burning had engulfed the majority of my arm and had reached across to my right shoulder and down to my hips. It hurt. So bad that my left hand, which wasn't burning, was numb and cold; purely because there was no pain. Ironically enough the lack of burning pain made it feel painfully frozen.

I couldn't deny it any longer. There was definitely venom in that bite and judging by the speed at which I was deteriorating, it must have been a lot. I needed help. I needed it now. My chest tightened at the realisation.

"Ja-" I tried to yell but I couldn't breathe well enough to facilitate anything more than a single syllable.

Tears started to fall.

After everything, this was it. I'd finally come to accept myself, found someone who truly loved me and was looking forward to a future with him. I had gone seventeen years without a single dangerous encounter and now... now, I get bitten by an Eastern Brown. When everything seemed to be going right, I was going to die.

I thought of Jared and I felt myself calm down. I thought of the last year and was settled by the knowledge that I had been truly happy. I thought of the fantastic world that I had become a part of and how valuable I felt in that world. I thought of the legends.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything. It was a struggle because the burning pain was very distracting. I didn't think about how long it was taking or how my body was feeling. I was finally thinking of nothing and broke through the barrier to that dark place, where everything outside of me ceased to exist.

It was loud in here, which was something that it hadn't been in a long time. The last time it had been loud in here was when there were all those self doubts that Emily had helped me to get rid of. The one non-emotion that was left was screaming. I had no idea what it was screaming about because it seemed to be saying a dozen things at once.

Eventually it ran out of steam. I had no idea how long it took but finally it was quiet. With it quiet I focused on reaching out.

This was more serious than every other time so I focused harder than ever.

The non-emotion that had settled down moments before now flared up again, telling me this was a bad idea. At least now I knew what it was saying. I didn't like it though. It kept telling me that even if I pulled my spirit from my body, once my body died so would my spirit.

I argued with it, bringing up the story of Taha Aki and Utlapa.

It pointed out that Utlapa was in a body when his died. That when Taha Aki was roaming the spirit world, his body was still alive; it was just occupied by Utlapa. The spirit needs a body, more than it needs anything else, it needs a body. Without one to call its own, the spirit will perish.

I couldn't continue to fight it so I ignored it. I pushed forward into the pain and focused on that pain over every other. This was my last chance. I wouldn't have the strength to try again and my body likely wouldn't last that long.

It had never worked before but it had to work now.


	59. Chapter 59

_Jared's POV_

I had thought Malcolm was scary when he was talking to me, when he had me working with him it was even worse. He explained things once and once only, and if I slipped up he screamed at me. He was a slave driver and no one seemed to want to help me.

Malcolm had me on the back of a rotund horse, it had to be part draught horse because I'd never seen a horse with a chest this round. Then again, I'd never ridden a horse in my life and the last horse I'd seen was about eight years ago. For all I really knew, this was a thin horse.

Still, I felt useless. The other farm hands galloped their horses in rings around the herd of cattle, the best I could do was something a bit faster than a walk before I started to feel like I was going to fall off. I heard them laugh at me but I took it, for Sofia I would tolerate any humiliation they wanted to throw at me.

Malcolm had me bringing up the rear as the dogs herded the cattle into the next paddock. I was amazed at how well these dogs were able to work the cows. And how few vocal commands were needed. It was like a pack, only this pack consisted of dogs and humans.

I would definitely be telling Sam about this. It was unbelievable how well the dogs and men worked together. Even the Pack would have a hard time being this fluent and efficient. Then again we were bred to slaughter vampires not herd cattle.

We'd been out here for almost an hour when I heard something. I stopped the horse and turned it around. Staring into the distance where I could have sworn I heard the noise come from. I strained my ears but I couldn't hear anything else.

"Hey, Seppo! What are you waiting for?" one of the farmhands, I think his name is Tyler, yelled at me.

I growled to myself before yelling back, "Shut it."

"Tyler! Jared! Stop it, now. What are you doing, Jared?" Malcolm yelled.

Just as I was about to answer, I heard something else. It sounded like Sofia but I couldn't be certain. I strained my ears further but I couldn't hear anything else. I didn't want to turn away, but in all likelihood, I was just imagining things.

"I thought I hear something."

The farmhands laughed.

Malcolm grumbled, "It's probably just a bull. Noises travel around here."

I hesitated but turned the horse back around. It sounded so much like Sofia but Malcolm could have been right, maybe I just expected to hear Sof calling me away from this disastrous attempt to change Malcolm's mind. There wasn't any reason for me to think that Sofia would be calling me. She was safe at the house, and if she needed to talk to me, I was sure she would be more than capable of coming to this paddock, instead of yelling across the property.

My ears pricked again. I couldn't make out words, I could barely hear the voice, but I knew someone was yelling. My gut told me that it was Sofia and it was coming from the opposite direction to the house. I couldn't ignore it, I had to be sure that Sofia was safe.

I turned the horse around and coaxed it to move back in the direction of the house. I couldn't be sure where the sound was coming from so I decided to check the house first. Malcolm and the farmhands yelled at me but I ignored them. Pushing the horse into a gallop and holding on for dear life.

We made it to the shed in a few minutes and I dismounted and jumped the fence. I raced to the back door and pulled it open with a little too much force. Anxiety had taken hold of me and it wouldn't stop until I saw that Sofia was alive and well.

Sofia's mom and youngest sister were in the middle of a heated argument but paused and looked at me when the door opened.

"Is Sofia here?" I asked, breathing heavily.

Her mom cocked her head slightly, "No. She's taken Wazza for a ride. She'll be back in an hour or so."

I turned away from the house, towards the paddock where the horses were currently residing.

There were only a couple of horses in the paddock, less than there should have been. Boris and Wazza were both missing and I couldn't help but think that that was not a good sign. The only way out of the paddock was over the fence and Sofia had told me that Boris hated to jump.

I, on the other hand, was happy to jump the fence if it meant that I would find her quicker. I could smell the faintest hint of Sofia in that paddock but I knew where I would be able to smell it clearer. One of the great things about imprinting was being able to tell the other person everything about yourself. Sofia told me how she exercised Wazza, by riding him down to the back of the farm. I wasn't sure where that was but I had a general idea, so that was where I went.

Jumping the other fence I took a deep breath, trying to find Sofia's scent so that I could follow it.

It would be hard. I couldn't phase into wolf form which meant that my sense of smell was not going to be at its greatest. Despite that, I was able to pick up Sofia's scent and I held onto it. Racing towards the back of the property, I sought out the strongest concentration of her scent and prayed that she wasn't injured.

I had been running for a couple of minutes when a little grey ball of fur caught my attention. It came straight up to me, yapping and howling. She jumped at my shins and seemed to be begging me to follow her. If Gizmo loved Sofia half as much as Sofia loved her than she knew exactly where Sofia was and she was trying to lead me to her.

Gizmo led me towards to small stretch of forest that separated this corner of the Morgan farm from the farms beside it. Three horses stood at the fence, whinnying over it at the forest. A few metres into the trees I saw what they were whinnying at. Sticking out from behind a tree was a denim clothed leg. Sofia's denim clothed leg.

"Sofia." I called as I made my way towards her.

She didn't move and my anxiety spiked. I jumped the fence, cutting my hand on the barbed wire, and stumbling as I landed. She was only a few yards from me but she wasn't reacting to anything I said or did. I ran forward and dropped to my knees, sliding to a stop in front of her.

My brain froze.

Sofia was slumped against the tree. Her legs straight in front of her and her hands lay, palms up, on her thighs. Her clothes were stained and her hands were caked with dried mud. There were streaks of grey on her face where her dirty hands had touched her cheeks, and her head had lolled to the side.

Whimpering caught my attention and I glanced to my right. Two of the working dogs were standing there, looking at Sofia. One was old and greying, the other young and red and tan. The red and tan one had been working the cattle when I'd left.

I turned back to Sofia and cupped her cheeks in my hands. My stomach disappeared and I felt like I was going to vomit. Her cheeks were like ice and she gave no resistance when I moved her head to look at me. Even when a person was asleep they gave some form of resistance but Sofia gave none.

She smelt as cold as she felt and the sourness was so strong I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed it before. I grabbed her shoulders and my fingers hit something swollen and wet. I leant forward and pulled her shoulder toward me at the same time. I saw them and knew exactly what they were.

I went to cry her name and realised that I was already saying it. Over and over. It was like her name was the only word I knew. I pushed her shoulders back and her head rolled without any control. Grabbing her face I pressed my lips to hers and cried at the chill that seeped from them.

My hands dropped to her throat and I searched for a pulse. I should have done this to begin with but I hadn't been thinking straight. No matter how hard I pressed on her cold neck, there was no pulse. I pressed my ear to her chest.

I fell away from her. My hand clamped to my mouth as I tried desperately to understand what had happened. As I tried to think of how this could be. This had to be a nightmare. A really, really bad nightmare.

Looking around for something, I didn't know what but something, I found the snake beside her jacket and the anger was too much to hold back. I phased.

_Jared?_

It was late evening in La Push and only a few wolves were on patrol. Sam, Brady and Collin.

I hurt so badly. I didn't think I could stand up, didn't think I could move in any way. Even thinking was hurting. I'd never been in so much pain. When Sofia hadn't spoken to me at the start of the year, didn't even register in comparison to this pain. Being thousands of miles away and not knowing when I'd see her again, that was like the sting of a needle in comparison.

I wanted to die.

_Jared! What happened?_

Why wouldn't I die? Why did I have to feel this pain? It wasn't natural, it wasn't fair. This pain hurt like nothing I had ever felt before and it was just cruel that I could still feel it. Why would the body ever be able to register something this horrid?

I heard Sam howl as I gritted my teeth and tried to move. I scrapped my paws over my muzzle, trying to peel my skin off with my claws in the hopes that physical pain would block out some, if not all, of the pain that I was currently feeling.

Body functions stopped working. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hear. I couldn't smell or feel anything. My heart was slowing. My body was cooling. I felt like I was dying but still the pain was tearing through me. It dominated me.

_Jared..? Where's Sofia?_

Paul whimpered. I could feel him trying to figure it out, while avoiding what he knew was the answer. She was hurt. She'd told me to leave. She'd fallen in love with someone else. He was desperate to believe that she was fine and my pain was my own selfish disdain for rejection.

It took all my energy to keep breathing. I couldn't think about why it was that I was unable to breath at the same time. Pain swelled in my chest and I felt my body contort to somehow distribute it but it did nothing. I gasped in another breath and began to pray.

If I wasn't going to die then I needed someone, somewhere, to bring Sofia back to me. It had to be possible. Someone had to have that power. I can't seem to die and I can't live without her. Before I go mad with this horrific pain, I need someone to bring her back. I'd trade places if that were necessary. She just can't be dead.

_Jared..._

_Sofia..._

The whole pack was in my head now. They had no idea of what to do, what to say or what to think. There was nothing.

_You've made a mistake. You need to take her to the house so she can get medical treatment._

Paul refused to believe me. I didn't know what to do to convince him. Well, I did but I didn't think I could do that. I wanted to be like Paul, I wanted to think that I was wrong. But I knew. Nothing was going to fix this. This pain would never end.

Gizmo was barking in my ear, I growled at her but quickly regretted it. Wolf form or not, Sofia would punch me for threatening Gizmo. The horses were still whinnying over the fence and I could see that Boris was starting to get agitated. The two working dogs were staring at me, the younger one was standing particularly close.

My eyes flickered over to Sofia.

The pained winded me and I phased back. I don't know why, I couldn't control myself.

I crawled along the damp forest floor and grabbed Sofia's face again. She looked like she was sleeping. But it wasn't as peaceful and beautiful as sleep. I cried as I pulled her into a hug, although it just wasn't the same. She wasn't warm anymore. I needed her to be warm.

This had to be a bad dream. I had to wake up in a few moments and find her lying in my arms, in La Push before she had to come back. This was a dream, everything since the day she got on the plane back here was just one massive, complex dream. I needed it to be a dream.

I needed her.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**

**_So this is close to it... the story is reaching an end. It's weird because I didn't think this story would be anywhere near as long as Two Halves but now it seems it will be several thousand words longer._**

**_I don't know how well this chapter is written in terms of the emotion. I'd love it if I could get some critiques of this chapter's emotion so that I can adapt it and make it better._**

**_Anyway, please review. I'm going to hold back the next chapters until I've got a few extra reviews._**


	60. Chapter 60

"Holy. Fucking. Hell."

The light was so bright, the sounds were so loud, my skin was prickling and I felt like I was on fire. As I pulled myself from myself, it was like peeling off my own skin with a white hot spoon. I was blinded by the light that surrounded me and I couldn't shield my eyes from the harsh glare. It was almost like my hands were see-through only they weren't.

I was lying on my side, curled into a ball in a feeble attempt to protect myself from the assault on my senses. The longer I lay there the quieter it got. The cooler it became. My skin started to calm and the light around me dulled. I expected the barrage to last longer but it washed away moments after it had started. It didn't leave entirely, I could feel an itch in my skin that was almost fluid in its movement and feel.

The cold ground was soothing and after a few moments of numb concern, I opened my eyes to look around. It wasn't the sight that I'd been hoping to see.

I could see myself, leant against the tree and barely moving. My clothes were stained and my hands were black with mud. There was mud on my face and in my hair. My head lolled to the side and my breathing started to wane.

It wasn't just visual. I could feel it too. My chest started to ache and my head throbbed. I reached out to check my body's pulse but my hand passed though my neck, causing a stinging sensation in my fingers and throat. I sat back on the ground, which only confused me because if I couldn't touch anything I should sink below the ground cover.

_Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's all my fault. Stupid. Stupid. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry._

The thunderous sound of galloping hooves caught my attention and suddenly I could hear things.

These weren't the average sounds that I heard when I was in my body. Nothing that trivial and mundane. They were almost words, they may as well have been words, but they weren't. Not really. It was the emotion and thought that comes before words, before they are physically chosen and sounded. It was an honesty that I'd never heard before and it surprised me.

Someone was calling to me. Not by my name but by my face, I could hear that they were thinking to me. They were worried about me. They, in the plural, were concerned for me. That was all I could really make out. Me and concern.

All around me were the murmurings of many minds. The Spirit World was far from the peaceful place that I had expected. It wasn't chaotic like the physical world or the darkness of my mind but it still wasn't peaceful. There were some people arguing a few kilometres away about... a corner of the shed. They weren't people, they were calves.

I turned to the left and saw three horses galloping towards me. One was massive and barrel chested, one sandy coloured with black legs and the final on as white as snow. That surprised me. Samantha's Arabian mare, although friendly, had never really had anything to do with me.

I could hear them, behind the cursing of a much louder voice, I could hear them calling me. Moving was strange because there was no physicality to it. I didn't need to push off from the ground, I didn't need to make sure my feet were planted securely; I just needed to know where it was that I wanted to go. I wanted to get up and go over to the fence, and that was exactly what I did.

The strangest thing was how I looked. When I looked down I didn't see what I expected. I expected a white, ghostly mirage like body but instead it was just me. Naked and in the flesh. My hand touched my stomach, they didn't slide through one another, I was physical to myself. A spectre to everything else but physical to me. Light didn't pass through me, there was no shimmering aspect to my body. I just looked like me, only I seemed to be non-existent to the physical world around me.

Boris, Wazza and Bell stepped up to the fence, where I waited for them. They could see me and they could hear me, and they thought I sounded stupid for not realising that would be the case. Their thoughts were all unique in the tone, pitch and volume. Kind of like their thoughts had voices.

I reached out to pat Boris and my hand fell through his nose. It tickled to feel my hand move through something tangible. The tickle drew attention to the itch that was flowing under my skin. A wandering itch that I couldn't alleviate no matter how much I scratched at it.

A high pitched bark rung in my ears and a set of thoughts burst into life.

_Sofia! I hoped you'd do this. I've been waiting for _so_ long. What took you so long?_

I didn't know this voice; I couldn't even place it in a general category. I didn't know this animal, whoever it was.

_Shut up and run, child._

Fred. I didn't know how I knew that was Fred but I knew it. Fred was the oldest dog on the farm, he'd been just a pup when I had been in primary school. He'd been a master working dog and had fathered a lot of the current generation of dogs, not just on our farm but on neighbouring farms too. After he'd passed his peak he became a 'yard dog' as Dad called them; an old worker who was living out their last days in comfort.

_At your command, Sofia._

His cheerful attitude reminded me of Gizmo, who had disappeared.

All the fears came flooding back. That she had been bitten and had run away. That she was somehow hurt and alone. I couldn't let her be alone, not if she was dying. I had to find her.

_I'm here. I'm with Jared. We're coming to help you. He's going to save you. I'm sorry. So sorry. I'll never forgive myself but once we get you back I will start trying to make it up to you._

I couldn't believe that she was blaming herself. It wasn't her fault. I should have noticed the snake. I should have picked up my feet. I shouldn't have pushed Wazza to the fence. I should have been more careful.

This was no one's fault but mine.

_I'm kind of to blame. I broke your phone._

Wazza whinnied at me and nodded his head in a figure eight. I couldn't blame him. He wasn't to know that my phone would be broken or that I would fall on a snake. I wanted to pat him but I knew that I couldn't. And the tickling feeling was not particularly comfortable, I wasn't sure what it was like for Wazza.

_I didn't feel a thing._

The ache in my chest spiked. I stumbled back from the fence, almost overwhelmed by the pain that had suddenly taken hold. The horses neighed at me and in my head I heard dogs barking, but I couldn't concentrate on them.

My chest hurt. It was tight and stiff. Deep inside my ribs, just to the left of the valley between my breasts, there was a dull twinge and it was growing. I could feel my heart trying to beat and I could feel it failing.

I stumbled around the tree to spy my body, which was as motionless as it had been a few minutes before. In fact, it was even more motionless. My chest was barely moving and my arms and legs were limp. This was not good.

With one final feeble pump the ache stopped and numbness engulfed my chest. I fell to my knees but I felt nothing except for the numbness that sat between my lungs. Numbness had never been so painful before. I don't know how long I knelt in a ball for, but no matter how long I stayed there the numbness did not fade.

I don't know how long I crouched there for but I only moved when a red and tan dog jumped the fence, while a greying black one flew under the middle wire. They skidded to a stop beside me and whimpered. Instinctively, I reached out for them, forgetting I couldn't actually touch them. The red and tan dog tried to press her nose to my palm but it went straight through.

The tickle bit at the numbness and lessened it. I grabbed at the dog more and every tiny tickle seemed to push the numbness away. Before I could move to hug the dog, figuring tickling across my chest would really get rid of the numbness, someone flew into the clearing, in front of my body.

Jared.

He whispered my name as he reached shaking hands towards my body, but he was unable to bring himself to touch me. His voice broke and his volume dropped but he kept saying my name. Inching forward on his knees to get closer to my limp shell.

Fred whimpered when he saw Jared's reaction.

Jared looked towards us and I prayed that he could see me. He couldn't. He looked straight through me at the dogs that sat behind me. The look on his face was heartbreaking.

He turned back to the physical me and stuttered a breath. Lifting his large hands up, he took my face and turned it towards him. He choked on a breath and the numbness strengthened in my chest. He released my head and grabbed my shoulders, his right hand twitching as it touched the icy liquid that dripped from my shoulder.

Jared gasped in a ragged breath as he pulled my shoulders forward and spied the bite. In a single fluid motion he pushed my shoulder back and grasped my face, again. Angling it up he pressed his lips delicately on mine and started to struggle to breathe. Tears crept down his face as he searched for a pulse; I knew he wouldn't find one.

As he fell away from my body, I realised the implications of my current situation. I may have been alive in spirit form but I didn't have a body to go back to. I may as well have been dead. Jared couldn't see, hear or feel me. As far as he knew we would never be together again. I was stranded in this netherworld.

I wondered if I could still be considered alive if I didn't have a body with a pulse. My hands flew up to my ethereal neck; sure enough I didn't have a pulse. Not that that surprised me. My heart had stopped beating in my real body and I didn't even know whether this body had a heart.

Without thinking I reached out to Jared, who was gasping for air on the forest floor in front of me. My hand passed straight through his shoulder, but he seemed to react. He pushed himself up and looked around the bush, manically. He still didn't see me but he did see the snake. He let out a guttural growl and his body disappeared, replaced by a massive wolf.

Maybe he'd be able to hear me now, seeing how I was in a world where I could hear my horses and my dogs. I begged him to listen to me, to turn to me and see that I was here. His pain was too much for me to witness. He was whimpering and growling at himself but I couldn't hear any words. And if I couldn't hear him than he couldn't hear me.

The horses were whinnying at me, although I wasn't listening to a single thought they were putting out. The kelpies were barking at me but their comments were not needed or wanted. I crawled over to Jared and tried to touch him again. The numbness vanished but was replaced with the pain of seeing Jared hurting.

Gizmo was bouncing around his head and I wondered how I had never noticed her before this. She was trying to get him to look at me. She was trying to make it up to me by helping me catch his attention. There was nothing that she could do. He couldn't see me, not when I was in this world.

Jared snapped at her and I wanted to kick him. She was only trying to help, how dare he act so aggressively towards her?

He grunted and phased back, crawling over to my lifeless body, as fast as his muscles would let him. He held my face in front of his before pulling me into a strong hug. Rocking back and forth he wept over my shoulder, my limp body swinging with him.

It was difficult to watch and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't show myself to him. Jared was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Fear set in.

I was stuck here. There was no way out. I had no body to return to and no humans could see me. Jared thought I was dead and I didn't know if I would ever be able to convince him otherwise. I would be forever trapped in this parallel world. Alone. Never aging. No way out.

I sat down beside Jared, although he didn't know I was there, it helped to calm me ever so slightly.

The itch was growing and becoming more aggravating than itchy. It was persistent and wouldn't stop moving. I scratched at it when it was on my calf and it moved up to my thigh, then over my hip and across my stomach. It wouldn't stay still for long enough for me to scratch it and the longer it went without being scratched, the worse the itch got.

If I didn't find some way out of here then this itch would drive me insane.


	61. Chapter 61

I couldn't watch it any more. The look on Jared's face was beyond agonizing and I couldn't look at it anymore. He was still cradling my body, whispering my name and begging me to come back. If only I could.

Gizmo settled by my side, as faithful as ever. Whether corporal or ethereal, she was my right hand man and she wouldn't leave my side again. Not the least because she felt this was all her fault. She'd stopped with her apologies, which had been driving me borderline insane, but I could still feel her guilt.

I couldn't sit here doing nothing. I had to find some way to tell Jared that I was still here and his fretting was not necessary. For the life of me I couldn't think of anything. The only occupiable bodies around here were animals and none of those had the capacity to talk, to humans. I went over and over all the things I had been told but none of them gave me any ideas.

_You can have mine._

A sweet but rough voice said and Gizmo looked up at me. I didn't quite grasp what she was offering to me. I couldn't take her body, it was too small. Not to mention that she was still in there, what would happen to her if I was able to cram my spirit into that tiny vessel.

_It's not a matter of size. The spirit isn't bound by the science that you know so well. You can fit in here._

That still didn't help. Even if I was in her body the problem was the same. How do I make contact with Jared? Contact that he understood to be from me. How did I do that when I couldn't talk to him and he thought I was nothing more than an annoying little Papillon?

_I don't mean that you can just be in my body. You can take it. Get angry like the Spirit Warrior from the legends and turn into you again._

I couldn't do that. What would happen to Gizmo if I did? It was her body, not mine. I would have to find some other way; one that didn't require me to steal the body of my loyalest of companions. I wouldn't risk her life, not for that. She'd meant the world to me for years and it would take a lot more than panic and an itch to get me to even consider that.

_I'm old. I'm going to die soon anyway and I need to make it up to you. I killed you, please let me save you. Let my life have meant something. Let me do something good. My life is nothing in comparison to the one that you and Jared have waiting for you. Let me make my life mean something._

Gizmo's life meant a lot to me. I didn't care what she or anyone else thought. She had been my truest friend for years. I could never do what she wanted me to. I couldn't sacrifice her for something that wasn't guaranteed to work. If I was ever to even consider it than I would need one hundred percent assurance that it was a useful plan.

_Please, Sofia. I want to do this for you._

No. I wasn't going to move on this one. Without a guarantee, there was no way that I was going to agree to this. I would spend forever in agony before I let Gizmo die for me.

_And Jared? Does he deserve to spend the remainder of his life in agony?_

Part of me thought that was a low blow. I looked over my shoulder at Jared, who was still cradling my body and crying. I turned to Gizmo, she stood in front of me, begging me with her eyes. I wanted to make the mature decision but for the life of me I didn't know which decision that was.

I didn't want Jared to hurt anymore; I wanted him to know that I was alright and that he didn't need to cry. It was killing me to see him in so much pain and I never wanted him to feel like that.

But Gizmo meant too much to me to not give this some time and consideration. She deserved for me to find another way out of this. Maybe I could find a cockatoo and borrow its body to get a message across. There had to be a better option than killing my oldest companion.

_Me_.

I glanced over my other shoulder at the kelpies. The red and tan one was standing particularly close, like she had for a while now. Dad had called her Zelda but apart from that I knew nothing about her. It seemed Fred didn't know much either, because his thought betrayed his calm face and showed his blatant confusion.

It was the sickly kelpie that I had first seen in March when I returned for my birthday. She hadn't changed since then, she looked just as morose. Having noticed her now I realised that there was more to the depression then I had originally noticed. She was cold and her thoughts were low and heavy. Her physically healthy body masked the scarred and twisted soul of a dog a decade older.

_I am a freak of nature. I should have died before I was born but my owner believed in saving anything that had a heartbeat. They should have let me die because this isn't my body. I am tormented everyday by this ill-fitting body. Tormented by a life I was never meant to live._

_I'm disconnected and nothing anyone ever does will be able to reconnect me._

_You felt the same thing, that darkness in the depths of your mind. The one that told you that you weren't good enough, the one that held you back every time you tried to free yourself. I heard you trying, I heard you clearer than all the others because we are so alike._

I couldn't ask her to do this. Not if it risked destroying her soul. I would never ask that of anyone, because nobody could ever be expected to give up so much. How do you make an informed decision when you don't know anything about what you might be doing? I couldn't do it.

_You love Gizmo. You have a bond with her. If you tried with her and it 'destroyed' her soul then you would never be able to live with yourself. It would plague your fragile mind until the day you die, thinking about how 'selfish' your act was. Your bond is great, like none that I have ever had. I cannot sit by and let you think she is your only option._

_I have no bond with anyone and I never will. They see my flaws, they see that I am gnarled and broken and they know that I cannot be fixed. Every day, it takes every ounce of strength and patience that I have not to fight with them. They are so happy and I am so pained, I want them to hurt and hurt bad. Because physical pain doesn't soothe me, it has never been enough. If I see their pain then I can imagine the release that it might bring to me, if I could feel it._

She was hurting. She didn't know what she was offering up. What she was giving up. Her anger at the world was understandable, her desire to cause pain was reasonable. When I was at my lowest the one thing that I felt would make it better was physical pain, I couldn't imagine what I would have done if the physical didn't override the psychological.

_We are alike. We are in the wrong body and we know it. You've known it for years, I know you have. I can see it. And while others think they feel like we do they do not truly know. They find why they feel wrong and they find a way to fix it. There is no simple answer to our sort of wrong. It is universal._

_We are wrong._

_As long as we are bound to our bodies we will always feel wrong. Take my body, destroy it if you must. Like in the legends, if you become human again it will be your body, the right body._

_Better one right than two wrongs. Let me make this right._

That didn't make full sense. If my 'old' body had felt wrong than there was no guarantee that another body, Zelda's body, would feel right. It was a big risk to assume that it would. If I went into Zelda's body and it felt as wrong to me as it did to her than there was no knowing how I would be able to handle it.

I had thought it was bad when my human body had felt wrong; what would it be like when I didn't have a body to remove my spirit from. Would I end up as bitter as Zelda, as sore and aching as the dog whose emotions had polarised her appearance?

_Take my body and live as your soul. Live with your soul mate because you were lucky enough to find him. I was never meant to live but you were; you found Jared. My life has no meaning except to be what I was never meant to be._

_If you become human than you will destroy this body; and it will leave you with just the physical embodiment of your soul. It won't feel wrong. I know it won't and so do you._

I stared at the red and tan kelpie. I felt bad for never giving her any time, for not showing her the love that I'd shown Gizmo when she had been given to us. Maybe then she wouldn't feel this way. Maybe then she wouldn't be willing to sacrifice herself on a whim.

Unfortunately, I couldn't deny that I wanted to give in to her. I wanted to take her body and return to Jared but I couldn't. It wasn't right for me to put my life above that of another's. She had as much right to live as I did. I couldn't ignore that belief. It would be the same as doing it to Gizmo, only the pain may not last as long.

Zelda snarled and her hackles rose. She was more than pissed at me. She wanted me to give in to her without any resistance. Zelda wanted to die. I'd never heard of a suicidal dog before, but there was one standing in front of me.

_Okay, take my body. Or I kill the long furred rat._

I knew she meant Gizmo, my Dad always called her 'the drowned rat' after I gave her a bath. I wouldn't let her do it. If I wasn't going to let Gizmo die for me than I sure as hell wasn't going to Zelda hunt her down, as she was imagining doing right now. She hadn't been kidding when she said that she liked the idea of others in pain.

The thoughts in her head were like a bad horror movie.

_It won't be a bad movie when you're seeing it in the flesh._

Zelda screamed past me, towards Gizmo who'd been listening to just one half of that whole conversation. It terrified the little lap dog and she tore off through the bush. I made my decision quickly, unable to bear the sight of Gizmo hurting.

Pain!

Intense pain. Worse than anything I had ever felt before.

Blinding light. Burning temperature. Stinging skin.

A thousand times worse than ever before.

The pain faded and I was left with extreme discomfort. Like I was trying to swim through loose gravel. My point of view had jumped to somewhere different and I could feel something pressed beside me, and yet it was inside me as well. We were overlapping and it was frightfully uncomfortable.

_Do it. _Zelda whispered, _get angry and take back your true form._

I couldn't do it. I had control of this body now and I wasn't going to let Gizmo get hurt. That was all I had wanted, to stop Zelda. That was what I was doing. I wasn't going to do any more.

_Do It!_ Zelda screamed.

Without warning the canine body, which I was now sharing with Zelda, lurched forward towards Gizmo. I tried to stop it but I couldn't seem to do it. Zelda knew this body better than I did and she was using that knowledge to make me angry.

It wouldn't work. It was annoying but it didn't make me angry. It frustrated the hell out of me. I wanted to punch Zelda. But I wasn't really angry. Using this body to kill Gizmo, putting me in the passenger seat while it happened, didn't anger me. It scared me. I was terrified that I would learn how it felt to kill someone as valuable to me as Gizmo. But I wasn't angry.

_I can make you angry._

Gizmo started to think about how best to do it. The highway. The equipment shed. Grievous, the next door neighbours hunting Jack Russel Terrier. One of the many bulls that hated her.

That was how she'd do it.

Chester, the red Brahman bull, who had a problem with _every_ dog on the farm. So much so that he had a single paddock all to himself and had to be moved with horses alone. He'd killed more than one working dog that tried to move him. I'd found a dead fox in his paddock once. If it was four legged and predatory then Chester would try to kill it.

I took control of the body and chased after Gizmo. She was annoyingly fast for a dog as small as her and I couldn't catch up to her. My anger was surely building. Why couldn't this body move fast enough to catch Gizmo? Because Zelda was fighting me, holding me back. My anger was building.

I could see Chester in the next field. He had seen us and was watching our approach. He was pawing at the earth already and I knew he was prepared to fight the second we made it through the fence.

I couldn't get there in time and Gizmo jumped the lowest wire, into Chester's paddock. A few seconds later the little dog met with the one ton bull. I reached the fence and jumped the top wire; my heart frozen with fear, my body shaking with anger.

Zelda whispered to me.

_Thank-you._


	62. Chapter 62

Chester snorted and a fine mist ballooned from his flared nostrils. It was clear that he was of two minds about what to do next. He stared down at me with hard eyes and I stared back, trying to get him away from Gizmo. With great hesitance he stepped back.

I scurried forward to where I'd seen Gizmo disappear amongst the grass. The sun was much lower now than when I'd first been bitten and it bathed the paddock in orange light. It could have been pitch black and I would still have been horrified by what I saw.

She was lying there, motionless. Her body wasn't the same as it normally was, it wasn't as smooth or sleek. There were red smudges through her mud stained fur and her mouth was slightly open, her tongue lolling out.

My hand touched her silken fur and my heart hurt to feel that she was still warm. Just moments before she'd been alive and well. Now, because of me, she was not. I slid my hands under her and she felt sickly broken. As I picked her up, her body went limp and hang around my hands. I held her to my naked chest and felt her warm blood against my skin.

I realised that I was now kneeling, butt naked, in the middle of a paddock with the body of a dead dog clutched to my chest. If anyone saw me, I would be in a lot of trouble. I had to get out of the open and into the cover of the bush again.

The bush was further away than I thought it would be and it was hard trying to run with Gizmo cradled in my arms. I didn't want to drop her, I'd never dropped her before and I wasn't going to do it now. All I needed was to get to the trees and then I could stop and think.

The shade was a welcomed relief. I fell to my knees and held Gizmo tighter to me. She was so wilted in my arms, her head rolled without control or care and her legs flopped around her torso. Nothing moved, not even her mud and blood clotted fur. I rubbed my fingers along her back, trying to elicit some sort of reaction. Her flesh moved around my fingers in a way that didn't feel right. I pushed a little harder and I knew what the problem was.

Her bones were broken. Almost all of them.

My chest shook as I tried to come to terms with what had just happened. I couldn't. I couldn't think about things for long enough before another issue weaselled its way to the front of the queue. I hugged Gizmo in silence for a while before the most important topic came to mind.

Jared.

I stumbled to my feet, still carrying Gizmo, and ran back through the bush towards where I had left Jared. It was nice being back in human form, feeling everything in the physical way that I was used to. I stubbed my toe and the pain was bizarrely grounding. But when I got to my old body it was lying by the tree, covered by the Driza-Bone.

Alone.

Jared wasn't anywhere to be seen and that concerned me. I placed the body of Gizmo beside my old one, patting her head and trying to pull myself away. I didn't want to leave her. She shouldn't be alone.

I managed to stand up and turn away from her, but I still didn't know where to look for Jared. I looked out of the bush, towards the paddock but he wasn't there. I didn't really know whether to look for human Jared or wolf Jared. I prayed to God he wasn't stupid enough to take wolf form and waltz into a populated area.

A long howl pierced through the bush around me. I cursed to myself. Australia didn't have wolves and dingoes didn't howl. Working dogs rarely howled and no one in the area owned a family dog that would make such a noise. It wasn't that I was afraid someone would decide to hunt him down, I was just concerned that the noise might attract unwanted attention.

There wasn't time to search for him so I did the next most reliable thing I could think of.

"Jared!" I yelled, so loud that I felt the need to close my eyes, "Jared Cameron! You over grown mongrel, where are you?"

Something nudged my shoulder and I turned to see an anxious Boris staring at me. I glanced at the fence to find that they'd knocked down several posts, and the wire hung loose between them. Wazza stood just behind Boris and Belle stood with him.

Fred let out a high pitched bark from my left, he bounced with worry and seemed to be trying to lead me away from this spot. Boris nudged me again and Wazza bowed; he still wore the saddle that I'd put on him earlier this afternoon. I hugged Boris' thick neck and moved past him, swiftly pulling myself up onto Wazza's back and turning him to follow Fred.

For an old dog, Fred moved fast. Wazza galloped through the hazardous undergrowth as if he'd always lived within the confines of these trees. Fred flew under low and fallen branches, while Wazza jumped them. He took them so smoothly that it was almost like he wasn't jumping at all, still I tightened my grip on the reins with every obstacle that approached us, even if we didn't need to jump it.

When a large brown wolf came into view I pulled back on the reins and Wazza slid to a stop. Fred barked at the wolf as he continued to run towards it. I flung myself from Wazza's back and followed in Fred's footsteps.

The brown wolf looked up at me; its eyes were dark and sad. I stopped when he looked at me, not sure how different I looked now that I was the embodiment of my spirit. A horrible thought took hold. What if he thought I was ugly now that I looked different?

His eyes widened and softened. He trembled as his body shrunk and twisted. Returning to his handsome human-self. I didn't say anything as he breached the distance between us. His body shook and it got worse the closer he got. Stopping centimetres from me, he reached out a tentative hand and touched my cheek.

As his fingers grazed my skin that old, familiar electricity zapped between us. He cupped my cheek and held my face, looking me straight in the eyes. He breathed a shaky sighed and rubbed his thumb in small circles on my cheek. Tears ran down his face and he sniffed as he tried to smile at me.

He pulled me into a hug.

Our bodies pressed together and the warmth from him radiated into me, softening the loneliness that I hadn't realised I felt. It was amazing to hold him again; to wrap my arms around his firm body and feel his smooth skin against mine. All we needed was to be touching each other because it was the only thing that felt right. Being with Jared was all that mattered.

We held each other for a long time, until the sun had almost disappeared below the horizon.

"I thought I'd lost you." he whispered and tightened his grip around my shoulders.

I returned his gesture, "I know."

Jared pressed his lips to the nape of my neck, "Never leave me again."

"Never."

"So, what are we going to do?" Jared asked as we looked down at the dead bodies before us.

It was surreal, to look at myself lying there, cold and pale. It was even stranger to reach out and touch my own dead body. It was like looking down at my twin only a lot weirder. This wasn't something that the human mind ever prepares itself to witness, their own corpse, the death of the body that they had lived in for seventeen and a half years.

I sighed, "I don't know. How much do I look like myself?"

Jared looked confused, "What do you mean?"

"In the legends, Taha Aki's spirit looked different to his physical self. Do I look different from this body?" I said, pointing to my own corpse.

Jared knelt down on the other side and looked between the new and old me. His eyes flashing up and down as he compared feature after feature. He nodded.

"Yeah." he sighed, "Your face is rounder now and your... what's that?" He pointed to my leg and I looked down.

That most certainly had not been what I expected. On my left calf and shin, were a series of scars. All straight but of varying lengths, angles and depths. They looked like the cuts that had caused them had only just healed and they were bright against my pale skin. The sight was both familiar and alien. They were the scars that I'd inflicted on myself over the last few years, all fresh as of today.

How did I answer this without lying? Was there any reason to protect him from that part of my history? He'd find out eventually, right?

I sighed, "They're scars."

"From what?" Jared looked concerned and that made me feel bad.

I took a step closer to my body and pulled up the pants on my left leg. They weren't as obvious on my corpse; even with my skin now deathly white, the pink scars were only barely visible. They certainly didn't look as bad as the ones on my new leg.

Jared looked me in the eye, "From what?"

I gulped, "I did it."

Pain flared in his eyes as he looked closer at the scars that looked so much worse than they ever had before, "When?"

It killed me – that no longer seemed like a good analogy to use – to see him look so concerned, "A long time ago. I promise, it's my past."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jared stood up and walked around the lifeless bodies, embracing me and staring into my eyes.

I bit my lip, "I didn't want to worry you."

"I'd rather have know." he sighed and pulled me into a tighter hug.

I hugged back, "Once we've figured something out about this," I gestured at my body, "Then we can sit down and I'll tell you everything that I haven't already."

"Fuck!"Jared stepped away from me, "I should tell the others that you're okay."

I nodded, "That might be a good start."

"Maybe Sam will know what to do." He stepped away from me and started to phase. But he stopped before he could really do anything, "Do you think you could... you know, phase? Or was it just a onetime thing."

I hadn't thought about that. Phasing back had never even occurred to me. Theoretically, I should be able to, right? If the legends were right and this was truly how it had worked for Taha Aki, then I should be able to return to Zelda's form.

That got me thinking about Zelda and her last words to me. She'd thanked me. I wondered if she knew that the transformation would do something to her. Because she wasn't with me now, now it was like I was back in my other body, only I was in a new body.

I shrugged and concentrated on changing form, similar to how I concentrated on not thinking. The air around me warmed and made my skin prickle. It seemed to be moving around me in a way that wasn't natural.

The change wasn't obvious but the end result was.

My feet were planted firmly on the ground, all four of them. I could see a long, square caramel-coloured muzzle and my hands had become stocky tan paws. I looked back over my shoulder to see a body of pale chocolate fur, with a bushy brown tail.

This was trippy.

But Zelda was gone. I couldn't hear her or feel her, if she were around than I knew I would. A sudden darkness rolled into place in my mind, I'd killed her. Zelda and Gizmo had died to get me back here.

I turned to Jared to find him smiling at me, before he phased into his wolf self. He was larger than me, but somehow Zelda's body was bigger than before, I had to be bigger than my sisters' old Shetlands. I moved towards Jared and it was surprisingly easy to coordinate my own movements. Zelda had been right, I finally felt like I was in the correct body. Whether it was this dog one or my new human one, I finally felt right.

Jared met me and rubbed his head against mine. If we held our heads erect, but not stretched up, then the base of my ears made it to his jaw. That would make me smaller than Leah but I didn't really care. I pressed my head back against Jared's and he rumbled a happy growl.

It was unfortunate that I couldn't hear Jared's thoughts like he heard his pack mates, even when he was on the other side of the world. But that didn't really matter. I could see Jared and he could see me. That was all I needed.

Jared licked my cheek and I returned the favour. He let out a little growl and I returned that too. I pushed him away and turned to Gizmo. Leaning down I nuzzled at her cold body.

I hoped that Gizmo and Zelda realised how much their actions meant to me. How much I loved them both.


	63. Chapter 63

"We could just bury it." Jared suggested as we sat, side by side, with our backs to my old body.

I nodded slowly, "Then how do we explain my sudden change in appearance?"

We were trying to think of what our next move should be. It wasn't an easy decision to make, there were so many things to take in to consideration and we had no idea how my family would react. If they'd even believe a word we said. Then there was always the option of not telling them anything, which sometimes seemed worse than telling them something.

Jared sighed, "Sam said that technically you're not part of the Pack, so if you want to tell your family then you can."

I knew that. I'd figured it was so when I couldn't hear Jared, or anyone else from his Pack, when I was in canine form. After a little while in dog form I had found that I could read Boris and Wazza's minds. Not that that really helped me much, because I didn't think I could stay here for much longer.

If I ever managed to explain it all to my family, that was one thing. Explaining to the whole town that I no longer looked like I used to, there was no way I would tell them that I was a werewolf. I wasn't sure if I could even tell my friends. I couldn't see a way in which I could stay here and not draw attention to the peculiarities that surrounded both me and Jared.

"Before we do anything, I need some clothes." I said as I leant sideways to nudge Jared with my shoulder.

Jared laughed, "I don't know... I like you like this."

I looked at Jared, who was grinning from ear to ear, "Thanks, but I'm pretty sure my family won't feel so comfortable."

"Yeah..." His face dropped into a serious stare, "and if any of those farm hands stumbled across you... you're right. You need clothes."

This was it. I could see them a few hundred metres ahead of me. Jared leading the way, my mother, father and three sisters huddled together behind him. They were all on horseback, even Jared. It hadn't taken quite as long as I expected, but he had planned to just say that I was injured and that should have worked quickly.

I was sitting, in canine form, amongst the three horses that had come to my assistance earlier today; as a slight measure to hide the fact that I was a giant dog. The plan was for Jared to explain what I now was and then I would show myself in this form. After that I would phase behind the horses and get dressed in the clothes Jared had promised to bring with him.

The hope was that this wouldn't be too much for them.

It was late evening at the moment; that complicated time of evening that was almost too dark to walk without a light but not dark enough to warrant the use of a torch. Dad was never one for tolerating midpoints like that, he had a spot light and it was aimed directly at the horses. I slunk back into their shadows not wanting to concern them prematurely. This would be hard enough with Jared talking to them, I didn't need them freaking out before he'd had a chance to start explaining things.

I could already hear him telling them the legends of his tribe, of Taha Aki and Spirit Walking. He was at the bit where Utlapa killed the Spirit Warrior and Taha Aki turned the wolf body into a human one. He was being very careful to explain it all thoroughly, especially the bit about him looking different to his old body. I heard him make mention of the Third Wife and imprinting and I got the feeling it wasn't the first time he'd brought it up.

"That's an interesting story and all, Jared," Dad didn't sound very impressed with the situation, I figured he was worried about me, "but we don't really have time. I thought you said Sof was in trouble."

Jared took a deep breath, "They're kind of related."

"If you're going to ask for my consent then my answer has not changed." Dad growled.

I noticed the way my sisters looked at Dad, which told me that they weren't sure what he was talking about. They knew that I loved Jared and that he loved me but they didn't know about the proposal issue.

"No, this isn't about that. It's a lot more serious." Jared sighed and pulled his horse to a stop a few yards from Boris. He dismounted and turned back to my family, "I think you'd be better on the ground for this."

They hesitated, not entirely sure of what the hell Jared was doing. Sam dismounted first, after realising that Belle was here. Eliza and Anne followed her lead. Dad was the last to dismount and he did so far slower than I've ever seen him do anything before. He stared at Jared, untrusting of the young Yank. When my family had finally assembled in front of Jared and the three horses protecting me, he went on.

"They're not really stories... not in the sense that you think they are. They're the history of my tribe, they are more fact than you could believe." Jared sighed again, he was so nervous he couldn't think fast enough, "I'm a descendant of Taha Aki. I imprinted on Sofia."

Mum was always the quicker than Dad and she wasn't disappointing me tonight. She cocked her head to the side ever so slightly, "You think you're a werewolf."

Jared nodded, "I know it sounds mad but please, hear me out. Spirit Walking is the important part and while Sofia was in America we tried to teach her how to Spirit Walk. This afternoon, Sofia became... the modern-day, female Taha Aki."

Once again it was Mum piecing things together, "You're trying to tell me that my daughter is a werewolf. You're insane."

"Sofia, now might be the time to show yourself." Jared mumbled and stepped to the side.

Boris and Wazza looked back at me, and I lifted my stomach from the ground just enough to begin to creep forward. I was too anxious to stand tall but I tried to keep my expression as friendly as possible. The last thing I wanted was to scare them, if it weren't crucial than I wouldn't be bothering to show them this new aspect of my life.

Samantha and Anne squealed. They, and Eliza, stumbled back to the darkness of our parent's shadows. Mum's eyes flew open and she stared at me. Dad squinted at me, his face contorted as he tried to figure out whether he could believe his own eyes.

"Yo- you're trying to tell me..." Mum stammered, "that _that_ is my daughter? Are you insane?"

Dad shook his head, "Do you really expect us to believe this crap? Where's Sofia?"

Jared handed me the clothes he'd stolen from the house. I took them carefully, the feel of the fabric against my tongue and the roof of my mouth was somehow different to what I had expected. I don't know what it was but it didn't feel like it used to.

Slowly, I crept back into the shadows of the horses. I phased; it probably only took three seconds but it felt like minutes. I pulled on the shirt as soon as my hands were hands again, it was a long shirt that hung half way down my thighs, and then shook out the denim that Jared had brought. It had looked like jeans, I had assumed it was jeans, but it wasn't. They were coveralls, the sort Mum and Dad used when they worked in the equipment shed. I pulled them up and let the top half hand free. Thankfully they were my Mum's so they fitted, although they were a little short in the leg.

I walked back out into the light of the torches and my sister gasped again. According to Jared I still looked a lot like the old me, but 'the dimensions have shifted a little'.

I was slightly taller than before and there was no more fat, at all. I was a little upset by that because I'd wanted to be able to say that I lost the weight by myself. I guess I had but it didn't feel as good doing it this way. My jaw was squarer than before, although that could be because there was less flesh over it, and I didn't have the freckles that I used to. The main difference that I had noticed was that my hair was a lighter brown; I'd noticed it when I was sitting by my own corpse.

Mum was again the first to speak, "Sofia? You looked different."

I nodded, "Spirit me, not physical me." One good thing was that I still sounded like me. If that had have changed too than I'm sure I would have no chance of convincing them of who I am.

"Where is 'physical you' then?" Dad asked.

Jared and I shared a nervous glance; this wasn't quite how we'd expected the conversation to go. We'd been hoping that we wouldn't need to point out the dead body in the bush until a little later. This was potentially going to get complicated and I was struggling to handle the fact that I had a living body and a corpse to my name.

"Dead." I said and watched for Dad's reaction, he looked mad, "I lost a fight with an Eastern Brown."

Dad's anger grew, "And you expect me to believe this? Take me to my daughter, my _real_ daughter. God forbid, if she is dead... I'll take it out on both of you."

Jared sighed and looked at me, we had expected hesitance but we had not expected that. We didn't have anything planned this. I couldn't take Dad there, I didn't want him to see that until he knew that I was actually his daughter.

"How about we prove the werewolf bit? Jared, do you want to do the honours?" I looked at him.

He huffed a loud breath and frowned at me, "These are the last clothes I have."

"Could you go commando for a few days?"

"I'm going commando, right now." He shrugged at me.

Most of the pack went commando, most of the time because phasing wearing underwear wasn't always a good idea. There was a least once when the elastic was so good that it was able to stretch around the waist of a wolf, that will not be named, and he ran into the forest with a flap of white material strapped to his back. Let's just say that Paul always goes commando.

I remembered that I was wearing coveralls. After untucking the long shirt, I carefully pulled the pants down and stepped out of them. I could feel my family's curious glare on me as I half stripped in front of them.

It was now or never, I couldn't not show them but my nerves were almost painful. I had no idea what it looked like to them but I could tell by the noises they made that it was not what they expected. What they expected I wasn't sure of either. The shirt that I was wearing stretched and then burst at the seams. When I'd finished nobody said anything, not that I thought there would be any great conversation.

Mum took a step back and grouped my sisters behind her. She was shaking with anxiety and lost for words. Her face was drained of its colour and made her almost platinum hair look yellower than normal. Samantha couldn't even look at me and Eliza looked like she was going to vomit. Anne, on the other hand, seemed more inquisitive than I'd ever seen her before.

Dad's reaction surprised me the most. I expected him to start yelling about this being some horrible joke. Or demanding to see the 'real' me. From my own knowledge of my father I had assumed we would be looking at a fair amount of resistance. But there was none.

"Sofia..." he sighed and stepped towards me. He reached out a shaking hand to touch me and when his fingers grazed my muzzle, he smiled. "This is... unbelievable. Change... change back, we need to talk."

I backed up and grabbed the coveralls between my teeth; I could barely get over how strange it was picking something up with this mouth. I'd held things in my teeth before, mainly pens and pencils, but there was something different about this.

"So you in-printed on Sofia?" I heard Dad ask.

I smiled inwardly as Jared responded, "I imprinted, yes. It's like love at first sight but different."

After phasing, I stepped into the coveralls. Pulling them up and starting with the row of studs that held the two sides of the top closed in front of me. They were annoyingly stiff and required a very good pinch between my thumb and forefinger before the audible click was heard.

Dad sounded genuinely interested, "How is it different?"

Jared sounded a little unsure of how to answer, "Well, it's more intense. From the moment I saw Sofia, I'd have died for her. I'll do anything to keep her happy and give her the life that I know she deserves. She's my everything."

I finished doing up the last stud and started on the buttons, heading out from the shadow of the horses. Everyone was waiting for me. Mum had regained a small amount of colour but she still stood back a little. Samantha and Eliza stood with her, while Anne had moved to stand beside Jared.

"So, you can do that too?" Anne asked and Jared nodded, "What type of dog are you?"

Jared smiled at me and reached out an arm to encourage me towards him. I did as he silently requested and hugged him as he wrapped his muscular arm around my shoulder. It was nice to be back under his protective wing. There was a level of security, when I was in his arm, that no one else could ever provide me.

He smiled at me, "I'm a wolf. And I'm bigger than Sof."

"Really? That's the most important thing to you at this moment? How 'big' you are?" I gawked at him and he kissed my forehead.

"Yes."

I was shocked because it wasn't Jared that had just spoken. It was an older, more familiar voice. One that I would know no matter where I was or how long it had been since I'd last heard it. I turned to Dad and look at him carefully.

He nodded his head, acknowledging my questioning look, "Yes. As long as you promise that you will continue your studies than yes."

"Yes to what?" I asked, not understanding what the word had to do with the current conversation.

Dad looked at Jared, who hugged me tighter, "If you want to be together... I won't stand in your way."

Jared smiled down at me, "So, will you marry me?"

I nodded my head.


	64. Chapter 64

I sat in the lounge room, waiting for my friends. The plan was to tell them today.

Mum and Dad had been lying to them for the last week, telling them that I was too sick for visitors. Mum was not handling the whole situation very well, she was suspicious of me and I kept catching her watching me, as if trying to figure out if I could be trusted or not. Dad wasn't handling this well either; he went through times of almost total understanding and times of entire disbelief. And because of his mood swings, it was incredibly volatile at times.

The day after they were told, my body was buried in the bush, near where I had died. Gizmo was buried beside me. It was the most depressing and the most bizarre day of my life. Watching your own body being lowered into a deep pit is not really something that you can prepare yourself for. I didn't cry, not until Gizmo was placed in the hole beside my body and even then I was crying for Gizmo rather than me.

That was Mum's major freak out day. She banned me and Jared from the house and demanded that no one talk to us. It lasted until the Friday, when Mum came out to apologise. Regardless of her apology, the first thing she had decided was that my sisters should go somewhere 'safe'. So they were all staying with relatives or friends. Mum's second request was that Jared and I give her some time to think. I was fine with this, it was definitely a big thing for someone to adapt to.

Yesterday had been the worst day for Dad so far, he had gone mental in the morning when I suggested telling my friends about what had happened. He had proceeded to banish us from the house, but this time it only lasted until late evening; when Dad said we could come back in as long as we didn't keep any secrets about anything.

As such, he was sitting in the lounge room with us, asking a million and one questions. Dad wasn't a traditionally educated man, he never finished high school and from the day he left he worked on this farm, but he was a bright man. He had always encouraged me to ask questions and find out why thing were the way they were, it was clear that he lived by those encouragements himself. I think that was why he accepted it all so quickly, because he saw the opportunity to learn; to learn something that few ever got the chance to.

"Do you think that others would be able to do it too? Spirit Walk, that is?" Dad was sitting on the edge of his chair, his eyes glued to Jared.

Jared thought for a moment before answering, "We don't know. For a long time we didn't think Sofia could. Now, no one really knows what to think."

Dad nodded his head, "I just worry that the others, your sisters, will try. I know that you are still alive but it was not fun burying your body. I couldn't do that with them as well."

I could see the hurt in my father's eyes and it was upsetting to see. It was strange to watch myself be buried but I couldn't imagine what it was like for my parents. To see the child that they brought into the world, now cold and stiff and being lowered into the earth. No parent should have to bury their child. My 'funeral' last Thursday had been a very ambiguous shade of grey for my parents.

"It's not easy, just remind them that it's like being boiled alive. Very not good." I said and sat back on the couch.

Dad shook his head, "Your English is 'very not good'."

Jared laughed as a car turned into the driveway, he turned to me, "You ready."

This was suddenly feeling like a very bad idea. I felt my stomach churn and my hands began to shake. It felt as though I'd lost my mother, her distrust was painful; I couldn't lose my friends as well.

The car pulled up and three doors opened. I could hear them talking over the roar of the engine, they were thanking the driver for the lift. Ever since I'd started training I'd found my senses improving. After the disaster that was last Wednesday my senses were off the hook. To begin with I had a hard time getting to sleep at night because I could hear everything that was going on. Dad had moved the large herd into the furthest paddock and the smaller herds as far away from the house as was feasible.

I went herding; as a dog. That shit is so much fun; maybe it was the fact that I was now part kelpie, I don't know, but I found it very enjoyable. Thankfully the cows weren't all that stressed out by my presence. Jared was another matter all together; they hated him. But me they seemed to like. It made moving them very easy and Dad said he'd be more than happy to house the entire Pack if it meant that moving the cattle would always be that easy.

The front door opened and they headed straight for the lounge room. There was an open door policy to all my friends and they never bothered with knocking anymore. Corey and Jade were arguing about Universities when they entered but they stopped the second they saw me.

Becky and Jade were stunned into silence. Apparently my change was very obvious to them.

"Sofi?" Corey looked like his head was about to rupture from confusion alone.

"Yeah." I sighed and bobbed my head. This was going to be difficult, I just knew it.

Jade was shaking her head, "What happened to you?"

I glanced at Jared and noticed Dad creeping from the room. I turned back to my friends, I had figured out a plan of attack and, good or bad, I didn't know what else to do.

"Before we go any further I just want to prove that I am me. Firstly, Jade, I know that the three most important dates in the world to you are July 1st 1998, February 17th 2004 and the 2nd of August 2005. Becky, you're afraid you're not smart enough for Uni. You shouldn't be. And Corey, you..." I couldn't say what I knew about Corey out loud, he'd probably kill me for saying it in front of the girls; since Jared was here he'd almost definitely kill me. So I just looked at him and shrugged, he knew what I was thinking about. At least, I hoped he did.

Corey gulped, "So what happened?"

"We should probably show them." Jared whispered in my ear and I nodded my head.

We pulled up and I jumped out of the car. The entire pack flooded towards us, so fast it was just one big blur of werewolves. Jared growled at them and they backed off a little. It felt really good to be back in America, but also kind of sad because I had no plans of returning to Australia. According to Jared, both of the packs were happy for my indefinite stay.

Someone pulled me into an almost violently strong hug and I looked sideways to see Paul's head rested on my shoulder. He, like Jared, felt slightly colder than normal to me. Jared said it was because my body temperature was higher than it used to be but I still found it weird. I knocked my head against Paul's and he winced slightly.

"Your skull got thicker." He laughed as he let me go.

The group headed towards Emily's front door. She stood beside Rachel, with Claire on her hip. I couldn't help but think about the sort of mother Emily would one day be. Sam would be a hard arse father but Emily I saw as very loving and affectionate. God knew that her kids would be well fed because that woman could cook. It was nice to see her again, it was nice to see everyone.

I shrugged, "Yours could have gotten weaker."

"Says the lap dog." Paul laughed.

"Hey!" I gasped and slapped his arm playfully.

Jared draped his arms over my shoulders, "Yeah, she's a farm dog."

I jabbed Jared in the ribs with my elbow, "I prefer to think that I'm selectively bred to perfection."

"Yeah..." Embry mulled over my comment for a second, dragging out the single word before continuing, "But you're still no wolf."

"Do you want me to go back to Australia?" I threatened.

"No." Jared said quickly, "Please don't. Don't even joke about that."

He stopped and watched me. I hadn't expected such a dramatic response from him. I turned and hugged him, trying to show that I was sorry rather than say it. He reacted as I expected him to, by hugging me back. It was very easy to calm Jared down.

"Okay, okay. That's cute and all but can we see you now. Before lunch." Seth was bouncing with his excitement.

Sam laughed and shook his head, "I think that's the first time you've put anything before your stomach. But I have to say, I'm pretty curious myself."

We were standing just inside the front door now. I was being hugged by Emily and Claire, who were both prolonging this hug to a level that I was finding a little uncomfortable. But I didn't have the heart to ask them to stop. When they finally did, I turned to Rachel. Who, thankfully, offered me her hand, instead of exposing me to another awkward hug.

"Lunch won't be ready for another half hour or so. You can go show them now, if you want." Emily smiled at me and she looked almost like she was going to cry.

Everyone was looking at me. I looked at Jared and he shrugged at me. I figured that since there was no excuse not to, and I did enjoy taking canine form, I may as well. Everyone cheered when I smiled and headed down the hall towards the back door. Brady, Collin and Seth all pushed ahead of me in there excitement to get out the back and see the, relatively, miniscule kelpie.

"I thought you could read each other's minds. Haven't you seen me already?" I asked Sam as we exited the house.

Sam smiled at me, "Kind of. We see what Jared sees, but it's also subject to Jared's... 'interpretation'."

I kicked my thongs off before descending the steps to the grassy clearing at the back of Emily and Sam's house. The Pack just watched me as I headed past the three excited youths to the cover of the forest. Jared came with me, he'd become very wary of me being alone since I died. I'd growled at him a couple of times and on the last day in Australia we got in a physical altercation, in canine form.

Being smaller than him had some advantages. I was a lot more agile than he was and it made avoiding his defensive attacks very easy. It was an argument not a fight, as such. Neither of us was trying to hurt the other, we were just trying to win. Jared was surprised when I was able to get the upper hand on him, in the beginning. He did end up winning, but I was more than willing to fight him again if he didn't ease up a bit.

I phased in the shade of a large pine tree and, to my surprise, when I came out of its shade, I found that both packs had phased too. The younger wolves rushed towards me and Jared, who I hadn't seen phase, jumped in front of me; growling at them to make them backed off.

Once the boys had stopped I pushed past Jared, making sure that my body language showed my annoyance with him. The rest of the two packs caught up and they couldn't stop themselves from sniffing me. It was strange how easily nature takes you over. It was so natural for them to sniff me to identify me; it felt like I was shaking their hands.

It scared the living crap out of me when I heard it.

_Look at you. Definitely the sleekest werewolf I've ever seen and I do love the yellow markings._

It was Sam; in my head. It was weird but at the same time, kind of cool. The strangest thing was that my first reaction wasn't to freak out about this sudden intrusion but rather to correct him.

_It's called tan points, not yellow markings._

_Definitely the same Sof._ Sam's thought laughed in my head.

The weirdest bit was having so many wolves around me and knowing that they were, in their own little groups, able to connect to each other. It didn't seem fair that they were in company while I was not. I wondered where Jacob was and if I could talk to him too, but I didn't dwell on it for too long. There was too much happening around me for that. And I had a major urge to go herding.

I was definitely taking on kelpie characteristics.

_Jared said that you like herding things._

I wondered if Sam had heard my last thought. I didn't think that he had, because I knew he could only hear what I wanted him to hear, seeing how I wasn't a member of the Pack. Technically, my pack was one old kelpie, three horses, a Shetland pony and half a dozen cows – only two of them were beef cattle and Dad had officially taken them off the slaughter list because he didn't want to hurt me by killing them, the others were show cattle.

_Love It!_

Sam laughed.

_We've done a little scouting and there's a herd of wild Elk not too far away. We thought you could show us a thing or two._

The sniffing was starting to get annoying. With every nose that pressed against my fur, I became a little angrier. I stepped away from Seth, who was getting a little overzealous about nipping at my fur. Jared stepped up beside me and rubbed his head against mine.

_Yeah, I'd love to._

It was great to be back.


	65. Chapter 65

_That's my fiancée you're talking about._

_Shut up, Jared._

_Hey, I'm defending your honour._

_I don't want you to defend my honour._

_Fine, I'll try to let them insult you from now on._

_Thank-you._

_Dude, you are so whipped. And you're not even married yet._

_Have you had her herd you away before? It hurts like a motherfucker._

_No, but I'm pretty sure I could stand up to her. She is just a kelpie after all._

_Hey! Have I not proven my superiority to you over the last three years? I am the master of controlling our quarry._

_The only thing you're a master of is Jared._

_That's it. Next time there's a hunt going on, I'm staying home._

_See what you've done now, Paul. You seriously need to control your thoughts._

This was a usual Friday. Jared, Paul and I were out on patrol. Nowadays patrol was sporadic at best and most pack members only did it once a week, if that. Recently there had been a vampire scented and so patrols had started back up. But no one had seen, heard or smelt anything in the last three weeks so things were dying down again.

As of yesterday I had finished studying, forever. I had somehow managed to talk my way into the University of Washington and majored in Restoration Ecology and Environmental Horticulture. I loved it because the campus was located in Seattle, which meant I could live in La Push with Jared. In my last year I had spent a lot of time studying and researching at the Olympic Natural Resource Centre, in Forks, where I had also been offered permanent full-time employment.

Studying appeased my parents, who had come to visit a couple of times since I'd moved here. They were back at the moment, in fact, the whole family was. They were staying at the Quileute River Resort because they couldn't all fit in Sue's little house. Dad loved it here because he got a break from work, something he rarely got. Mum liked the peaceful quiet of getting away from my sisters. Eliza loved the forest. Anne liked being in America in general. Samantha... she'd become even more 'Emo' over the last few years, so I had no idea whether she liked it here or not.

Becky, Corey and Jade had also come over this time. They had taken the news of my condition surprisingly well. I still found it hard to believe sometimes. None of them had really questioned it. They were more suspicious of imprinting than they were of the werewolf thing. Becky was like me, she had never believed in love at first sight. Corey thought that it was too intense for a teenager to handle. And Jade thought it was unfair that neither of us would be able to 'play the field'. Considering how badly they could have taken it, I was fine with them disliking imprinting.

Unfortunately for Jade, Embry hadn't imprinted on her and was therefore uninterested. Seth had been though and two days after Jade had arrived, I couldn't look at innocent little Seth the same way. Corey and Lily had hit it off though and everyone was certain that there was something else going on, although they wouldn't admit it.

So why was everyone gathering around La Push?

Mine and Jared's wedding, of course.

It wasn't going to be a big wedding. My, afore mentioned, friends and family, Jared's parents and both wolf packs. A total of thirty-three guests. We were more than happy with that. The plan was a very simple ceremony and then a 'family dinner' for the reception. The fanciest thing about the wedding was the fact that Jared would be in a suit and I would be wearing a dress. I kind of hoped to ruin the dress tomorrow, just because it seemed like something I'd enjoy.

_I'd prefer that you didn't ruin it. Do you realise how expensive it was?_

Jared had been begging me for weeks to think _very_ carefully about how I was going to treat the dress. He liked the idea of been able to pull out the flawless white dress in twenty five plus years so that our daughter, if we had one, could wear it down the aisle. He had several plans for the future, like a couple of kids, a good house and a single dog. I told him that I wouldn't give him a child until I had myself a medium sized menagerie. So he went out and bought me a massive arse fish tank and a very chatty cockatoo.

_It wasn't that expensive, not for a wedding dress. Anyway, it's 'my day' so why shouldn't I do what I want to do?_

_Sofi. It's 11:30. Emily wants you back at the house before midnight._

Sam had phased to take my place and I conceded to him. Emily was my Maid of Honour, as she was one of my closest friends and the only married one, and she was hell bent on following certain traditions, including the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding. She didn't want Jared knowing how the dress looked so I wasn't even sure which one Emily had chosen, we found four that I really liked and then Emily chose the one she thought looked the best. That way neither of us, Jared nor myself, was sure which one she'd chosen.

I didn't protest. Emily was so determined at the moment that she would have tracked me down and dragged me back to the house, in canine form, if I didn't come willingly. It didn't take me long to get back to Sam and Emily's and she was waiting for me when I did.

"Thank God. I thought Sam was just going to let you stay on patrol all night. Now, come on, I want to show you the dress I've chosen."

Emily dragged me into the house; Jade, Rachel, Leah and Lily were waiting for me in the spare bedroom. They were my bridesmaids and were gathered around the mannequin that supported my wedding dress. It had been covered for the last two months, with only my bridesmaids being allowed to see it.

I had to admit that I was excited to see which dress it was.

Leah grabbed the white cloth that covered it, "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'm ever going to be." I said and she pulled on the fabric to reveal the dress.

_Jared's POV_

"Come on, man. You'd better get up before you miss the whole wedding."

I grumbled and rubbed my face, rolling away from Sam as he tried to wake me up. It wasn't that I wasn't thrilled about finally getting married, today was a long time coming, but I hadn't gotten off patrol until very late and was craving a few extra minutes of sleep. Sam was my Best Man so it was his job to help me get ready; at least, that's what Emily said.

"How do you think Sof will feel if you're not at the altar when she arrives?" Paul laughed and that got me moving.

Sam avoided bringing imprints into a conversation for as long as possible. Paul used them every chance he got. The thought of upsetting Sof was more than enough to get my ass into gear.

I jumped out of bed and looked around, not sure what it was that I was supposed to be doing. Paul laughed at me and left the room. Sam shook his head slowly and pointed to the wardrobe.

"Have a shower and chuck on some normal clothes. There's still a few hours before the ceremony and there is lots to be done before you put the suit on." Sam said and followed Paul out of the room.

After the shower I felt more awake and was smiling when I entered the lounge of my parent's house, where I'd stayed last night. Sam, Paul, Embry, Quil and Collin were my groomsmen. We were keeping it in the Pack because they were the most important people to our life. I had offered to ask Corey to be a groomsmen but Sofia insisted that I should keep it to my friends, because she hadn't been sure he would even show up; until he arrived two days ago.

Jade, I loved because she took the werewolf thing brilliantly. Becky and Corey, although stating that they didn't mind, had slowly lost contact with Sof over the last few years and even I was under the impression it was because of the werewolf thing. It had made Sofia's year when they turned up with Jade.

"Are you nervous? In just a few hours you'll be a married man, you'll be expected to be mature." Collin asked, grinning from ear to ear. It was clear why Sofia had liked him at school, he was always friendly and cheerful.

Paul laughed again, "Sofia knows better than to expect him to be mature."

"I'm not nervous. I'm excited... not in that way." I added before Embry could make his stupid little comment.

"Have you seen the dress yet?" Quil asked.

I knew that he knew what the dress looked like; all of Jake's pack did because Leah had seen it. As such Jacob and Sam didn't discuss anything wedding related so that Jake couldn't accidently show him. It was annoying because I wanted to see the dress, instead of just guessing which of the four dresses it was. And I only knew what they looked like as they hung on coat hangers, not how it looked on Sofia, which was how they knew it.

I shook my head, "No. It's all been kept really hush hush."

"Good. Emily's put a lot of work into making today special for the two of you, so don't even try to ruin it." Sam growled.

The ceremony was due to be outside and it looked like it was going to rain. Sofia had said that if it rained things were to go on as planned. She, for whatever reason, liked the idea of it raining on her wedding day. I was sure that it had to do with ruining the dress.

Old wooden benches had been set out as seats, on either side of the long bottle green aisle runner that lead to the green clothed platform that the bridal party would stand upon. Rustic wooden fittings complimented the bottle green fabric. Sofia had wanted something that looked natural and Emily had not disappointed.

The guests had assembled in the seats over the last ten minutes and I was waiting at the altar. I was ready for this but I suddenly felt nervous. I couldn't help but wonder if Sofia would change her mind. Since her transformation, we'd come to learn that females didn't imprint. It had broken Leah's heart to find that out but she was hopeful it would be different for her. But there was a new theory behind imprinting.

Magical blood.

After Sofia's success with Spirit Walking, Emily had tried it. She had been able to get to the point of trying to spirit walk but stopped after she felt the pain. She said there was no way she could feel that again. It made me even more thankful that Sofia was a stubborn, slightly masochistic, perfectionist.

The Bridal Chorus started to play and I pulled myself from my reverie to see Lily walking down the aisle. Rachel was behind her, then Leah. Jade was next and Emily was last, for the bridesmaids. I couldn't see past them properly, even with me superior eye sight. But it didn't take long for them to reach the altar and take their place opposite the groomsmen.

That was when I finally saw her.

I could have died, she was so beautiful. Her long hair was done up in a fancy bun behind her head and she was wearing just enough make up to disguise the small bruise on her cheek, that she got yesterday during patrol. She wore the earrings and necklace that my mother had given her, a token of her joining the Quileute tribe.

It was worth the wait to see her in that dress. I don't know the technical terminology for how the dress looked but it was sleeveless and full length. It was glossy and streamline, making Sofia look even sleeker than she normally did. I'd forgotten that she could look so curvy and feminine, since she normally wore jeans and t-shirts. The dress had a halter top, with an intricate beaded design that emphasised, with sophistication, Sofia's breasts.

It was very Sofi, beautiful and elegant without being too in your face. I didn't want her to ruin this dress, regardless of its cost. It was too perfect to be ruined, by even a few drops of rain. The colour was very fitting too, a silver white dress that looked slightly grey-blue depending on the amount of light that hit it.

Her father walked her down the aisle and they stopped together just in front of me. He whispered in her ear and gestured for her to join me at the altar. Then he shook my hand and smiled at me, before turning to sit next to his wife.

I looked at Sofia and couldn't believe my luck. She smiled back and I wanted to kiss her, then and there.

"My paragon of paradisiacal nonpareil supertemporal pulchritudinous-ness." I whispered.

Sofia laughed softly, "That still doesn't make any sense."

I smiled at her, "I wish your GG were here."

Sofia's great grandmother had passed away about six months ago. Sofia had taken it bad, although she seemed to know before anyone told her. She woke in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat and had to call Australia. It was like her GG had come and told her something was wrong.

"She is."

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**So this is the end. Thank-you to everyone who has read this story and a MASSIVE thank-you to everyone who has reviewed. I hope you have all enjoyed this story.**_

_**Also, I have a poll going through my profile as to the next story I will write after 'Normal Eludes Me'. The poll is about which supernatural creature you'd like to read a story about, each one has a La Push Werewolf attached to it but that won't be revealed until the first chapter of the story.**_

_**Please vote in this poll so I have an idea of what to write next.**_

_**Once again, Thank-you for reading.**_


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